Back in the 2012 election, when U.S. politics were only mostly shit and not some unknown element beyond shit, Joe Biden summed up the Obama first term legacy like this: Bin Laden Is Dead And General Motors Is Alive.
Well it’s 2018 and Daniel Bryan is Back and Everything Fucking Sucks.
What’s going on in Stamford, Connecticut?
Is everybody too busy counting their money to care about putting on a good wrestling show?
This cycle has happened before. Actually, it’s basically happened every year since 1985. Sometimes we get lucky and things remain hot, but the time after WrestleMania to the time right before SummerSlam usually does kind of suck.
But this seems especially bad. There’s such a lack of momentum – everybody is stuck in either Money in the Bank build purgatory, a clear time-wasting short-term story, or just isn’t doing anything at all. Directions seem to be shifting wildly – remember Nattie vs. Ronda? Babyface Nia Jax? The Owens and Zayn team? AJ and The Club? SAnitY? The Authors of Pain? Charlotte Flair?
More than anything, it just isn’t fun.
This is WWE though – it might suck, but sometimes the journey of the sucktitude into the eventual goodness is what’s interesting. They’ve got hours upon hours of television to fill! Keeping things compelling is hard! And sometimes, the fact that this billion dollar company will put shit like a B-Team BBQ on live television is part of its charm.
But these last few weeks have seemed especially dire. What mostly sucks is the lack of momentum for anybody – when some wrestlers get stalled so badly, they don’t recover and we’re left wondering, What If? Folks like Braun Strowman, The Usos, Asuka, Finn Balor, and even Daniel Bryan will likely recover. But what if they don’t?
And folks like Rusev Day, Sami Zayn, and Becky Lynch might just be damaged beyond repair.
And on top of all that I watched Kevin Owens vs. Bobby Roode this week. WHAT?
Of course, there’s always SOMETHING every week – and this week we had Cedric Alexander and Buddy Murphy tearing it up, and Ricochet absolutely altering space and time with one of the coolest most incredible things I’ve ever seen in wrestling.
So that’s cool.
But man did this week suck.
RAW (5/28/18)
Just a bad wrestling show that defined the rut WWE is currently in. Seth/Jinder was a good match, otherwise this show was a total turd – stalled characters, uninteresting matches, and lame angles that just didn’t get over. Going against Warriors/Rockets Game 7, they accepted their fate – I get it. But holy cow.
Admittedly, a U-S-A chant post-Memorial Day video package leading to BRAAAUUUUNNN was among the all-time great RAW openings. I like how Braun Strowman can do the most basic BS promo and the crowd is all FUCK YEAH anyways.
Strowman vs. Balor (Part 2!) was basically Kevin Owens talking over a Strowman squash. It had a lot less energy than the main event from last week – a couple neat spots here and there with Balor being a small fella getting knocked down by this big fella, and I liked Braun no-selling the tope. But – eh. Not a great start.
The Rollins vs. Jinder match meanwhile was Very Good, mostly because Rollins is having himself a great run. His crowd connection brings everything up and his selling puts it over the top… desperately holding his ribs and heaving, using the ropes to pull himself up. Real basic match but the crowd was buzzing and into it the whole time.
All in on Elias vs. Rollins – could easily be a short-term thing to get Rollins through MITB, or it could be the thing that gets the IC Title off Rollins to go after Brock. My ideal is IC Champ Rollins going after Brock, but what do I know? I’m just some stupid guy with a blog. Elias lost a little steam with that Roode series but the guy is still ready for a run. Meanwhile, Rollins getting up from a stretcher confirms that Vince McMahon wants this guy to go even higher places.
Nia Jax breaking out of an armbar in front of Ronda Rousey is good old school stuff, but the whole segment really fell flat. The “She knows her name, you can shut up now” was good… everything else stunk.
Nia Jax: BE YOURSELF, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, RONDA ROUSEY IS A BITCH.
Was the Sami Zayn apology promo WWE apologizing to the fans for their bad TV?
Dug the flipping heck out of Drew McIntyre vs. Chad Gable for the 5 minutes it lasted. Gable got in his moonsault but ultimately Drew just wrecked his ass by deadlifting him into all kinds of bad places and it was good television. Even in the darkness of a Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens match, there is still hope.
“B-Team potato chips!! Wooo! Crunch!” And that is the only thing I will say about the B-Team BBQ.
The Women’s Money in the Bank Last Chance Qualifying Gauntlet Match (wow) was…. not good. Nothing here had any time to get cooking, if it even could’ve considering this was all leading to not-quite-over-yet Ruby Riott running through 3 ladies including the hometown girl before Sasha Banks came in and got the win. Ruby/Mickie and Ruby/Sasha had their moments, but yeesh.
SMACKDOWN (5/29/18)
This wasn’t a completely dire show, but outside of Almas and Big freaking Cass, the Momentum Problem continues. At least New Day vs. Miz & Bar was good!
But yeah, let’s talk about it. Let’s get it out in the open. In a few weeks this decision won’t matter, but if you’re not going to do the Daniel Bryan vs. Samoa Joe match – don’t advertise it for a week. I know this is free TV, but c’mon guys! Why do this now!? When nothing else interesting is going on on your show!? There are other ways, even in 2018, to get heat on Big Cass without just disappointing your fanbase of loyal dorks. One of those ways would be to just not advertise the stupid Bryan vs. Joe match in the first place.
Anyways, the opening promo with Samoa Joe grabbing and climbing the ladder with PURPOSE was a strong Samoa Joe promo. However – a little gripe. On one hand, Joe bringing up Brie and Birdy was awesome wrestling heat stuff. On the other – why do that in a throwaway SmackDown opening promo for a match that isn’t even happening?
I did like the one-take shot of Paige setting up Mandy and Sonya and Renee!
I bet it was pretty neat for Nakamura and Dillinger to have a match together considering they’re buds. It was an OK match. I’m a sucker for enhancement matches like this – 5 minutes or so long and it mostly got a point across. Tye, backed up against the ropes, doing the 10 thing was very cool.
If WWE TV wasn’t so weak lately I might’ve been more into the dance-off. As it was… it was a dance-off. I dunno what to tell you. It was stupid. Can we get take advantage of Jey and Jimmy Uso when they’re in their god damn primes please?
I did like The Miz karate chopping pancakes! That was definitely a thing that happened.
I did like The Miz & The Bar vs. The New Day! Just good solid WWE multi-man pro wrestling: Cesaro’s backflip bump over the top, the build to Kofi’s hot tag, Woods’ hot tag and plancha off of Sheamus back, the smoothness of Big E running into the Cesaro knee which led to a kick and DDT from Miz. Fun finish too, with Woods’ plancha being caught, Kofi’s big-ass dive to the floor, and Miz getting caught by the Big Ending for the finish.
Sonya’s attack on Asuka gave the Mandy Rose match a nice hook, and it was an OK match. Mandy has a few tools and Asuka had an OK match with her around those tools.
PCB REFERENCE!
SOOOOOOOOOOO into an Almas/Cara match. Love it. Even in the darkness of a Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens match, there is still hope.
The Bryan/Joe/Cass Triple Threat was decent with Cass not looking bad at all, but – why? There was just a haze of that “why?” over the whole match, good action or not. They kept it moving, Dan Bryan did his thing, and there was an excellent Knee+ at the finish. But – why?
205 LIVE (5/29/18)
These Kendrick/Gallagher vs. Lucha House Party tags are alright but I am officially over them. They all just seem to be wasting time. Gulak was cracking me up as he hammed it up on commentary, but man was this uninteresting. I appreciate the skill it takes to accomplish the Lucha House Party flying, but if a Lucha guy does a tope in the woods, does anybody see it?
Cedric Alexander vs. Buddy Murphy for the Cruiserweight Title was very good wrestling. I want to see these guys connect as Wrestling Characters more but these boys can they get it done in the ring. Put this in front of a smaller more filled out crowd and people would be losing their shit. I do always dig it though when a quiet half-empty 205 Live crowd eventually buys into what’s being sold to them though, and they did here.
The back-and-forth stuff early was tremendous, and once it settled into the Buddy back work I liked how they played with Cedric’s comebacks. The double countout tease and staredown was awesome, both guys just savagely striking each other and being all intense and desperate towards the end moreso. And what a god damn pop for the Cedric win too – that crowd went fucking NUTS.
Despite the awesome wrestling, Cedric’s mom’s purple homemade Cedric t-shirt was the best part of this whole show.
Even in the darkness of a Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens match, there is still hope.
NXT (5/30/18)
Real good show and TakeOver: Chicago is coming together nicely and – OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE WHAT RICOCHET DID HOW AMAZING WAS THAT OH MY GOD.
Aleister Black doing in-ring show opener promos is an awful move, but I am in on Black vs. Sullivan. After the Super Indy stuff, NXT seems to be getting back to what made itself actually special – developmental guys getting shine. These two didn’t need to talk to each other at all so this segment didn’t get me, but that catch of the Black Mass was SO awesome.
Hey look the War Raiders did a squash match. Feel like we’re a couple months away from a “Who Are War Raiders?” video.
YES A LACEY EVANS/KAIRI SANE REMATCH NEXT WEEK!!! Even in the darkness of a Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens match, there is still hope.
It is probably good news for EC3 that they’re putting him against the top tier enhancement guys – first Raul Mendoza, now Fabian Aichner. This was an OK squash with a spectacular dive by Aichner. The Johnny run-in to announce the Ciampa Street Fight was neat.
The “Who Is Bianca Belair?” video package was a nice piece of business, as they say.
Wrestling in 1998: He was a well-touted division 1 linebacker.
Wrestling in 2018: He has a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice.
Ricochet vs. CHRIS Dijak was what we call a showcase – just a buncha WHOAAAA for 5 minutes. The tope catch with a chokeslam on the apron followed by a springboard elbow – whoa. Ricochet’s roll-through suplex on 6’7″ Dijak – WHOA.
AND THEN THERE WAS THAT FUCKING FRONT FLIP OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR BY RICOCHET AND THE COOL ASS WALK AND DREAM’S OPEN-MOUTHED REACTION GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. I’m writing this only a couple hours after seeing it but that might be one of the coolest things I have ever seen in wrestling. I prefer fists over flips, but if the flips are as cool as that then give me the flips. Total superhero movie stuff. Amazing.
Freakin’ loved all five minutes of Shayna Baszler vs. Dakota Kai for the NXT Women’s Title. It felt like an Arn Anderson TV Title match on 6:05 in the best possible way: Shayna wrecks Dakota’s leg, Dakota gets in some shots that get over, Dakota flops on her finish and Shayna catches her in a sleeper for the win. So simple, so great. I’ll take a billion of these matches over any AJ Styles vs. Nakamura WWE match so far.
Show-closer angle with Nikki Cross having Dakota Kai count her pin on Shayna seemed to confuse Full Sail more than anything, but if we’re getting Cross/Baszler then I am in.
MAIN EVENT (5/30/18)
Akira Tozawa vs. Tony Nese was everything you might expect – Tozawa hit his cool stuff and then Nese pinned his ass. I don’t understand why Tozawa can’t go full RAW or SmackDown – give him a little push and he’s way more over than a Tye Dillinger or Apollo Crews or something.
No Way Jose finally fulfilled his destiny by appearing on Main Event vs. Mojo Rawley. Mojo attacked Jose pre-bell during his conga, which continued Main Event’s trend of guys kind of sort of getting angles – the Ryder/Hawkins promos a couple weeks ago, the Mojo post-match attack on Titus Worldwide a week ago, and now this. This was a solid little match, exactly what a No Way Jose Main Event match would promise – the usual stuff, but a lot of pop from young No Way.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Cedric Alexander vs. Buddy Murphy
WWE TV MVP of the Week: RICOCHET I MEAN DID YOU SEE THAT FRONT FLIP FROM THE RING TO THE FLOOR AND THEN HE JUST STARED A HOLE THROUGH VELVETEEN DREAM I MEAN WHAT IN THE HELL
RAW and SmackDown are struggling. Got some good stuff on NXT and 205 though. It bums me out so much how quickly RAW has tanked post-shakeup after its’ incredible 2017.
RAW: 3/10
SmackDown: 5/10
205 Live: 7/10
NXT: 8/10
