Sometimes I think about writing a rant on what’s WRONG with WWE or what they can FIX but then I remind myself it’s May and post-WrestleMania is usually a crap time and build towards the Money in the Bank show is usually bad and the Saudi show isn’t going to help anything. And like, I’m a wrestling fan. I’m a WWE fan. I like it because I like the wrestling and moments, but I also like the circus. And watching this circus play out is occasionally boring, but always interesting.
The lazy and convoluted match setups really got me this week though. Like, Sami Zayn went to Shane McMahon, who is a heel authority figure when six months ago they said heel authority figures were no more, and basically said to him: hey I know Braun is already announced as in Money in the Bank and has a match with Drew McIntyre that has already been announced tonight but how about I wrestle Braun tonight anyways for a shot at being in Money in the Bank and uh hey how about we do it FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE!! And Braun and Shane are like, “YEAH!” What’s going on here??
And another thing: Vince McMahon has pulled off some genius stuff and clearly looks at all things on a macro level these days but he’s got no idea how to book a heel in 2019. He always apparently told Ric Flair that the 80s heel is dead, and maybe that’s true. Maybe. But while sometimes he gets the modern heel right where the hate is kind of meta (i.e.: Brock Lesnar, Jinder Mahal), most of the time he pushes these guys that the crowd definitely won’t get behind but they’re also kind of drags. Guys like McIntyre, Corbin, Lashley, Elias, Owens… they’re all solid dudes. But as guys who are rounding out an upper midcard… yikes. And so we’re stuck in this perpetual Chinlock Era. That’s not good.
AND ANOTHER THING — The KABUKI WARRIORS???
RAW (5/13/19)
Were their 3 (or 4) guys from SmackDown on this show? I can’t keep track. Is WWE gaslighting me? Should I even care? Will any of this Wild Card stuff matter in three weeks?
This was a formulaic go-home show for Money in the Bank, taped from the U.K. which usually makes for a rowdier crowd but WWE has done a pretty solid job of making most of their crowds sound pretty quiet these days. Regardless, Ricochet vs. Corbin and Rey vs. Cesaro were good matches, and the Bray Wyatt gimmick continued to get interesting. Plus, there was NWA No Limits footage live on Monday Night RAW.
I also liked some of the character development that was happening on this show, which was potentially by accident. Roman Reigns praised The Miz on MizTV for going from the old obnoxious Miz to the new anti-authority badass Miz, and they actually addressed their history, which involved Reigns throwing an all-time great punch at Miz’ face on MizTV (also some great matches).
There was finally some character development for Nikki Cross too, who in one week has gone from an afterthought to the gimmick of the quiet crazy girl who wants to be Alexa Bliss‘ friend and is getting used by Alexa Bliss and hey as I write this now she’s in Money in the Bank instead of Alexa Bliss. I also liked that they addressed her literally being forgotten about in the Shake-Up.
Becky Lynch was another star of this show – the Showtime series Episodes does a fun job of explaining how some actors on sitcoms get all the best lines, and clearly Becky is now getting all the best lines. She’s killing it though. She’s got this Yara Greyjoy mixed with Sansa Stark energy, I dig it.
Though some of the pieces were good, it’s not to say MizTV or Nikki’s 4-Way match or the Becky Contract Signing angle were any good. They were the usual overdone RAW TV BS, and speaking of RAW TV BS there was a lot of lame go-nowhere wrestling too: Reigns & The Miz vs. Elias & Bobby Lashley was alright but basic, and though Elias getting the OK to do the rope-walk is awesome, choosing to follow it up with a Meteora is questionable. Mojo Rawley vs. Apollo Crews happened. The Nikki Cross Fatal 4-Way with Naomi, Dana Brooke and Natalya was notable for Dana’s ladder plancha and Cross actually winning.
The main event was Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn in a Falls Count Anywhere match which was silly fun here and there but McIntyre, Corbin, and Zayn triple-teaming Strowman and Strowman chokeslamming Zayn through a table is zzzzzzzz. Be more fun, wrestling.
Thankfully there were two very fun matches on this show. Ricochet is starting to freak me out – he does similar stuff match-to-match like any good WWE employee, but he does a few things that make him special: 1) he keeps the stuff crazy enough to get by, 2) he puts thought into looking credible against big guys, and 3) it’s not just what he does that looks great – when they keep up with him and help him pull off his insanity, he’s showing what all these boring sytem wrestlers are capable of. Baron Corbin Corbin going under the bottom rope as Ricochet backflipped and Corbin sliding back in only for Ricochet to duck and setup a moonsault to the floor was some wild, wild wrestling. Corbin sure took that rana hard too. Legit good match.
Rey Mysterio vs. Cesaro was good too. Great even. You just know Cesaro saw Rey do the over-the-top-to-the-floor electric chair spot with Andrade and said, I need to do that. Just all kinds of ridiculous stuff here showcasing all the things that make pro wrestling a wonder – power, precision, surprise. The Cesaro Swing counter of the 619 was amazing, as was the finish which saw Cesaro block a tilt-a-whirl, try a powerbomb, get rana’d into the ropes, and 619’d to the locker room.
SMACKDOWN (5/14/19)
Just the most OKish OK show.
Opening promo – very OK. Roman Reigns now having respect for The Miz is awesome. I dig the Roman vs. Shane McMahon‘s new Corporation-ish thing that SmackDown has going, and The Usos saving Roman against that thing is something that should happen often. Gotta love that Wild Card, huh!
The wrestling on this show was all just dandy. Finn Balor vs. Ali vs. Randy Orton vs. Andrade was a fun bunch of stuff – Ali’s roll-through into an RKO, random ladder spots, Andrade being great and actually winning. Ricochet showing up to do a springboard to the ladder post-match was very cool too.
The Reigns/Usos vs. Shane/Elias/Daniel Bryan/Rowan match was a match of solid beatdowns on babyfaces who can sell. Just a bunch of good wrestlers wrestling out the tale of a family uniting against the corrupt bad guys, which is ideally what you want. I really liked Elias going “damn!” after Reigns didn’t stay down for his knee too.
The Kabuki Warriors is a silly embarrassing name but their match with Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville was alright.
Sami Zayn helping Kevin Owens attack Kofi Kingston at least made some sense. Though I liked Kofi being all confident on the mic here, Owens/Kofi has officially gotten to that point WWE PPV matches get to where if following WWE rules there’s really nothing left to do on TV, so all this was OK if not exactly selling a single Network subscription.
205 LIVE (5/14/19)
I dunno if there was something in the air in the U.K. but this show ruled.
Humberto Carrillo has a jacket now and he also had his breakout match on 205 Live in a Fatal 4-Way with Jack Gallagher, Mark Andrews and James Drake. Just such an impressive performance, with all kinds of unreal and complex athleticism. There’s a lot of 4-way’s on 205 Live but this, though it had the benefit of some fresher faces, felt like a better 4-way than usual, with some crazy spots that got crazier – if your opener has to be 20 minutes, make it crazy!! You bet your ass James Drake got a chinlock in, but he also caught an Andrews backflip on the outside which led to a tornado DDT. Also William the Umbrella returned.
The middle of the show hit a writer’s quota for pushing stuff but ugh – Ariya Daivari promo, Nese interview, Ligero video, and Lucha House Party accepting The Singh Brothers‘ challenge.
Ligero is earning his reputation with me as Tony Nese just had what felt like his freshest match in 2 years. This not only had a fun spot with them trading endless 1-counts, shaking hands, and shaking referee Charles Robinson’s hand – it had some crazy cool spots towards the end, as if Premier Athlete Nese had met his one-step-behind match. Very good.
NXT UK 43 (5/15/19)
I don’t know why I still number these.
Another eh show, but WALTER vs. Pete Dunne for the UK Title is next week. And Devlin vs. Mastiff vs. Coffey vs. someone for a shot at one of those guys is… interesting? They’ve still got Bate and Seven as title contenders in their back pocket too. And Ilja Dragunov. It’s brewing. Just slowly. Oh so freakin’ slowly.
Piper Niven headbutting and crossbody-ing and cannonball-ing and Michinoku Driver-ing her opponent is love. Fine squash.
Jordan Devlin vs. Ligero to qualify for the #1 Contender’s 4-Way was a match of two guys finding themselves in the WWF. It was fine, it was formula, it had the occasional thing that made me think there’s something more. There was a crazy spot where Ligero kind of does a Code Red that almost ends up a deadlift by Devlin and it’s scary but impressive.
Oh yeah, I’m into Ilja Dragunov. Props to Jack Starz for being a solid guy who guys debut against.
Xia Brookside and Killer Kelly did some respectful hold-trading and then they did a very cool angle where Jinny introduced the returning Alpha Female, which led to Kelly bouncing and little Xia all alone. Nigel’s “Oh no, get out of there! Get out of there, NOW!” call was incredible. Welcome back, Jazzy. Jinny and Jazzy is an ACT.
Wolfgang vs. Dave Mastiff was alright, just short. I’m a sucker for a hoss fight, even if Wolfgang hasn’t impressed me in two years. Mastiff made a serviceable comeback. They taped this in Scotland so Gallus was over when they kicked his ass afterwards.
NXT (5/15/19)
This was pretty eh too, but it still had KUSHIDA and Montez Ford and whatnot. Gargano and Cole as the top program along with some Undisputed Era tension just does not feel like something an entire brand can rely on. Riddle and Dream are your guys right now I think.
The Viking Raiders just vacating the NXT Tag Team Titles is absolutely a lame deal. The logic of them being undefeated champions before they head to RAW is fine on paper outside of two things: 1) they’re probably not going to be pushed that same way on RAW so it won’t matter and 2) no tag teams have really been built up during the Raiders reign, so with nobody getting a pin over them you’re really leaving the tag division in a lurch.
At least we’ll always have Angelo Dawkins‘ “if that’s your real name…” line on them. Montez Ford is a seriously good promo too.
Also, the Raiders doing business with Regal out in the public square instead of in the back like businessmen is the most Viking shit they’ve done since signing.
Keith Lee vs. Cezar Bononi, who comes off as a budget Dijakovic, was an alright squash. I like Bononi’s peppy new theme.
Io Shirai attacking Shayna Baszler at the Performance Center was cool. I dig the PC angles.
KUSHIDA just a regular part of the NXT roster certainly is something. He had a fun little enhancement match with Kona Reeves, who played his role well.
Vanessa Borne did a thing. She beat somebody.
I want to hug whoever in the back has now twice demanded that Viking Raiders vs. Street Profits be done as a sprint, because that is the best and only way to do this match. So Part 2 ruled. The dueling cartwheels ruled. The near falls ruled. And then The Forgotten Sons got involved, and now I think the tag titles are just vacated, and everything sucks.
MAIN EVENT (5/15/19)
Oh god, Titus O’Neil vs. EC3. What sweet hell is this? EC3 looks progressively more dissatisfied every week, but like a legitimate job dissatisfaction thing not a character tic.
Lucha House Party vs. The Revival was pretty good stuff highlighted by an excellent Shatter Machine and Kalisto doing a tope that Dash countered by just LAUNCHING him into the barricade – so much so that it’s a Main Event Match Worth Watching.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Rey Mysterio vs. Cesaro happened this week!
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Kalisto for that tope bump, WHAT
When 205 Live is your best show, you’ve got some explaining to do.
RAW: 4/10
SmackDown: 5/10
205 Live: 7/10
NXT UK: 4/10
NXT: 5/10
