I am two weeks into fatherhood and this child has already made me nocturnal. That is fine, for my love for this child and my love for strong style professional wrestling is strong.
1. The Young Bucks vs. Yujiro Takahashi & Chase Owens
Is there anything to write about a close-up shot of the ass of a woman in a thong on a pro wrestling show? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it somewhere in between? These are the questions I ponder at 2:08AM as I take in the first few minutes of New Japan’s Sakura Genesis 2018. The Young Bucks are a team I finally buy as the best in the world and I am not sure if it was the Golden Lovers match or Nick’s new pecs. Yujiro and Owens are probably the two guys I feel the most nothing about in New Japan. I have no idea what there is to like about Chase Owens, but most frustratingly I don’t know there is to hate about him either. This was a Young Bucks showcase, and they were almost being pricks about it, like “Yeah – we can have a pretty good match with Chase Owens and Yujiro Takahashi, we are the best in the god damn world.” There were a couple moderately offensive stretches of Owens and Yujiro offense, but any time the Bucks got a run it was good and they managed to put over half a chance that Chase Owens was winning this, which is honestly genuinely impressive. **3/4
2. Tomohiro Ishii & Toru Yano vs. Takashi Iizuka & Taichi
If I’m being honest, Taichi crowing some broadway song while Takashi Iizuka stormed through the crowd unchained was some transcendent stuff. Then the match happened and if I’m staying honest it wasn’t any good. Taichi kicks, Iizuka chokes. There was a spot where a guy removed his pants, there was another spot where a couple fellas bit each other. For a guy who works so stiff, Ishii really didn’t go full throttle on that bite to the back of Iizuka’s head. If you’re gonna rely on shtick, do better shtick. At least Yano was there. *
3. NEVER Openweight 6-Man Tag Team Title: Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa [c] vs. Togi Makabe, Ryusuke Taguchi & Michael Elgin
A Flair strut, subtle middle finger spots, and Michael Elgin were not exactly what this show needed. Tama Tonga’s King Haku shirt was the only good thing about the first 5 minutes of this. But leave it to Ryusuke Taguchi to pick this thing up for a moment. First 5 minutes were trash, but Taguchi’s ass single-handedly brought this thing up at least a star and a half. **1/2
4. Hiroshi Tanahashi, Juice Robinson & David Finlay vs. Hirooki Goto, Jay White & YOSHI-HASHI
Juice Robinson is really putting in the effort at being a great pro wrestler, from the New Japan dojo to the rainbow tassels hanging from his pants. David Finlay continues to be solid at the wrestling, but the truth is anything he does would be infinitely better if he didn’t have that upper back tattoo. Him taking it to Switchblade was some good stuff though. I have a fondness for most guys in this match along with a strong skepticism for several of them, and the match delivered on that predisposition. Good solid work for the majority of it with a strong stretch from Tanahashi leading to a hot as all heck finish. Finlay vs. Switchblade might just be the first good Switchblade match! ***
As Hiroshi Tanahashi headed to the back, he rubbed his armpits with a child’s towel and handed it back to him. I don’t really have a witty commentary on that, just thought I’d mention it.
5. Tetsuya Naito, EVIL & SANADA vs. Minoru Suzuki, Lance Archer & Davey Boy Smith Jr.
Most stables in New Japan don’t always feel like a unit or group of bros, just loosely affiliated groups with a strong leader and his weak underlings brought together by necessity of filling out a roster. And then there’s Los Ingobernables de Japon. Naito may not give one single shit when he’s working in that ring, but this is a man that puts it all on the line for his entrance: white suit, cape, Daft Punk mask. Incredible stuff. His ability to stay in character with those eyes is one of my top 10 most impressive things in wrestling right now. As far as Suzuki-gun goes, it cannot be understated how great it is that Lance Archer is running around spitting water on hordes of absolutely ENCHANTED wrestling fans. Even better may be that he is carrying at least six bottles of water in his back pockets.
Anyways, look – throw everything I was ever going to say about this match out. Lance Archer looming over a small child and causing him to cry and then CONTINUING TO TORMENT THE CHILD was absolutely incredible stuff.
Outside of that, it was a heck of a match. Suzuki vs. Naito was total wrestling magic, just perfect character chemistry, and each guy just constantly going after each other throughout the match was great stuff. Everybody else brought it too – crazy brawling, big moves, crowd popping for everything, Davey Boy’s deadlift northern lights suplex, SANADA’s hops. Give me Suzuki vs. Naito NOWWWWW. ***1/2
Ok looks like they’re gonna do Suzuki vs. Naito soon. COOL. Naito laying on the mat, doing THE POSE, while grumpy grandpa Suzuki looms over him = AMAZING. As was Suzuki just wrecking that poor young lion on the outside. Special stuff.
6. 3-Way Match – IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Title: Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado [c] vs. Roppongi 3K vs. Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI
This is a match that delivered as advertised. There’s a lot of stuff detracting here on paper – another 3-Way Tag Match, Kanemaru and El Desperado being the most mediocre of IWGP Jr. Tag Champs, Hiromu continuing to be an afterthought – but it’s not like the talent isn’t here and everybody, Hiromu and SHO especially, brought the crazy. Hiromu is such a magic wrestling man, so fast so strong so charismatic. The Era of Kanemaru & Desperado inexplicably continues. ***1/4
7. IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title: Will Ospreay [c] vs. Marty Scurll
Marty Scurll is 5 foot eight, puts a ton of effort into his outfits and presentation, is third from top at Sumo Hall wrestling for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship, all despite doing nothing discernibly special inside the squared circle. At some point you have to say: respect.
Anyways, is it possible to respect the talent it takes to pull this match off but also not really like it at all? I sat here, eyes heavy, for the duration of this match thinking it was good and impressive but the fact that I never really felt anything outside of a strong aversion to Bill Ospreay’s over-selling/screaming made me think it wasn’t all that. They brought the smooth-ass 2018 chain wrestling, big dives, moves that take incredible timing and precision to deliver. And the crowd sure dug it. But did they REALLY dig it? Did they move ME? Was the intensity there? The emotion? Was there ever a point where I BOUGHT IN? I don’t think so. Bill completely fucking himself up on that Spanish Fly to the floor was something, huh? All in all, it felt kinda like watching a Transformers movie. Like – the work put into this, the manpower, the evolutionary advancements that led to this being in front of me on a screen – incredible. Amazing. At the end of the day though – eh, I don’t want to watch it again. ***
8. Golden Lovers (Kenny Omega & Kota Ibushi) vs. Cody & Hangman Page
I love how the story of Cody in New Japan is that he immediately went after the IWGP Title and failed, so now he’s just like: I’m gonna stay and fuck Kenny Omega’s life up. He and Golden Lovers are very much amongst the best acts in wrestling today. I am all for crazy shit in my wrestling, but the last match was lifeless crazy shit, so it was nice to see a match that just got back to basics and had some freakin’ characters. Golden Lovers are like the new age Rock & Roll Express – crowd is all about them, ultimate babyfaces, and man can Kota sell a beating. Cody sporting a crimson mask added to the fun, and he didn’t even have to almost break his neck! Double Triangle Moonsault = THE BEST. The setup and delivery of the springboard dropkick Doomsday Device was tremendous. Legitimately shocking finish with the Cody win too. Nice. ***1/2
9. IWGP Heavyweight Title: Kazuchika Okada [c] vs. Zack Sabre Jr.
Sometimes you’ve got to do a springboard dropkick or a powerbomb or a Spanish Fly off the apron, sometimes you’ve just got to fight out of a wristlock to prove that you are the superior greco-roman professional wrestler. This was a match where ZSJ was all, “I’m the best wrestler in the world” and Okada was all, “I CAN SUBMISSION TOO BRO.” And it was another great Okada title defense. The ability of Okada to match up against whatever his opponent brings to the table while at the same time delivering an awesome main event style match is something special. ZSJ is just a blast to watch and he pulled out all his tricks here. Him just bending Okada’s leg to death and Okada trying to mount a comeback with a dropkick only to get caught in another leg submission was so awesome. Okada’s exasperation in the middle of these matches is always great – “How can I beat this man?” he asks to himself, emoting only with his eyes. Insane limb manipulation, sweet counters, incredible cradle near falls, and a dramatic-ass finish with ZSJ screaming and Okada just dropping those Rainmakers. I should probably watch this not at 6AM with a crying baby going off every 10 minutes but as it was I thought it was freaking great, another Epic Okada Defense. ****1/4
OKADA VS. TANAHASHI HERE WE GO BABY!!!
Consistent undercard, strong storytelling (Naito vs. Suzuki, Bullet Club saga), and a heck of a main event. The Ospreay/Scurll match didn’t work for me but almost everything else did. 7/10
