Instant Replays were the hot topic in 1986 and by golly is WWE on the pulse as Jesse Ventura is DEMANDING them – and we GET THEM, baby! Welcome to the future! Welcome to SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!
The final Saturday Night’s Main Event of 1986 emanated from the Los Angeles Sports Arena in sunny California. The Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch this time is a leather jacket, leopard skin t-shirt, sunglasses, and a WIG OF HAIR, which Vince cannot help but bring up seconds into their banter.
If wrestling lore is to be believed, NBC executives including network VP Dick Ebersol were at this show and everybody was motivated to do their extra best. Jake the Snake Roberts has said that Ebersol told him if ratings dropped, it’d be the last time he’s on SNME, which seems like a real dick thing to say.
The show begins with what since the last edition have become the usual quick hit promos to set the tone: Jake the Snake creeps you out. Macho Man demands Elizabeth polishes his championship. Koko B. Ware flaps like a bird. Rowdy Roddy Piper gets real excited. The Hart Foundation cuts a promo with a lot of janky edits and cuts. And HULK HOGAN is laying down the gospel.
1. WWF Intercontinental Title: Macho Man Randy Savage [c] w/ Elizabeth vs. Jake Roberts
Both guys are heels here, though Jake would flip a couple months later. He sneaks up from behind Mean Gene before the match with the snake and Ventura comments that Gene was shaking so much he wasn’t sure if he was holding a microphone or a vibrator – heck of an observation.The D-D-T chants are massive as Savage backs away from Damien and puts Liz in front of him. Vince wonders aloud who the crowd will cheer, even after that. Jake has said before this is his best ever match so I’ll freely admit I don’t know what a great wrestler thinks is great wrestling. It’s good, but the heel vs. heel thing really does end up a bit of a handicap.
They pull hair, work holds, and tease the DDT. In an insane bit of foreshadowing, Savage ties up Jake in the ropes and grabs the snake bag, teasing something scary. They keep the action moving and they’re clearly hauling ass, maybe inspired by Ebersol’s bit of dickishness. Each guy throws down poor Dave Hebner and the bell rings as a chair enters the picture. Jake puts the snake on Savage, who splits and runs away. Fink announces that both parties have been disqualified before darting out of the ring away from Jake and his snake. ***1/4
This show features THAT Hulk Hogan promo, as a close-up of his pulsating pectorals zooms out to reveal a red and sweaty bit of insane shouting: “Thank God, Mean Gene, I’ve got my pump back man… I’ve been hanging out in the Garden of Eden with my good friend Eden. Hercules * points to hand * – THIS IS WHERE THE POWER LIES! THIS IS WHERE THE POWER LIES!!!” Then he flexes.
2. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Hercules Hernandez w/ Bobby Heenan
Another Heenan crony, another Hogan title match, another magical batch of television wrestling. They do a test of strength first, obviously, as Hogan looks at the crowd like they can help him before Hercules headbutts his stomach, lifts him up, and slams him in the corner. It’s so demoralizing. Hogan rallies back with a classic jumping knee, then chases Heenan who does an epic leap over the top rope to the floor, both graceful and clumsy at the same time.
Hogan hits a boot and bodyslam, but misses an elbow drop and Herc goes to work… but not before flexing. Hercules puts Hogan in the Argentine backbreaker and Ventura SCREAMS that Hogan has quit and we have a new champ, as Herc lets go and celebrates before Hogan reveals he’s the first man not to have tapped to that move and will now be firing up and winning. A keeper. ***1/2
The Piper/Orton feud is recapped with an off-brand version of Landslide dubbed over. They really never maximized this feud due to both guys being kind of nuts.
3. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Cowboy Bob Orton w/ Jimmy Hart and Magnificent Muraco
Piper explodes through a pair of double doors to begin his pre-match promo and if I could use one word to describe him it would be rowdy. Muraco, wearing a kilt, tries to grab Piper’s ankle early and is kicked out. Piper beats ass for a few seconds, Orton works over him real quick, then Jimmy Hart grabs Piper who not for one brief flash of time makes it clear that he is struggling before he moves and Orton stops short of hitting Hart. Then Piper punches Orton into Hart and rolls him up. Fun but missed potential. ***
4. The Killer Bees vs. The Hart Foundation w/ Jimmy Hart
The Bees do the ultra-lame “I’m Brian” – “I’m Jim” – “GET IT???” shtick with their masks before the match before they have a good solid basic tag team wrestling match with The Hart Foundation, one of a billion matches these guys had. Good performance from Neidhart, being a bully and delivering some excellent cut-offs. The Bees swap each other out after putting on their masks and win with a rollup. ***1/4
5. Koko B. Ware vs. Nikolai Volkoff
Koko B. Ware does this cool spot where he jumps onto Nikolai Volkoff shoulders, flaps his arms like they are wings, and does a kind of hurricanrana that ends up more like him taking a Razor’s Edge. Volkoff does the press slam backbreaker but picks Koko up at a 1-count, then gets called over by Slick for instruction only to be rolled up by the guy with the parrot, Koko B. Ware.
6. “The Rebel” Dick Slater vs. Magnificent Muraco w/ Mr. Fuji
Mr. Fuji sings a song before the match and Mean Gene looks DISGUSTED. Must-see, I’m serious. As for the match, not so much. Fuji trips The Rebel with a cane and Muraco takes enough advantage to hit a clothesline for a 3-count where he puts ONE foot on the ropes for leverage. DUD
Happy Thoughts: Despite the executive presence this was a solid but lower key SNME – plenty of good wrestling and a quality Hogan title defense. 7/10
