WHY WERE THE FIRST NAMES ON THE NAME GRAPHICS SO TINY
Oh, sup. So, I haven’t seen an EVOLVE show before. I haven’t seen most of these guys wrestle before. I used to see Eddie Kingston at IWA Mid-South shows before Blackjack Marciano left the biz, but that’s about it for guys not signed to WWE.
I’m not really positive EVOLVE even still adheres to whatever the heck EVOLVE was supposed to be in the first place. But, still – here we are, an independent wrestling show on the WWE Network. Cool.
They all weren’t perfect, but I liked the videos and promos prior to each match. It was wild seeing sparsely attended small shows from last year on the Network, and the Catch Point video before Gulak/Riddle set a TONE.
The opening shot was almost jarring, in a good way. They had commentator Lenny Leonard and I think most of the guys who hadn’t been on WWE TV before all in the ring, and it felt like such a melting pot of independent professional wrestling. The show’s production was rough around the edges, from weird timing cues on the video packages to the ugly graphics, but I’m not always watching wrestling for the quality – I’m watching for the experience. And this was an interesting experience, at least for a little bit.
Also hire Lenny Leonard immediately unless you’re gonna make EVOLVE an actual thing, then just keep him there for a bit cause ya need him there to get things started, but then bring him up so I can hear his sports-like professionalism mixed with wrestling geekiness weekly.
The opening video package was real cool, showing early clips of guys now on TV who worked EVOLVE in the past, like Cesaro and Daniel Bryan and Aleister Black. I wish ROH didn’t become such a dumpster fire because the video was such a confirmation of how far the needle has moved on talent development and presentation. Would be cool to have that footage regularly to utilize rather than acting like EVOLVE was what ROH actually was as far as a place for development.
Anyways – we are LIIIIVE!
1. Josh Briggs vs. Anthony Greene w/ Brandi Lauren
There’s something to Josh Briggs – tall, good yelly promo, seems like people like him even if the ring announcer says he doesn’t like them. So the match was about him, even if the smaller “Retro” Anthony Greene unconvincingly worked over him for most of it. Greene has a nice sleazy look during his entrance that completely disappears when he takes off all the gear, so that’s a bummer. True to the gimmick though, he DID throw some nice punches! And the RETRO SUCKS chants had a real early 90s AWA vibe to them, but I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. The Greene tope caught with a chokeslam on the apron was impressive, all the superkicks and suplex variations at the end not so much. The match was an OK showcase for Briggs but also an annoyingly long type of indie match where everybody gets all their shit in and they’re trying some dramatic finish but nothing’s any better for it. Heel vs. face opener: get in, get that over, and get out, ya pricks! **
Oh hi Eddie Kingston I see you have gotten even better at doing promos. GOOSEBUMPS.
2. Fatal 4-Way Match: Stephen Wolf vs. Curt Stallion vs. Sean Maluta vs. Harlem Bravado
The other Bravado Brother went into politics, right? I wish his brother’s t-shirt was readable on television. I grow more bored by 3-way and 4-way matches as the days go by so I’m not sure this ever had a shot at being anything more to me than a collection of stuff with moderately impressive performances and bumps by everybody. They kept things moving and the crowd dug it, but other than Stephen Wolf’s flying and Curt Stallion’s “te hee” feel to him, I’m not sure anyone really stood out. The dive train was impressive, but… every dive missed. **3/4
3. Anthony Henry vs. Arturo Ruas
Arturo Ruas is NXT’s Adrian Jaoude, re-named and ready for prime time… as soon as they play his Titan Tron and not Stephen Wolf’s. He’s had some very cool little NXT TV matches, but otherwise I dig him as a concept right now more than anything. This match didn’t do much to help that… they went around 10 minutes and while there was a bit of grappling, there also just wasn’t much going on here, which was highlighted by an attempt at an intense slap-off in the middle that didn’t feel earned at all and thus didn’t get much of a reaction. I feel bad for Henry, who seems like a capable rassler but between the nosebleed early that wouldn’t stop pouring and the blown tornado DDT he did not have a good night. GREAT fucking spin kick by Ruas to end it though. *1/2
4. No DQ Match: Shotzi Blackheart vs. Brandi Lauren
Well this was kind of a mess, even if it ended with an epic bump by the certifiably insane Shotzi Blackheart. Natalia Markova, a wonderful wrestling name if I’ve ever heard one, ran in at the start and wrestled on behalf of Brandi, which created more of an awkward atmosphere than a heated one. Once she was ran off it didn’t get much better – Shotzi seems very good as far as being a charismatic star goes, but the move execution thing needs work. There was a blown apron Sliced Bread towards the end that looked terrible and they did not follow-up well on it at all. And there were We Want Tables chants throughout a match building to a chair spot. That seems weird, right? The chair spot was incredible, but still – weird. Also Shotzi’s nose bled – WHY IS EVERYBODY’S NOSE BLEEDING??? 1/2*
5. Babatunde vs. Colby Corino w/ Sean Maluta
Colby Corino did some BUSINESS tonight, playing an incredible wimpy old school heel that was all scrappy early on before he began screaming like a proper gentleman for the giant Babatunde’s offense. The chop on the apron was a god damn all-timer, with an amazing reaction from Corino that could’ve been him being awesome but also could’ve been a natural reaction of legitimate pain. I dunno. As far as Accomplishing Things, this 3-minute squash was my favorite thing on the show up to this point. **
Put Eddie Kingston on RAW cutting promos immediately. Guy ripped the promo of a lifetime as he came to the ring, not only effectively introducing his stablemates and calling out the WWE recruitment process, but also saying with a straight face that people are buying Babatunde merchandise.
…not YET, at least!
6. EVOLVE Tag Team Title: The Unwanted (Eddie Kingston & Joe Gacy) [c] w/ Sean Maluta vs. AR Fox & Leon Ruff w/ Ayla & The Skulk
The Skulk gimmick is… brilliant? I have never done a flip-flop on a gimmick so fast during a match – at first there was hate, by the end there was love. Only love. This was a high energy tag match where I’m not sure anybody ever really made a tag. It didn’t matter, as for a little under 10 minutes all these boys went at it and had the crowd out of their seats by the end. Fox and Ruff are a couple of high-flyers, huh!? Though poor Fox’s big dive at the start got caught by NOBODY. Good on him for just training talented wrestler after talented wrestler though – Ruff will blow your mind taking it to the sky, but he also might make you lose your lunch when he’s getting absolutely slaughtered by The Unwanted’s lariat/German suplex combo. The extended post-match dance celebration was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in a wrestling ring. ***1/4
The Catch Point video package explaining its’ origins and philosophy was incredible stuff, even if they didn’t bring up…. anybody else in the group.
7. Catch Point Reunion Match: Matt Riddle w/ Curt Stallion vs. Drew Gulak
Matt Riddle got his young boy Curt Stallion more TV time, fist bumped every single person in the front row, and even hugged a few. He is the Bro of All Bros and came off like a megastar who can carry a company here. Drew Gulak entered after a group of guys in boxing robes circled the ring yelling “CATCH POINT,” and as he walked between them, each raising their hands in the Catch Point pause as he passed them, I felt the tingling sensation I get when I know something needs to be on the main roster yesterday.
So this match was treated like wrestling is real or somethin’. Gulak is a technical wrestling maestro and it was cool to see him in an environment where he was treated like a big deal, while Riddle is such a bro because he can do all kinds of styles but is also the perfect complement to Gulak. For nearly fifteen minutes they did a bunch of interesting grappling that transitioned into a bunch of crazy strikes and I fell deeply in love with all of it. ****
Bryan Idol (!?) being introduced as a guy integral to the history of EVOLVE was so bad it had to be a troll, and it actually was, as the lights went out and when they came on in his place stood PAUL HEYMAN, laying down an epic promo at the ECW Arena maybe one last time. There’s something special about Heyman’s perfect mix of genuineness and sleaziness, and I think this promo captured that very well.
8. Winner Take All – EVOLVE Title vs. WWN Title: Austin Theory [c] vs. JD Drake
Heyman went all in on promoting this match as the future of wrestling, and I’m not sure I’m buying that. It was a strong championship bout but there wasn’t really anything new or unique here. Maybe that’s the point though. Maybe that’s what they’ve meant all along. The future of wrestling… is the past. Whoaaaa.
I CAN buy into Austin Theory as the future of wrestling, however. And I’m not even sure that’s a good thing, but he definitely accomplished coming across as a guy that could be it. He looked and worked the part, like some kind of compromise between being a handsome devil and having the ability to do a roll-through Blockbuster that doesn’t look completely ridiculous.
Not to knock JD Drake – I like this guy too. He did a ton of clobbering and chopping in fun and unique ways, and his scream of agony as Theory elbowed his ribs at some point was very very good. I also loved how his miss of a Cannonball in the corner early on was made the most of later on as when he did hit it, he followed it up quickly with a move the Internet tells me is called the DRILL BIT and it got a pretty incredible near fall. I came out of this show a fan of both guys, so good work everybody. ***3/4
9. NXT Title: Adam Cole [c] vs. Akira Tozawa
So this was pretty good and I want to support anything that involves Akira Tozawa in a main event, but it was also just a pretty standard Cole/Tozawa match. And you might read that and say it doesn’t really make sense, considering they haven’t wrestled before (I think). But just think about it. Think about it for a second. Think about the fun Tozawa signature spots. About the physical charisma. About Adam Cole slowing things down. About Tozawa selling. About Cole taunting. Think about it. THINK ABOUT IT. And you know.
Regardless, the unique atmosphere/location made it a lot cooler than it would’ve been on an episode of NXT or something. It also happened to make Cole’s spot-calling shockingly obvious. The finish felt flat too, with Johnny Gargano coming to Tozawa’s aid as Cole tried to cheat, only for Tozawa to look like a dumbass in defeat. A solid main event title match, just… a standard Cole/Tozawa match. ***1/4
Did I enjoy the show? Yeah. I did. The first half wasn’t much, but once Colby Corino sold that Babatunde chop we were off to the races. I’m a fan of some new folks and the Theory/Drake and Riddle/Gulak matches were very good. Only other thought is that I forget who else but there were three separate nosebleeds on this show. Somebody should look into that. 7/10
