As I began to write this weekly review of WWE television, I read that Big Van Vader died. And that sucks.
63-years-old, big guy, ongoing health issues – this stuff happens. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.
The first time I saw Vader was his debut in the WWF. I was 9 years old and Jim Cornette brought him to the Royal Rumble and I was immediately both scared and impressed. Vader went on to beat up Gorilla Monsoon the next night and my feeling remained the same.
I went on to see his WWF run in real-time and though it had its moments, he would regrettably only go on to be burned in my brain as two things: 1) Frankie’s dad from Boy Meets World and 2) the guy that called himself a “fat piece of shit” after he lost a Mask match to Kane.
Then, a few years later, I got on the Internet.
And holy shit.
I saw the series with Sting. The match at Starrcade with Ric Flair.
And then I discovered Japan.
The big HEADPIECE in 1980s New Japan. The “eye” match with Stan Hansen. The tag team with Bam Bam Bigelow. The Tokyo Dome match with Antonio Inoki. The matches with Misawa and Kobashi and crew in late-90s All Japan. The GHC Title match with Jun Akiyama in NOAH. The tag run with Scorpio.
And god damn – Vader was a KING. An all-time great. He could kick ass like the meanest man in the world – Vader Hammers, though shitty for those who took them, remain my favorite wrestling strikes. But it wasn’t just that – he could MOVE. He could do a moonsault! A fucking MOONSAULT! And he could bump when the time was right – but ONLY when the time was right.
And just imagine the ability it took to go from a straight-up burial in prime time WWF to just go and kick ass in Japan all over again.
I repeat – A FUCKING MOONSAULT!!!
The guy had a reputation with some people as difficult. He also had a reputation with some people as an awesome guy. But I’m not in the business. I am a viewer, a fan, a guy who can only comment on what I see on the screen in front of me. And what I saw in front of me was the greatest big man wrestler of all-time.
I wish I took a second to tell him how much I enjoyed him when he was alive, as based on his Twitter activity he seemed like the kind of guy who would’ve actually been touched by that.
Alas.
Rest in peace, Big Van Vader.
RAW (6/18/18)
Hey! This was a good edition of Monday night wrestling for a little bit. Stuff actually happened! There are some new directions! There was a good professional wrestling match! And, well – we’re still building to another fucking multi-man match. After the last couple months though, I will take what I can get.
We opened the show with what those of us in the “know” would call a HOT ANGLE. After Alexa Bliss cut a great promo (if she could just get it done in the ring…), Ronda Rousey basically became Stone Cold Steve Austin and wrecked Alexa, referees, and KURT ANGLE, complete with powerbombing Alexa through a table. And then she got SUSPENDED. Awkward shaky cam as she hit Kurt Angle with the briefcase be damned, this was great stuff.
Ronda wrecking Alexa at SummerSlam SHOULD happen, but after Nia and Alexa went 10 minutes at WrestleMania – who knows anymore
Dolph Ziggler answering Seth Rollins’ Open Challenge was a great buzzkill (THIS Drew McIntyre vs. THIS Seth Rollins… oh man, oh good golly), but they still had a great match that saw Ziggler look the best he’s looked since he was wrestling Mike Mizanin. And before that… I don’t know, since 2013?
It was all about the SELLING, baby. It’s hard sometimes to pinpoint why a match works. You hear about it from those in the “know, and sometimes you see it: the idea of taking your time on stuff. And they clearly did that here. They had some big awesome stuff planned, but took time and sold their asses off in between everything.
Rollins’ struggle as he tried to climb the top towards the end, Ziggler’s bump off the Ripcord knee, Rollins taking a Fameasser on his head, and just their general exhaustion as the match went on… MWAH. Great near fall towards the end off of two Rollins superkicks too, leading to the total shock finish.
All in on Dolph and Drew pivoting away from the trash tag division. Dolph might still be Dolph, but this is morphing into what could be a Rated RKO for a new generation and I’m into it.
“Losing Streak” Curt Hawkins trying to take out “Taped Ribs” Bobby Roode was not a bad use of 60 seconds of TV time.
“Tag Champs with No Tag Division” Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy beating “You Know, They Were the First SmackDown Live Tag Team Champions” Rhyno & Heath Slater was exactly that, but Bo Dallas impersonating his big bro Bray Wyatt cracked me up.
“Already In the Ring” Chad Gable vs. Jinder “Newfound Aggression” Mahal was a solid squash match. Poor Chad Gable, but at least there was a point to this.
Between Cole’s dig tonight at Graves’ social media use, the burial of Coach during Rousey vs. Jax, and the Greatest Royal Rumble performance, No Fucks Michael Cole is my favorite commentator in wrestling not named Milano Collection AT.
It’s kind of hilarious how over-the-top The Riott Squad is, even if it’s probably stupid to anyone outside of the wrestling bubble. They are seeming more like a unit now and that’s a good thing. The match with Sasha & Bayley wasn’t much – Sasha is still over but it was, as those of us in the “know” say, clunky.
I’m not sure what it says that these big Sasha/Bayley brawls are only done backstage. And what was with the water bottle throw? I think the eventual blowoff will have heat, but this year-long journey to get there has been equal parts cringe and disappointing. We’ll always have Brooklyn…
I like that it can’t be Commissioner Corbin because Stephanie McMahon is the Commissioner, so some writer had to go to thesaurus dot com and see what other “C” words could work. And Voilà! Constable Corbin.
I’d be so into Roman Reigns vs. Bobby Lashley as a match, but as a mic battle not so much. It is a collision of two Vince Experiments that would totally work if they weren’t force fed too early and could get it done on the mic. WWE using Roman to get Lashley over as a face would actually be a smart move, but I doubt that is where this is going.
In other news, Roman Reigns and Bobby Lashley squashed two local talents.
“Focused” Mojo Rawley vs. “He’s Just Having Fun” No Way Jose was about 5 minutes of TV time.
The “What would Elias do?” song was a legitimately great musical performance. So awesome.
There were quite a few inspired things in the Strowman/Balor vs. Corbin/Owens tag: the Deep Six hot tag cut-off on Balor, Braun dragging Balor to the hot tag, Braun stopping Owens short on the pin save, and the big Corbin clothesline off the apron. Everything else was reaaalll standard stuff though, including the overdone barricade bump. Corbin needed the win, but Balor once again looks like a chump.
I’d be into a Balor Club with Balor, Constable Corbin, and Mojo Rawley. Maybe that’s just me.
SMACKDOWN (6/19/18)
This was a fun show – more new directions after the weak Money in the Bank build, and the last hour was a Gauntlet Match that featured the return of The American Dragon, In-Ring Wrestling Legend.
Carmella is just like Alexa Bliss – a special talent at everything except in the ring. If they can improve there, WWE has got something special on their hands. Kind of amazing that Carmella is Asuka’s second ever loss in WWE too.
Now, not to be some god damn snowflake (I’m kidding – snowflakes rule), but Carmella telling kids with confidence issues to “just give up” was probably something that should not have been approved.
Anyways, I am just so over the moon happy for James Ellsworth. You could tell in his post-WWE interviews that he was living his dream working in WWE and was a total sweetheart about his release. He’s developed a great slimeball presence too. Glad to have him back.
It hit me on this how that The IIconics are like over-the-top Disney villains and even if the material isn’t great I find that just delightful. Billie Kay’s match with Becky Lynch was a match where I found myself more more thinking about a Disney princess WWE diva for The IIconics to match up against. Could Lana pull this off?
I hope that Jeff Hardy screamed “I’M AN ARTIST” before his promo tonight (listen to Freddie Prinze Jr. on Talk is Jericho if you haven’t). The facepaint reveal was awesome and even if it was a little hammy, it was legit good stuff. Him wanting to go after Nakmaura is a nice logical follow-up.
Dug Daniel Bryan and Renee Young goofing off again. I need a Daniel & Brie / Dean & Renee spin-off reality show.
LOVED The Usos getting to cut another banger of a promo. Why can’t those guys be filling up 15 minutes of RAW every single week? Ridiculous. The SAnitY debut was decent but I kind of feel like it’s already over.
It stinks that Shinsuke Nakamura has been established as a chump who can’t win the WWE Title despite countless tries (first against Jinder, now AJ), but he cut a good promo tonight. The U.S. Title could be good for him.
The Bludgeon Brothers vs. The Club was a pretty sweet little match, basically a higher energy and more to-the-point version of the Money in the Bank Kickoff Match, which I liked. I have no idea where Gallows & Anderson go next. Not a clue. Do they align with AJ again and work Rusev Day for a couple weeks? Do they just disappear? Are they working Wrestle Kingdom??
Was absolutely captivated by the Daniel Bryan portion of the gauntlet match. I have dug watching Bryan wrestle since his return and loved the WrestleMania and AJ Styles matches, but it felt like he was holding back a bit. He doesn’t need to go all high-octane bump-crazy, but even stuff like his chain wrestling and intensity seemed a little… off.
Here though – my GOD. This was prime Daniel Bryan. And all it took was a series of matches with the American Dragon Whisperer, Big Cass.
Sorry.
Anyways, here is your reminder than Daniel Bryan is right here along with Johnny Gargano, Seth Rollins, and RONDA ROUSEY as WWE’s Best in the World. He is just such an interesting guy to watch versus anybody – WWE matches usually have a formula that guarantees OK to great wrestling but stalls creativity and just trying new things. Bryan breaks through that though, and at the same time what is fascinating to watch about him is such basic stuff: the selling and the fire, baby.
Who else is going to exchange wristlocks and run the ropes with Big E? Who else is going to bump and make Big E look like a guy who has finally reached his potential? Who else is going to take repeated disgusting chops from Samoa Joe? I love this guy!
Anyways, the match. Daniel Bryan and Big E got some time and it was quality wrestling. Those two exchanging wristlocks and running the ropes is what wrestling television was made for. There was so much goodness in here: Bryan working the hell out of E’s arm, E just chucking Bryan around, Bryan charging for the running dropkick and E clotheslining his beard off, Bryan’s counters of E’s stuff into submissions, and E doing his insane person tope bump.
Bryan sold everything like hot death and looked completely wrecked towards the end, which made JOE storming out as soon as the match was over just the best thing.
Bryan vs. Samoa Joe felt like a big ol’ fuck you to Big Cass. It was fun to see them do their thing together after so many years but it was really Bryan’s selling in the Big E match that gave this the hook it needed. Joe just POUNDING Bryan with chops and Bryan flying back into the corner off of every one was SO awesome.
Loved Bryan teeing off on Joe, only to run into a SNAP powerslam, which created a VERY uncomfortable slow-mo replay. Bryan desperately escaping the choke by forcing Joe outside, then doing his comeback with his hamburger meat chest, was wrestling gold. I liked that Joe’s escape of the Knee+ was so swift that the camera guy had to run out of the way of the shot. And they pulled off a cool creative countout finish too. SO GOOD.
AND THEN THE BLUDGEON BROTHERS RAN-IN CAUSE THEIR OLD BUDDY DANIEL WYATT STARED THEM DOWN ON HIS ENTRANC — AND THEN THE GOD DAMN MIZ CAME RUNNING DOWN LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO CASH IN A MONEY IN THE BANK AND PINNED DANIEL — AMAZING!!!
There was a clear drop-off post-Bryan with The Miz vs. Rusev, though seeing Rusev work babyface was cool (loved the catch of the Miz corner clothesline as well as the Macha Kick counter of the Knee+). It felt a little Main Event-y though, and I can’t say Toledo was all about Rusev Day.
Either way – RUSEV DAY!!!! What a cool thing. ONE YEAR after that Rusev promo aired where he told Shane McMahon he wanted a tile shot, he gets that shot.
205 LIVE (6/19/18)
There are cartoon piñatas on Lucha House Party’s LED intro and we’re all expected to just move on like nothing is happening? This Lucha House Party thing gets weirder by the week. I like all three together in-ring, but their character and presentation feels like something I’d have joked about as an example of tone deaf WWE when they all came in.
Drew Gulak vs. Lince Dorado was OK. I love watching Gulak beating a guy up and just being THERE for Lince’s stuff, but this one felt especially light and telegraphed. I did very much enjoy Gulak deciding an offense maneuver of his would be just grabbing Lince’s tights and chucking him backwards through the ropes.
Another good TJP angle this week, this time cutting a promo and locking his opponent in a nasty kneebar before the bell rang, refusing to release it until referee’s intervened. Does it go anywhere? I don’t know.
Mustafa Ali vs. Buddy Murphy vs. Hideo Itami had a lot of Triple Threat BS but also a lot of REALLY AWESOME STUFF. First of all, Murphy and Ali are some of the only guys in WWE silly enough to tell Itami: “Lay it in, brother.” There were also about 5 whole minutes based around each guy just kicking each other in the spine.
Ali’s pop-up X-Factor, Buddy taking two head drops within ten seconds of each other, the 3-way strike exchange, and Itami kicking Ali’s head mid-air as he tried a moonsault were all jaw-dropping awesome spots. And I don’t care if Buddy looked like he was cooperating on it – the Spanish Fly off the COMMENTARY TABLE was incredible.
I’ve seen too much Itami in WWE to know better, but him vs. these two in singles as well as Cedric sounds just swell right now. Meanwhile, Buddy Murphy feels like the first guy in WWE who is actively auditioning for a Super Indy run.
NXT (6/20/18)
It’s a Post-TakeOver edition of NXT! Two matches! Video packages! And interviews backstage!!!
Dakota Kai vs. Bianca Belair was so cool and I can’t decide what I’m more bummed about missing live at a TakeOver less than an hour away from me: the Gargano/Ciampa Street Fight or Bianca Belair.
Bianca is aggressive, refuses to be Irish whipped, and applies what might be one of the greatest abdominal stretches of all time. “Get up or I’m gonna pick you up!” she exclaims, as she precedes to deliver a STALLING SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!! On top of all that, when Dakota does get some offense in, it feels like an unstoppable beast has been momentarily shaken. Good. Very good.
Liked Ricochet’s “I am not just some animated GIF you see online” line.
Also liked EC3 responding to the question of “Who do you want to face?” by screaming “EEEEVERYBODY!”
The Mighty might no longer kneel but they DO have spiffy new trenchcoats. Their match with War Machine had some neat moments with Hanson doing wild stuff and The Mighty bumping around, but otherwise whatever. Not a winner. All I could think about during this match was how quickly Vince McMahon will put Hanson and Killian Dain together as a team once he realizes he employs both of them.
MAIN EVENT (6/20/18)
Does Kalisto not work Main Event? Why was only Lince Dorado in Gran Metalik’s corner here? Kalisto was at the show – he was on 205 Live! Anyways. Metalik wrestled Tony Nese and though his crossbody off the LED POST (not the turnbuckle) was amazing, it would just not be Main Event without a Tony Nese bodyscissors.
The Authors of Pain vs. Breezango was the most not-notable 5-minute match. If you are going to do a squash, do a squash.
WWE TV Match of the Week: The SmackDown WWE Title #1 Contender’s Gauntlet Match, specifically Daniel Bryan killing it vs. Big E and Samoa Joe.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: I want to say Daniel Bryan for that Gauntlet Match but Ronda Rousey was the wrestling superstar here.
What a turn-around! There are plenty of acts still struggling, but now that everyone isn’t bickering over who’s going to climb a ladder, things are getting interesting again. Plus, Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler and the SmackDown Gauntlet Match and the 205 Live Triple Threat and Bianca Belair vs. Dakota Kai were ALL quality bunches of wrestling.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 8/10
205 Live: 7/10
NXT: 7/10
