It’s the ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!
Also, The Shield had their last match. Or they didn’t. I don’t know. But if they did – respect. And it will be interesting to see Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins adapt as wrestlers after Dean Ambrose leaves. And it will be fun to see them reunite in a couple years. Or Ambrose will just stay around and someone will turn on someone or they’ll just team again later this year and WWE will act like they never said Fastlane was their last match ever. I don’t know!
It’s the ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA111
The Shield – all three of them – are a WWE main event act, and with that comes an entirely unique set of criticism and issues. They essentially supplanted John Cena as the top act, and they have done admirably in an insane role. They are over-exposed, put in a lot of stupid situations, wrestle a reliable but formulaic and repetitive style, and are forced to do these extra-long over-scripted promos all the time. But these boys endured. And they continue to be very good. There’s times I lose faith in them, like when Roman has a PPV main event stinker or when Rollins wrestles super light or when Ambrose does whatever the fuck he was doing the last few months. But at the end of the day, I’m not sure of many guys in wrestling who could have done this role better.
RAW (3/11/19)
This show was OK. It followed the trend this week – long talking segments that led to WrestleMania challenges. That isn’t always the most compelling way to do it, but I can’t argue with how this card is shaping up. I’m into it.
There were a bunch of very OK matches. A lot of stuff had that RAW TV vibe where the matches are like 5 minutes but they try to force in chinlocks and comebacks among the signature wrestling sequences and it all comes off as bloated and nothing stands out. Rollins vs. Benjamin (!), Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor (with Bobby regaining the title!), and Aleister Black/Ricochet vs. The Revival all adhered to this and they were all OK, slightly soulless wrestling matches. Natalya vs. Nia Jax lasted like 5 seconds before Beth phoenix ran-in, which was OK. Elias beat up No Way Jose and his new hair. It was OK. Kurt Angle had probably his final RAW match with Apollo Crews – it was OK.
Still, OK is better than bad. Usually.
There was some stuff I actively di like:
The Shield were just havin’ a good time to kick the show off, with Reigns coming off as the coolest guy in the room. Something happens to Reigns when he’s around Rollins and Ambrose – only when around them does this cool character off-screen come off actually cool on-screen.
Shelton Benjamin attacking Rollins as a nod to the Minnesota Stretching Crew was SO cool. Crowd seemed confused but that was good stuff and a fresh match.
Lio Rush redeeming himself for Lashley was good. There was no reason for them to have friction in the first place!
There’s moments in Ronda Rousey promos where ya want to laugh, and then she’ll drop some line and you’re like “wait did this loose cannon really just say that?” The whole Rousey/Becky/Charlotte thing sure saw some terrible twists and turns the last month, and I’m not sure even this Rousey character pivot should even be necessary, but it sure is a total trip to watch. Also, Dana Brooke was put in an IMPOSSIBLE spot – impassioned long walk-and-talk promo on freaking Rousey with some really cheesy lines, but she KRUSHED. Hope she got kudos from the boys and girls in the back.
There might have been some other WWE dream matches with Kurt Angle but I LOVED Apollo Crews being the guy to wrestle him in one of his last matches, certainly his last match in his hometown of Pittsburgh. Kurt Angle returned to WWE and did exactly the opposite of what everyone was afraid of: rather than try and go hard to re-live the glory years and likely wreck his body further, he worked a select few simple matches and put over the new guys that Triple H and Brock wouldn’t touch – McIntyre, Corbin, and now Crews all got some shine from Kurt. That’s awesome.
OK Drew McIntyre, I’m listening. His attempt to put Roman and Dean on the shelf en route to a spring filled with matches against probable WWE Champ Seth Rollins is very in line with the character. Whether he was laying Roman out or having a fun Falls Count Anywhere match with Dean, McIntyre got some well-deserved fire put under him. I still don’t know if he’s even any good. But he sure fits the role.
Also some stuff I actively didn’t:
Braun Strowman tearing up vehicles has officially jumped the shark.
Batista RULES (“GIVEMEWHATIWANT” – hilarious), but the whole promo and setup with Triple H was kind of a turd. H is such a lame macho promo, and if it is the plan I am not looking forward to watching him continue with that shtick for another few weeks. Really lazy setup too – there’s years of history and I’m sure it’ll be addressed eventually, but Triple H suddenly moving to “YOU WANT A MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA!? WITH MEEE!? THE GUY WHO DOESN’T WRESTLE MUCH ANYMORE AND IS BASICALLY IN CHARGE?? AS IF I HAD NO PLANS FOR MYSELF PRIOR? WITH MEEEE? YOU WANT IT??? OK FINE YOU GOT IT!!!!” Batista’s last match is a heck of a hook, but god damn.
Corey Graves kind of summed WWE up during the Rollins/Benjamin match: “The WWE Universe does deserve answers, and I’m sure we’ll get them next week.”
SMACKDOWN (3/12/19)
This show had THREE long back-and-forth in-ring WrestleMania promos and ONE long solo WrestleMania promo but the thing is everything kind of ruled.
Shane McMahon is a heel and going all in on it.
The Hardy Boyz, Aleister Black & Ricochet vs. The Bar, Shinsuke Nakamura & Rusev is a match that aired on television and it was just swell.
The New Day is not just getting the most well-deserved pushed in professional wrestling but it’s actually clicking.
The Usos cut a promo and called everybody in the tag division out.
Randy Orton and AJ Styles talked some asses into seats and my attention span into their feud.
Asuka vs. Sonya Deville just randomly happened. It was like 90 seconds but still.
Andrade wore sweet yellow pants and Rey Mysterio wore a flesh-colored body suit and they wrestled each other in a tag match.
Daniel Bryan did the “I have til 5, referee!” thing in a tag match with Kevin Owens and Mustafa Ali. Rowan was there too. And he fit.
And Becky Lynch threw that stupid crutch away.
But most importantly – KOFI. KOFI. KOFI.
It’s always good when wrestling takes you on a ride. Like I’m not talking biting on near falls, I’m talking legitimate emotional investment. This whole Kofi thing has been cool – I mean it’s a clear setup to give him the feel-good title run, which is awesome, and the fact that most of it right now is based off of Big E and Xavier Woods just legitimately supporting their FRIEND is so the greatest wrestling angle.
But Kofi Kingston finally got a shot on the mic opposite Mr. McMahon and by god I teared up. There were some incredible lines as Kofi Kingston, with no forced passion, laid out his dedication as an employee for over 10 years – the missed trick-or-treating, the unironic “my life is blessed.” But what really got me was the conviction in his voice as he said, “I bust my ass, Vince!”
This Kofi thing went from cool to legitimate wrestling classic. Not to mention the line about Vince not putting “people like him” in contention for the WWE Title. This is hitting buttons, baby, and the fact that Daniel Bryan is just quietly biding his time beating up Mustafa Ali and ranting about the planet en route to givng Kofi the match of his life at WrestleMania makes it all the more sweeter.
Maybe there’s something to say about this being the perfect story for the modern age, of which me, the very smart wrestling fan, is watching something where I am 99% sure of the conclusion, and part of the fun is in watching it simply progress towards that natural conclusion. But these reviews already get too long. Kofi Kingston, by all accounts a good guy, a longtime reliable midcard babyface guy, who turned an awkward character re-introduction into an all-time great tag team run, is getting The Push. Hallelujah.
Speaking of great promos, Randy Orton and AJ Styles sparring was crackling. They’re doing the WWE System Wrestler vs. Independent Traveler angle everybody fantasy books every few months, but with these two it might actually work. I loved the hook of Randy’s issue with Styles being that HE was a building block of SmackDown long before it was called “The House that AJ Styles Built,” but then they went all over the place – veiled references to Ring of Honor, straight-up references to Dixie Carter. Tons of great lines too – I feel like the writing staff kept these all in the oven for just this moment. Orton doing the Too Sweet hand KILLED ME. This RULED.
Becky Lynch and Charlotte Flair sparring felt like the fifteenth back-and-forth between them, and that’s probably low-balling it. The symbolism of the Becky crutch throw was very good though, as if now we can get down to business.
The only thing I wasn’t into was that Asuka/Sonya match, which was basically two decent sequences before another awkward apron slip finish. Doing it awkwardly once is fine but doing it two nights in a row is a bummer. This is a DREAM MATCH.
205 LIVE (3/12/19)
Imagine having a chop so hard it can change the mood of a match. Oney Lorcan vs. Cedric Alexander in the Semi Finals of the Cruiserweight Title #1 Contender’s Tournament ruled. Cedric sold that chop so good too, like time just stopped. Oney is the most fun chaotic ratfuck motherfucker to watch do professional wrestling, and Cedric’s style in a match all about intensity and speed and stiffness is a billion times better than when he’s doing cute wrestling sequences.
Psycho Ariya Daivari might have legs. He cut a heck of a promo that he sent in via his electronic cellular device.
I feel like Drew Gulak and Tony Nese had a match that would make so many old wrestlers so angry. Which is weird, because Gulak usually plays it pretty restrained. But the match was one of those Very Alright matches, with the occasional crazy spot from Nese surrounded by some boring wrestling for 10 minutes and a bumping last 5. They were doing a whole lot but I wasn’t really buying anything they were trying outside of some sweet counters at the end. Nese is a freak of nature but a long singles match? I dunno man.
NXT UK 34 (3/13/19)
A super-sized NXT UK at an hour and 8 minutes, which I’m not sure anybody needed. Pretty average show. Kassius Ohno and Noam Dar joined the roster, Kay Lee Ray made her debut, and there were a couple average matches. Eh.
You could just taste the producer direction for Flash Morgan Webster to show more aggression vs. Wolfgang, which is a pretty necessary direction considering his high-flying moves – while vaguely charming – look like the gentlest of dumb acrobatics. He did do a tope clothesline thing to the back of Wolfgang’s head here that I thought was cool. And I liked the finish – Wolfgang catches a tope, slams Flash into the post, POWERBOMBS him into the post and then on the apron, and then rolls back in and hits the finish. All in all though, average. Not into these guys.
Kassius Ohno‘s re-introduction as a full-of-himself American nerd who claims the legacy of the British Style because guys like Travis Banks and Ligero looked up to Bret Hart and not TERRY RUDGE was very good.
Dug Nigel McGuinness’ assessment of Kenny Williams & Amir Jordan: “They’re, uh… somewhat entertaining.” They wrestled fellow confusing tag team Tyson T-Bone & Saxon Huxley and honestly it might’ve been good but I’m still not into anybody here either. Kenny’s reaction to them getting the win was great though. My gut says he and Amir get called up sooner than anyone thinks.
Noam Dar swerving from a returning face to smarmy heel promo was a nice idea but why send him out there to do a stand-up routine for 10 minutes?
Pete Dunne & WALTER vs. The Coffey Brothers was a good match that had potential to be a great match if they went all in on the subplot of Dunne and WALTER flirting with each other rather than only half-in. The story felt a little forced but this was fun stuff, with Coffey Brothers suitable burly bodies for Dunne and WALTER to collide with. They did a nice spot where Dunne did an apron X-Plex on one and WALTER did an apron backdrop on the other and it was ridiculous how effortless it all looked. I also liked the thing they did where Mark Coffey got a blind tag, Dunne went for a leapfrog on Joe, and Mark snuck behind him and caught him with a German suplex. That was nice.
NXT (3/13/19)
Another NXT packed with solid character development and a few good matches. Sometimes it’s that easy!
Moustache Mountain getting a crowd bumping for a Forgotten Sons match should probably be commended, though it still wasn’t all that good. Bate and Seven have a reliable formula at this point and despite a few serious dead spots it worked.
Bianca Belair vs. Io Shirai was very good at being the TV version of what I assume might be a really fun TakeOver match. Bianca catching Shirai on the outside was crazy impressive, and Shirai’s comebacks are real fun.
#DIY vs. Ricochet & Aleister Black was good tag team wrestling, with Ricochet getting worked over and both teams doing all kinds of wild stuff around that premise. It was interesting to see them pull it off too without Ciampa really doing much – he took maybe two bumps, otherwise it was all offense or letting Gargano run around like a nut. Johnny did the slingshot spear into all kinds of wacky counters here. They did the super indy thing where they traded shots and did kickouts and flew around and got the crowd going crazy but I’m not convinced they were riding on every single moment, but instead popping for the individual ones in between. STILL – good stuff.
MAIN EVENT (3/13/19)
Tyler Breeze vs. EC3 this week was… kind of good? Like I’m not gonna say watch it but for Main Event a ** match is basically the show’s match of the year. EC3 is a bit of a stiff in a world beyond them, but they played this well – E kept squashing Breeze, who got thrown a bone every once in a while before he actually WON. Unfortunately he has also grown a borderline-offensive goatee, the look of a man with no expectations of appearing on RAW.
Lucha House Party vs. Jinder Mahal & The Singh Brothers was the same ol’, not terrible but it gets repetitive.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Oney Lorcan vs. Cedric Alexander in the Semi Finals of the Cruiserweight Title #1 Contender’s Tournament
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Kofi Kingston
RAW was weird but I loved SmackDown and the rest of the lot was alright. ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!!! WAAAOOOO!!!
RAW: 6/10
SmackDown: 9/10
205 Live: 7/10
NXT UK: 5/10
NXT: 7/10
