I’m not an honest arbiter of WWE. I know this because I watch these video packages they start pay-per-views with and I just tune them out. Perhaps the normal casual wrestling fan is going, “Well, this is stupid.” Perhaps they are incredible pieces of art that I just mentally skip. They certainly don’t seem to be setting the tone anymore – they just simply recap what happened.
Either way, my inability to even really pay attention to them 95% of the time is one of many things WWE does that I just go, “Yeah – that’s what they do.” Is it good? Is it bad? Does it matter? I don’t know.
It’s HELL IN A CELL!!!
Coach on the Kickoff Panel meant I fast-forwarded the banter just a little more than usual. The key to enjoying some WWE pay-per-View’s is to not watch these things live. For a story-oriented company, the stories they tell usually aren’t compelling enough to banter about for an hour.
Did love Alexa Bliss throwing shade at David Otunga for no reason though.
0. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) w/ Xavier Woods [c] vs. Rusev Day w/ Lana
New Day has basically perfected their tag formula and the results are usually good: fun spots early, Big E does his dive, hot finish, rinse and repeat. It can be great, it can be good, and sometimes it can be a little empty. The fun spots were certainly fun – Kofi Kingston still going hard at 37-years-old, Rusev throwing spin kicks, Aiden English doing dives, that crazy double stomp Doomsday Device thing, and the sweet sweet flashbacks of that Big E/Rusev feud where they both waved flags really aggressively and beat the crap out of each other.
The setup was a little contrived and it didn’t fully connect, but the Macha kick counter of Kofi’s dive towards the end was good stuff. English doing the Accolade was cute too. Hot enough finish, but I wasn’t a big fan of it seeming to be one big hard sell on another Rusev Day split tease. **3/4
The Hell in the Cell gimmick was never the same when it became its’ own show, but here we are.
The Cell is also red now.
1. Hell in a Cell: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton
Really interested in the choice to not have Jeff Hardy’s entrance music open the show. That is THE pop to set the tone. But, nope – here’s Randy Orton. The guy always gets a pop, but still. Jeff Hardy is right there.
This was really, really good. I wasn’t sold on it for a while, as the first 10 minutes or so exemplified the good and bad that comes with Randy Orton – super over, but a little basic. The BALLS of this man to put a chinlock on in a Cell match. But they got 25 minutes and though it meandered early, as it went on it got more and more epic, with them really selling the exhaustion that comes with being in the CELL.
Loved Jeff Hardy starting the match how you should start a match with an intense feud – you go after the sonofabitch. Once Orton got control, Jeff was selling like death – big bumps into the Cell and just a general broken-feeling to him on everything, which made his revenge chairshots all the more sweet. Orton on offense early wasn’t great, but give the guy a belt or an ear lobe to play with and its’ high art.
No matter the quality of the match, this will always be remembered for the SCREWDRIVER spot, with Orton sticking a screwdriver in Jeff’s ear gague hole and TWISTING it to the point where they might as well been working in CZW. It was completely disgusting and pretty awesome. I’m not sure if this feud continues, but sometimes I wish they’d save this stuff for talent that has a longer shelf life. Either way, an incredible moment – the SHRIEKS as Orton pulled Jeff’s hair back were so wild.
This might have been Jeff Hardy’s Final Ride and if it was, the guy did good. A great Cell match that impressively brought something new to the table. ****
2. SmackDown Women’s Title: Charlotte Flair [c] vs. Becky Lynch
Big Match Charlotte strikes again. The TV stuff might be iffy, but give 10+ minutes on pay-per-view and we’re in BUSINESS. These two brought the awesome compelling hold-trading that you don’t see enough of in WWE, and they followed it up with some intense, snug wrestling. Charlotte’s big boot CONNECTED, baby. And the triangle choke counter near fall was awesome. Didn’t love the sudden finish, but this was good stuff. ***1/2
KRAMER KINGSMAN 2020!
3. RAW Tag Team Title: Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre [c] vs. Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose
This had a little trouble early but god damnit can these guys close a match. Drew and Seth especially – what MEN. Seth has worked with Dolph and Drew SO much over the past few months that they’re not really bringing anything new to the table, but they still kept this bumping for the 20+ minutes it went. There were some great spots too like Seth getting caught on the tope but Dean hitting his own tope, and Seth countering Ziggler’s jumping DDT with a deadlift falcon arrow.
Dolph & Drew aren’t the most compelling working over a dude in a tag match, but the build to the hot tag was strong. And the finish was so hot it turned Michael Cole into Mauro Ranallo. That Zig Zag near fall HAD me, man. And Drew blasting Seth with a Claymore in the midst of Seth’s roll-through superplex was awesome. One of those WWE tags that will probably be forgotten in time because the guys in it paired off too much, but in the moment it was a hell of a match. ****
4. WWE Title: AJ Styles [c] vs. Samoa Joe
I don’t care if he’s old and hobbling around, Samoa Joe is a credible professional wrestler who will hurt you. Combine that with AJ Styles selling for it and we had a MATCH. I liked the SummerSlam match a lot but thought it was held back by it just not being 2010 anymore, and the very possible fact that in the WWE system these two have maybe not really grown as performers. After this match, I’d like to take that very stupid statement back. They can’t go like 2010, but they have grown as performers – Joe is intense as hell and getting by on just being a badass who makes faces, and AJ was selling his ass off and bumping like a damn fool. This was quality professional wrestling bell-to-bell. ***3/4
HOWEVER. At some point, something has got to give with AJ Styles. I am all for the long game, I am all for him having this super lengthy reign and being THE GUY on SmackDown. But WWE’s methods of storytelling make it so there are victims of that. And the truth is, since like early 2017, outside of the occasional banger, he hasn’t been delivering like he used to. Obviously it’s a different style and he has to slow down, but there are less boring ways around that.
Sometimes I wonder – if he couldn’t take bumps on his head or didn’t have goodwill from years on the indies and in Japan, would the WWE UNIVERSE stand for how Styles is booked? It’s not just on AJ himself, but aren’t Owens, Zayn, Nakamura, Joe, and even Rusev worse off for their feuds with him? Does AJ Styles not give off vibes of a workrate 2002 Triple H? With the bodies of Booker Joe, Rob Van Nakamura, and The Big French-Canadian Machine buried beneath him?
It is something I wonder about.
5. Mixed Tag Team Match: Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse
All hail the investment in ring gear by the Mizanin Family – SOOOOO good. Once she’s a little older, can you IMAGINE what they will deck young Monroe Sky in for a family WrestleMania entrance or something?
This was a super fun match – no workrate classic, but great sports entertainment. This whole feud has had a very 80s vibe to it and I dig it – here you’ve got Maryse avoiding Brie, Brie chasing Maryse, Miz pointing to his head to show just how smart he is, and Brie finally getting her hands on Maryse (but not before she got her hands on Miz – awesome). In between it all, Daniel Bryan and The Miz just WRESTLED and it was very pleasant. The finish was another weird one, as we’ve got three flash rollups on this show. But until then, this was great. ***3/4
6. RAW Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey [c] w/ Natalya vs. Alexa Bliss w/ Mickie James and Alicia Fox
Just another great Ronda Rousey PPV match. Alexa Bliss being booked credibly against her shouldn’t work but it does, and Rousey sold the beating on her ribs like a seasoned professional. There’s such a unique roughness to Rousey matches that I love too – the suplexes are not wrestling school suplexes, they are just straight-up throws. The death stare by Rousey leading to the finish was money too. A strong, tight wrestling match. ***1/2
7. Hell in a Cell – WWE Universal Title: Roman Reigns [c] vs. Braun Strowman (Special Guest Referee: Mick Foley)
The word I keep coming back to is lazy. The feud, the match, the finish. Just lazy. This delivered as a fine WWE gimmick match, but brought nothing new to the table. Run the same match a year ago and it’s going to come off better. But now – much like the go-home angle with Roman slamming Braun off the commentator’s table, it was just lazy. Brawling, weapons, interference. Cool. Cool cool cool.
It was what happens when you either A) lack ideas or are B) killing time to get through the weird schedule you’ve booked yourself into with the canon-but-not-really Australia show and the all-women’s Evolution PPV coming before Survivor Series.
It just seems odd that they are killing time with what has been and could again be a big time match-up. There’s a lot of victims here beyond this pairing no longer feeling like a big deal – Roman and Braun both look like turds and it’s another Money in the Bank cash-in going nowhere.
If you were going to rely on Shield and Dolph/Drew brawling for a good chunk of the match, why not just throw everybody in the Cell?
Roman running for the Drive-By and charging into Braun and the steel steps was dumb. Braun dropping the stairs onto Roman and then chucking them outside into the cage was good. Foley holding back on his pinfall counts was dumb. Dean climbing up the cage with a kendo stick tied to his back and Michael Cole saying, “Here goes this nut!” was good.
The Brock run-in was, all things considered, delivered well. The cage door kick-in was very good.
But as a finish? Lazy. **3/4
This was an event that showed off all the pluses and minuses of modern day WWE. The wrestling was great, but there weren’t many good stories or finishes to be found, and that detracted from… the wrestling. It’s a vicious cycle. The matches were bumping, but I need a little bit more – and the wrestling would’ve been even better if that more was there. 7/10
