This is a continuation of Year in Review – WWF Tuesday Night Titans (1985) – Part 1.
Tuesday Night Titans #37 (6/7/85)
The one from LAS VEGAS!
TNT hit the road for two episodes in the middle of 1985, as the WWF visited the National Cable Convention in Las Vegas. There is something to probably be said about Vince’s foray into cable TV, but here might not be the place to say it. Because they are on the road, they’ve got a live audience and it is pretty crazy. Lord Alfred seems positively giddy at all the big cheers Vince and him get opening the show.
It’s almost jarring to see this campy TNT show put in front of real life people, less cable access TV show and more live stage performance in front of a somewhat confused crowd.
Jesse Ventura in particular seems kind of out of place in a real-life environment, but his crowd work is still on point and he just steamrolls poor Vince. They air an actual music video of his – Rock n’ Wrestling usually has you thinking Piper and Albano and Lauper, but Jesse was straight-up in a band at this point.
They were still trying something with Lisa Sliwa at this point.
There is a clip shown from a Bruno & David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake & Johnny Valiant tag from MSG in which Bruno looks AWESOME, just kicking ass in front of a wild crowd. Then he tags out to David and they cut – LOL.
Valiant interrupts Bruno’s sit-down interview, with Valiant as over-the-top 80s heel and Bruno dropping lines: “This old man could take you ten years ago, this old man could mop the floor with you today!” Valiant swings at Bruno but gets hit and takes a hilarious bump over the couch.
They end the show with a Gong Show Q&A that is both terrible and fascinating. Nobody in the crowd knows wrestling at all, so you’ve got Ventura and Valiant doing awkward crowd work, a poor lady not able to think of anything to ask wrestlers, and Heenan, Studd, Jesse and Valiant eventually just giving up and fucking around. Jesse at one point accuses an Air Force man of blowing somebody for a job.
Heenan, Valiant, and Ventura all stand on the stage to end the show, confident of their efforts. Vince asks crowd if they approved of these efforts and they all boo.
Tuesday Night Titans #38 (6/21/85)
The one with George “The Animal” Steele’s psychiatric treatment.
JYD & Tito Santana squash Matt Borne & Steve Lombardi and it’s pretty fun, with Borne taking a characteristically massive bump off a noggin’ knocker. JYD provides some advice as he sits down with Vince: “Just lay back and be cool.” Hmmm OK.
Jimmy Hart shows up and refuses to be interviewed alongside Junkyard Dog. He later gets water dumped on him by JYD and Vince finds it SOOOOOO funny. “AHHHH! OHHHH MY GOODNESS!”
Jimmy Hart also manages Valentine in a match against Mario Mancini where Valentine applies a leglock for at least a minute long and a grandma goes after Jimmy Hart.
WWF women’s wrestler Desiree Peterson gets a sit-down interview and talks about not being a stereotypical women’s wrestler – She’s Not Like Most Girls, see. Vince and Alfred say Desiree is small and blonde and that there is no way she could be a lady wrestler. And she’s like six feet tall!!! I think the main issue is that she owns six dogs, ten cats, three horses, and has a phobia of flying, so she bussed to TNT from Joliet, IL to New York City.
The crown jewel of this show is George “The Animal” Steele and Captain Lou Albano visiting Dr. Sigmund Ziff.
First, there’s a Steele squash that is kind of spectacular. His name is announced, 30 seconds go by, and then he bursts out of the door with a chair in hand. He weakly punches Jim Powers two times, throws him down, throws him outside, stalls, then Powers gets on the apron, Steele punches him down, Steele stalls, then grabs him and bites his arm and does the flying hammerlock and that’s it. The crowd is going NUTS.
Babyface George “The Animal” Steele (after his turn on SNME) is basically full-on playing mentally handicapped and it is kind of heartwarming. Only kind of. Dr. Sigmund Ziff (a doctor of gynecology and psychology) treats George in his office and goes WAY over-the-top and cheesy playing a psychiatrist, and tells Lou that there is a calcium deposit blocking Steele’s medula. Steele is goofy as hell but somehow kind of plays it straight. Vince meanwhile is just standing there awkwardly with a microphone. Ziff reaches into Steele’s mind and finds that as a child, Steele just wanted to be a good wrestler but was called a dummy and was spat at. An all-time classic segment, let me tell you.
Tuesday Night Titans #39 (6/28/85)
The one with Magnificent Muraco and Mr. Fuji.
Cowboy Bob, B. Brian Blair, and GAMMA SINGH also get some love on this show.
Bob has got such a swagger as Vince asks about his arm injury and how much Rowdy Roddy Piper pays him. Simple Bob got himself a rolex so he don’t care that Piper is taking a cut of his salary. He’s mentioned as a WWF Title contender.
Gamma Singh, the uncle of future WWE legend Jinder Mahal, is featured and it’s his only appearance anywhere on the WWE Network for all of 1985. He talks about getting acclimated to America, and how some fans don’t get him. For instance, he puts his turban on and they see him as Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves. Man – the WWF trying to be progressive in 1985 still comes off as regressive. He works Doc Butler and it is terrible, with a bunch of leglocks and shouts of boring.
The highlight of this show outside of Muraco is Gamma Singh bringing a snake to the set. They come back too early and you get to see Vince waiting for a cue, as Blair is just casually holding the snake. The snake then escapes from him and looks ready to attack! This is WILD. Vince quizzes Singh about wrestling’s popularity of India and is informed that the crowds over there are in excess of 100,000 per night. Vince seems ENTRANCED at this worked number bullshit. He would follow-up around 30 years later.
B. Brian Blair squashes Steve Lombardi, who looks like John Belushi. It’s real basic stuff but the crowd is oddly into it. B. Brian sits down with Vince and it is not very notable.
This show is all about Magnificent Muraco and Mr. Fuji, who do a sit-down, squash match, and segment with Muraco getting a MASSAGE. Fuji and Muraco play up their “East meets West” connection and talk about how Muraco and Hogan were on soap opera Search for Tomorrow around this time, which A) seemed to build to Hogan/Muraco and B) led to Muraco thinking he was an actor. Muraco as a rambling Hollywood wannabe just rambling off big words is kind of great.
He has a bad squash versus Sal Bellomo, where he leans into the boos and boring chants and slows the match down even more. Commentary agrees: “Quite frankly, I expected, uh… a much better match than what we’re seeing right now.”
The show ends with Muraco getting a massage and it is so great because Muraco is such a character and Fuji’s ribbin’. Fuji POURS gobs of oil all over Muraco’s back as Vince tries to keep a straight face on the interview and Alfred cracks up in the background. Vince eventually loses it and then the bikini-clad ladies start to massage Alfred as the credits roll.
Tuesday Night Titans #40 (7/5/85)
The one with THE MISSING LINK.
Jesse Ventura’s music video again gets a push – was Hogan vs. Body something they wanted to do eventually? The guitar guy in this music video is completely nuts. Hilarious shot of Alfred wearing Ventura’s crazy sunglasses and sticking out his tongue during the sit-down interview. Ventura says he’d make a better host than McMahon, so Vince says he can do it next week.
Jesse’s squash vs. Tony Garea sees Garea’s neck get stuck in the top rope and he is there for an uncomfortably long time.
LES THORNTON is interviewed and Vince and Alfred seem awfully worried about him legitimately crippling people.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan sits down on the couch (he is intro’d with Pop Goes the Weasel) and showcases two of his stars: Ken Patera, who squashes Gary Star, and THE MISSING LINK.
“Tell us about the Missing Link,” says Vince.
“The Missing Link… boy, I don’t know where to start.”
Vince, Alfred and Bobby visit a CAVE where The Missing Link shows up in all his roided out crazy hair green facepaint goodness. Just epic mid-80s wrestling craziness, a classic goofy TNT segment. He squashes S.D. Jones in MSG and after the match, Link tries to jump off the top rope onto a chair, but Heenan waves him down. Unhinged beasts in the squared circle are always fun.
Tuesday Night Titans #41 (7/12/85)
The one with Jesse Ventura hosting, FAKE PRINCE, and The Killer Bees.
Jesse makes for a fun host here, a total broadcast professional.
Weirdly enough, they open the show with a PRINCE IMPERSONATOR and Ventura interviews him. It is freakin’ weird.
Jimmy Hart and Greg Valentine join the show and Hart and Jesse sucking up to each other like a couple of fake Hollywood types is incredible. A Valentine IC Title match with Ricky Steamboat is shown joined in progress and with no finish but what is shown is incredible. Steamboat gets knocked outside and Hart talks shit on the megaphone (“Come on, Bruce Lee), and when Ricky stands up, re-enters the ring, and goes after Hammer the crowd is whipped into a frenzy. Hart is jumping around on the outside and the people are just going nuts.
The Manager of the Year voting begins on this show… midway into the year.
We also get VINCE MCMAHON ON THE COUCH. And it is OK. He buries Jesse’s Prince impersonator and appears less TNT host and more guy who took over wrestling.
The Killer Bees are all over this show as Jumpin’ Jim Brunzell sits on the couch and looks nervous, so Jesse walks him through a promo. He also squashes Moondog Spot in a match that goes way too long. He’s asked if he could dropkick Andre the Giant, which is so a question my dad would ask. B. Brian Blair then joins the show and we get a Killer Bees squash (in black tights, not the famous yellow-and-black) with them working over their opponents with such basic babyface spots – armdrags, wristlocks – before a freakin’ sleeper ends it. Fun fact: The guys they squashed were Steve Lombardi and Dave Barbie, who was Andre’s real-life bodyguard.
Vince reminds us as the show ends, “And again, we apologize … for Jesse Ventura’s actions, that WAS NOT Prince, NO WAY… absolutely impossible” and the credits roll.
Tuesday Night Titans #42 (7/19/85)
The one with the MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE.
OHHHHH YEAAAHHHH, BABY! Tuesday Night Titans post-Mania kind of just hums along but here comes THE MACHO MAN to give it and the entire sport of professional wrestling a kick in the ass.
This is a stacked show – Ophelia, Butcher Vachon’s wife, is back and on a warpath, the WWF Magazine is shown for the first time, The U.S. Express wins the WWF Tag Team Titles, Quickdraw McGraw and Pedro Morales are here, and did I mention THE MACHO MAN?
The show starts with the U.S. Express over Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff for the WWF Tag Team Titles, which was a quick second reign for the U.S. Express before the Dream Team started running the tag division. It’s a hot 5-minute title change. I loved the entrance, with Blassie in his flashy jacket and cane in hand, batting away the streamers as he storms to the ring. Rotundo takes a quick beating until Windham helps him roll over on a pin for 3, which has the crowd losing their shit. Blassie sits on the couch and complains post-match: “This Puerto Rican, he can’t count past 2!” Different times.
Vince McMahon shows off the WWF Magazine and it looks amazing. Featured are pictures of Sheik, Blassie, and Piper making a music video, and Sheik, Blassie, and Volkoff dressed up as pirates.
“Quickdraw” Rick McGraw joins the show and though at the time it is some ho-hum stuff, watching it with the benefit of hindsight is a fascinating thing. He is getting married soon, so he joins the show to talk up marriage. Vince discusses his wrestling style: “No matter what the odds are against you, you seem to jump in there and go at it with reckless abandon.” And Rick compares it to marriage! He appears to be on another planet too, both on the couch and in the ring when he works Bret Hart. Bret would later note McGraw as a full-blown pill popper at this point who would just pass out backstage. This guy who would be getting married soon would be dead in four months.
Ophelia, Butcher Vachon’s wife, returns and she is still wearing her god damn wedding gown, complete with veil. Stupid jokes are cracked about why Butcher keeps the veil over ugly Ophelia’s face: “I want you to be a bride forever,” he told her. And then she starts complaining… “But I think he’s just stingy! He won’t buy me any clothes! I am completely disillusioned.” Married Vince and Ophelia, single Alfred, about-to-be-married QuickDraw McGraw… they all trash on the institution of marriage.
Old man Pedro Morales finishes off MR. X (!) in short order and joins the couch to pitch a match with Hulk Hogan that I don’t think ever happened.
The real meat here though is of course the MACHO MAN. He bursts onto the set in completely epic fashion – rotating the arms and the hands, canned boos blaring. A complete and utter CHARACTER. He cuts right to the bone immediately: “The next WWF World Heavyweight Champion and I SAID IT NOW. Somebody said somethin’ about Hulkamania, and I answered it with Macho Madness YEAH!” “Hulk Hogan are you watchin’ me now? Do ya think he’s watchin’ me?” “I am the lord and master of the ring and I will take the World Heavyweight Championship belt, guaranteed.” He’s a little hard to listen to with an average pair of computer speakers, as he goes from soft to LOUUUDDD YEAHHH I DIG IT!! again and again. He sticks his tongue out and starts posing as they go to commercial.
They were doing a gimmick where all the heel managers were trying to sign Savage, so he has a squash vs. Aldo Marino and all these sleazy, shifty bright-colored characters come to ringside to scout. All of this made Savage appear to be an immediate big deal, though it didn’t quite work the same way when the WWE tried it for Tyson Kidd years later. Savage is rocking the classic pink tights with white stars and yellow boots and kneepads look.
The match with Marino is a classic Randy squash, as he was already doing the stuff he became famous for – an axe handle to the floor, TWO Flying Elbows!
Brain, Blassie and Hart make offers to Savage towards the end of the show, and Vince mentions that Arnold Skaaland and Dr. Jerry Graham will also courting Macho’s services. They bicker about their recent setbacks – Blassie’s Tag Team Titles loss, Heenan’s firing by Orndorff. Blassie just goes ahead and pulls out some cash: “Whatever anybody offers you, I’ll top by 25% and I won’t take a penny of your money until ya win the world Title!” I mean how could you refuse that?
Tuesday Night Titans #43 (7/26/85)
The one with Tito winning the IC Title from Greg Valentine, Terry Funk, and The Hillbillies.
WE OPEN WITH VINCE MCMAHON IN A COWBOY HAT, BLUE JEANS, AND A BOLO TIE AND LORD ALFRED HAYES IN PLAID AND OVERALLS! AMAAAZING!!!
Despite a Hillbilly Jim injury, the Hillbilly clan gets the hard sell here, with a visit to Uncle Elmer’s barn and a re-airing of Jim’s debut with Hogan in his corner vs. Terry Gibbs. The crowd and Vince are going nuts for every single move – BODYSLAMS seem earth-shattering. Hogan tells Jim to check on Gibbs after the match, what a guy.
“We’ll be back with Uncle Elmer, who’s out sloppin’ the hogs.”
Uncle Elmer was getting a little bump at this point and does his best Haystacks Calhoun as he squashes AJ Petruzzi. Vince loses his shit at Elmer winning with an awkward leg drop, and he covers poor AJ by basically planking him.
There are also TWO EXTENDED CLOGGING PERFORMANCES in the barn. TWO.
TERRY FUNK IS HERE. How crazy is it that Funk and Savage debuted right around the same time? Here’s another guy that injects some life into the World Wrestling Federation. Mid-80s Funk in Vince’s sports entertainment world is WILD. Vince visits him at the Silver Dollar Saloon (!) and cautiously interviews this crazy new cowboy guy.
Funk’s debut on Championship Wrestling is shown and he is just the best; it really adds a ton to the WWF in-ring. He’s pulling the ropes and testing them for maximum effect, kicks Aldo’s ass, puts a cowboy hat on that creep Mel Phillips (ring attendant at the time) and kicks his ass, then kicks Aldo’s ass again. Vince quizzes him, “Don’t you think the American public deserves an apology?” Funk responds by spitting chaw at the camera lens. AWESOME.
The finish of a Greg Valentine/Tito Santana IC Title match from July 6, 1985 is shown and it is awesome – both guys are bleeding, the crowd is hot, and Jimmy Hart is shouting all kinds of bullshit on the outside. Tito climbs over the top of the cage (and in a voiceover, says he didn’t know where he was at and should’ve gone for the door), Valentine tries to step outside the door but Tito on the way down kicks the door into his face and falls outside to win the IC Title. The key is the post-match, where Valentine smashes up the IC Title by whipping it against the cage. A new design was on the way.
Everyone’s having a good time in this fake barn – Tito is wearing a cowboy hat, Vince his tight blue jeans, Alfred his suspenders, The Hillbillies their usual stuff – and Jimmy Hart crashes the party. This is awesome – Hart screams at Tito then GOES AFTER HAYES. He’s all serious and intense – WWF managers at the time were known for their campiness, but they could turn the intensity up to 11 if they had to. Hayes actually apologizes to Vince and sells it as if he’s legit hurt – amazing. The show ends with a guy in the house band telling someone to keep rolling sound and people clog dancing in the background.
Tuesday Night Titans #44 (8/2/85)
The one with Ricky Steamboat and Magnificent Muraco and George “The Animal” Steele’s shock treatment.
The WWF at the time was hard-selling “Quickdraw” Rick McGraw’s approaching wedding, which sucks because he was dead three months later.
A line by Vince in an interview with Steamboat really grabbed me here: “It seems to me that’s one of the things that separates the superstars from perhaps those who are not in the superstar status is the ability to keep right on going no matter what the adversity.” One might say this concept went a bit too far, eh?
The majority of the show is centered around Steamboat vs. Muraco with a Steamboat interview and squash at the start of the show, a big Steamboat/Muraco angle, and a Muraco interview and squash at the end of the show.
Steamboat’s squash is sensational – babyface Steamboat enters all smiles with the crowd going crazy, Gorilla commenting: “Look at the handshakes here, and the pats… all they want to do is touch ’em, reach out and touch this STAR.” Steamboat hits a chop, a crescent kick, a skin the cat, and a crossbody – he played all the hits! And it all flowed well and was spectacular to watch. In the interview, it’s revealed that Steamboat is a Top 10 athletic hunk in Cosmo. He’s asked about his “type” and he lets loose: “Tall, long-legged, adventuresome, intelligent, athletic, soft, feminine blondes with blue eyes.”
A big wild Steamboat/Muraco angle is shown here too. It’s the close of their match and Muraco is all bloody. Steamboat takes down Fuji, sets up a comeback which gets a major pop, but Fuji chokes him with his tie. Muraco and Fuji proceed see-saw Steamboat with the tie then throw him over the top and HANG him over the top ropes. NASTY. Muraco whips him with a belt, which is just a vicious insult to injury. Stupid sexy Steamboat is worked over for a bit, just dangling by the throat, before JYD and Tito Santana make the save to a big pop. Sorry about your timing, Daniel Bryan.
It’s a great gritty angle. Better yet, Muraco is doing commentary over it and cuts an epic promo on it. Fuji threatening to hit someone with his cane in the front row is a bonus.
Muraco’s squash on this show is vaguely good – not positive yet if the way he just lumbered through squashes was bad or brilliant. He dedicates the match to Jesse Ventura post-match.
Mean Gene Okerlund goes on-location and visits Corporal Kirchner at his training grounds. Seeing Gene hanging around the jungle in loose Safari clothes with a wired microphone is something else. Kirchner is introduced, with green face paint and a real hard sell on the patriotism. The WWF was ever-so-briefly ready to create a star.
George “The Animal” Steele squashes Steve Lombardi and I swear at 21:41 on the Network stream a kid yells “BANK STATEMENT!” Lombardi was a reliable jobber at this point, makes ya wonder if there was anything more there.
The infamous George “The Animal” Steele shock treatment angle is on this show and this Dr. Sigmund Ziff appearance is somehow weirder than the first. Ziff was SO committed. Albano is wearing the t-shirt he wears in his LJN figure. Steele’s selling of the shock treatment is something else. The brain waves eventually start spiraling out of control and Steele snaps and Albano rants about suing Dr. Ziff. It’s really special Tuesday Night Titans stuff.
Tuesday Night Titans #45 (8/9/85)
The one with ROWDY RODDY PIPER.
But first, Captain Lou Albano and “Luscious” Johnny Valiant are interviewed about the Manager of the Year vote. Albano as a raving manic lunatic in sweatpants and dirty clothes and a t-shirt that reveals his big belly is so good. They also talk about Macho Man Randy Savage – Albano isn’t interested, Valiant is. Valiant is also asked about the fans chanting fruitcake at Brutus Beefcake, and does a hillbilly accent that sounds more like Dusty Rhodes than anything.
There was a Hillbilly Jim vs. Beefcake feud going around on this time, and Jim and Elmer come to ringside as Beefcake squashes a fella who has a big cut on his back.
Piper is, as always, a wonderful nut on this episode of TNT. He HUGS Vince when he gets to the couch, then goes for one on Alfred but gets a handshake. The genius of Piper at this point is on full display here – so happy and goofy and serious and sinister at the same time. “Did I get you?” he asks Vince with a smile when he recounts the time he slapped Alfred Hayes. “You don’t have to be” he says with a grin when Hayes says he’s “alright.” He rants on Paul Orndorff’s son being called a loser and not being able to look up to his dad, and says he was with a girl named Kitty Bootsbomber the night before Mania.
Oh and his legs and kilt are spread wide open, which I am sure ticked some people off.
A brief clip of Piper vs. Orndorff is shown and these guys had crazy chemistry – crowd was hot, Piper was all stumbly and cowardly and Orndorff was all huge and fired up.
Vince and Alfred then somehow visit the ancestral home of Rowdy Roddy Piper in Scotland, and what a trip this segment is. Piper takes them to his home which is basically… a crypt? They get there and there’s skeletons in a jail and cobwebs all over and a guy is just randomly tied up. Like, Roddy Piper has a man captive and Vince and Alfred are just playing along as the hosts like it’s a Dateline segment or something. There’s an old bearded guy in a jail too and Piper feeds him hay, then asks if he’s been watching him on wrestling. Really adds a whole new layer to the Piper character. They return from break and Alfred has cobwebs on him, which leads me to believe they transcended space.
Mean Gene again heads to the tall grass to look for Kirchner and gets ambushed from behind by Kirchner who puts a knife to his throat.
Big John Studd also wrestles a deaf guy on this show, which I find just fascinating.
Tuesday Night Titans #46 (8/16/85)
The one with Mr. Wonderful. And The Hart Foundation. And Terry Funk. And Tony Garea, I guess.
Garea sits down with Vince and they politely comment over stock footage of New Zealand, which is so god damn weird.
Things heat up when Mr. Wonderful gets to set. His squash match vs. THE AXE (who I think might be Bill Eadie, but I am not sure) is kind of awesome. Axe attacks Orndorff from behind, then gets his ass kicked and takes some amazing expressive bumps. Piper quickly runs in and they have a GREAT brawl that comes off as a real god damn fight.
A match between Piper and Orndorff airs too and is so awesome, even though again we go JIP and no finish. Orndorff has two broken fingers from Orton’s cast and he is PISSED. Piper does an amazing sell off an enzuigiri, and desperately grabs the ropes as Orndorff drags him outside, rams his head into the table, then slams the table on him. The crowd is HOTTTTTT!!!
The Hart Foundation and Jimmy Hart are briefly interviewed, as they had recently paired up. Business is about to pick up in the tag division.
Outside of Orndorff, Terry Funk is the star of this show. He is completely on fire in these Silver Dollar Saloon segments. He walks in like a complete dipshit, sits down with Vince, and shouts commands to the bar folk when he says his peace: “LAUGH! LAUGH!!! SHUT UP!” Vince seems taken aback by Funk’s frankness while Alfred Hayes seems particularly disgusted. He says about Funk, “He knows me. I know him too and he’s always been insane. He’ll never change. [His] whole family was the same.” True story: In 1972, Lord Alfred Hayes defeated Dory Funk Jr. for the NWA World Title but the decision was changed after Dory Funk Sr. attacked the referee, which got Funk Jr. disqualified and gave the title back to him. WILD!
Awesome Funker squash here, as he just wrecks poor Paul Roma: slaps, a cravate suplex over the top, headbutts, chops, an atomic drop, knee to the throat, crazy-ass spinning vertical suplex that lands like a neckbreaker. Even the spinning toehold looks legit. All while the crowd chants for J-Y-D.
Tony Garea goes to chat up Donna the Waitress as the show comes to a close and Funk snaps and destroys the bar.
Tuesday Night Titans #47 (8/23/85)
The one with Cousin Vladimir.
This is a show that is mostly about Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff and “Classy” Freddie Blassie. The foreign menaces sit on the couch and on the table is a toy ring filled with LJN action figures, which had just recently been released. This is completely amazing. Blassie is talking about Iron Sheik merch including notebooks, while Vince comments, “I can’t imagine the Iron Sheik is much in the way of a merchandising giant.” I want to meet the adult who when they were a kid had an Iron Sheik notebook. Sheik then goes on a classic rant as he cuts a promo on his and Hulk Hogan’s action figures: “Look at the body! Look at the statue of the orange” … “What would happen if that doll met this doll?” Blassie slams the Hogan figure on the table repeatedly. Fun Fact: This actually was building to a Hogan/Sheik MSG match. Hogan & Sheik: Doll vs. Doll.
A “Russian apartment” shows up as a set on TNT and it is absolutely insane, as Volkoff introduces Vince and Alfred to his family. A Lenin poster hangs in the house. Vince ‘pardon me”s his way through the room as he enters. Everybody tries vodka, eats borscht, and sings the Russian National Anthem. I THINK that Vladimir was Dr. Ziff. Guy AGAIN committed.
Mean Gene Okerlund takes another off-site visit, this time making this weird visit to a martial arts temple that Ricky Steamboat is hanging out at, and it immediately becomes a TNT classic. Gene walks around, commenting, “The bridge of Serenity … this is tremendously serene, with… the beautiful foliage, the gorgeous flowers.” Steamboat talks to Gene in his black gi. They then fade out and Steamboat is shirtless and FIGHTING NINJAS!!!! I REPEAT RICKY STEAMBOAT IS FIGHTING NINJAS. And it is SO such wonderful basic-ass fight choreography. Incredible stuff.
The shock treatment of George “The Animal” Steele is followed up on and ol’ George seems to be doing a bit better. He squashes Michael Watson and Steele is just whipping the crowd into a frenzy doing NOTHING and being loved like a teddy bear.
The U.S. Express/Dream Team feud begins to heat up too with Dream Team coming to ringside during a U.S. Express tag vs. Barry O and… well. The Glad Bag Man. This is something special. Vince is INCENSED with this guy’s fat rolls. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me … I think he … you’ve gotta be kidding me, look at that. That’s the biggest piece of garbage I think I’ve ever seen. He could be wrapped in a Glad bag … give me a break! He’s leaving stains everywhere!” Just an incredible burial by Vince, who doesn’t even say him by name.
Cousin Vladimir dances over the credits.
Tuesday Night Titans #48 (9/6/85)
The one with, I don’t know, Leaping Lanny Poffo.
They’re not all winners.
Junkyard Dog joins the show and has a squash match that has a very very badly timed finish that the crowd still pops for.
Adrian Adonis joins the show and wrestles old man Swede Hanson, where Adonis bumps like the mad man he is.
Leaping Lanny Poffo joins the show, coming to the WWF at the same time as his brother the Macho Man. I will forever be impressed by Poffo’s ability to come up with longform poetry that rhymes AND his ability to memorize it. He wears a knight costume (!) and reads a LENGTHY one to introduce himself: “Yes I believe in miracles, as god as blessed this great land, I believe the referee, will soon be raising my hand.” And then he WAVES!
Bobby Heenan, who is also on the set, blows his nose and mocks the poem. “Do you leap into this suit, or do you get chafed?”
Poffo is also showcased in a squash vs. Barry O, where he takes a straight back bump on the concrete and does a moonsault.
ALSO – Poffo takes Vince McMahon to a gymnastics exhibition where they just show young boys doing gymnastics for what feels like ten minutes. This kid named Derek does a backflip! And Vince teases doing a horse routine in his suit, but decides against it.
Fabulous Moolah joins the show and I have to ask: Did Moolah and Hayes bang?
In her interview, she invites people to CAMP MOOLAH and they show pics of the camp NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON’T DO IT!!!!
Finally, Corporal Kirchner joins the show and he talks like a total stoner. In recounting his experiences skydiving, he says with a smile on his face, “You’re screaming towards the ground..
Also: FIRST ROCK N WRESTLING CARTOON PROMO!!!!
Tuesday Night Titans #49 (9/13/85)
The one with MACHO MAN AND ELIZABETH.
This right here is the introduction of Miss Elizabeth, completing the duo that would rule the WWF in the latter half of the 80s.
Macho Man Randy Savage is so awesome. Seeing his original introductions on TV, complete with his first promos, cements that even further. He is immediately SO good. He enters through the TNT curtains twirling his finger, rocking a rhinestone arm band, bandana, black sparkly starred jacket and blue jeans. “Be convinced Lord Alfred Hayes that you are looking at the lord and master of the ring, the premiere wrestler in the world today – HULK HOGAN did ya hear me!? Hulk Hogan did ya hear me… I am the man, that made Hulk Hogan #2! Oh yeah … #2.” Guy was calling out HOGAN immediately!
This has the big angle where Savage made his final decision on which management he was going with. He walks out to the arena with all the managers that wanted him in tow – Heenan, Fuji, Hart, Valiant. He squashes Jim Young and it is very good. Then he gathers all the managers in the ring: “Oh yeahh, everybody concentrate right now… this is the big day, this is the big day.” He praises everybody, then as begins says, “Everybody get ready, a big… big… moment … and heeere… she comes.” And out comes Elizabeth, all shy and smiling. Commentary basically goes HUBBA HUBBA: “Is this a movie star? Who is this? MYY goodness, take a look!”
Vince and Savage both jam to the TNT band when they return from commercial from the Elizabeth intro. She joins the set in her pretty dress. Savage takes over: “Wooo YEAH. Like that? Electrify! Did you feel it? Did everybody out there FEEL IT? Mentally, physically, spiritually?” Elizabeth explains that Macho Man is the best in the world. It is SO good.
We get a wonderful flub from an agitated McMahon: “Would you please welcome our first guest… substituting, NO, keep the tape rolling … slams pen – um, substituting for Mr. Fuji who, I don’t know, what’s the matter with Mr. Fuji?”
Moondog Spot & Barry O form one of the weirder random tag teams and down a couple of enhancement guys, one of whom Spot loses on a shoulderbreaker and drops him HARD on his head. Commentary goes, “I’m afraid Leon has suffered uh… uh, a neck injury” and TNT transitions to the talk show set with Moondog Spot chewing a bone. Then Spot prepares to pee on Lord Alfred as Blassie shouts “DO IT! DO IT!” Wild stuff.
A U.S. Express & George “The Animal” Steele vs. Big John Studd, Adrian Adonis & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan match is aired and the crowd is HOT! What a line-up! Everybody is brawling, Steele brings a chair in and hits the ref, it is PANDEMONIUM.
Heenan also joins the show and banters with a kid who has a pet weasel. “Take a look, kid. Do you see a tail on me?”
Tuesday Night Titans #50 (9/20/85)
The one with the Dream Team winning the WWF Tag Team Titles… and Steve Gatorwolf.
The Dream Team was led by “Luscious” Johnny Valiant and comprised of Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, who quickly ascended to the top of the tag ranks as the U.S. Express was on their way out of the territory. The title switch from the Philadelphia Spectrum is joined in progress and the crowd fucking FLIPS for a Barry hot tag and bulldog. Jesse Ventura meanwhile is making Richard Nixon jabs on commentary. Valiant rubs a lit cigar in Windham’s eyes and Valentine drops an elbow for the 3, just as Rotundo does a really well-timed dive for the failed save.
The Dream Team feigns their innocence on the couch and their fake sincerity is special. “I don’t even smoke Vince McMahon, I’m a non-smoker – when I go to jet airports and fly from coast to coast by board and have toast, I sit in the non-smoking section.” Vince gets INCENSED – “You owe the American public, and especially Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham, an apology.” I do not think that apology came.
Barry gets the full injury treatment, as The U.S. Express is interviewed outside of an eye clinic. Barry is rocking a tight polo, short shorts, and an eye patch.
B. Brian Blair and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff also wear really tight t-shirts and introduce us to the B. Brian Blair Kids’ Wrestling Tournament, where they are introduced by Mean Gene. Always love when pro wrestling explains amateur wrestling in kayfabe: “In professional wrestling, we’re trying to hurt somebody – this is amateur wrestling, this is a sport.” Orndorff hilariously accuses a kid of having a foreign object and there’s clips of little boys working out which seems unnecessary. Mean Gene interviews young Matthew Zalansky, who’s favorites are Jimmy Superfly Snuka and Hulk Hogan, and whom went on to become a police corporal (true story – look it up).
Also on this show is Steve Gatorwolf. Steve. God Damn. Gatorwolf. Here is god damn Vince just giving us another over-the-top stereotype gimmick. Rumor has it that they had some plans for him but immediately soured on him when he didn’t do the Indian war dance after his first match. So on this show he comes out full-on Indian dancing and basically overdoes it. “Ha ha ha HAAA! That’s a happy Indian in there!” says commentary and everybody on planet earth cringes. Gatorwolf sits on the couch and Vince starts asking him about his heritage before he just starts asking about the Trail of Tears.
Gatorwolf hung around as a jobber for like 5 years before he got into trouble for promoting illegal fights and then more trouble for sexually assaulting a 15-year-old girl. Because wrestling.
Muraco and Mr. Fuji are also featured and tease Fuji General.
Tuesday Night Titans #51 (9/27/85)
The one with the Bundy attacking Andre and FUJI GENERAL.
Vince opens the show rocking back and forth to test out his squeaky chair, then smiles through his yellow teeth: “Hi boys and girls, isn’t that nice!”
This show has two big angles centered around giving Big John Studd and perhaps more importantly King Kong Bundy a big push.
The Manager of the Year vote is finally presented and it’s really weird because Captain Lou Albano, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and HILLBILLY JIM are finalists. I know Jim was Hogan’s buddy and I guess with his injury he managed Uncle Elmer, but how did this happen? Heenan says he got got Blassie, Hart, Fuji, and Valiant’s votes by proxy (!?), but Jim gives Albano his THREE-HUNDRED THOUSAND votes so Albano wins. Heenan attacks Albano with the trophy, and then Jim gets surrounded by Studd and Bundy. Studd hooks Jim’s legs and Bundy drops a splash.
When he visits the TNT set, Jim teases that he’s hurt so bad he might just not return. Vince teases him singing “Don’t Go Messin’ With a Country Boy” but it is cut off the Network, as is a “presentation” from Rowdy Roddy Piper that leads to him hosting next week.
The other big thing here happens towards the end of the show, as Heenan and Bundy visit the set and discuss footage of an Andre/Studd match from the Maple Leaf Gardens where Studd and Bundy try to cut Andre’s hair again but Andre grabs Studd’s hand and BITES IT as the crowd goes nuts. Studd is able to hold Andre down though as Bundy splashes the hell out of him and the crowd BOOOOOO’s. This apparently broke Andre’s sternum and all of this was done to build to an Andre/Bundy match at MSG in late-September, the fabled Collosal Jostle.
Also on this show – KING TONGA. AKA – BABYFACE HAKU!!! He is here just doing a stereotypical Tongan gimmick and talks to Vince about his aspirations in the WWF and maybe working in a tag team. He squashes Gino Carabello and it is wonderful because he just works the mat and keeps him down and does not give one single fuck when the crowd chants boring as he applies a nerve hold.
Finally, Fuji General. Oh man. Hilarious. Terrible. Weird. Muraco was doing a thing where he was convinced he was going to be a Hollywood star (along with his boy Mr. Fuji) but the thing is he was really bad at acting. So WWF TV would air these skits where a bitter director would try to direct these two knuckleheads and it would not go well. Muraco and Fuji are clearly reading cue cards, Fuji is corpsing, and the director flips out as everything breaks down.
Tuesday Night Titans #52 (10/4/85)
The one with Rowdy Roddy Piper hosting.
This is mostly just Piper and Orton dicking around and it has its’ charms but with JYD and The Hillbillies as features, it can be a bit of a drag too.
Cowboy Bob Orton doing the intro is a treasure: “We invite you to join Roddy Piper and his friends… guests, whatever.”
Bobby Heenan shows up to discuss Andre the Giant and gives Piper and Bob a big hug.
Jimmy Hart shows up to discuss his wrestler trade with Heenan: King Kong Bundy goes to Heenan, while Missing Link, Adrian Adonis, and a sizable amount of cash go to Hart.
Piper snores after an Andre interview.
The Wrestling Classic hype begins. A fan can win a Rolls Royce!
Piper all fired up doing the show rundown.
Midway through the show, Captain Lou Albano (in a chef outfit) cooks Italian food which Piper and Orton spit out. Piper does the latter half of the show with pasta sauce all over his shirt.
Tuesday Night Titans #53 (10/11/85)
The one with The British Bulldogs and The Hart Foundation.
The Wrestling Classic hype is in full swing, with lonely Lord Alfred placed at a desk with “UPDATE” in big words on a sheet behind him. He talks about how the WWF is giving away a Rolls Royce to one lucky winner and YOU — YOU!! ARE EXCITED!
No real big angles headed into The Wrestling Classic, other than that the summer and fall’s introduction to a truckload of new characters are headed into a tournament with each other, and one lucky fan is going to win a Rolls Royce. A simpler time.
Fabulous Moolah joins the show to discuss her many trainees and with the benefit of hindsight it is creepy as shit. Some super old school footage is shown of Moolah (with black hair and an orange singlet) beating two trainees in a Handicap Match. One of the trainees is Sue Green, who started training under Moolah at fifteen. Ugh.
The British Bulldogs have arrived! And they are squashing the hell out of Frank Marconi and a big fat guy in a yellow mask and ugly green singlet named The Avenger. Piper and Savage might have seemed like they were from another planet on the mic, but The Bulldogs are from another planet in the ring: high-impact suplexes and strikes, quick as hell rope-running. The Dynamite lariat and snap suplex on The Avenger is cool as hell and makes for a fun squash.
The Bulldogs also sit on the couch and are not allowed to say much, with Vince opting for fellow Brit Alfred Hayes to do the talking.
The Hart Foundation joins the show right after this and the teasing of a classic tag feud begins. Bret Hart was just as awkward as The Bulldogs on the mic, but Jim Neidhart’s charisma and Jimmy Hart’s talking did the trick. Hart sings his classic tune “Eat Your Heart Out, Rick Springfield” and is blatantly lip-syncing as Neidhart rocks out and Bret looks around awkwardly.
Tito Santana squashes Gino Carabello towards the end of this one and it’s not very good because Carabello is pretty immobile, but he does take a bump outside where he hooks his legs on the bottom rope so it is kind of redeeming.
Tuesday Night Titans #54 (10/18/85)
The one with all kinds of stuff: King Kong Bundy talking shit, Mr. Wonderful trying to be Hulk Hogan, MACHO MAN AND MISS ELIZABETH, a Rene Goulet & Barry O tag team, and Fuji Bandito.
King Kong Bundy was starting to get The Push after his initial introduction and 8-second match at the first WrestleMania. He was feuding with Andre the Giant and squashing guys left and right. To add to that, he was a great character. Bundy wasn’t just some brickhouse monster – he had LAYERS. He was such a jerk grump in the ring (“Tell em how great I am!”), but an aloof, almost comedic jerk when sitting on the TNT couch.
“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff gets a feature with an interview and a squash and he’s cutting promos like he is ready for Hogan’s spot if it’s needed – and it kind of feels like it could’ve been if Hogan had got injured or something. Then he starts spouting about his Little Mr. Wonderfuls and Wonderfulettes and… well, nevermind.
The Orndorff squash here vs. AJ Petruzzi is awesome, with Mr. Wonderful delivering a great babyface squash, just beating AJ down all confidently. He tries to throw AJ to the outside and AJ just ends up clotheslining the ropes and bumping back in. He looks to the crowd and they are AMPED. A piledriver wins it.
Another epic Macho Man and Elizabeth visit is on this show and it is SO good. I cannot stress how much juice the Macho Man inserts into the WWF at this point.
Vince introduces them succinctly: “We saw a bit of Hulkamania, but there’s also a different kind of Mania going in the World Wrestling Federation … this is not really a Mania, it’s called a Madness… it’s known as… MACHO Madness. Would you please welcome Macho Man Randy Savage with his manager, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth gets cheers, Savage gets boos, and Savage flexes in his black cut-off shirt (both at the sleeves and the midriff) that has kiss prints all over it. He’s wearing a neon green bandana and yoga pants and it is AMAZING. Savage comes off as such a superstar here and is not just immediately demanding title shots but immediately playing up the jealousy angle with Liz. He makes her switch seats with him so she’s not close to Vince, demands Vince address the questions only to him, and straight-up RIPS HIS SHIRT OFF at the end when Vince says that Elizabeth can maybe join them alone next time. Plus he holds up a Hulk Hogan action figure and says it’ll lose to him.
“Please re-address the conversation… but I was just thinking… right off the top of my head right now, that I am QUICK as a cat.”
The tag division was heating up in 1985 – we got the Hart Foundation, The Dream Team, The British Bulldogs… and RENE GOULET AND BARRY O.
They sit on the couch and a match is aired but the finish isn’t shown, surely because they lose. Barry O asks, “Why didn’t they show us beat those guys?” I think the Express had left by now, so fair game.
FUJI BANDITO is aired on this show and it is spectacularly bad, but in a good way. They’re at a saloon of some sort and there’s a guy in full Indian costume at a poker table, Jimmy Hart dressed like Colonel Sanders, and Fuji dressed as a Mexican (still wearing his bowl hat). Freddie Blassie plays bartender, Moolah a damsel. Muraco enters and fires off blanks to the floor, then seems to either grin or corpse. Moolah actually takes a great bump off a gunshot at one point. A villain storms in and is just the WORST actor. Muraco shoots him and the Indian gets up and deadpans, “Big mess.”
Good grief.
The show closes as Vince and Alfred discuss Muraco’s acting ambitions:
Vince McMahon: Alright Alfred, your honest reaction to uh, the latest attempt of the Magnificent Muraco to convince the producers in Hollywood that indeed he is a great acting talent?
Lord Alfred Hayes: Oh gosh… well, the only thing I can think is that Muraco must have more money than sense, and so must Fuji, because I know that as successful professional wrestlers they have made a lot of money. Are they going to throw it away chasing some ridiculous dream of being actors? That’s quite stupid.
HMMMM.
Tuesday Night Titans #55 (10/25/85)
The one at Halloween. It is also the first show taped in front of a studio audience! The studio audience that is ALWAYS completely filled with men.
The audience is a cool visual, but it’s too bad this show is mostly Vince interviewing Moolah who is in a witch costume.
Albano shows up in a pumpkin costume that he says was tailored in Italy. “Get a load of them calves… check them numbers, baby. Verticals, veins, everything.”
They air a WEIRD segment with Tito Santana visiting a place for lunch in New York. He takes a bite out of his sandwich, complains to the chef (who is Lou Albano), Albano says he tries everyone’s food to test it, and then ends with this punchline: “Here, have a pickle.” WHY
Albano also carves pumpkins on set and it’s OK, mostly him throwing pits around and telling his creepy dad jokes.
Mean Gene Okerlund also stops by wearing a glam wig and silver cup over his pants.
Lots of Moolah. And The Spider. Who Isn’t Moolah. At least not on this show.
There’s also apparently a Ricky Steamboat interview that aired on this show and is advertised on the Network, though it’s not here.
Tuesday Night Titans #56 (11/1/85)
The one with Hulk Hogan!
Hogan is the big news on this show, but Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Big John Studd also stop by to talk about King Kong Bundy and Heenan’s $50,000 bounty on “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. They run an audience Q&A with the new studio audience and it’s fun to see Heenan continue to be the master interacting with all these geeks.
A Hearts & Flowers segment with Lord Alfred Hayes airs, which is weird because they hadn’t done Hearts & Flowers in literally a year. Maybe it was old footage. Vince wears a white t-shirt with a heart on it, and it must be commented upon: “He has a heart-on!”
“Big Cat” Ernie Ladd sits on the couch and it is so weird but cool to see Ladd as a friendly old man. He was playing ambassador for the WWF at this point, and talks up the WWF’s transition into the WrestleMania era: he mentions the guys doing well financially, and calls the WWF the most exciting thing on television today, saying Vince was finally able to market a product that needed marketing for some time. He also talks up Hogan as not just some dumb wrestler but a guy who can “talk, boogie, do it all.”
Hulk Hogan breathes some life into this show as he does any time he shows up. He is SO FIRED UP on the couch, it’s less a sit-down interview and more a sit-down promo. I think Vince references at one point here that Hogan might have banged Joan Rivers. He also squashes Tiger Chung Lee and it is SUCH a solid Hulk squash.
“You’re gonna see a lot of #1 Contender’s come and go brother… but there’s only one Hulkster, there’s only one Hulk Hogan daddy. I will step in the ring, meet any challenge… and when I get too old and gray, and I gotta sit down and let one of the little Hulksters take over… you’re gonna remember me for a long time brother.”
Tuesday Night Titans #57 (11/8/85)
The one with Rick Derringer, who Alfred says like Rick Derrin-GEAR and gets shit from Vince for it.
Terry Funk is also here, though he doesn’t dare sit on the TNT set – Jimmy Hart does that for him. Lord Alfred sits away from Hart, a play off of when Hart hit Hayes on TNT #43. Hart gets run off by Ricky Steamboat later.
On this show, Funk squashes poor Red Walsh where he just beats his ass and puts him to sleep. Then he does his branding gimmick on Walsh and chases off that creep Mel Phillips, only for JYD to run out and chase off Funk.
A Nikolai Volkoff squash of Quickdraw McGraw sees Volkoff do a cartwheel during the beatdown.
Volkoff and Blassie entertain a Q&A from the live crowd, and are asked by a child, “Why do you wrestle in America if you don’t like it?” Great question.
Another little fella gets a toy ring autographed I ENVY HIM.
Rick Derringer stops by, wearing black shades and maybe a little bit coked up, along with Vicki Sue Robinson, of “Turn the Beat Around” fame. Vince talks up The Wrestling Album with them. Robinson had come out of semi-retirement to sing GRAB THEM CAKES.
Tuesday Night Titans #58 (11/15/85)
The one with Adrian Adonis and Junkyard Dog.
This show had aired after the Saturday Night’s Main Event where JYD took off Jimmy Hart’s pants, so it starts with SERIOUS Jimmy Hart, who calls Saturday Night’s Main Event SNL. The time of him being humiliated is no more: “I will have the last laugh on everybody, and that’s a promise – that is a promise.” Some strong Terry Funk and Adonis squashes add to that promise.
Adrian Adonis sits on the couch and it is epic. Adonis’ possibly drug-fueled ranting and shit-talk is so great: “Look at this jasper with a hood on … sand through the hourglass, those are the days of your lives, idiot.” Vince references a fan yelling Weight Watchers at him and quizzically asks, “What does that mean?” He asks if Adonis uses his weight as a psychological advantage, then dances around Adonis being rotund before Adonis exclaims, “I’m FAAAT” and the crowd pops.
He turns it into an advantage: “I’m 270. It’s too much, but I don’t care. Yes. I do what I want. I’ll eat a cake, I’ll starve myself, I’ll do whatever I want – I just like torture. That’s all. It’s just a mind game, which nobody has out there … I’m the baddest human being going. I can wrestle, I can fight, I can do anything. I’m as agile as a cat … and that scares everybody, and that lures everybody into the web. I can go down 20 pounds if I want, I can go up, I do what I want.”
The crowd goes wild.
There is crazy footage here of a Iron Mike Sharpe/Barry O vs. Killer Bees tag match from an outdoors venue in Puerto Rico where there was a monsoon nearby and it was pouring rain. The show went on, so the visual is outstanding: just a few fans surround the ring, all wearing ponchos or carrying umbrellas. The guys work a basic tag but are SOAKED and all they can really do is punch. Brunzell dares an Irish whip and Barry O slides across the ring into a headbutt to the gut from Blair and a cradle by Brunzell.
Gorilla Monsoon joins the show to discuss it, as he was doing commentary. You can tell he, Vince, and Alfred had some epic banter sessions back in the day.
Tiger Chung Lee also joins the show with his manager “Classy” Freddie Blassie and footage is aired from all the way back on TNT #6, where Lee tried to demonstrate he could break a board but was unable to do so.
On the couch, Tiger takes a long pause on a question about if wrestlers’ heads feel like cement and Blassie deadpans, “The questions get a little tougher later” as everybody laughs. Then he says that his people’s martial arts are “more strong than those Japs, I tell you the truth,” and even Vince McMahon seems uncomfortable and goes to break.
Chung Lee’s squash vs. Mario Mancini is fun as the crowd goes NUTS for a Mancini comeback.
JYD also shows up for a sit-down interview on The Wrestling Album and a fun clip of him vs. Cowboy Bob Orton from MSG is shown, where JYD kicks out of a pinfall and Bob LEAPS and gets tied up in the ropes.
The show ends with JYD and Adonis having a freaking Basketball Dunking Contest. Each guy picks a kid out of the crowd that they will put on their shoulders. Each comes off as such a larger than life superstar – Adonis in particular seems like the coolest cat on the block. “I’ll take Pee-Wee Herman over there,” he says to a huge laugh. JYD’s team wins and Adonis says he’s sick of getting screwed over and storms off.
Tuesday Night Titans #59 (11/22/85)
The one with the MACHO MAN. And Iron Mike Sharpe! AND PHIL BURKE!!!
Oooohh YEAH. Macho Man and his girl Liz are on fire yet again. Macho is angling for the main event ASAP – he calls himself the uncrowned World Heavyweight Champion, says Hulkamania is dead because Macho Madness is sweeping the country, and is unimpressed by this BOOK (the WWF Magazine) on the desk as he is not on the cover.
Vince asks the crowd if they appreciate the talents of Savage and there’s nothing, so Savage is Savage: “Silence is golden, YES.”
Vince asks Savage why he sticks his tongue out: “When you’re this great it’s hard to sustain it inside your body.”
Vince asks Savage questions about Elizabeth and he again tears off his shirt: “Talk about Macho Man Randy Savage every moment of the day… you understand?”
Amazing 90-second Savage squash vs. Jim Powers too – Powers gets in a couple well-timed moves to big pops and Savage bumps around, then wraps it up with an elbow drop. Efficient – got in, got over, got out. The presentation of his intro is great too: “Led to the ring by ELIZABETH (pop)… Raaaandy Macho Man Savage!”
IRON MIKE SHARPE also adds some energy to this show, somehow. This guy was a fascinating human. I believe he had legit OCD and weirded everybody out. He also wears tan slacks up to his belly and wears a tight v-neck t-shirt that is also tan. He also over-uses the word “individual”: I am a great individual in that ring, I’m a very classy individual you know.
He lays down an ugly squash Jim Young, who looks like an elderly Richard Simmons and actually trained Edge, Christian and Beth Phoenix. And it’s an awesome kind of ugly, as Sharpe is just this big creepy lurching guy beating ass.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura joins the show and entertains an audience Q&A that features THE PHIL BURKE QUESTION.
This thing is completely nuts. All the audience members seem kind of high, actually, but Phil Burke is something else. Alfred holds the mic up to his mouth and he drops his question for Ventura:
“Following wrestling has always been one of my greatest place standings, but what I want to know is, as far as wrestling today goes compared to yesterday, in and by, what did they have, really, that can produce the athletic mind so they have, at least, for their own working, whether there could be some relaxation in what they might have as far as different holds are concerned or strangling holds that build, what is that hold that they might use for actual lease for your working?”
EPIC WWE NETWORK MOMENT.
Hearts & Flowers is officially re-branded Advice for the Lovelorn on this show, where Freddie Blassie talks about marriage and saving a midget’s life.
Ted Arcidi also sat down on the couch, having just completing the world weightlifting record at 705 pounds. He was no natural on camera but the dude was huge.
Tuesday Night Titans #60 (11/29/85)
The one with Magnificent Muraco and Mr. Fuji, I guess.
Not a lot here.
“Luscious” Johnny Valiant joins the show and was now calling Valentine & Beefcake the Dream Team. Vince seems completely not into his over-the-top sleazy 80s shtick and it isn’t clicking with the crowd, despite Valiant throwing whatever weird stuff he could think of in there.
The Dream Team has a squash against Paul Roma and, as Vince introduces, “THE LATE” Rick McGraw.
Santa Claus AKA Captain Lou Albano has crowd members sit on his lap and tell them what they want for Christmas and it is so weird.
Muraco and Mr. Fuji join the show to talk about Muraco’s Hollywood offers pouring in and how fellow Hawaiian Ricky Steamboat is “licking Vince’s white man boots.”
A fun little angle airs too where Muraco attacks Steamboat with a chair in the aisle after Steamboat’s match with Mr. Fuji. The concrete aisle made it feel real gritty and dangerous, good stuff.
Tuesday Night Titans #61 (12/6/85)
The one with The Spider beating Wendi Richter.
Hercules Hernandez makes his first TNT appearance on this show alongside manager Freddie Blassie, who calls him the greatest Latin he’s ever seen. Hernandez beats poor Mario Mancini with a torture rack. Blassie meanwhile plays with action figures.
Fabulous Moolah sits on the couch and does an audience Q&A led by Lord Alfred Hayes. “I spent more for breakfast than you make in a year.”
An infamous moment is shown as Wendi Richter defends her WWF Women’s Title against The Spider, who after a ho-hum match awkwardly inside cradles Richter. Richter kicks out but Spider stays on top and the ref counts 3. After the match Richter attacks The Spider and removes her mask, pulling her hair and going after her. The whole thing is just awkward enough to be a legitimate screwjob, but my question is why would Richter continue to fake beat Moolah up?
The death of “Quickdraw” Rick McGraw is actually discussed, as Vince advertises a memorial match and McGraw tribute show promoted by the WWF on Monday, December 16th, in Charlotte, NC at the Park Center.
Scott McGhee sits on the couch and it is all very weird because they seemed to kind of be pushing him but it never amounted to anything and his match with Les Thornton at MSG is railroaded as McGhee seems kind of injured and slow. Regardless, the crowd does pop for some of the unique stuff they pull out – McGhee does a big monkey flip and dropkick that sends Thornton flying over the top, Thornton bridges up out of a pin, etc.
In discussing McGhee’s style, Vince utters: “Smothering one’s movements, uh… can be tough to do sometimes” – were these motherfuckers joking ‘about rape?
FUJI CHAN is aired, the long-awaited sequel to Fuji General and Fuji Bandito. It’s Moolah, Blassie, Muraco, Men Phillips, and a few local actors doing British accents in a mansion and everybody is clearly reading off of cue cards. “The Professor” gets stabbed when the lights go out. The crowd gets to vote after the clip on who was the worst actor and it goes to Mel Phillips, which is hilarious.
Tuesday Night Titans #62 (12/13/85)
The one with Jesse “The Body” Ventura playing with toys.
It must be Christmastime because there is a Christmas tree in the corner!
The Body joins TNT clad in a leather jacket, black boa, yellow/purple scarf, dark sunglasses, and chain earings. He talks up his ever-so-brief team with Randy Savage and a squash of theirs is actually shown, which is so cool. As Bruno Sammartino watches from the curtain like a disapproving dad, Ventura and Savage just beat ass and make frequent tags before a flying elbow finishes it.
In late-1985 Ventura was doing commentary, teaming with Savage and Piper, feuding with Bruno and The Hillbillies – what a run.
Vince advertises Uncle Elmer being there next week and his delivery of this is so good: “I wonder how you would compare your physical skills, now that we have them down pat compared to Bruno Sammartino, how would you compare them to… Uuuuncle ELLLMER.”
There’s also a segment with Ventura testing out Christmas gifts that is essentially an infomercial. The guy plugging the gifts plugs an 800 number and then I Wiki it and this company became THE SHARPER IMAGE. You can tell Ventura is chatting and being a goof off-camera, but he keeps the deadpan jerk heel character going as the camera rolls.
This toy salesman guy with slicked back black hair and sunglasses doing mall kiosk pitches is amazing. He explains to Vince the false-alarm beeper with WAY too many details, basically pitching that people want to get out of situations they are in every second of their lives and NEED this thing. Then Ventura tries a pogo stick and can’t do it.
Ricky Steamboat sits on the couch and we are teased with what Vince calls a “gruesome” match and one of the most grueling he’s ever seen Ricky in, which is Steamboat vs. Muraco match at MSG. But we get like 30 seconds of it and it’s just Muraco taking basic-ass moves! The only saving grace is Gorilla utters this line as Ricky puts on a chinlock: “Look at that, he’s trying to jerk
his head off.”
A clip airs from SNME of Mean Gene visiting George “The Animal” Steele at the Detroit Zoological Park. Steele, shirtless but still wearing wrestling tights, just yelling “BYE” and running into random bushes as Gene goes “Goodbye, George! Goodbye!” is the BEST.
The Quickdraw Rick McGraw Memorial Show is again plugged, and Vince says McGraw died of “uh a heart attack.”
The show ends with a kind of fun segment of Steele and Captain Lou Albano making CHRISTMAS COOKIES.
Tuesday Night Titans #63 (12/20/85)
The one with ROWDY RODDY PIPER and COWBOY BOB ORTON.
Amazing appearance by this duo on the show – these guys were absolute KINGS at this point. Piper sits on the couch and rants on Junkyard Dog’s action figure: “Before I was born, if I coulda put my ticket in… I woulda’ said, I woulda’ said… YOU KNOW WHAT I WANNA BE? I WANNA BE LARGE. I WANNA BE FAT. I WANNA BE BLACK. I WANNA HAVE A BIG COLLAR WITH CHAINS ON IT, A SILLY HAT, AND I WANT ‘EM TO CALL ME THE JUNKYARD DOG. [To Vince] Isn’t that what you’d want to be if you could’ve had your choice? HUH? I dare ya to say yes.” Just cut to the bone there, Roddy.
Piper brings the crowd to their feet as he rants and rips his action figure out of the packaging, ripping off the skirt and slamming it all over the wrestling ring. This guy just always amazes me every time he is on screen – this was the RUN that made the legend of Roddy Piper. HE talked a mile of minute and was so unlike anything in wrestling or even the world – just this big loud colorful guy in a SKIRT.
A Piper’s Pit with a very colorful cast is shown too, with Piper, Orton, The Dream Team, The Hart Foundation, Jimmy Hart and “Classy” Freddie Blassie calling out Paul Orndorff and… Dan Spivey, who had come into the WWF and was very under the radar for a little while. Hercules of all guys gets a ton of promo time on this.
We also get Rowdy Roddy Piper’s CHRISTMAS CAROL. And oh what a weird-ass treat. Piper is laying in bed playing Ebernezer Scrooge and hamming it up as random actors get brought in to play the Ghosts of Christmas. I wonder who wrote these things. The wrestlers? Vince? Patterson? George South? Was there some TNT production crew that just dicked around and made these things up? Piper almost REPENTS for his sins until he snaps on the ghosts and runs them off.
“When you’re sittin’ around and everyone’s just a-laughin’ and a-jokin’… well ya’ don’t wanna forget, ol’ Hot Rod’s in there always smokin’ and a-pokin’, don’t you ever take that lightly brother.”
Besides Roddy, S.D. Jones is here. I like that Vince saw nothing interesting about Jones other than that he was born in Antigua. There are at least three TNT appearances by Jones and it is all he talks about, being from Antigua.
Uncle Elmer sits down on the couch and a Hillbillies squash is shown. Hillbilly Jim knocking around Big Joe Mirto is the good stuff, including a shot to Jim’s gut that hits a mic and makes a big sound. I’m not sure who Mirto’s fellow squashee Darryl Bolen is, but he sells the shit out of a bearhug. Also, I feel like the mom on FX’s Baskets is doing an Uncle Elmer impression.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura stops by wearing the same outfit he wore on the last show plus a purple feather wig. A hot Body Shop segment airs, which was Ventura’s answer to Piper’s Pit. Jesse is just insulting The Hillbillies and Elmer argues back like a drunk in a bar – he even SWEARS and it bleeps. Back on the set, Ventura takes a gift that Uncle Elmer’s wife gave Elmer – a Rolex watch – and SMASHES it with a hammer. They were telling some kind of story where Elmer married into money, going for a real Beverly Hillbillies thing, but nobody really cared.
The first SLAMMY’S are announced too, this one just for music.
Vince examines the broken watch over the credits.
Tuesday Night Titans #64 (12/27/85)
The one that was a 1985 in Retrospect edition.
Vince and Alfred look back at cowboys (The Hillbillies and Terry Funk), managers (Heenan meeting a weasel, Orndorff firing Heenan, Mr. Fuji’s Tea Room, and Miss Elizabeth), models in the WWF (the swimwear competition, Lisa Sliwa, and Muraco getting a massage), guest hosts (Piper and Orton, Ventura), costumes (Halloween fun, Bundy trying on wigs, Alfred in a bathing suit), and other weird stuff (Muraco’s acting and Steele’s shock treatment).
Poor fake waitress Kim has to serve Vince and creepy Alfred all show.
Lord Alfred Hayes sums up a video package towards the end of the show like this: “Yes we have, um, just to wind up we have all our different people who have appeared on TNT at various times… we take tiny little snippets and put them all together with a musical backing.”
Vince seems unimpressed.
Vince and Alfred toast and we move on to 1986.
