The show started like how every wrestling show should start: with ANTONIO INOKI coming out to fire up the crowd. Inoki cut a heart-felt promo, trying to reclaim his legacy from Twitter and meme culture. He also took the opportunity to apologize for Ultimate Crush and that one time Manabu Nakanishi had to fight TOA. All is forgiven. In all seriousness, I would love to hear Inoki’s thoughts on Jay White as IWGP champ.
Giant Baba Memorial Battle Royal
This was a mish-mash of geriatric heroes and random-ass indie sleaze fixtures cashing in an easy paycheck and I was completely fine with all of it. Hell, after New Japan decided to scrap the Rambo from Wrestle Kingdom, I think I actually needed this match in my life. Where else am I gonna get my dose of Masahito Kakihara? The fact that it all came down to Mitsuo Momota vs. Masao Inoue was the icing on the cake. Scratch that, it was destiny.
Tomoaki Honma, Yuji Okabayashi, Naoya Nomura & Ren Narita vs. Kazushi Miyamoto, Tomohiko Hashimoto, Daichi Hashimoto & Tatsuya Nomura
TURMERIC STORM COLLIDES, motherfuckers. I haven’t seen Miyamoto in ages and he looks nothing like how I remembered him. Dude would actually now fit with Zeus and Bodyguard as their third wheel bodybuilding bro. Other than Okabayashi and Tatsuya absolutely ripping shit up for the finish, my favorite part of this match was everyone taking out their pent-up indie frustrations on privileged New Japan young lion Ren Narita. Ren took all of it like a champ and got to do a sweet double dropkick with Naoya Nomura. Good lad. **3/4
Atsushi Onita, Kendo Kashin, Hideki Suzuki & Hideki Hosaka vs. Great Kojika, Mitsuya Nagai, Shuji Ishikawa & Hikaru Sato – Street Fight Tornado Bunkhouse Death Match
As the one and only FREDDY KRUEGER~! began lurking around the ring, I started wondering if I had literally stepped in the middle of a DVDVR from Dean Rasmussen in 1999. A lot of completely batshit stuff in this wild ONITA PRO-WRESTLING throwback: Sato taking all sorts of gnarly bumps, Onita randomly busting out the EVIL RED MIST, Kendo Kashin taking some time off from his hectic schedule as NXT head trainer to grace Sumo Hall with his presence. They all kept everything short and sweet and guys like Suzuki and Ishikawa were game to just hold shit together. **3/4
Muto absolutely stole the show during the Abby retirement ceremony. The whole segment was really heartwarming but nothing could top Muto trying to provoke the Butcher into getting out of his wheelchair to fight him.
Masanobu Fuchi, Yoshiaki Fujiwara & Yuma Aoyagi vs. Taichi, Yoshinobu Kanemaru & TAKA Michinoku
Part of me thinks this should have been just a straight up singles match between Taichi and Kyohei Wada with Kawada making disapproving faces on commentary, but this would be dismissive of the high quality OLD MAN WORKRATE that Fuchi and Fujiwara added to this little 6-man. Big Match Fuchi bringing out the dropkicks, Fujiwara getting into a BattlARTSian throwdown with Taichi – all good stuff. **1/2
SANADA & BUSHI vs. Jake Lee & Koji Iwamoto vs. Ayato Yoshida & Shota Umino – Special 3-Way Match
Check out this banger, you nerds: Jake Lee has yet to SWEEP me off my feet. He reminds me of a young Akira Maeda without the danger, excitement or charisma. This told the simple but effective story of LIJ being the most efficient tag team in the ring and working circles around the younger competition with their superior tag spots and zeitgeist-capturing cool factor. Not super memorable but it did the job. **1/2
Naomichi Marufuji & Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Masaaki Mochizuki & Shun Skywalker
Lotta’ fun. I’m told Jinsei Shinzaki is 52 years old now, yet he still moves around with the speed and agility a young Hakushi, which completely blows my mind. His signature spots were an absolute sight to behold in this match: the high-speed rope-walk, the cartwheelin’ thrust kick and that beauty of a Mandara hineri. Shun played the masked man in peril and Marufuji seemed eager to step in the role of the grizzled vet to chop the dogshit out of this poor soul.
Quick sidenote: I’m so happy Dragon Gate are pushing a masked man in a lead role. Japanese indie wrestling needs new blood to replace the Sasuke’s, Delfin’s and Hayabusa’s of yesterday. The chemistry between Mochi and Marufuji was on point: Mochizuki brought the kicks, Marufuji supplied the chops. Chests were caved in and a good time was had by all. ***1/4
Satoshi Kojima, Yuji Nagata & Osamu Nishimura vs. Jun Akiyama, Takao Omori & Taiyo Kea
The obligatory Class of 1992 reunion was solid, if a little formulaic. The coolest thing about the match was the Sumo Hall crowd treating Kojima like a damn hero rather than a New Japan Midcard Dad. There was a rather comical spot where Nagata went for his goofy ‘’Gotcha’’ knee dropkick but Omori didn’t even bother blocking and just stared at old Yooj while he did his hopping. **3/4
Mil Mascaras & Dos Caras vs. Kaz Hayashi & NOSAWA
Welp. Muto giggling on commentary as Mascaras and his brother did slow motion flying cross chops told the whole story of the match. Caras’ early submission demonstration was fun, as was Kaz heeling it up, but this was an awkward time for the most part. The crowd gave the legends a lot of love though, which was cool to see. **
Hiroshi Tanahashi & Yoshitatsu vs. Kento Miyahara & Daisuke Sekimoto
You could almost feel the sadness coming through the screen as the Ace of New Japan had to face off with Miyahara/Sekimoto and their 35 championship belts without the IWGP title around his waist. That just ain’t right. The match was more fun exhibition than ferocious tag match featuring three of the best wrestlers in Japan and Yoshitatsu, but I still dug it a lot.
For all the hype around Tana vs. Kento, they didn’t get to actually do all that much together. Probably due to political reasons, most of the match was worked between the other two pairings. Solid stuff all around, but it lacked the spark of a proper showdown between the Aces of NJPW and AJPW.
Despite the shortcomings in the drama department, the fan service throughout was pure gold. Tana was in especially great form: the early air guitar spot, FLEXING at Sekimoto, striking Muto’s Puroresu Love pose after firing off a dragon screw, busting out the Giant Baba jumping neckbreaker drop. As usual, big Daisuke was a proper beast. What with the Sandwich German suplex and catching Tana’s pescado in mid-air without breaking a sweat.
Yoshitatsu was the most obvious fall guy in wrestling but never actually hurt the match. All of the ending stretch between him and Kento (who came off as SUCH A STAR in this match) was actually pretty darn good, even if it was a little hard to get invested in the near-falls. ***1/2
