The first Saturday Night’s Main Event of 1986 was taped in 1985 on December 19th and feels like a midseason replacement SNME, not as big as the three before it even if there is one of Hogan’s best title defenses and some classic mid-80s WWF insanity. Heels are being asses, the Cold War is ending, and the Macho Man/Animal Steele ever-lasting feud is about to kick off.
The theme is “SNME Shines in Florida!” so there are poolside interviews and Mean Gene flexing after drinking Hulk Hogan’s Python Shake, which never did make it to market. Roddy Piper and Jesse the Body, surrounded by girls in bikinis, spook on The Hillbillies from afar with binoculars, going full… well, 80s movie.
The Jesse Ventura Fashion Report is that he’s wearing a camo beret, fire flame glasses, and multi-colored cape. He cuts a great shouting promo on The Hillbillies as he introduces Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as his replacement on commentary while he wrestles.
1. Rowdy Roddy Piper, Cowboy Bob Orton & Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer & Cousin Luke
Cousin Junior has been replaced by Cousin Luke, though it wouldn’t really matter as The Hillbillies act was winding down. This is all about the Piper and Ventura presence, as there’s not a lot besides that. They sell for Uncle Elmer like the most professional of wrestlers, and when Piper offers his hand to Luke and ends up getting fooled first it feels like Vince McMahon falls in love with professional wrestling all over again. A simple, heated, slightly ugly wrestling match. **1/2
A Water Slide Competition happens next, as will happen in professional wrestling. Junkyard Dog wins as Jesse Ventura immediately begins accusing the operator of rigging the vote. Terry Funk meanwhile gets a tan for a Sports Illustrated cover. Classic.
2. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] w/ Junkyard Dog vs. Terry Funk w/ Jimmy Hart
This is prime Hulk Hogan defending the WWF World Heavyweight Title against Terry Funk who was in one of his ten primes – special stuff. Funk freaks out as Hogan enters and chokes Fink before bailing, then bumps like a man who loves this great sport. He has some trouble going over the top at one point, but the bumbling around covers for it. He is also masterful in a spot where he drops down and Hogan keeps running the ropes and stepping over him, so he has to sneakily bail under the ring which causes the camera to SHAKE from the crowd’s excitement. Maybe you had to be there.
Funk gets crotched on the ropes like a man, and when he throws a chair into the ring Hogan just sits on it. They eventually go to The Comeback, and Jimmy Hart tries to help for a decent foot-on-the-ropes near fall before Junkyard Dog runs out and Funk turns into an Axe Bomber. Great chaotic match. ****1/4
The show returns from commercial with Funk casually dragging Hart by one leg to the back.
Meanwhile, at POOLSIDE: Macho Man Randy Savage throws a screaming Elizabeth into the pool so she can learn to swim. As will happen.
3. George “The Animal” Steele w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth
Dean Malenko is the referee for this particular contest, which is the kick-off for George having a crush on Elizabeth that took us to not just WrestleMania 2 but WrestleMania 3. The match is all character – George pets Liz and keeps getting distracted, Savage stalls, Steele waves his arms around, Savage puts Liz in front of him, Steele eats the buckle, Savage runs away. Real Catch-as-Catch-Can stuff. Elizabeth’s beauty distracts Steele one final time and Savage drops an axe-handle for a 3-count where Steele’s arm is blatantly under the ropes. Anything 80s Savage is vital, even a clunky 5-minute match. **1/2
A 1985 Year in Review video plays, just to show how insane 1985 was: Hogan playing guitar and whooping ass on top, Mr. T, Macho Man, Hillbillies dancing, Moolah dropkicking a ref, candy apple contests, music videos, Lanny Poffo doing a moonsault, Piper and Orndorff killing each other, Junkyard Dog dancing with his mom, and a WEDDING.
4. Peace Match: Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff
Ron Reagan and Mickey Gorbachev met for the first time over two days in November 1985 to discuss U.S./Russia relations and thus the WWF began to contemplate a future where Nikolai Volkoff could not get easy heat by singing the Russian National Anthem. Nikolai doing a clean break early is good banter, as if world peace is riding on these two men’s grappling decisions. Neither is a technical marvel but it’s cool to see them run ropes and do holds and play it straight versus the usual formula. Plus Volkoff does a cartwheel. He finally says screw it and doesn’t break clean, hits a snake eyes, then drops a knee for 3. What kind of message was the WWF sending?? **
The pre-match interviews for the next match are fun, as Junkyard Dog and Ricky Steamboat together is so 80s – Steamboat’s cheesy ass: “I think those two bit off a little more than they can chew, ain’t that right Dog!?” Mr. Fuji meanwhile ups the ante and straight-up says that in his country they roast and boil dogs. Oh no!
5. Junkyard Dog & Ricky Steamboat vs. Magnificent Muraco & Mr. Fuji
This is an ultra-basic show-closer stuff, and I imagine SNME viewed these matches as the last SNL segment where they know less people are watching. JYD hits a headbutt on Muraco that looks more like a kiss. He takes a little heat and the crowd goes WILD for the hot tag to Ricky. Muraco and Fuji are not the most graceful or even intimidating heels but the crowd loves them getting their asses kicked. **1/4
Happy Thoughts: A quieter Saturday Night’s Main Event, and Saturday Night’s Main Event is best loud. It’s a fun era and Hogan/Funk is great, but lower-end SNME. 5/10
