While the last SNME felt like a midseason replacement, this is SWEEPS WEEK!!! It’s WrestleMania season and it’s time for STORIES, baby: Hogan vs. Bundy, Mr. T vs. Piper, Dream Team vs. Bulldogs. Let’s GOOOOOOO!
They taped this on February 15th and the intro is a classic, with tuxedo-wearing Mean Gene Okerlund trying to get a word with Mr. T at a punching bag who snaps on him for having the audacity to interrupt his training. There is also a tremendous moment of 1980s editing technology as they force in a growl from T. Clubber Lang was all over this show ranting and raving but I honestly don’t recall anything he actually said.
Ultimately what stood out here beyond it being the template for The Road to Wrestlemania was that they dropped the themes and skits and just brought the pro wrestling matches, promos, and angles. Also – the Real American music video premiered here. That one. THE ONE.
Jesse Ventura Fashion Report: white jacket with yellow and purple splatter paint, earrings on both ears, and black beret.
1. Boxing Match: Mr. T vs. Cowboy Bob Orton w/ Rowdy Roddy Piper
This was setup by Piper suddenly referring to Orton as Boxing Bob Orton and challenging anyone to a boxing match, which led to a fun squash or two and eventually Hulk Hogan signing an open contract on behalf of his friend and their old rival Mr. T.
The WWF really hadn’t perfected the worked Boxing Match in 1985, though I’m not sure they have in 2019. This individual match is really probably better than Piper vs. Mr. T at Mania, as it’s less boring and more dumb fun. The visual of Orton in wrestling tights and Mr. T in his boxing shorts is ridiculous, and Cowboy Bob committing: pre-bell attack, thumb to the eye, showboating, punching between rounds, shots that look halfway legit, and finally big selling when he gets hit.
The finish sees Piper hit Bob by mistake, bump on the apron off a punch from Mr. T, and a big Mr. T punch that sends Bob flying over the top rope. I could understand any functioning normal person not liking this but I thought it was a decent time. **
The post-match is the real story, as not only does Piper get in the ring and strip to his wrestling tights as he shadowboxes, but he and Orton take down Mr. T and begin whipping him with a belt. The WWF’s pivot from Piper as a guy angry at rock ‘n’ roll to a straight-up racist for the Mr. T thing was something I never could quite understand, and Ventura saying it looked like Roots 2 didn’t exactly help. Unsurprisingly, Mr. T tells Mean Gene he wants Piper. Awesome, heat-seeking beatdown angle.
2. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan vs. Steve Gatorwolf
Heenan and Bundy call out Hogan in the pre-match interview before this very straightforward and effective Bundy squash. “Anywhere, anytime – Hogan.” *
The next match gets a hook when Magnificent Muraco informs Mean Gene that his manager Mr. Fuji is sick, which Gene says must be the Asian flu or the Hong Kong flu because Mr. Fuji is an Asian person. Muraco then introduces Bobby Heenan as his temporary manager, and Gene thinks something is afoot. “Wait a minute Bobby, this is gonna be a conflict of interest for you,” he protests. Big fan of the mini-MBA you can get watching the maneuvers of WWF managers in the 1980s.
3. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Magnificent Muraco w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Simply put, a high energy ultra-basic Hulk Hogan title defense – selling, back rakes, crowd heat, a bearhug, Muraco’s Asiatic Spike finish, Hogan Comeback, boot, legdrop… and because it’s WrestleMania Season, Bobby Heenan running in for the DQ. ***
They shoot the big angle post-match Hogan lifts up Heenan by the throat and Bundy attacks Hogan from behind. Muraco holds Hogan’s arms as Bundy delivers an Avalanche in the corner, then two more after he throws the referee out of the ring. Heenan pushing Bundy for momentum as he runs for the final one is so epic. Hogan is OUT and it is awesome, as he’s selling it like death and they bring out a stretcher and ambulance. As cheesy as it is, no man or woman on Earth ever saw The Hulkster in this dire of straits, and the amount of time they keep the cameras rolling makes this feel like the biggest deal.
Brutus Beefcake brings us back down to WWF earth as he reminds us before his match: “We’re the toughest and the best lookin’ ever, man. Don’t forget it!”
4. WWF World Tag Team Title: The Dream Team [c] w/ “Luscious” Johnny Valiant vs. The British Bulldogs w/ Captain Lou Albano
This is a solid, fast-paced tag en route to the more famous and slightly better Mania tag. Valentine drops this beautiful straightforward elbow drop from the middle rope somewhere in here, and his Hammer selling for The Bulldogs is tremendous. Actually, Hammer as the first major guy to bump around for the newcomer Bulldogs in the WWF was a smart move. He eventually collides with Dynamite on a shoulderblock, they both collapse, and Valentine’s foot ends up on Dynamite so The Dream Team retains. ***1/4
Real American Video
The Real American phenomenon truly begins as Hulk Hogan, wearing a red tank top and matching Lycra red pants, strums an American flag guitar in front of a green screen that projects all the big name American landmarks. The silly is HIGH and I am fully entertained. “Train, say your prayers, be true to yourself, be true to your country – BE A REAL AMERICAN.” YYYYEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!
5. Junkyard Dog vs. Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart
“Get dowwwn with the dog – YES!” bellows Vince McMahon, just never getting it. Adrian Adonis is now fully gimmicked up with pink tights and eye shadow and JYD has a classic “…the fuck is this” look on his face as he enters the ring. Adonis is still bumping like a brilliant fatass pinball, but he’s also got prissy slaps offense and I’m into it. JYD for his part busts out a baseball slide HEADBUTT, which is trying something. Jimmy Hart gets involved, as he will, but JYD drags him in and throws him into Adonis, sending them both toppling over the top rope to the floor. It’s such an awesome and chaotic but completely professionally controlled bump. Adonis’ face ends up colliding with Jimmy’s megaphone and JYD wins. **3/4
A quote from Hulk Hogan at the hospital ends the show: “Nobody’s gonna keep The Hulkster down – I’m leaving this place in a matter of hours.”
To Be Continued… elsewhere.
Happy Thoughts: A stacked show firing on all cylinders, a template for kicking life into a territory. 10/10
