If I were to offer advice to a fellow human being, I would break it down to two sentences: Don’t be an idiot. Don’t be a dick.
If I were to offer advice to a fellow human being who writes, I would break it down to two sentences: Develop interesting characters. Have them interact with each other.
It doesn’t feel like many public men, including professional wrestlers, are following that first piece of advice.
But boy does it feel like the writing team at Monday Night RAW is following the second.
RAW (12/4/17)
This was a great wrestling show and you know your product is clicking when it’s this good and there isn’t really any major match or show being built to. Last week was an off-week for sure, but this stuff was impressive. WWE week-to-week storytelling is dumb and frustrating (I mean, seriously, where’s Triple H at now after all that bullshit at the Survivor Series?), but at the end of the day all I want out of my wrestling is dumb entertainment and fake fighting from interesting characters, and RAW right now is bringing that.
The Shield, The Bar, Samoa Joe, Jason Jordan, BRAUN, Elias… all of these guys are clicking as characters and it is making these shows very good. And that doesn’t even count WOKEN Matt Hardy, the newly returned Paige, newcomer Asuka, Finn Balor, and Gabba Gulak.
The opening promo was a money use of the usual opening promo trash. Genuine motivations, ‘OH SHIT’ interruptions, etc. Jason Jordan getting himself Roman Reigns heat, Reigns’ “Boy’s right about something… I’m on a lot of posters” line, Samoa Joe bringing the banter, Jordan attacking Reigns… If we have to do exposition for the first 20 minutes of RAW, then let it be something like this. Jordan’s injured knee is also a great plot device – makes it so when he asks for big matches, Angle can protest without just giving his boy everything.
Man. This RAW might just be looked at as the night where everything came together for Jason Jordan. What an AWESOME match with Roman Reigns. Just so much good stuff – Jordan suplexing Reigns around, Jordan constantly avoiding the Superman punch, Reigns’ selling his arm like he’s Black Tiger 2 in the Best of the Super Junior or some shit. It occurred to me in this match just how insane Jordan’s neck power is… he took a DDT bump right on his head, and him pulling off the rolling northern lights suplexes with BRIDGES on ROMAN REIGNS is downright incredible.
They brought the big near falls, the big selling… and of course there was the awesome spot where Reigns went for a Superman punch off the stairs and Jordan CAUGHT HIM. Reigns’ “OHHHH SHIT NOOO” sell was the cherry on top. Liked Jordan’s hurt knee playing into the finish too. Quality stuff, another notch in Roman Reigns’ amazing 2017 and a legitimate star-making match for Jordan.
All the stuff after the match was solid too… Joe’s “I’m coming down there, and I’m puttin’ you to sleep” line on Reigns, Jordan whining for a match backstage, Joe surprising Jordan with the attack – I am now officially amped up for SAMOA JOE vs. JASON JORDAN, what a world we are in.
Paige, after almost two years on the shelf, had an… OK match with Sasha. I like that they got time but I can’t say it ever really grabbed me, outside of Sasha deciding to bump on the back of her head a few times because she is Sasha Banks and she is an insane person. Paige after the NXT run was never really much of a worker anyways, more of a character… and even Sasha Banks’ mom knows she needs to turn heel already.
ELIAS CALLED JASON JORDAN A “BASTARD SON.”
The POP for Nia Jax asking Enzo Amore how he’s doin’ makes all the weirdness of the idea of a possible Nia Jax/Enzo Amore romance worth it.
Cruiserweight 4-Way was real good stuff and actually brought some fun variety to the show versus grinding it to a halt. Cedric vs. Ali exchanges, the dive train, Ali’s springboard Spanish Fly, GULAK STEALING THE WIN!!! – ALLLLL the good stuff.
Braun Strowman interrupting Elias was an AMAZING use of two characters with nothing to do. Incredible stuff from the Monday Night RAW writing team.
For a second on that Kane Titan Tron promo, I thought he was going back to the voice box and it made me very excited.
Asuka squashed Alicia Fox, Absolution came out, Asuka backed away, Alicia got her ass kicked by Absolution. OK. The Absolution stuff continues to be pretty weak, but Mandy Rose is already a star because it’s World Wrestling Entertainment.
That Finn Balor vs. Bo Dallas isn’t Main Event fodder and is actually interesting enhancement match is a true testament to RAW in 2017. Of course, a lengthy enhancement match wasn’t exactly what this RAW needed at the two and a half hour mark, but it was still alright and at least kept everybody relevant.
BROKEN MATT HARDY!!! I mean, WOKEN MATT HARDY!!! I have exactly zero faith in WWE handling this well, but let’s enjoy the ride. Bray and Matt’s inter-changing laughs was just fucking incredible insanity. Matt Hardy KNOWS this character and it is so much fun to watch.
The Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Rollins/Ambrose tag was good solid ultra-basic stuff, they didn’t re-invent the wheel but why should they? Probably on the lower end of their matches, but more because it’s not so fresh anymore. Regardless – it was still pretty dang good. Everything worked. Seth sells and peppers stuff in, Dean-O is running all over the place for his hot tag, and The Bar fucking RULES. Just good, solid, credible work – Sheamus kneeing fools in the face, Cesaro trapping Seth in a front facelock and army crawling back to his sections. The crowd was bumping for everything, especially the chaotic finish. I like Rollins well enough but tag wrestler is really an ideal spot for him, ain’t it?
RAW is fun.
SMACKDOWN (12/5/17)
SmackDown is not. This was a bad wrestling show.
The Owens/Zayn vs. Shane saga MIGHT lead to some decent payoff. MIGHT. But oh man what a tedious journey to get there. I mean who cares about any of these losers? All these dumbasses got completely owned by The King of Kings at Survivor Series. I like so much about Kevin Owens, but him and his buddy as a main act just completely tanks any wrestling show it is on.
Pitch: Rusev and English join Jinder Mahal as his backup, but Rusev eventually gets sick of Jinder and goes uber-babyface.
Rusev/English vs. New Day was a solid enough TV tag from a couple teams I wish had some more juice. Where did The New Day that was feuding with The Shield go? Anyways, I liked Rusev here – RuRu doesn’t get many chances to have some MOTYC, but he always brings the solid credible work. … here he does REAL shit like bearhugging his opponent against the ropes to keep him from a tag.
Clash of Champions seems pretty dreadful – a Corbin/Roode/Ziggler Triple Threat? A LUMBERJILL match? What kind of hellscape is this? The 4-way tag should be pretty neat, at least. Just throw a ladder in there, for godssakes… I bet 42-year-old Shelton is ready to make some bad choices.
Bludgeon Brothers had another fine squash, as they do. Eagerly awaiting them vs. The Usos. But then what?
Corbin vs. Roode was a couple minutes of some moves before Ziggler interfered, which I guess is the best case scenario outside of none of it actually happening.
Charlotte vs. Tamina was proof that the Riott Squad call-up was desperately needed, though Tamina throwing hands with Sarah Logan might be the best thing Tamina has ever done in professional wrestling.
HUUUUUGE superplex in Randy Orton vs. Sami Zayn, otherwise what a basic-ass match with a few extra pieces of smoke and mirrors with the handcuffs stip. Cannot believe this thing got a This is Awesome chant, that chant has been dead for a long time but now it’s postmodern dead. Owens freeing himself from the cuffs, immediately getting knocked down, and Orton going on to beat Zayn really just sums this whole thing up. Where’s the god damn HEAT?
Hey, it’s Shinsuke Nakamura.
Vaguely interesting stip named to close the show, with Shane as ref and Owens/Zayn being fired if they lose. It might just set up an interesting finish at Clash. It might.
It might.
205 LIVE (12/5/17)
This was a show of Decent But Seriously Who Really Cares 205 Live matches, outside of Gran Metalik continuing to be the most spectacular thing going in professional wrestling today.
Cedric Alexander reacting to Noam Dar replacing Drew Gulak was all of us. Cedric vs. Dar was fine. Acceptable. Completely decent. I liked the thing they did on the outside where Cedric did the backflip headscissors but Dar put him on the apron and kicked him in the face. That was fun.
Gran Metalik vs. Brian Kendrick was a pretty good wrestling match with a lot of greatness from Gran Metalik. Metalik is one one of the only guys in WWE who can pop crowds even if he has jack shit going on. The leaping rana over the barricade was AWESOME. Metalik’s cool stuff + Kendrick’s ugly beating (just kneeing Metalik in the face, slamming him in the post, and tapping his ass out with the Captain’s Hook) = I liked it.
Rich Swann vs. Tony Nese was fine. Acceptable. Completely decent. Solid action, but it felt designed to impress Johnny Laurinaitis or whoever the fuck.
NXT (12/6/17)
Andy Almas is the most interesting NXT champ in a while, so it was a little disappointing to see him and Zelina Vega did a basic annoying heel promo for the follow-up to his title win.
Thankfully, Andy Almas is Very Good and it will be OK. And the little tournament that NXT has going for a shot at his title made for some awesome matches on its’ first night.
Trent Seven vs. Killian Dain was an example of having the exact match two guys needed to have, just two big fellas just going at it. They got a great near fall off of Dain’s crossbody, and though nobody bought the Seven-Star Lariat near fall I thought they did a mighty fine job myself. A straight-up three-and-a-quarter star match, this thing was a blast.
The fake press conference promos NXT does sometimes are kind of amazing, with random WWE interns going “Lars Lars Lars” in unison, trying to get a question in, before one breaks through and asks the most generic possible question. I am ready for Lars vs. Roderick.
Adam Cole sucks. If you’re going to come in spitting the lines of some long-traveled wrestler who’s beaten everybody, you better spit some real good promos, pal. This has been a rough start. I don’t buy a single word this man says.
Ruby Riott vs. Sonya Deville was an OK enough brawl, if brawls had chinlocks every once in a while. The ankle lock with Riott in the ropes was pretty sweet. As was the Triangle in the ropes that ended it. Deville wins because SmackDown is terrible and RAW is good.
Look, here’s the thing – Ember Moon is a very bad promo. She’s a very good wrestler. But she is a very bad promo.
Dunne/Bate rematch in 2 WEEKS OH MY GOD.
Kassius Ohno vs. Johnny Gargano was great. Great chemistry, great dynamic, great example of indy style perfectly translated to WWE. This was just non-stop awesome – everything had a purpose, whether building to the next spot or telling the big bro/little bro story. They did a bunch of set-ups of spots, then delivery of that spot a couple minutes later that had the crowd going wild. Every strike was delivered in full, every crazy spot executed perfectly. Ohno played the bully, Johnny the small fella who always has an answer. There were so many things here deserving place in the history books of cool wrestling spots: The slingshot spear catch followed by an elbow of death, the tope tornado DDT, Ohno’s Cyclone kick, the absolutely insane diving elbow by Ohno to the back of Johnny’s head. I wish they had built Ohno up at some point for the win to have more meaning, but Kassius Ohno and Johnny Gargano are so fucking good that they make ya go nuts for it anyways.
MAIN EVENT (12/6/17)
Akira Tozawa and Brian Kendrick had a couple great matches earlier in the year. On Main Event this week they had probably their weakest match, but they still have good chemistry, always bringing the good credible wrestling. Everything feels like a struggle, Tozawa’s big spots connect while Kendrick plays the skinny jerk keeping him down. Tozawa just grazes Kendrick with a spin kick towards the end, but Kendrick’s delayed sell makes it all worth it. A nasty senton bomb finishes it. This is a Main Event Match Worth Watching.
Gallows/Anderson vs. Rhyno/Slater was the other match and all these guys are fine but it was standard stuff. Rhyno’s eyes as Gallows works over him at one point are pretty neat. Gallows taking a business-exposing bump over the top rope… not so much.
WWE TV Match of the Week: We are so blessed to have seen Roman Reigns vs. Jason Jordan and Kassius Ohno vs. Johnny Gargano in the same week, but Ohno vs. Gargano takes this one easily.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Johnny Wrestling
RAW good, SmackDown bad – the saga continues. NXT meanwhile had a great show that set them in a more interesting direction than usual.
RAW: 9/10
SmackDown: 3/10
205 Live: 4/10
NXT: 8/10
