The thing about the WWF’s first foray into national exposure in the mid-80s is you get to see how they chose to prevent certain things to the masses.
For example – there was an episode of Tuesday Night Titans (#6) in the summer of 1984 that essentially canonized how referees work in the WWF that is just fascinating to watch.
In January through March 1985, they tried to make wrestling relevant and cool with big time celebrity involvement at WrestleMania.
In April 1985, they released a home video showing that wrestlers aren’t just mean brutes – they can also be FUNNY!
And in May 1985, they released a home view video that articulated in-depth the why and how of GIMMICK MATCHES.
This is that video.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura welcomes us from the WWF Control Center wearing a blue bird feather hat, red flaming sunglasses, big hoop earrings, a mustard leather jacket, and a white t-shirt.
Gorilla Monsoon on the Bloopers tape was fun, but Ventura on these is an absolute treasure. He does voiceover intros for most of the matches (and even commentates one) which is cool, but the real magic is how logically he breaks down just why these competitors couldn’t just get it done in a regular old wrestling match. In a world where a Hell in a Cell match is set up just because the next pay-per-view is called Hell in a Cell, it is so cool to hear.
But he isn’t just like – here’s why Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and Chief Wahoo McDaniel were tied together with a leather strap. No no… he goes deeper.
He starts the video explaining why normal rules are changed: “first, to give the fans that little extra measure of excitement, by coming up with a greater possible number of combinations for action … the second reason is when the feeling between opponents becomes so bitter that the special matches have to be arranged so both contestants will be forced by a new set of rules to stay within the squared circle long enough to complete a bout.” Oh my GOD how hyped are you for the possibilities right now!?
He goes through a few examples too and really puts over the danger of something that feels so simple nowadays like a STEEL CAGE MATCH. Honestly – the matches on this thing are great, but these voiceovers and explanations of how each match cam about might be my favorite part.
Read how Jesse describes the Lumberjack Match: “The name derives from the Northwest Canadian woods and the super tough world of the lumber camps.” Absolutely fantastic.
1. Lumberjack Match – WWF Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana [c] vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
This match is clipped just barely – the full thing can be seen on WWF Old School (MSG 3/17/85), which has been reviewed here and can be read again below. Other things that caught me on watching this a second time were Hammer’s HUGE knee in the corner, and how Hammer would just SWAT at Tito to take him down and then swat at him again as he fell. Awesome aesthetic too with The Fink doing an intro, Jimmy Hart’s obnoxious suit jacket, Hammer jumping up and down in his big purple robe, and good guy Tito Santana jogging to the ring in his satin jacket. This. Is. Wrestling.
Valentine vs. Tito matches – always heated, great chemistry. This has the addition of most of the guys on the undercard outside as lumberjacks, which makes for a few fun spots but also has them ham-fisting the gimmick into some pretty magical chemistry these two had. Tito is all fired up and Greg’s calm-yet-goofy selling is amazing, every strike getting a reaction of, “OK. I am pretty sure that hurt. Yup. It did. I’m going to fall down now.” Lots of Hammer offense, Tito mounting comebacks, and either guy falling outside so other guys could throw them back in. Finish sees Big John Studd help Valentine on a figure-four, so Tito goes after STUDD, then slugs away with Valentine until they run into each other and Valentine falls on top for the win. Crowd goes fucking NUTS when figure-four is applied. ***1/2
2. Indian Strap Match: Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (MSG 7/30/79)
Jesse does solo commentary for this. It is a dirty, awesome old school match. Nothing glamorous, but it is 8-minutes long and both guys are just BEATING each other with the strap. Hammer has his hard, credible shots, and is like slightly more mobile than one might be used to. Most of the match is Chief all tied up in the strap with his face covered in blood but he keeps fighting back, keeping the movement going to the crowd’s delight as he sells and eventually doing the ol’ Indian dance power-up. Chief actually tries to escape to the aisleway a couple times and Hammer nastily pulls him with the strap back into the ring, and you know Jesse is right there saying babyface Chief is trying to run. Because it’s the World Wrestling Federation, the finish sees the ref get kicked in the balls by mistake and Ivan Putski, Domic DeNucci, and young Tito Santana awkwardly run in to break both guys up as the bell clangs for a double DQ. Extra special bonus content after the match as GREG THE HAMMER VALENTINE GOES TO USE A CHAIR AND A FAN TRIES TO PULL IT AWAY SO HE ATTACKS THE FAN. I added an extra 1/4* for that! ***1/2
3. Texas Tornado Tag Match: Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Junkyard Dog vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper & Cowboy Bob Orton (MSG 1/21/85)
Jesse explaining how the WWF came to running in a Tornado Tag Match is an absolute must-listen, my words will not do it justice. The match though is – eh. There are some fun parts – it’s Snuka and JYD and Piper and Orton for godssakes – but the wrestling is really kind of transparently trash, even if everybody could get by on reaction and character. Everything just kind of looks fake. Piper blows a spot where he’s supposed to trip over a kneeling JYD, instead just dropping to his knees and kind of backing his way over JYD. There is a LONG sleeper towards the end. But also – Piper and Orton flailing around for the good guys is always good fun, with the highlight being Ace spilling to the outside, hooking his legs on the bottom rope, and landing head-first on the floor. And the crowd is screaming their absolute tits off. Piper and Ace steal the win, when Snuka gets thrown into a chair on the floor, Piper trips JYD, and Orton rolls him up. You know – the more I write about this match the less I like it. **
4. WWF Women’s Title #1 Contender’s 10-Woman Battle Royal (Featuring: Paula Kaye, Donna Christanello, Black Venus, White Venus, Sue Green, Black Panther, Peggy Patterson, others) (late-60s)
The winner of this match filled to the brim with Fabulous Moolah trainees gets a cash prize and a right to challenge the WWF Women’s Champion, the Fabulous Moolah. Creepy. This is like 5 minutes and really clipped, but kind of cool to watch in that it must have been such an oddity at the time. Women’s wrestling wasn’t even legal in MSG! And it wasn’t a normal Battle Royal, ya had to pin your opponent! And there’s a lady in a mask! The footage is real old timey, Gorilla Monsoon is doing voiceover solo commentary, and the referee is a long-haired guy in a polo and khakis. There are triple bodyscissors, triple pins, double monkey flips, and double slingshots. They do a couple catapult into sunset flip spots that feel pretty insane for the 60s, even if the gal taking the move just kind of stands there for it and it kills the biz. Not sure I followed the finish – Paula catapulted Sue into Donna who did a backdrop and then Sue did the catapult on Donna but Donna monkey flipped her old partner Paula for the pin and then Sue rolls up Donna. I dunno. Regardless, the people go fucking NUTS when Sue wins. N/A
5. 20-Man Battle Royal (Featuring: Sgt. Slaughter, Tito Santana, Chief Jay Strongbow, Afa, Sika, Samu, Antonio Inoki, Terry Daniels, Jose Luis Rivera, Iron Sheik, “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff, Adrian Adonis, Dick Murdoch, Cowboy Bob Orton, Butcher Vachon, Rene Goulet, Steve Lombardi, Ron Shaw and Charlie Fulton) (MSG 7/23/84)
The cool thing about this match is that you get a LONG intro (as long with all 20 guys being introduced one-by-one, and you see a who’s who of mid-80s tag guys and jobber. The Samoans all enter completely separate (Sika goes first, then ten other guys are introduced, then Afa comes out). Steve Lombardi is FAT. Sheik gets big heat. Plus, Antonio freakin’ Inoki is here with the red towel and everything, and some guy hollers “Heyyyy alriiiight!” as he enters. The match itself is a bunch of awkward brawling around, just like always. Highlights see Sarge going right after the Sheik at the start, Adonis waking the crowd up with his bumping, and an Inoki enzuigiri sending Cowboy Bob flying over the top. A clip in the middle misses some of the big eliminations, including Sarge. The match comes down to Inoki vs. Rene Goulet and Ron Shaw, with Inoki ducking a shot that causes Goulet to knock Shaw over the top, and Inoki winning by eliminating Goulet. Real basic BS but it’s a battle royal man, it was still kinda fun. **
6. WWF Intercontinental Title – Steel Cage Match: Magnificent Muraco [c] vs. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka (MSG 10/17/83)
This is THE Superfly Splash match. It ain’t no ring classic but it works, and in the grand scheme of history nobody gives a shit about the match anyways. The cage had a real aura at this point – the crowd pops as Snuka steps into it and the door closes, while Muraco milks the intensity and moves all around. Buddy Rogers cornered Snuka, while Albano was with Muraco. The match is mostly Muraco bumping like a big expressive maniac and Snuka either punching and stomping the ring for a big sound, or laying out covered in blood. I found it interesting watching this that this is essentially young upstart Snuka, yet he still just seems like old immobile Snuka. Despite some real dead air here, the crowd stays with him. The match ends when Snuka headbutts Muraco and he bumps over the top like he’s in a Royal Rumble and falls out the door. The post-match is the money, as that dick Superfly drags the guy who just by-the-book won the match back in the ring and vertical suplexes him. He looks at the crowd, face covered in blood, and heads to the top rope, where he decides to climb to the top of the cage, does the Superfly pose (ICONIC), and hits the Superfly Splash off the top of the steel cage on Don Muraco. Hogan would come in a few months later, but Snuka was momentarily The Guy. ***
7. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Arnold Skaaland vs. Magnificent Muraco & Captain Lou Albano (MSG 12/26/83)
As Jesse says, “So here’s a bout that’s extremely rare… December 26th, 1983, when the managers donned the tights.” This is from the same night Sheiky beat Bob Backlund for the WWF Title. Backlund’s manager Arnold Skaaland had taken over Snuka’s career from Buddy Rogers, though I think the arrangement was short-lived. This is a match where they mostly get by on characters but the wrestling is complete shit. There’s some good stuff – Muraco acts all satisfied after leapfrogging Skaaland, only to turn around into a right hand. The Muraco/Snuka showdown feels BUZZY. And even though he is old as shit, the crowd goes NUTS for everything Skaaland does. But man is Snuka vs. Albano just the absolute dirt worst professional wrestling, and the match breaks down as a result. Snuka does a shit crossbody on Muraco for the 3, then gives Muraco and Albano maybe the worst ever noggin’ knocker afterwards. Shit. *
8. Haystacks Calhoun, Larry Zbyszko & “High Chief” Peter Maivia vs. Butcher Vachon, Strong Kobayashi & Moose Monroe (mid-70s)
What a wild cast of characters this is. It’s like 3 minutes of clips and cheesy as hell mid-70s wrestling designed to showcase big Haystacks. But the notable names make it semi-worthwhile. I mean – The Rock’s grandpa! Larry Zbyszko! Strong Kobayashi, who I am not sure is Kuniaki Kobayashi or not! A guy named MOOSE MONROE! N/A
9. 3/5 Falls: Andre the Giant, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Pedro Morales, Rocky Johnson & Salvatore Bellomo vs. Magnificent Muraco, “Superstar” Billy Graham, Ray Stevens, Buddy Rose & Mr. Fuji (Philadelphia Spectrum 2/19/83)
WHAT A CAST THIS IS – OH MY GOD. This isn’t like good or anything but everybody had a good time. Buddy Rose and Rocky Johnson absolutely KILL IT to open. Ray Stevens shows off the classic bumping that Ric Flair made famous. Andre backs his ass up into Muraco. Muraco finds all kinds of ways to take telegraphed bumps on Andre. Rose sells his ass off for Jimmy Snuka. Andre sells Mr. Fuji karate chops like death. Plus, Gorilla does solo commentary over his own commentary. A total spectacle. **
A great tape. It sputters out a bit towards the end, but almost everything is fun and some stuff legitimately great. There are some cool classic gimmick matches not yet on the Network here too, like the Strap Match and full Snuka splash match. The Coliseum presentation has improved as well, and Ventura is incredible. 9/10
