Here’s the thing. This show took place in Saudi Arabia. And the Saudi Arabian monarchy is trash. But an attempt at progress is admirable, no matter how slow. And maybe it’s propaganda. Or maybe it’s not. I don’t know. All I can say is that this whole thing was really cool to watch. A WWE stadium show filled with non-jaded wrestling fans (and a shitload of money involved) was an INCREDIBLE thing.
And FIREWORKS!!!!
The Kickoff Show was a trip. The absurdity of Jerry Lawler with the King crown in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, Booker being Booker, JR appearing uncomfortable, Byron doing it instead of Renee, Jim Ross reading Tweets, Cesaro & Sheamus doing their promo as George St. Geegland and Gil Faizon, and a Cena/HHH video package making it seem like they’d been feuding on TV for weeks. Wild.
1. John Cena vs. Triple H
Geopolitical issues aside, I had a huge smile on my face with the big-ass pyro and fireworks and the massive pop for Triple H as he came out with his insane laser show. John Cena surrounded by Saudi Arabian children in John Cena gear right after was the icing on the cake.
This was great! It was classic professional wrestling, just a bunch of good clean basic fun from two extra-professional professional wrestlers. The atmosphere of this being the opening match of this crazy show with these two major stars brought it up another level. They were getting major reactions off of shoves and test of strengths and it was amazing. Bulk of the match was Triple H working over Cena, getting booed doing his taunts, and Cena mounting comebacks, and it got over, brother. The headlock takeover of Cena’s spinning side slam as he tried to get the Five Moves of Doom going was so sweet.
Being a superstar helps, but this is the match all folks who want to be WWE Superstars should study – they took their time, hit their signature spots that are over, and they didn’t kill themselves to do it. ****
2. WWE Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander [c] vs. Kalisto
This was basically, “Sup, Saudi Arabia. We are cruiserweights. This is what we do.” And it was awesome! A fun as heck showcase between two guys that aren’t often actually showcased. Plus a 2-minute rest hold, which I assume was Cedric and Kalisto just following Cena and Triple H’s lead and doing stuff that worked in 1975. Outside of that though, wow – Kalisto’s double springboard somersault plancha, Cedric’s face-cracking dropkick, a balls out tilt-a-whirl tornado DDT. Loved the WHISTLING when Cedric caught Kalisto’s frankensteiner. AWESOME finish too, with Kalisto ducking a clothesline with a backflip, Cedric’s lumbar check caught with a rana, and Kalisto’s Salida del Sol caught with a lumbar check. This is a match that could get “Please Come Back” chants anywhere in the world. ***1/2
3. RAW Tag Team Title: Bray Wyatt & Woken Matt Hardy vs. Cesaro & Sheamus
The fireflies were out in Saudi Arabia! Highly enjoyed the massive pop for THE BAR and the crowd getting way into the DELETE shtick and the WONDERFUL! spot. This match made me think about how Bray is really a better tag worker than singles, and made me excited for the possibility of this whole Deleter of Worlds thing working. Match was just a good solid tag match – Matt got beat up, The Bar did their thing, Bray blocked a Brouge kick with the Spider Walk, and Matt and Bray came back and won. Nice. ***
4. WWE U.S. Title: Jeff Hardy [c] vs. Jinder Mahal w/ Sunil Singh
Jeff Hardy is a complete superstar with his insane pyro and fireworks. This was a lot like their match on RAW a couple weeks ago – classic good guy/bad guy stuff, nothing blowaway great but wrestling in 2018 needs more of this bullshit: Jeff did a cool spot, Jinder got control thanks to Suil, and Jeff popped the people with his comeback. Outside of Jinder taking a bump off a Whisper in the Wind that completely missed, this was a fine wrestling match. **3/4
Jericho namedropping Mojo Rawley in the same breath as Daniel Bryan and Kurt Angle = amazing.
5. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Bludgeon Brothers [c] vs. The Usos
The Bludgeon Brothers have this aura of invincibility to them now that is so awesome. It really sets up legitimately insurmountable odds for any of their opponents. I liked how both teams just kept on each other here – The Bludgeon Brothers because they’re monsters, The Usos because they’re wrestling monsters. Check out this string that comprised the first 3 minutes: Rowan wrecks Jey, Jey gets a shot in but Harper tags right in, Harper charges at Jey but goes over the top rope, Jimmy tags in and dives onto Harper then dives onto Rowan. Rowan was just killing The Usos here – his dropkick, spin kick, and crossbody all connected. This was another straightforward win for the Bludgeon Brothers, but awesome stuff for the 5 minutes or so it lasted. It was no Battleground 2014, but this is a different world, and it sure is cool to watch. ***1/4
6. Ladder Match – WWE Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins [c] vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz vs. Samoa Joe
I mean this was a Ladder Match. Fun enough in a vacuum. All these guys are good at stringing things together, keeping the action flowing, and just throwing big shots at each other, all the while tying it up in a neat little package. A This is Awesome chant in Saudi Arabia was something else. Finn’s big selling stood out to me here, really put over the brutality of a Ladder Match. The reaction to Rollins vaulting to the ladder and stealing the title from Balor’s hands was so great too. ***1/4
New Saudi Arabian Trainee Mansoour might be The Guy. Cannot believe “Ariya Daivari and his brother… Daivari” showed up to do a Saudi Arabia vs. Iran deal. Wrestling will always be wrestling.
7. WWE Title: AJ Styles [c] vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
I don’t know if this pairing has it anymore, man. As with the Mania match, it started with such cold stuff that they lost a game crowd early on, and then they kind of got them back with smooth counters and tight work and a strike exchange that was the best part of the match. I think the thing with Nakamura is – he was awesome at some point, there’s still flashes of awesome, but despite the matches not being great he is still just an interesting motherfucker to watch. This one ended in a double countout, which was kind of the bummer finish this match deserved. ***
THE CROWD KNEW RUSEV DAY!!! THIS IS HOPE! THIS IS HOPE!
8. Casket Match: The Undertaker vs. Rusev w/ Aiden English
Everybody needs a little Mark Calaway on a Friday. This was The Undertaker doing his thing in 2018 – the big pops for the sit-up and chokeslam were highly enjoyable. Just a classic case of working around what a guy can do. Rusev going all over-the-top mid-90s WWF heel was great. Taker’s look of “god damnit” before the apron legdrop was excellent. This was a great version of a crap match, while AJ/Nakamura felt like a crap version of a great match. ***
9. Steel Cage Match – WWE Universal Title: Brock Lesnar [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Roman Reigns
Roman Reigns might have gotten the biggest pop of his non-Shield career tonight. This was a match that was basically all finishers – it might be cheap, or it might be exactly what this type of Boss Battle requires. Brock selling Superman Punches remains amazing. I found myself reacting viscerally to the hope of Roman winning at various points throughout the match, which I am not sure is a commentary on the match or me. Incredible stunt for the finish, but Roman’s poor neck likely does not agree. ***1/2
KONA REEVES FINEST SIGN IN THE FRONT ROW – WHAT IN THE WORLD?
10. 50-Man Greatest Royal Rumble Match
I am not positive that life offers more than ten better sensory satisfactions than the feeling of a 6-week old newborn finally falling asleep at 12:58 AM and there being a fresh 50-Man Royal Rumble right in front of one’s eyeballs.
Royal Rumble’s are always fun and this was no different. I liked how the glut of superstars and lack of participation by guys who already wrestled led to great random entrants like Tony Nese and Tucker Knight and a sumo wrestler. Rather than big showdowns and moments and surprises, we got Braun Strowman staring down Babatunde and Hornswoggle taking a superkick.
Extra points for the commentary too – as this five-hour show winded down, Cole, Graves and Saxton ceased giving a shit and just started trying lines. There was Graves saying Rhyno comes well-rested because he was sleeping on the locker room floor earlier – “Hey, it’s a long trip.” All three burying Scott Dawson’s over-obvious elimination bump. Graves trying to say something about Chad Gable: “Yeah I know this music, there’s only one that comes out to this one.” Saxton’s SHRIEKS as Rey came out and Graves response: “If you guys had looked at the promotional material, you would’ve known!” I loved how Cole’s calls for some of the undercard guys got funnier the more the match went on too: “THE MAAAAN BEAST! …RHYNO…”
For a Royal Rumble, it might just be best to leave my notes as I watched it as is:
Daniel Bryan is just back wrestling, entering at #1 in a 50-Man Royal Rumble in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. Of all the possibilities to work Bryan #1 and #2, it’s the guy who thinks he’s the best possible guy to go toe-to-toe with Bryan but is actually just the bummer with the record scratch theme music. MARK HENRY!!! And his disgust with Mike Kanellis. Hiroki Sumi is a wonderful weird-ass Rumble entrant. Viktor was running down the ramp like a Young Lion. A shame that The Ascension is on RAW as Daniel Bryan vs. Viktor could be special. Freakin’ Hornswoggle entering and the shot of the fans FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT. Hornswoggle and Kofi Rumble reunion! Tony Nese momentarily joining New Day was great. Cole flipping out for Elias was phenomenal. Bryan vs. Angle! Briefly! TUCKER KNIGHT. Rey on a TEAR was amazing, as was Roddy tossing around Rey Mysterio AND Big E. Randy Orton even gets the pop of the night in Saudi Arabia – incredible. BABATUNDE? Rey taking the Deep Six was awesome.
The TITUS TRIP was an all-timer, AMAZING. The cut to him just under the apron was INCREDIBLE. AND THEN THE REPLAYS!!!! “OH MY GOD, DID THAT HAPPEN?” “That might be the greatest moment in Royal Rumble history – it might just be the greatest moment ever.” “Top that, Stone Cold!” And then DAN MATHA.
Braun just tossing the two NXT monsters was good. Rey and Randy’s teamwork on Braun was good. Elias eliminating Randy Orton was good. Braun chasing after Hawkins and just pawing him down was good. Braun selling the Khali chop was good. Owens rallying the troops against Braun was good. BRYAN LASTING UNTIL THE END AND SETTING AN ALL-TIME RUMBLE RECORD WAS INCREDIBLE.
Liked Owens in the ring with Bryan, Shane and Jericho along with his RAW opponents Braun and Lashley at the end. Lashley trying to suplex Cass = YIKES. Shane takes a table bump off the top because of course he did. Cass taking out Bryan and Braun vs. Cass as the final two was very good professional wrestling booking. ****
Fascinating atmosphere, big card, good matches, a big-ass Royal Rumble, and FIREWORKS. This thing was long, but I kept watching and feeling: All this is great and big time and cool as hell, and we’re still closing up with a FIFTY-MAN ROYAL RUMBLE. And then it did close with a fifty-man Royal Rumble. 10/10
