Great Scott, it is WrestleMania Week.
RAW (4/1/19)
Not great TV, but an effective go-home show: Seth Rollins finally looked credible against Brock, Dave Batista got to the point, Baron Corbin got some heat, and there was some insane shit with cops.
The RAW Women’s Title Triple Threat at WRESTLEMANIA is now a Winner Takes All match with the SmackDown Women’s Title and I’ve got to say this whole Charlotte/Becky/Ronda thing has been a wonderful argument against weekly TV, or at least WWE’s take on sustaining momentum by utilizing weekly TV. To get from November to the Royal Rumble to whatever the shit this is has been one strange weird ride. It gets to end in a very cool place, but this last bit of promotion was… well, I’m honestly not sure. I don’t think I have a take on this. It was chaotic and funny. I think it might have also been bad? But maybe not? I don’t know. Ronda’s shadowbox promo before it all was pretty cool.
The Seth Rollins/Brock Lesnar stuff to open the show was the best bit of their whole feud, with Rollins actually getting the better of Brock physically AND using the full-proof tactic of kicking Brock in his infamously weak testicles. I was taken aback by that Rollins entrance pop too. God DAMN.
A “YOU STILL GOT IT” chant for a returning 38-year-old WWE Hall of Famer doing a barricade crash spot is some postmodern wrestling wonder. The Women’s Tag Titles Preview 8-Woman Tag was a collection of moves. IIconics might not be very good but the superhero pose redeems everything.
Batista’s promo – “Hunter, kiss my ass” – was awesome. What else is there left to say, yanno?
Apollo Crews vs. Jinder Mahal for 30 seconds was an odd way of hyping WrestleMania. The “everybody throws each other over the top rope” as hype for a Battle Royal remains one of the dumbest ass WWE tropes too.
Aleister Black & Ricochet vs. The Revival for the RAW Tag Titles was very good while it lasted. Black and Ricochet are having a run right now. Nasty Gory Special bomb by Dash too.
Clever-ish finish aside, Heavy Machinery beating Bobby Roode & Chad Gable after a minute or two felt like a waste. I guess something has to happen to setup a Roode or Gable turn but this was blink and you miss it stuff.
Braun.
Shhh He Can’t Wrestle Anymore Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio becoming Angle and Rey beating up Baron Corbin becoming Rey vs. Corbin was… a setup. It was fun to see Rey main event and do his thing with a new schlub though. Rey still has it working big dudes, mostly selling and working all his offense around momentum. And he laid out a match with Corbin that had NO CHINLOCK!!! Legendary.
SMACKDOWN (4/2/19)
Low key show with two INCREDIBLE go-home promos. If there were any more stubborn asses out there, those asses were put in seats tonight.
Thought the Phenomenal Forearm/RKO spot on TV was weird, otherwise the Kevin Owens Show with Randy Orton and AJ Styles was downright captivating. This right here was proper blending of reality and kayfabe. Orton cut the perfect B-movie bad guy promo here, SO good.
Meanwhile, Daniel Bryan going from emotional return to asshole chants in a single year is an amazing feat. The contract signing with Kofi Kingston was a special professional wrestling segment: massive KOFI-MANIA chants, Big E and Woods dancing in the background, and Daniel Bryan in full douchebag mode: “If you could please shut up while I am trying to educate you…” BOOO.
Lots of great lines here – if Orton/AJ was a proper blending of reality and kayfabe, this was a perfect blending of it. Bryan’s “don’t mistake a fad for reality” and “you don’t feed off of them, they feed off of you” lines were incredible gut punches. And Kofi once again did a great all-timer promo. It is as if we are seeing a decade of WWE boot camp actually legitimately completely paying off. Ronda vs. Charlotte vs. Becky is going to be great, but this felt like the real Mania 35 go-home segment. Tremendous.
The Usos, Aleister Black & Ricochet vs. The Bar, Nakamura & Rusev was quick but a fun match. It’s a lazy setup for the 4-Way at Mania, but these guys killing it for 5 minutes is one of the better lazy setups you could conceivably do.
The Miz beating SAnitY backstage in a Falls Count Anywhere Match, Shane McMahon smirking and having his driver speed away, and Becky Lynch showing up in a cop car was an AMAZING series of events. Solid go-home promo by Becky too. Bypassing Corey and hopping on the announce table was a good bit.
The 18-Person Mixed Tag Team Match was part wacky fun with a lot of characters and part sad gaze at a bunch of folks without a real spot at Mania. Meanwhile, Samoa Joe and Ali could’ve done some STUFF if Ali was of age in 2004, but we are here and they had a very fun little TV wrestling match.
205 LIVE (4/2/19)
Two good matches here, and I mean legit good not “ehhh if you have the patience for 205 Live maybe check it out” good.
I am usually troubled by the 20-minute 205 Live opener, but if it’s ONEY I am all in. Especially if it’s with Kalisto, who he had great chemistry with last year on SmackDown in a 90 second match and who he had great chemistry with in this here 20 minute match. There was just a bunch of fun stuff here supplemented by Oney’s chaos and Kalisto’s flips. The catch of the Kalisto handspring with the half nelson suplex was SWEET. So was the sequence where they teased the Salida del Sol inside the ring, went to the apron, Kalisto hit a Salida del Sol there, Oney sold like a dead man, Kalisto struggled to roll Oney back in, and Oney kicked out at the last second. The facts are simple: until 205 Live decomposes Oney into a blank slate TV wrestler, ONEY RULES.
Tony Nese and Buddy Murphy brawled again, because how else are you supposed to build up this shit?
Akira Tozawa vs. Mike Kanellis, who with the shaved head and big beard might be after Ciampa’s spot, was also very good. They went ahead and built themselves up a hot finish, and it’s kind of wild seeing Mike Bennett taking ranas and trading strikes and doing deadlifts out of cobra twists that lead to bumps over the top rope, considering the word on The Miracle early was he’d be some kind of Sports Entertainment Cena dude before the biz got turned on its head.
NXT UK 37 (4/3/19)
This show is still going on.
Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel vs. Kenny Williams & Amir Jordan already happened in January, and rematches aren’t a big deal (in many cases encouraged!), but what the issue is is that I forgot about what happened in that January match already. This was very good though. Williams doing a skin the cat only to get dropkicked to death by Barthel was INCREDIBLE. Finish was sweet too with a lot of craziness.
Kay Lee Ray vs. Isla Dawn a decent match for Kay Lee Ray, I guess. Grizzled Young Vets promo also OK. Speaking of OK, Trent Seven wrestled Joe Coffey. That match at least ended with Seven tapping to a Boston crab after selling his back all match, and I respect that.
NXT (4/3/19)
This was a show with a solid Kairi Sane vs. Bianca Belair match and a bunch of video packages.
It also had a reminder that War Raiders still exist and are capable of doing spectacular moves on a couple small gentleman, and then spectacular moves on larger gentleman.
Also Jaxson Ryker vs. Oney Lorcan in might’ve what been Oney’s worst match. Oney matches shouldn’t have bearhugs.
And video packages.
The spider superplex in Sane/Belair was awesome though.
MAIN EVENT (4/3/19)
One of my favorite things of years’ past was always guys stepping up pre-Mania on the C-shows – Ryder, Mojo, Rusev, etc just going balls out to get noticed. That doesn’t really happen anymore. Tyler Breeze vs. No Way Jose this week had a little more speed and recklessness than usual, with Breeze just popping off a superkick at one point, like it just clicked to him that Mania was on Sunday. Then Lucha Dragons vs. The Ascension happened. That was fine.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Kalisto vs. Oney Lorcan from 205 Live
WWE TV MVP of the Week: John Oliver
WRESLSLTLTMENAANIAIAIA!!!!!ASSAKASKASKSASDASDAKJNSASAD
RAW: 5/10
SmackDown: 8/10
205 Live: 7/10
NXT UK: 3/10
NXT: 6/10
