This video is set up into four sections that are mostly filled with very brief clips from the 60s to the 80s and despite Ventura being an engaging voiceover, there’s no time to really savor anything. Short descriptions of very brief segments to follow.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura wears a green beret, big earings, black sunglasses, and a tight black t-shirt. His match intros remain the best parts of these tapes.
THE BIGGEST
The section in which I realized all we were gettin’ was CLIPS.
Andre the Giant vs. Samoan #3
Andre the Giant starts this for obvious reasons, labeled both “the most extraordinary attraction in sports or entertainment” and the only undefeated star in professional wrestling. They quickly get to the point of the match – Samu does a waistlok, Andre backs that ass up, and there’s a quick edit to slow-mo as Samu takes an absolutely phenomenal bump.
Bobo Brazil vs. “Classy” Freddie Blassie
Blassie has got blinding white hair and a grandpa bod, but he is still selling his fucking ass off, head and hair flopping all over the place as Big Bobo goes to town.
Haystacks Calhoun in 6-Man Action, “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd in a Handicap Match, Ivan Koloff, Gorilla Monsoon vs. The Wolfman, Blackjack Mulligan on Piper’s Pit
The same match that had 120 seconds shown on Most Unusual Matches has another 15 seconds shown here – Jesse putting over Haystacks’ size as a kid is the highlight.
Ivan Koloff is briefly in action, where Jesse reminds us: “now being big doesn’t necessarily mean tall – it can also mean real wide.”
Monsoon is a HOUSE of a human being.
15 seconds Big Blackjack on Piper’s Pit – OK! Cool!
Hulk Hogan vs. Big John Studd for the WWF Title, Nikolai Volkoff, King Kong Bundy vs. Tony Garea
Hogan vs. Studd seems fun for the 30 seconds they show, with real hot rope-running by both guys and real crappy left hands from The Hulkster.
Nikolai does a cool press slam backbreaker.
Can’t decide if Tony Garea’s bumping when he runs into King Kong Bundy as if he’s a brick wall is good or not.
Hillbilly Jim vs. Rene Goulet, Hillbilly Jim introduces Uncle Elmer on Piper’s Pit
Jesse promises a video tape soon on Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Ember: Wrestling’s Country Boys. The Hillbilly Jim squash of Goulet is kind of cool as Jim is over Goulet flies and bumps all over the place and submits to a bearhug. Piper’s reaction on Piper’s Pit to Uncle Elmer was kind of good too.
THE SMALLEST
None of this is any good, but it’s a moment in time, and these boys manage to work a crowd into a frenzy once in a while if they aren’t biting each other’s asses.
Tiny Tom & Butch Cassidy vs. Ivan the Terrible & Billy the Kid
Ivan the Terrible is actually awesome here – running around and bumping around, all pissed off as he does it. Jesse reminds us, “when you see these little guys flying around the ring – don’t forget for a moment that they are wrestlers in every sense of the word, possessing both the scientific skills and the strength.”
Haiti Kid & Tiger Jackson vs. Dana Carpenter & Pancho Boy
PANCHO BOY! And Dana Carpenter, who is like a giant midget. These boys were actually tearing it up here, with a lot of intense takedowns. Tiger blows a headcissors in the corner, wins with a crap crossbody, and goes on to become Dink the Clown.
Little Beaver & Sunny Boy vs. Sky Low Low & Butch Cassidy
These little guy matches were more amusing than actually funny. I guess they did it for the kids. It’s all about the kids. “The referee so far has gotten the short end of the stick, no pun intended,” deadpans Vince. A big little press slam on Sky Low Low wins it.
Little Joey & Frenchy Lamont vs. Sky Low Low & Little Brutus
This is a much older clip from the rest, taking us from the early 80s to maybe the early 70s. Frenchy Lamont is rocking jet black hair and looks like a midget Dean Martin. They actually get some heat on a hot tag here, god bless them.
THE STRANGEST
Here’s the money – even if we’re still getting nothing clips, at least we’re seeing some weird shit.
The Rugged Russians
At 40 seconds, one of the better bits of the tape, as I had never heard of these guys. They are managed by Nikita Mulkovich, who does a Russian dance when announced. Ventura explains the legend of The Rugged Russians: they were “a mysterious pair who had all sorts of ceremonies they had to complete before they’d begin a match… one of these bizarre rituals was where the two of them would eat raw garlic in the locker room … maybe they thought they could get the competition to submit by breathing on them. At any rate, it was the only time in the history of MSG where a tag team was given their own dressing room because the other wrestlers insisted on it.” They get that Russian heat that wouldn’t be perfected until Nikolai. They punch at each other as the bell is about to ring, and then… next.
The Wolfman vs. Gorilla Monsoon
This is the same match as before, but they show Wolfman pre-bell. Literally under ten seconds of footage.
Pampero Firpo
Jesse explains Pampero is The Wild Bull of the Argentine Pampas, has worked top guys like Argentina Rocca, Ricky Starr, and Bruno Sammartino, and is a well-education man who is fluent in six languages… but entering the ring brings out the wild side of his split personality. He throws some punches and we cut.
Crazy Luke Graham and Grand Wizard Promo
Crazy Luke Graham cheats to win and then we get a Grand Wizard promo, which as a longtime fan of the Worldwide Leader in Sports Entertainment I am sad to say that it is actually the first one of his I have ever seen. Vince interviews him at ringside and it’s pretty tremendous – Wizard in his suit and crazy glasses and turban comes across as such a flamboyant, annoying, confident completely professional man. This is one of the only extended segments on the tape so vaguely worth it. “Little Bobby Backlund – look out!”
Mad Dog Vachon
Mad Dog storms to the ring to a thunderous ovation in Minneapolis and immediately gets attacked by his opponent, until he mounts the comeback which gets #OVER.
High Tea with The British Bulldogs, Mr. Fuji and Moondog Spot (TNT #30)
This was on TNT #30 and it was pretty boring, though the cast of characters is completely bizarre. The clipping is worthwhile here, as they cut right to Spot using his dog bone to break all the tea cups.
WWF World Tag Team Title: Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch [c] vs. S.D. Jones & Mil Mascaras
This aired on TNT #3 and is a pretty fun match, though what is shown here is about 45 seconds of Adonis bumping around for Mascaras. Mascaras apparently only wrestles occasionally in Battle Royals, according to Jesse.
Captain Lou Albano, Nikoai Volkoff sings the Russian National Anthem
Real brief clips of Albano – as a manager, with Masa Saito, Hearts & Flowers on TNT, getting beat up by Snuka, and Gorilla offering this line: “The greatest walking advertisement for birth control I’ve ever seen.”
Nikolai does a classic rendition of the Anthem here, complete with trash being thrown in the ring, Blassie’s red sequined jacket, Sheik saluting… just amazing.
The Stranger Side of Fashion
This is legitimately five minutes of outfits in the WWF: Jesse’s pink suit and bandana at Mania. Adonis’ leather jacket and dog collar as he heads to the ring with Murdoch and Studd. Iron Sheik and Blasie wearing head-dresses. Brutus in a shiny vest. JYD… wearing a chain. The Strongbow Brothers as Indians. Hulk ripping off his shirt and ripping off Mean Gene’s too reveal trunks. Rowdy Rowdy Piper in a kilt. Jimmy Hart fantastic white suit with pink and black music notes. Blassie’s classic sequined jacket. Cyndi Lauper being Cyndi Lauper. Hammer’s robe. Heenan’s sequined jacket. “Luscious” Johnny Valiant in his big sunglasses. Moolah in her big sunglasses. A fan holding out a chicken bone to the Monodogs!!! Ventura wearing a hat that is also a boa. Ventura’s outfit on Most Unusual Matches. STRANGE. OUTFITS.
Bobby “The Brain Heenan, Big John Studd and Ken Patera Give a Haircut (TNT #20), Mad Maxine, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan Introduces The Missing Link, George “The Animal” Steele vs. Steve Lombardi
The haircut sketch with Heenan and Friends is a classic even if it goes on way too long. The Mad Max-inspired punk rocker Mad Maxine is a cool deal that did not take off at all. Missing Link’s TNT introduction is a classic weirdo 80s segment. George Steele smashing up the turnbuckle was such a great weird gimmick at the time and is on full display here.
THE STRONGEST
“Now for the Strongest – But before we start this section, there’s something quite serious we at the World Wrestling Federation would like to mention, especially to you younger fans. This program contains a number of segments with some really unusual and astounding feats of strength. They are performed by highly trained professional athletes and by no means should they be attempted by anyone else.”
Bruno Sammartino vs. Bepo the Mongol (Nikolai Volkoff)
Love seeing 70s Bruno footage. Young Nikolai playing a Mongol is always interesting to watch given his soon-to-be future. The crowd is fired up for Bruno’s shots, as per always.
Ivan Putski vs. Jesse “The Body” Ventura in an Arm Wrestling Match (TNT #7)
Jesse burying Paduski in the intro to the match is great – “one of the supposed strong men in the WWF.” This thing goes long but is a lot of fun, as Ventura was such a master of heel timing and the crowd was completely buying in. This is a real solid angle, but compared to all the other cool stuff they could’ve chosen to put on this tape to bring it up a notch, a disappointment.
Iron Sheik Swinging Perisan Clubs (TNT #11)
This is a brief clip of one of the weirder TNT segments, as it went on for far too long even if the setup is kind of incredible: a crappy Iranian sheik TV set complete with Persian rugs and slave girls and Vince McMahon. The clip sees Sheik swinging Persian Clubs – needed more yelling at slave girls.
Big John Studd Bench Presses 700 Pounds (TNT #12)
Studd is pretty great here, shit-talking the entire way through trying to set the record. He buries Vince and the other assistant’s “lousy lift-off” and a rickety bench when he can’t break the record. Later, he interrupts a Bruno Sammartino interview and demands to beat it – and he does. Wooooo hoo. The excitement is mounting.
Tony Atlas vs. Ken Patera, Ken Patera Feats of Strength, Ken Patera Holds Back a Car (TNT #8)
This is definitely the best part of the whole tape, a showcase of Ken Patera who is pretty phenomenal any time he shows up on the mid-80s WWE Network – and unfortunately it’s not enough. First they show a spot with him vs. Tony Atlas where Atlas FLEXES and Patera and Heenan are flabbergasted. Atlas soon sends Patera to the outside and into Heenan’s arms.
Then a full angle with Patera being interviewed in-ring with super young Vince McMahon and performing different feats of strength is shown. Patera is decked out in a big blonde fro and his gross green USA singlet. He’s such a great dickish promo, like the bully’s dad who is as big a bully as him. He smashes a walnut, bends a steel rod, and BLOWS A BALLOON to sell the force of his LUNGS. It is all pretty incredible, even if I am pretty sure he just popped the balloon.
The final feat of strength aired on TNT #8, with Patera holding a car back with his feet against a brick wall, though it is kind of obvious that the car is just revving its’ engine and people are shaking it to make it look like it’s trying to forward.
There are some neat clips here but no meat to anything. And it’s kind of a drag to get through. Might have been a neat oddity back in the day and I guess acts as some kind of intro to wrestling, but it’s not a well-done one. 2/10
