These big WWE Network shows running six hours is always kind of insane, but they usually deliver. I really liked this whole thing.
They’ve done a fine job of keeping the 2-hour Kickoff shows interesting – you still get Renee Young stretching for time with her weird posse of co-hosts, but the matches are spaced out well and they load it up with promos and cameos – even if the Alundra Blayze thing was weird as hell.
Cannot believe they gave away the HUGE American Alpha reunion just 18 minutes into the Kickoff!!!
0. Kalisto, Sin Cara & Lince Dorado vs. TJP, Jack Gallagher & Drew Gulak
A better than normal cruiserweight match. Not the greatest thing and a bit quiet, but a showcase for six talented dudes – chain wrestling, flying, and an awesome triple moonsault off the post. Drew Gulak not getting his own entrance and wrestling in front of 205 people in Philly is a travesty, but Gulak getting a big PowerPoint chant regardless is great. Loved Jack’s “You were right!” shtick after going for and missing a move off the top despite Gulak’s protests. Metalik as per usual looked like the best wrestler in WWE. Lots of good stuff packed in here, really – it’s all the cool stuff these guys do with a little more energy than usual. Just wish the folks cared more. ***1/4
0. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. The Revival
This was more than 2 minutes long, so that’s good. Could’ve probably used X-Pac at ringside, though. Might have come off better as a RAW TV match than Rumble Kickoff match, but still a solid little match. Had a good not great Revival beating, and Gallows occasionally playing a great fired up big babyface. Awesome chop block to finish. **1/2
0. WWE U.S. Title: Bobby Roode [c] vs. Mojo Rawley
Mojo Rawley’s entrance might be the perfect amalgamation of over-produced WWE, Performance Center culture, jock recruitment strategy, and so on and so forth. Just bad. This was a match that never got out of the gear it got stuck in when it was revealed that it was Mojo Rawley answering the open challenge. *1/2
1. Handicap Match – WWE Title: AJ Styles [c] vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
AJ Styles looked great here and I liked parts of the Owens and Zayn tag shtick, but c’mon – AJ Styles is in his prime, why is he working Ebessan and Kushinobu Kamen in a Handicap Match? AJ’s bumps, the cool rana out of the monkey flip, and the incredible timing on the kickout from the superkick to Blue Thunder Bomb were highlights. Such a smooth front cradle for that finish too. Lots of good quality wrestling here, but the package it came wrapped in is just so shit. ***
2. 2/3 Falls – SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. Shelton Benjamin & Chad Gable
I’m not sure lengthy leg work was best call for this part of the show, but whenever an Uso gets revving the wrestling gets special. I really liked the idea of doing an epic finish for the first fall – it made for a few dramatic false finishes as the WWE fan has been engineered to expect the first fall to go real quick. Also really liked the idea of Usos getting two straight falls – Gable & Benjamin is clearly a temporary team, while The Usos are god damn legends. Lots of good stuff packed in here too… Gable’s Tiger Suplex was sweet, the float-over kick leading to the superkick and double superkicks spot looked gorgeous, and the Hart Attack on the floor was freakin’ brutal. Creative finish too, with Gable & Benjamin setting up their finish, only for Jey to roll up Benjamin and Jimmy hold onto Gable on the top rope to prevent the save. ***1/4
3. Men’s Royal Rumble Match
The Royal Rumble might be my favorite match in wrestling, but the last few years have kind of been downers, even if they had the obligatory fun spots. This thing though was kind of incredible, and it’s totally recency bias but afterwards I thought it might have been my favorite Rumble ever. 1992 had a special performance, and some of the Attitude Era ones were really fun, but from start to finish this thing was booked pretty much perfect. Everybody got a moment or some shine and was used to their fullest, the guys that got dumped didn’t even look like losers as quite a few lasted a long time, the surprises were a blast, and there were a lot of really well-booked mini threads that kept the fun going.
Every Rumble has a lot of guys just awkwardly brawling and trying to force each other over the top rope, but this one had so much goodness built around that. All the THREADS, man:
- Super Over Rusev Day kicking things off
- Brief ECW nostalgia with Rhyno (love the ECW Originals, but the time has passed – this was all that was needed)
- Baron Corbin being quickly eliminated, only to wreck everybody in his path
- Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn taking out poor Tye Dillinger at #10
- Jinder Mahal eliminating Big E and Xavier Woods, only for Kofi Kingston to do another fun Rumble elimination dodge (New Day POGO STICKING Kofi up over the ropes had every dude I was watching with flip out), then eliminate Jinder himself – and then get eliminated by Almas, who actually thought for a second and threw him onto the floor opposite New Day
- Heath Slater trying desperately to get down to the ring and being attacked by everyone, only to be thrown in by Sheamus and proceed to immediately eliminate Sheamus – what a plot twist!
- Cesaro and Apollo Crews randomly crushing it together
- Build for the RAW Tag Titles match with Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro, and Seth taking out Cesaro (with a huge bump by Cesaro)
- Woken Matt and Bray Wyatt teaming up, then eliminating each other
- Everyone ganging up on John Cena
- John Cena and Elias continuing to go at it
- Rey Mysterio tearing it up like he never left
- A call-back to The Shield vs. The Miz feud
- Roman Reigns eliminating Seth Rollins
And finally, my favorite: the awesome execution of the OLD GUARD vs. NEW GUARD final six, which is such a not WWE thing to do but such an awesome thing anyways. Roman Reigns, Finn Balor and Shinsuke Nakamura squaring off with John Cena, Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio was SO cool, as was the Smark/Mark theme of Finn and Nakamura vs. Reigns and Cena, as was the really special finish between Nakamura and Reigns, which played off all the regret of year’s past with Roman winning the 2015 Rumble (also in Philly) to either boos or general apathy.
That’s the great thing about WWE sometimes: all logic pointed to Nakamura winning, and yet ya still feel Roman might win it anyways. They played with the people’s EMOTIONS, man – Brock vs. Roman has been the rumor forever, Nakamura hasn’t been killing it on the main roster – even though it would go over like a big ol’ fart, it still seemed possible that Roman would pull it out. Beyond that, Roman vs. Nakamura was just awesome. Really physical and heated, and so many great teases of Nak going out. WWE can really get it done sometimes, folks.
Great surprises too – Rey Mysterio, THE HURRICANE, Adam Cole, and Andrade “Cien” Almas entering as NXT Champ and actually lasting a while. Even the surprises all had a point – one joke one with Hurricane, and otherwise a cool return that could lead to something else and a rub for two rising NXT stars.
Just a wonderful bunch of bullshit. Love the Rumble. ****1/2
Anyways, so Ric Flair’s actual last match was the KFC Colonel Royal Rumble huh?
4. RAW Tag Team Title: Seth Rollins & Jason Jordan [c] vs. Cesaro & Sheamus
After the absolute insanity of Shinsuke Nakamura eliminating Roman Reigns to win the Royal Rumble and challenging AJ Styles for the WWE Title at WrestleMania, there was no way this match wasn’t going to be in a tough spot. So they did what they could. It was more an angle than anything, but a really long angle that they might have stretched out a bit too long: Jordan keeps getting distracted as Rollins tries to tag out, then Jordan gets taken out and lays on the floor as The Bar works over Rollins. It wasn’t bad, as The Bar and Rollins brought the solid professional wrestling, but it also just kind of dragged. I did like Sheamus’ reaction to one of Seth’s chops. **3/4
5. Triple Threat Match – WWE Universal Title: Brock Lesnar [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane
This was a best case scenario match – Braun wrecking shit, Braun and Brock shooting on each other, fun spots with tables and chairs – and then it just kind of ended. I probably would’ve preferred almost anyone else in the third spot instead of Kane – love the Big Red Machine, but the slowdown in between all the destruction was pretty noticeable. Brock bringing in a chair, Braun punching the chair, Braun giving Brock a lariat, and Braun tossing Brock’s ass over the top was a great wrestling moment. Really liked the spot where they took all three commentary tables out in a row too – somehow, I don’t think we’ve seen that before. The shot of Braun tossing the table off of himself and staring down a shocked Brock was great also. It did just kind of end, but it was a bunch of fun chaos until it did. ***1/2
6. Women’s Royal Rumble Match
This was awesome, a SECOND Royal Rumble match that was basically perfectly booked to maximize the Royal Rumble goodness – surprises, cameos, moments, showdowns. It was just such fun wrestling, maybe not technically better than the Men’s match as there were plenty of awkward spots – but, ultimately, probably more fun and something I’ll look back on more fondly.
This was a moment in history, one that spanned the history of the WWE women’s division post-Sunny and Sable era. They brought a lot of old stars back but also made the current stars seem like… stars.
A lot to like about this. Sasha and Becky coming in #1 and #2 and being the glue for this thing throughout was awesome – Sasha went LONG, and good on her. An impressive performance that had her coming out looking like even more of a superstar. And it really is a testament to the ascent of the WWE women’s division that we have two legitimate workhorses here who can do this kind of thing.
I don’t hate Absolution or Riott Squad, but getting rid of them and Tamina early was a smart move. They spaced out Person That Isn’t Over with surprises well, though it’s not THAT impressive considering half the match was surprises.
LITA was very over and did not look very good. Still though – it’s god damn Lita, baby. Thought she nearly killed herself on that Lionsault, and the timing on the Tamina elimination was 20 seconds that felt like 10 minutes.
GREAT run by Kairi Sane, loved that the surprises were not only returning stars but NXT gals too. The ELBOW in the Royal Rumble is very cool. And then she got eliminated by Dana Brooke.
I saw some complaints online that there weren’t enough girls in NXT in the Rumble. Why? The two who were in it really stood out.
TORRIE! Her vs. Sonya was ROUGH, but still – TORRIE! Molly Holly can still go. Loved fired up Lana. Was amused but harrowingly disappointed at her eliminating people left and right. Vickie Guerrero is still awesome. Kelly Kelly return was neat, ring rust McCool probably not the best person to do the headscissors spot with.
This thing really peaked for the last twenty or so – you got Ember Moon entering with her arm taped up, then Beth Phoenix coming out, then Beth and Nia having a SHOWDOWN, then Beth LIFTING Nia, then Natty and Beth reuniting, then Natty turning on Beth, then the Asuka entrance, then the EMBER/ASUKA SHOWDOWN. Whoever booked that stretch deserves a raise. So much pro wrestling fun.
Liked Naomi wrecking girls with her ass and getting her own Kofi spot. Also liked Nia Jax wrecking fools and press slamming Ruby. She was used well, getting the giant treatment and being eliminated by everybody in the ring. THE BELLAS was expected and still good – them girls are over. And TRISH was a perfect #30. The POP for her showdown with Mickie James might have been my favorite moment of the night.
Finish was a blast too – Sasha Banks takes out her pal Bayley (and Charlotte looks SHOCKED), Sasha has a showdown with TRISH STRATUS, Trish does the BOSS pose (my god) and gets eliminated by Sasha, Sasha talks shit and backs up into Asuka, Asuka and Sasha staredown The Bellas but Sasha attacks Asuka, The Bellas take out Sasha, BELLAS VS. ASUKA, NIKKI ELIMINATES BRIE, ASUKA VS. NIKKI!!! Asuka vs. Nikki might just have been a perfect finish for this match, another excellent old guard vs. new guard thing.
Again – love the Rumble. ****1/2
And then we got Ronda Rousey awkwardly pointing to the WrestleMania sign.
Tons of fun. TWO Rumble’s! TWO!!! Men’s Rumble might have been best ever. Women’s Rumble I enjoyed just as much, just great booking all-around on both that maximized the fun and got folks over – isn’t that the point? Undercard wasn’t amazing but everything was at worse pretty good, and AJ Styles and Braun Strowman both had stand-out performances. A fun night at the fights! 8/10
