On this same evening in Ohio, the WWF was running with Orndorff vs. Piper, Bundy vs. Hillbilly Jim, and The Dream Team vs. The British Bulldogs.
Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary, Hayes replacing Ventura who’s on assignment.
1. Sivi Afi vs. Rene Goulet
One of those WWF mid-80s openers with guys nobody really cares about that goes 15 minutes because it’s 1986 and wrestling didn’t have “expectations.” Goulet is a mesmerizing old man to watch, but Ali working endless headlocks and Goulet working endless claw holds removes that charm. That Ali’s comeback gets so over makes you realize how easy wrestling once was. They do work a couple 2.9 near falls towards the end that are kind of awesome, but otherwise this is trash. *
2. Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Jose Luis Rivera
This is Jake the Snake’s debut in the Boston Garden and the crowd already knows what’s up: veteran hand Rivera gets booed while newcomer Roberts gets a big ol’ pop. He immediately breathes fresh air into the WWF and is pretty good at his whole heel thing – backing off, selling, talking trash, grinning, lurking, always doing SOMETHING. The match is carried by just how interesting he is to watch, and his lanky frame is a bonus and adds to everything.
The infamous corner shot of the snake bag has already begun and he occasionally gestures to it. He eventually misses an elbow and sells the shit out of his arm before throwing a kneelift and ending Rivera with the DDT. His satisfactory stall after the DDT gets such a loving reaction from the crowd. Something special is brewing. ***1/4
3. Chigusa Nagayo & Lioness Asuka vs. Judy Martin & Donna Christanello
CRUSH GIRLS!!! Nagayo and Asuka were in their early 20s and the primes of their career, so much so that Vince McMahon said, “Let me get a little piece of that.” There’s an amazing bit early where Gorilla and Hayes aren’t sure who’s who, embodied in Alfred exclaiming: “They both look the same to me!” Gorilla’s exasperated “Who’s the Lioness, Danny? Who’s the Lioness?” call to referee Danny Davis is incredible, this man so professional that he refuses to begin the match not knowing who’s who but so unprofessional that he will exclaim it out loud. Danny then goes up to Nagayo and straight-up asks her, and she points to Asuka – “Oh OK, the blue’s the Lioness.”
The Crush Girls have an entourage, wear karate gis to the ring, and feel like a big fucking deal. Unfortunately this is one of those matches where they throw the ladies out there for 20 minutes and say don’t do anything TOO fancy. Gorilla and Hayes calling the action as Martin and Christanello work over Nagayo becomes transcendent at some point. Watching the Crush Gals do their thing in the WWF is sweet but his is LONG. I’ll tell ya what though, they are OVER by the end of this. Amazing giant swing too. This is like a ** match for a long time and then boom, **3/4.
4. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Scott McGhee
Neidhart is being a bully, Jimmy is shouting stuff on the megaphone, McGhee is getting a few shots in, and everybody is happy. Amazing powerslam to finish. **
5. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Bret Hart w/ Jimmy Hart
WHAT A MATCH!! I think Steamboat has said this is his favorite match with Bret and no wonder – everything is working. The crowd is hot, the timing is brilliant, the bumping is big, and the armdrags are perfect. It starts as good as any match ever, as Bret attacks pre-bell only for Steamboat to reverse an Irsih whip and send Bret into his big corner bump which the crowd goes NUTS for. Steamboat then points at Bret who begs off and it is incredible professional wrestling.
Steamboat controlling Bret with armdrags and armbars is what dreams are made of. There is some incredible and unique rope-running here to setup the armdrags – some young babyface needs to watch this match and rip off Steamboat’s spot where he quickly crawls under Bret’s legs twice as they run the ropes before firing off the armdrag. Steamboat takes an amazing bump too where he just crashes through the ropes to the floor after a shot to the gut.
There’s a lot of laying around, but also some of the best god damn wrestling you have ever seen. Ricky reverses a crossbody and gets the 3 and everybody goes crazy. ****
6. WWF Intercontinental Title: Macho Man Randy Savage [c] w/ Elizabeth vs. Tito Santana
It bums me out that I have seen like five Savage/Tito matches since I began watching all this 80s WWF and not one of them is a classic. They’re all very good because Savage and Santana are very good, but there’s no must-see. And this might be the weakest, just because it’s very short. Savage is stalling, Tito is kicking ass, Savage is running around, and the crowd is very exciting. Then Danny Davis gets pushed as Tito tries to get at Savage the bell rings for a DQ. **3/4
7. The Devils of Japan (Dump Matsumoto & Bull Nakano) vs. Velvet McIntyre & Dawn Marie
Dump Matsuomoto and Bull Nakano freaking out these Boston fans and kicking ass on a show headlined by Hulk Hogan is AMAAAAAZING. Nakano screams at the crowd and gets bleeped. Matsumoto is in full Samurai getup and when she takes off her mask she fires off a scowl at the crowd that you can just feel through the TV screen. The match is short and to the point, but awesome to see this insanity. And then Dump and Bull lose off a cradle for some reason. **
8. Corporal Kirchner vs. Iron Mike Sharpe
This is way too long for these guys, though there’s flashes of brilliance from Sharpe: he takes these big goofy back bumps from Kirchner’s dropkicks and trips and falls over the barricade. He also sends Kirchner crashing through the barricade at one point. *1/4
9. Ted Arcidi vs. Barry O
Arcidi had just come into the territory and gets a big pop for being from Boston. He wasn’t any good, but he’s a massive muscular dude promoted as the “World’s Strongest Man” so there’s a little novelty here. This is short and ends with a bearhug. *
10. Hulk Hogan & Junkyard Dog vs. Terry Funk & Dory Funk Jr. w/ Jimmy Hart
This is a blast – it’s The Funk Brothers bumping around and doing shtick for Hogan and JYD, who are SO SO SO SO over. Watching Dory feed for them is incredible, and Terry as per usual goes buckwild for Hogan’s hot tag. The Funks bring the house down when Dory keeps going on a criss-cross after JYD stops, then Terry starts running the ropes and swatting around, then Dory dropkicks nothing.
The Funks take bodyslam after bodyslam and Hogan is just soaking in his over-ness. Terry eventually HANGS JYD, then Hogan saves the day with an Axe Bomber. Pitch perfect WWF main event tag with the added benefit of The Funks being the best. ***3/4
JYD puts on a big creepy Hogan mask on post-match and everybody flips out when he poses.
Great show! It had the usual couple stinkers but Jake the Snake, the Crush Girls, Hart vs. Steamboat, Savage vs. Santana, Dump & Bull, and The Funks vs. Hogan and JYD is a hell of a line-up. 9/10
