This was the first ever WWF home video released under the Coliseum brand.
They were clearly working some stuff out, as this is more a bunch of clips haphazardly put together than anything. It was a way to show the everyman that wrestling ain’t just serious dudes in trunks grappling – it could be FUN!!!
Gorilla Monsoon (with no glasses, which really threw me off) hosts. He says you place a wrestler in a TV studio and things get outrageous. You might even get some hilarious surprises – surprises that can only come to you from the stars of the World Wrestling Federation.
We also get like 10 seconds of Gorilla Monsoon bloopers with him flubbing lines that should have been more like 300 seconds.
Outside of about 30-seconds of a 10-man tag with Andre the Giant, this is all footage from 1984 episodes of Tuesday Night Titans. I talked a lot more about this stuff in the Year in Review – WWF Tuesday Night Titans (1984) and Year in Review – WWF in 1984 posts.
The TNT’s of 1984 had this weird stoner vibe to them, with young promoter Vince McMahon and his merry band of weirdos doing their thing before the production (and Vince himself) got a little more refined. Some of this is amazing, some of it is kind of stupid and runs way too long. If you’re into it though, it’s genuinely pretty fascinating. WWF of course ran angles and sketches before TNT, but this was their first concerted effort at real national television production.
1. Andre the Giant, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Pedro Morales, Rocky Johnson & Salvatore Bellomo vs. Magnificent Muraco, “Superstar” Billy Graham, Ray Stevens, Buddy Rose & Mr. Fuji (Andre backs into Muraco)
What we’ve got here is a 2-minute clip of a big 10-man tag – seriously, look at the STAR POWER here! What a match! The crowd is going NUTS as Andre the Giant tags in and goes after Muraco, who sells hard for the big man and gets an ass bump to his gut.
2. Hearts and Flowers: “Classy” Freddie Blassie answers love questions from lady fans (TNT #14)
These Hearts and Flowers segments from TNT were always a trip, with host Vince McMahon asking a rotating cast of managers questions written from “fans” that were clearly written by dudes trying to crack each other up. It’s like how Bill Hader and John Mulaney did the Stefan bits except more gross. The fan here tells Blassie he enjoys TNT so much that his wife has to ask him what she can do to get him to pay attention and it gives me the sweats as that could be my very lady writing in if it wasn’t from 1984. Blassie’s response: take a bath. Big fan of Blassie trying not to corpse as Vince asks these goofy questions. Fun for the whole family – I’m kidding.
3. “Iron” Mike Sharpe w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Steve Gray (Gray loses his toupee) (TNT #10)
This match right here is one of the most incredible squash matches of all time and should be more legendary than it is. As a total wrestling geek with an Internet connection for years, I was shocked – SHOCKED – that I never heard of this until I checked out all the TNT’s on the Network. The gist is that notable WWF jobber and general crazy person “Iron Mike Sharpe” takes on a guy named Steve Gray, and the match starts innocently enough – until Gray’s toupee starts off. YES, this is real life: he wore a toupee to the ring and it FELL OFF. The match proceeds to break down as Grey begins no-selling everything in an effort to just keep his hair on, but a big slam from Sharpe causes him to officially lose it. The crowd is cracking up as commentary basically no-sells it: “Looks like somebody threw something in the ring there, I don’t know.” The ref grabs the toupee and tries to put it in his pocket, but Sharpe grabs it and holds it up to a big ovation. It’s not on the Coliseum tape, but when TNT cut back to Vince and Alfred they’re cracking up. I am certain that this is one of the top 100 greatest things to ever happen in the world. Must watch!
4. Tiger Chung Lee with “Classy” Freddie Blassie martial arts demonstration (Lee cannot break the brick) (TNT #58)
This one actually aired on TNT #58 (which aired after this tape was released) but it did take place in 1984. It’s Vince, Blassie and Lee basically doing an early version of the TNT sketches, just on the side of an arena (or TV studio) instead of on an actual television set. The thing here is – Freddie Blassie hypes up Tiger Chung Lee as his super strong Asian man who will take over WWE, but when he goes to demonstrate his strength by breaking a brick with his bare hand… he can’t break the brick! And it’s pretty funny in a trashy kinda way. Ya kind of feel bad for Chung Lee after a while. Blassie shouting Asian gibberish at Lee as he tries and fails to break it is a highlight.
5. Captain Lou Albano promo on his IQ (TNT #14)
The editing on this tape is weird – Captain Lou Albano is a treasure but how many guys sat around a table and said, “This is it. This 30-second Captain Lou promo is what we are going to feature.” The promo is Albano ranting on his “901.73” IQ. He says he is a linguist, a bi-linguist, a strategist, and a genius. God damn right.
6. Tony Atlas/”Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff Pose-Off; Orndorff attacks Atlas (TNT #15)
One of the most special weird things from Tuesday Night Titans in 1984 was Cafe Rene, which saw a cafe put on the TNT set along with comedy, magic, and guys in masks sitting in the crowd. On the same show, Tony Atlas and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff had a pose-off to show off their oiled up muslces and man was it something. It’s your standard weird-ass pose-down complete with weird-ass music as Atlas awkwardly poses, some REAL close-up shots of Atlas’ disturbing bacne, and finally Orndorff attacking Atlas from behind leading to a brawl that destroys the set and has Alfred spill red wine on his tuxedo. The music during the pose-down is the best part, feels like Tim and Eric but real.
7. Vince McMahon interviews Iron Sheik in front of his camel Claude (TNT #11)
This is a weird little deal as at face value it’s a recipe for success – you’ve got Vince McMahon, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 39, interviewing Iron Sheik, as crazy as ever, in front of a CAMEL. Sheik says his camel is beautiful and rants about Sgt. Slaughter, while Vince tries his best to get inside the camel’s head. I mean doesn’t that sound amazing? But it goes on for far too long, both on the show and here in it’s edited format. Like, I get it – they had a camel, might as well get 10 minutes of material out of it. But Claude the Camel is a miss.
8. Kamala with “Classy” Freddie Blassie tries to eat a live chicken (TNT #7)
They actually cut the chicken segment off the WWE Network, so the blessed Gods that provided us Coliseum Home Videos on the Network provide it to us here in all its glory. It’s nothing to write home about but completely incredibly bizzare. This was around when the WWF was introducing Kamala for his first run. Freddie Blassie and Friday appear on the TNT set with a cage housing The Famous “Performing Chicken.” Kamala enters and inspects the chicken intently as Blassie chats with Vince. Eventually, Blassie shouts, “It’s about time, Friday! It’s about time!” Vince freaks out as Blassie says the chicken will now do a disappearing act, but the chicken seems to escape – until they cut to Kamala chewing on some feathers. Oh my WORD. Everything about Kamala in the mid-80s feels wrong, but I’m glad it happened.
9. Haiti Kid vs. Danny Carpenter (referee gets involved) (TNT #8)
This is mid-80s midget wrestling at its finest, complete with ass-biting and referee Gilberto Roman grappling with the little fellas. Gorilla Monsoon seems SO bored commentating it.
10. Ivan Putski introduces Vince McMahon to Polka (TNT #3)
Absolutely must-watch stuff here – there isn’t a lot to say outside of the fact that Vince McMahon is getting the fuck DOWN to polka music on the same show he announced the death of his father. It really is something special. McMahon was always a nut.
11. Hulk Hogan introduces Hulkster’s Python Powder; Lord Alfred Hayes vomits (TNT #9)
A truly classic TNT segment, as The Hulkster – firmly planted in the prime of his first big run – introduces Vince McMahon and Lord Alfred Hayes to his line of nutrition supplements, including his Python Powder. Hogan was the larger-than-life superhero champion, pushing exercise and healthy eating, a true role model for all the young Hulkamaniacs around the world. You know – a fitness boom took hold in America in the late-70s and was kind of sputtering out in the mid-80s, so it is not shocking that the WWF pushed their way into the mainstream headlined by a guy who was basically a fitness guru hawking supplements.
The segment starts off innocently enough, with Hogan introducing his supplements and telling Vince and Uncle Al that they would soon be “on the market” (they weren’t). It eventually devolves into something special though – Hulk starts preparing the Python Powder and Alfred offers his review: “It’s… gray.” Vince is eventually just popping supplements with Hogan and sucking down the shake. He freakin’ LOVES the shake: “Mmm, mmmmm – that is really delicious.” Alfred then drinks the shake and PUKES!!! The puking is probably the most famous part of this sketch, but Vince just demolishing all kinds of supplements alongside Hogan is truly special. Wendi Richter then joins the crew and measures Hogan’s 24-inch pythons, while Hulk asks to “measure something of hers.” And they say the late-90s was the Attitude Era!
12. Hearts and Flowers: Captain Lou Albano answers love questions from lady fans (TNT #14)
Captain Lou rants on a woman’s odor and says he showers 3 to 4 times daily and all kinds of other stuff. It’s legitimately impressive how hecan go on these crazy rants off of any question he is asked. Guy is better than Second City.
13. Cooking with The Wild Samoans (Afa & Sika) (TNT #1)
Aired on the PILOT episode of TNT, this segment sees The Wild Samoans (a key part of the WWF’s tag division for the last couple years, before they left the WWF in late-1984) cook seafood for Vince and Lord Alfred. This segment above all on the first episode shows the potential of TNT that would eventually be reached – Vince as host, wrestlers doing something crazy, Vince messing with Alfred who reacts only as Alfred can. His disgust with the odor of the food is particularly inspired.
14. Captain Lou Albano costs The Wild Samoans the WWF World Tag Team Title and is interviewed on it (TNT #1)
This is the last few minutes of the Samoans/Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson Tag Titles switch, which is as WWF 1984 as it gets – Rocky and Afa take a really bad choreographed bump to the outside, but it leads to a ref bump and a hot finish as Albano hits Sika with a chair by mistake, SWIVELS with surprise, and Tony gets the 3 as the crowd jumps up and down. Great fun for 5 minutes.
15. Salvatore Bellomo cooks Italian food with Vince McMahon and Lord Alfred Hayes (TNT #10)
Vince McMahon’s fascination with Salvatore Bellomo is a special part of the Tuesday Night Titans run. The guy gets as many features as Piper or Hogan, but he’s not doing promos or hawking supplements: he’s building ships out of paper, he’s awkwardly answering Vince’s talk show questions, and he’s cooking Mama Bellomo’s pizza recipe for Vince and Alfred, complete with everybody wearing chef hats. Vince is at his no-fucks-given best here, cracking up over Bellomo trying to knead bread and dropping this comment on Alfred after flour ends up on his face: “You have powder all over your nose… that’s probably not the first time I’ve seen that.” Between that and Gorilla Monsoon introducing the segment by saying, “to make-a real-a pizza no-a use-a pin,” we are in truly special territory here.
16. Gene Okerlund visits Adrian Adonis’ neighborhood in New York City with Dick Murdoch (TNT #7)
Another TNT classic – Mean Gene Okerlund heads to the streets of New York City in a full tuxedo (and microphone in tow) to visit Adrian Adonis, who’s such a character – bright red Nike shirt, dog collar around his neck. The full segment of this on TNT #7 is well-worth watching as Adonis is just fucking around, doing cartwheels in the middle of the street and walking around like he owns the place. Mean Gene knocks on random doors to find Adonis and when he does make it to his front door, a lady from upstairs calls down: “Hi Adrian, come back!” Dick Murdoch also tags along, as at the time they were teaming as the “North-South Connection” so Murdoch visited Adonis in the North, and Adonis later visited Dick in the South. Just great weird stuff, and honestly an interesting slice of life seeing the Bowery in all its mid-80s glory.
17. Hearts and Flowers: “Luscious” Johnny Valiant answers love questions from lady fans (TNT #13)
More WWF managers taking weird questions from Vince: this time a wife complains that her husband doesn’t have a wrestler’s physique, another says her husband makes her put a mask on when they go to bed. Valiant is clearly improvising and it’s OK, but doesn’t hold a candle to Blassie and Albano. He’s the kind of 80s heel that Vince McMahon is thinking about when he says 80s heels don’t work anymore. Valiant introducing Brutus Beefcake on the same TNT and having him strip in front of a bunch of people is a much better segment.
18. Andre the Giant sit-down interview; Andre the Giant sings the Fish Song (TNT #6)
Absolutely tremendous stuff from Andre the motherfucking Giant. Andre first shows off the size of his hand by covering Alfred’s face, and then they go to a commercial with a tease that Andre will be singing “The Fish Song” next. We cut to Andre on a stage, music playing. He tries to get the music right… “too fast … too loud.” Finally, he seems satisfied – and he doesn’t sing, he just mimes going swimming and makes fish faces. Andre says we’ll be right back with “The Whale Song” and everybody is just cracking up, taking in a time when the WWF wasn’t quite the national phenomenon it wanted to be but was well on its’ way. Incredible.
19. Piper’s Pit w/ Cyndi Lauper; Captain Albano interrupts (TNT #4)
This was one of the key segments of the Rock n’ Wrestling storyline and an amazing performance from all three folks involved. Piper is Piper, swagger just running through his veins. Albano is just incredible at everything, and especially great at being a total sleazeball. Lauper meanwhile is the star, and in the grand scheme of things might be underrated as a WWF guest star. She sells her disgust with Albano, goes off when he calls her a broad, and is a legitimately great promo who doesn’t over-do it. I mean this segment was HOT. “I don’t want to get mad – don’t get me mad!”
All of this eventually led into Mania, with Albano taking credit for Lauper’s career (despite only being in her famous music video for a second), Lauper getting involved in the women’s division, Albano eventually turning face and joining Lauper’s MS charity, and Piper continuing to feud with Laper which leads to Hogan getting involved. HUGE.
20. Butcher Vachon Wedding Reception (TNT #17)
An all-time great TNT segment. Watching all the TNT’s back-to-back, it really struck me just how much Vince had built this thing up. Tons of teases, and they dedicated the entire TNT #16 to Vince and Alfred going around to different stores as they planned the wedding (even buying Butcher’s wife’s dress themselves).
Coliseum skips the ceremony, so you should probably go watch the full thing. But the reception is something special. It’s legitimately just all the talent ending 1984 by getting drunk and having a great time while Vince tries to play the straight man, before he too gives into the madness. Captain Lou threatens to strip and pitches a Butcher Vachon and George “The Animal” Steele tag team. Wild Samoan Sika kisses Sky Low Low’s head. “Dr. D” David Schultz gives shitty life pro tips to Butcher’s wife: “When your man wants something, you’ll get it for ’em. You change the tires! You get the firewood!” Schultz also shoves cake in her face and Vachon seems completely unfazed.
Things eventually transition into a food fight. Vince cannot contain himself when Sky Low Low gets a pie to the face. The Reverend (who’s at the reception of course) begins to throw a pie at Vince, but instead creams himself because you do not fuck with Vince McMahon even when he’s just a young fella just havin’ a laugh. Dr. D though does not give a shit and just NAILS Vince with a pie so hard that it made me think maybe the John Stossel slap wasn’t what got D fired, but this. Mad Dog Vachon puffs a cigar. Champagne tops are popped. Chairs are being thrown. The set falls down. A band plays. Vince slides across the floor. Dr. D shakes up a bottle of Pepsi and sprays it all over. The Wild Samoans harass a lady until Vince has to pull her a way. A cameraman yells at Vince to look at the camera. Everybody’s covered in baked goods. And the first Coliseum Home Video comes to a close.
Complete, absolute, wonderful insanity. Bloopers, bleeps, and body slams indeed.
The Coliseum Home Video credits offer a “Special Thanks to Vince McMahon” and provide this disclaimer: “The wrestling matches on this cassette have been edited to maximize their entertainment. Careful preservation of the spirit and integrity of the matches has been maintained.” Wrestling is real, baby.
This is just a bunch of clips from Tuesday Night Titans. As a digest of that show’s 1984, it’s alright, and if you haven’t seen TNT before, it’s a pretty entertaining watch. Most of the stuff here is worth watching too as far as mid-80s WWF insanity, and they do feature a few of the best ever TNT segments. But it also leaves a little to be desired and is kind of haphazardly edited. There will be better Coliseum tapes. 5/10
