So many thoughts, none of them good.
First of all, R.I.P. Atsushi Aoki. I missed you when I wasn’t watching. I’m sorry for that. You sound like an incredible wrestler.
Now, WWE. Ugh.
Shane McMahon’s Pal is the gimmick for most of the lucky few who get gimmicks. The only forward movement is Lars Sullivan. Goldberg is wrestling The Undertaker in Saudi Arabia on Friday. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
It always gets really weird and bad around this time of the year, but it always feels especially bad too. I swear – the Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman exchange on RAW (“What are you doing!? Friday! Friday? Friday! I promised them now! FRIDAY!”) might be when WWE officially, really, truly madly deeply jumped the shark.
RAW (6/3/19)
Let us cherish the good moments – Ricochet vs. Cesaro, Firefly Fun House, uhhhhh. Think that’s it.
Otherwise, kind of a catastrophic clusterfuck of a show, especially when these young hungry upstarts like New Japan and AEW are making more and more people happy doing pretty basic stuff. Everything was either frustrating or boring or both.
Roman Reigns & The Usos vs. Drew McIntyre & The Revival opened, and while Dawson was extra bumpy tonight and they had a decent tag like usual, I could not get passed this line: “This place came unglued when Roman Reigns tagged into this 6-man tag team matchup during the break” urghgghhh.
Shane McMahon spearing Roman did… not look good. It’s kind of well-documented that Vince McMahon doesn’t think 80s heels work anymore, but I don’t know how he’d think his existing heel archetypes of Shane’s pal or annoying guy who explains things and throws to videos on a microphone are any better.
MizTV w/ Seth Rollins was acceptable TV, if they didn’t do another Rollins promo later in the show to setup the big Brock Lesnar attack. I get wanting to build up Brock’s appearance, but you’ve still got Seth Rollins coming out for two separate in-ring promos on your show. That’s weird. I’m not sure why you’d cash in a guys’ bump card on another dumb pointless Saudi show too, seems like an odd thing to do.
Charlotte Flair and Lacey Evans had themselves what felt like an old timey 1950s Texas Rasslin match from the Hidden Gems section in the WWE Network – the grappling looks unplanned and disorganized, but you’re not sure if that’s the point or not.
Samoa Joe as a modern day Big Cat Ernie Ladd is my jam. “I was in the back, and I heard the word Champion… and I thought it was my cue.” Standing there as Rey Mysterio, who is shockingly hurt again, handed over the U.S. Title over to him and then choking him out was good too. Just put the stupid Universal Title on Samoa Joe already.
A bullshit Arm Wrestling Match is a pro wrestling classic but Braun Strowman vs. Bobby Lashley had one of the weaker bullshit Arm Wrestling Matches. Go watch Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski or something.
I respect Peyton Royce and Nikki Cross getting some time but it was not good, even before the Alexa Bliss coffee dumbassery.
Firefly Fun House remains a weird highlight, but this is like a Digital Short on SNL – if the rest of the show sucks, why not catch Fun House on YouTube? EXERCISE!!!!!!!
Triple H tried to break the fourth wall in his promo opposite Randy Orton right after Wyatt did by going over the boring promo they could probably do and honestly I hate to admit it but it was OK.
Ricochet vs. Cesaro was thrown out there to at least have one good thing I guess. Cesaro remains a quiet beast and Ricochet somehow remains feeling like a guy from another planet, like an Antonio Rocca for 2019. The tilt-a-whirl headscissors was some STUFF.
Fuck you, The Undertaker.
SMACKDOWN (6/4/19)
This was not very good.
I love Kofi Kingston as pure babyface WWE Champion. Love it. Everything around him, not so much. Like him and Dolph Ziggler trading dialogue based around multiple video packages. Or him and Xavier Woods wrestling Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn and my main takeaway being how shockingly brief it felt.
Is the Alexa Bliss coffee thing an inside joke? If it is, it’s an inside joke that led to Alexa challenging for the SmackDown Women’s Title at STOMPING GROUNDS.
Did I mention the next pay-per-view is named Stomping Grounds?
Alexa and Carmella and Charlotte Flair wrestled and it was very much a little under ten minutes of some stuff followed by a couple decent near falls. It was the wrestling main event.
That R-Truth likely did the Shane cell phone bit on his own was an amazing performance. It was solid TV. The Lumberjack Match with Elias, not so much. This 24/7 Title stuff is two things working against each other – R-Truth’s performance, and all the dumbass empty vessel wrestlers they’ve surrounded him with.
Aleister Black is not really a self-starter, I guess.
There was more Shane and Revival and McIntyre and Roman Reigns stuff on this show. It was boring and counter-productive.
Lars Sullivan really tried in his interview, like he nailed that script. I’ve always dug the idea of the intelligent giant and look forward to it all being dropped in a few weeks.
Apollo Crews and Andrade had themselves a little angle. Good job, Apollo Crews and Andrade.
Goldberg‘s a liability but that man can cut a promo. Exciting end to a real eh show.
205 LIVE (6/4/19)
Oh HELL YEAH, we’ve got a new look badass Drew Gulak that will probably lead to nothing but let me enjoy this. He had a fun match with Akira Tozawa, who is always good for a cool comeback that gets over, including this one where he did a nice deadlift spot that popped the heck out of the live audience.
The run Mike and Maria Kanellis have had on this show is going to be looked back on strangely. Rarely. But strangely.
WHY IS LUCHA HOUSE PARTY LOOKING PAST LARS SULLIVAN AT SUPER SHOWDOWN TO THE SINGH BROTHERS IN TWO WEEKS!? DON’T DO IT FELLAS
At one point in a test of strength opposite Oney Lorcan, Ariya Daivari yelled ARIYA DAIVARI!! So that was nice. They had a very hold-based match that I’m shocked the crowd didn’t turn on. God bless Goldberg, I guess. It was a good match too, though Nigel’s comparison to Roderick Strong vs. Matt Riddle was a bit much. There were crazy Oney faces, Oney staying on the arm, and so on and so forth until Oney got that win.
I can’t remember if WWE Cruiserweight Champion Tony Nese did anything on this show or not.
NXT UK 46 (6/5/19)
Nothing worth seeing.
The Hunt vs. Saxon Huxley & Tyson T-Bone was 5-minutes. Huxley did a nice wide Thesz press. The Hunt did a nice assisted German. They sniffed Huxley after the match.
They’re somehow making Toni Storm vs. Kay Lee Ray seem like a thing for what I assume would be TakeOver: Cardiff, SOMEHOW. Ray’s presence and confidence backs it up and makes the minimal effort mean something. Her match with Kacey Owens was the type of match you should have at this stage in your rise towards title contender.
Poor NXT UK tag team division – sooooo many unanswered Zack Gibson promos.
The Fatal 4-Way #1 Contender’s Match main event of Travis Banks vs. Bomber Dave Mastiff vs. Joe Coffey vs. Jordan Devlin was emblematic of NXT UK as a whole, in that there were some talented performers in a pretty generic setting. They hit their spots and it pleased folks on occasion. And I didn’t really like it.
NXT (6/5/19)
Post-TakeOver NXT! Street Profits celebrated, Io Shirai stormed off, and Tyler Breeze said things. Plus Drew Gulak challenged KUSHIDA to a SUBMISSION MATCH!
Keith Lee also had another fine showcase of his impressive stature against Kona Reeves but c’mon let’s have this man do something.
Mia Yim and Bianca Belair also wrestled each other again and are having a very good series that is establishing Yim.
MAIN EVENT (6/5/19)
This week, EC3 again looked bored as he defeated No Way Jose, while Natalya & Dana Brooke squared off with Tamina & Sarah Logan in a match so clipped down by commercial I’m not convinced it was a real match.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Ricochet vs. Cesaro, Bianca Belair vs. Mia Yim, or Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Mia Yim
Everything is bad. Onto… Stomping Grounds? Aw damnit.
RAW: 1/10
SmackDown: 4/10
205 Live: 3/10
NXT UK: 3/10
NXT: 5/10
