Look, I’m a week behind and the world moves too fast these days so as I write this over a week removed from these shows, I’m not even sure I can explain my mindset as I watched them. This week of TV headed into Extreme Rules with some of the stronger stuff from WWE in a while though.
RAW (7/8/19)
Dumbass stipulations (Mixed Elimination Tag, 2/3 Falls 6-Man with 3 faces vs. 2 heels, Beat the Clock) all over the show aside, I liked most of this. It didn’t feel as depressing as it has lately, which is a tremendously low bar but half the fun sometimes IS watching the circus fight its’ way out of the darkness.
Paul Heyman‘s doing more hooks before the commercials too.
The show opened with Seth Rollins & Becky Lynch vs. Andrade & Zelina Vega, which is a heck of a match if it wasn’t purely put on to provide a simple example of what a Mixed Tag is before Extreme Rules to anyone watching RAW that didn’t already know. I’m just happy they gave it time and we got a match to open the show instead of the usual over-expository promo. Andrade had to slow down for Seth on that opening sequence though, didn’t he?
Lots of fun little moments… Becky got in Andrade’s face, there was a chaotic brawl as they headed to commercial vs. the usual dive or fall to the floor, Seth caught Zelina’s rana and Becky dropkicked her in the face, and Lacey Evans‘ hat fell off when she interfered and a lady picked it up and gave it back to her. Seth vs. Andrade for a little while was very cool as well.
After the match Baron Corbin and Lacey beat up the good guys, and dear LORD did Lacey just punch Becky in the fuckin’ FACE. That slow-mo replay was Kawada vs. Hansen levels of OUCH.
The Miz & The Usos vs. Elias & The Revival was alright, but Elias leaving The Revival to fend for themselves and the 2/3 falls stip made it so everything stayed just alright. Like, there’s good ways to use a 2/3 Falls stip… but so far all the matches have been produced as if it’s a bug not a feature. Revival seemed a little more fired up on their beatdown I guess.
Can we give it up for Renee Michelle, AKA Drake Maverick’s Wife? Like anybody she’s awkward doing backstage shtick, but her delivery on the 24/7 Title stuff on Twitter this week was gold: “I don’t understand why we just can’t have a picture of you and I together.”
Rey Mysterio casually had a 60-second banger with Bobby Lashley before he got WRECKED, as the re-building of Bobby and BRAAAAUUUNN has begun. It was sad to see it, but Rey did some BUSINESS tonight and made Bobby look more important than any ass pose ever could.
No Way Jose did some business for Cesaro too. Those uppercuts were STIFF.
Highly enjoying the recurring Street Profits bits throughout the show. I’d be all for them not wrestling on the main roster until they drop the NXT Tag Team Titles… as Paul E. Dangerously famously said to Steve Austin over twenty years ago, “I don’t need you to wrestle. Just cut promos.”
The Kanellis Family stuff this week was brutal. Just two years removed from an actual pregnancy, WWE doing the most basic-ass pregnancy tropes is hurting my soul. More Mike being angry and Maria being a heel taking advantage of it, less Maria being a whiny hungry beast – PLEASE.
Sweet squash by The Viking Raiders. Ivar gorilla pounding his chest as Erik made the pin was SO GOOD.
Man, push Ricochet all you want but I hate the “tag guys lose two quick matches in a row out of convenience” trope WWE pulls out every so often. Ricky bumped all over the place for Gallows & Anderson but c’mon man, this helps nobody. Hyped for the AJ Styles match LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW.
Beat the Clock as a gimmick match jumped the shark years ago but here it is, still here. Bayley wrestled Sarah Logan and Nikki Cross wrestled Dana Brooke and none of it was any good, partially because the modern Beat the Clock always has like nine holes in its’ story and partially because the matches just weren’t any good. Between this and the horrible split-screen interview material earlier in the show, the SmackDown Women’s Title was done no favors tonight.
If they were writing material to have Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre walk around backstage throughout the show trying to find oddballs to be Roman Reigns‘ partner for the main event, like a food vendor and garbage man, why did they not write a line where said food vendor and garbage man verbally said they did not want to do it? Because they didn’t say no, but Shane and Drew continued their search until they found a janitor named Gary Garbutt, who they convinced to team with Roman by saying he’d get to wear a mask so no one would notice him. And, I mean, the TV camera was rolling and everything – are we just being trolled here!?
REGARDLESS – the match went on as planned, with Shane and Drew working over Roman while a guy in a DOS CARAS MASK and custodian clothing stood on the apron. And when said guy tagged in, he flew all around and did stuff that CEDRIC ALEXANDER does! And then he was promptly beat with a Claymore, because god damnit Drew McIntyre is going to be a star whether you want it or not.
It was a cheesy gimmick and the Cedric reveal got no reaction, probably because nobody knows who Cedric is. But it was also a cool twist and end to the show. Wrestling will exist long after The Undertaker, and it’s about time Cedric got a spot on this show. This spot – buddies with Roman, enemy of Shane and Drew – is a pretty good one, and hopefully it’s followed up on.
I also hop Roman and Cedric paid Gary that $5,000.
SMACKDOWN (7/9/19)
This was an insane blast of a go-home show for Extreme Rules: Billie Kay faked an illness, Nikki Cross squashed Carmella, Big E made jokes about 3-way’s and docking tips, and more than anything we might finally be watching the emergence of Stone Cold Kevin Owens.
The story of this show was Kevin Owens, who for the past few years has been treading water as a heel despite knowledge deep down that he’s a funny family man who likes kicking ass and going to zoos. He made not just a complete bayface turn on this show, but cut one of the best promos of the year as he went OFF on Shane McMahon, who like poor Baron Corbin before him acted as the avatar of The WWE Product being a bunch of crap.
I genuinely popped for him actually referencing that creepy McMahon Family promo from December where they said THINGS were going to turn around, and practically got up out of my seat when Shane cut his mic and he grabbed another one: “HEY GUESS WHAT IDIOT, THERE’S MORE THAN ONE MICROPHONE.” The mention of SmackDown’s MIA acts was nice too – Buddy Murphy, Liv Morgan, Apollo Crews, Asuka, Kairi Sane – THEY EXIST!!! Owens as an avatar for a frustrated audience shouldn’t be necessary, as The WWE Product should not be so continuously disappointing that they have to make it a storyline, but we are where we are and an incredible moment was born from it.
Finn Balor vs. Shinsuke Nakamura happened next, because it’s 2019 and that’s just how life is now. Nak applying no less than four SEPARATE chinlocks during the picture-in-picture commercial cracked me up, as did his attempt to win by countout since it wasn’t for Finn’s IC Title. This was no G1 Climax match, as they had themselves a quick brawl that ended with Nak laying Finn’s ass out with two Kinshasa’s and pinning him clean. Hell of a re-introduction for Shinskay.
I swear, WWE had been nailing the Bayley/Nikki Cross story until this week. The split-screen interview and Beat the Clock on RAW stunk, as did their talky talk talk segment here. I did like Cross just straight-up beating Carmella in like 90 seconds though – felt like less a burial of Carmella and more a big win for Cross, who looked very cool beating Carmella’s ass while sporting scratch marks on her pale arms.
The IIconics faking sick to avoid wrestling The Kabuki Warriors (argghh) was tremendous. Paige calling them four separate adjectives in a row, one of which was “shrill” … not so much.
“Rest… in… PEACE. See ya, sweetie.” ROMAN REIGNS IS SO COOL.
“Unfortunately that [the SmackDown Tag Team Title 3-Way Match] isn’t quite what I had in mind when I heard I was going to be in a 3-Way this Sunday.” – BIG E IS SO COOL.
Xavier Woods vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Otis was like if WAR ran Triple Threat Matches. It was a fun bit of TV. Otis double suplexing Bryan and Woods was a great strength spot, as was Woods doing a gorilla press gutbuster to Bryan. Plus Otis won.
I legitimately laughed out loud at the subtle camera shot of Drake Maverick under the catering table hiding before Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville did their Whites Only shit with Ember Moon. I understand a bullying angle, but c’mon guys. REASONS. MOTIVATIONS. GIMME A LITTLE MORE!!!
“If there’s anyone out there facing their own evil, remember this: evil only wins when you don’t show up to fight.” ALI IS OS COOL.
Very much into Cesaro being the guy to pick a fight with Aleister Black. Could be a real cool way to build up a couple fellas who need building up. And even if they aren’t built up you still know they’re at least gonna FIGHT.
THIS SHELTON BENJAMIN THING HAHAHAHA I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AND I AM FINE WITH THAT
Roman Reigns vs. Dolph Ziggler was a fine main event… it was honestly kind of refreshing to see Roman doing a singles formula TV main event again, considering how sparsely he’s been in the ring for the last six months. Dolph flopped around like a champ and made an attempt at getting some strings of offense going, never quite succeeding because he was opposite THE BIG DOG.
Owens returning to the arena and giving a (Stone Cold) Stunner to Shane McMahon to close the show was one of those perfect payoffs that seems so obvious that sometimes WWE just doesn’t do it. They did here though. Cool.
205 LIVE (7/9/19)
Oney Lorcan is a much better Tweeter than promo.
His Tweet and wrestling game is about the same though. Who else could have a Very Good Anything Goes match with the quiet hand that is Ariya Daivari!? That was this week’s main event, and it’s always fun to see these lower card guys get some gimmicks in a main event, even on WWE’s most irrelevant show. Oney storming out to silence bummed me out, but he and Daivari delivered on all the intensity they built up over the last month and just kinda hurt each other with them gimmicks – chairs, ladders, and CHAINS. And a We Want Tables chant led to… ACTUAL MOTHERFUCKIN’ TABLES.
Oney is the most confounding sonofabitch, a compelling piece of talent who shouldn’t exist in The WWE Universe. He took a back body drop through propped up chairs on the floor and threw a trash can at Daivari’s head! The superplex through the tables was a wild finish too, and I dug Oney just barely covering Daivari for 3.
You know, the Brian Kendrick/Akira Tozawa rivalry and eventual team will be one of the few things from 205 Live I reflect fondly on. They’re feuding with The Singh Brothers now, and this week Kendrick wrestled Sunil Singh, whose annoying dancing actually got real life LET’S GO KENDRICK chants going. It was a short match with some fun bits, highlighted by Sunil’s immediate tap on the Captain’s Hook.
Devin Justin is having a WEEK, first getting wrecked by The Viking Raiders on RAW and now getting stretched by Jack Gallagher on 205 Live. I thought Gallagher winning with a headbutt was real cool, but the story here was Mike Kanellis doing a run-in and being all unhinged, a gimmick he’s playing up pretty well. I think this was the first on-screen appearance of WWE Producer Shawn Daivari too.
A video package for the Drew Gulak/Tony Nese Cruiserweight Title match closed the show, and it was pretty good – better than a contract signing or promo or some shit.
NXT UK 51 (7/10/19)
The tapings from Download Festival continue as the slow crawl to TakeOver: Cardiff continues…
Ilja Dragunov is one expressive dude. He opened with a squash vs. Ashton Smith, who worked a little stretch of offense to setup a comeback like a heel but remains a blank slate babyface type. It was weird.
Hi, WWE – more “on the road” type vignettes please! The Bay Bay Championship Celebration Tour was very good for Adam Cole, and this week Nina Samuels showed more personality than ever as she worked a Billy on the Street gimmick around Download Fest where she did her best to avoid all the mud.
Not sure having Toni Storm fool around with and then have trouble putting away Candy Floss was the best move for the women’s divsion ace. Kay Lee Ray‘s post-match promo on her was alright hough.
One of my favorite things in wrestling is when ya see a guy pacing around, knowing he’s about to lay down a PROMO. And Trent Seven did just that, replying to Imperium‘s assault on Tyler Bate with a cadence and passion so quality that for the 5 minutes it lasted the wrestling was REAL. I’m not sure I follow why Pete Dunne has been missing, but I did appreciate Seven giving some kind of explanation for him not making the save for them. SUCH a good promo with a few amazing one-liners:
Dunne might not be here, “but I’M HERE. I’M HERE, and have been since the very start!”
“Now we have Imperium saying the mat is sacred… well… it’s OUR MAT.”
“I don’t care where, I don’t care when, I don’t care about the title… THIS. WILL BE. FOR US.”
Gallus vs. Dave Mastiff & The Hunt was a 6-man tag with SO. MUCH. BEEF. AND. SO. MANY. BEARDS. The referee ringing the bell before anyone was in their proper corner was just IRRESPONSIBLE though. And honestly the match wasn’t any good – the Wild Boar as a face-in-peril for Gallus was NOT what I signed up for!!! Plus the hot tag was setup when dumbass Mark Coffey turned his back to taunt the other team so Boar just suplexed him. Idiot.
NXT (7/10/19)
The tapings from Full Sail continue as the slow crawl to TakeOver: Toronto II continues…
I don’t know why WWE insists on having their Japanese performers do in-ring promos but here we are with Io Shirai doing her best. Heel Io looks very cool and the mic drop + sassy walk to the back wasn’t bad.
Velveteen Dream having his own press conference complete with “The Dream did not approve that question” was fun.
The Breakout Tournament match this week was BOA, a recruit from China with a background in Brazilian jiu-jitsu vs. Jordan Myles, the former ACH who had himself one of the best debuts I’ve ever seen on a WWE program. BOA is clearly a guy Triple H or someone who wanted to impress Triple H picked out of a line-up, and he came off exactly like the rookie prospect he is. But JORDAN MYLES, man. JORDAN MYLES. Things kicked off with an endearing inset promo before the match, and he kept the good vibes rolling all match. I knew he was a good polished wrestler but the promo skill and TV readiness of this man legitimately had me shook. The shooting hopes taunt, smiling at the hard cam, the little “should I bow? yeah sure I’ll bow” thing at the start… this guy is so freakin’ likable!!!
The match was a great example of an experienced guy working with a green guy and making everything work – beyond the taunts and charisma he sold and bumped his ass off, then made a fired comeback that got super over because he’s SO GOOD. And he put his little fists to his chin after the 3-count like he was posing for a book cover! I AM SO IN.
Enjoyed Shayna Baszler‘s sarcastic delivery of “If I didn’t find this sport, I’d be in jail” as she mocked her MMA peers and talked shit about Mia Yim. I think that match is gonna be pretty good.
Keith Lee has been here a YEAR ALREADY? I liked them giving him a little mission statement, but its’ still a mission statement brought on by the fact that he hasn’t done anything FOR A YEAR.
Street Profits vs. Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan for the NXT Tag Team Titles was a low-end TakeOver match, AKA a legitimately great match! It was just a little over 10 minutes but they kept things MOVING. Montez Ford’s spots have such a pop to them, he reminds me of … gasp … Kota Ibushi, in that he does cool moves but they also have this extra THING on top. Oney was running around hitting people, Dawkins threw an amazing spear, Ford did a tope con hilo OVER Oney onto Burch on the floor, and they pulled off a great car crash spot towards the end. Oney Still Rules, but this felt like a Street Profits match and was the best they’ve ever looked.
MAIN EVENT (7/10/19)
Main Event is never actually good but it’s kind of hilarious that an actually fun week of WWE TV ended with a worse Main Event than usual.
To start, Sam Roberts is back on commentary for some reason.
And Tamina and Natalya had a Terrible No Good Very Bad Match. At one point they were locking up and Tamina just kind of pushed Natalya down to the mat. That was supposed to be a move. On one hand it was a meaningless crappy match, on the other hand it was an indictment of the WWE system that these 10-year company vets are putting out this garbage.
Heath Slater vs. Robert Roode showed that Heath Slater can still run them ropes but it also had a lot of Slater on offense and then Roode won with the Glorious DDT out of nowhere. It was stupid.
WWE TV Match of the Week: I really didn’t want to go with the Mixed Tag Elimination Match, so thank you Street Profits vs. Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan for those NXT Tag Team Titles
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Kevin Owens but just a reminder that ONEY RULES
I’m legitimately excited for Extreme Rules, who woulda thunk it? The card for the show has quietly stacked up and even though a lot of inherent issues aren’t going to be solved overnight, watching how this whole new era of WWE plays out while Kenny and Okada are doing their thing elsewhere is going to be pretty neat.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 9/10
205 Live: 5/10
NXT UK: 4/10
NXT: 7/10
