New Japan are trying a new approach to the tag league this year by excluding the Big Four (Okada/Tanahashi/Naito/Omega) from it. On the one hand, it does make things more unpredictable. On the other, I don’t know how I feel about watching a bunch of tag league matches with David Finlay, Chase Owens, Toru Yano and other D-level guys instead of Okada and Tanahashi. LET’S FIND OUT!
Hirai Kawato & Shota Umino vs. Tetsuhiro Yagi & Ren Narita
Katsuyori Shibata, whom you might remember as the only wrestler that ever mattered, has been spending some time in the New Japan dojo lately and you can tell he’s had a profound effect on the young lions considering how PISSED OFF and violent they are in this match. Everyone looks sharp and focused. Dropkicks are thrown. The crowd is super into Kawato and Umino. Kawato and Yagi repeat the finish to their Young Lion Cup match, Hirai picking up the win with a springboard dropkick followed by his spinning enzuigiri. These kids are going places. **
Raymond Rowe, Hanson & Tomoyuki Oka vs. Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa & Leo Tonga
Oka comes out rocking the face paint and the main story here is basically all about him eagerly getting to be in War Machine for the night. He takes part in all of their double team spots and the crowd eats it up. The whole match keeps a fast pace and the SONS OF HAKU don’t really have a chance to drag things down. Hanson decks Leo with a BRUUUTAL spin kick at some point and the whole place explodes. War Machine are crazy over in Korakuen. Tanga brings it home for the Bullet Club with the Apeshit (Fire Thunder) on Oka. Totally fine. **1/4
Michael Elgin, Jeff Cobb, David Finlay & Katsuya Kitamura vs. Tomohiro Ishii, Toru Yano, Beretta & Chucky T
Cobb and Chucky T are making their New Japan debut in this one. They’re also making their CAPTAIN LOU DEBUT as I’ve never seen them before on the indies or wherever. Cobb definitely impresses as he gets over instantly by wrecking everyone in sight with his SUPLEX PARTY rampage. Huge pop for his standing Big Guy Moonsault. The Chucky T/Best Friends stuff doesn’t work as well with me (or the crowd). Their comedy spots just fall flat and the fans aren’t sure how to react. So, mission half-accomplished as one of the two newcomers did get over. Kitamura eats Chucky’s Awful Waffle for the finish. A very allright wrestling match that sold me on the upcoming Elgin/Cobb league matches. **1/4
Hiroyoshi Tenzan, Satoshi Kojima, Yuji Nagata & Manabu Nakanishi vs. Bad Luck Fale, Chase Owens, Hangman Page & Yujiro Takahashi
NEW JAPAN DADS UNITE! Also, the Bullet Club/Elite schism conspiracy continues as all of the Bullet Club guys keep doing the Two Sweet rather than the One Sweet that Kenny and the Bucks have adopted. Someone get me Manabu’s MONSTER MORNING t-shirt as a birthday present. This match is safe but mostly boring multi-man tag wrestling action. Manabu plays face in peril for a while which sort of works because it eventually sets up his big double suplex spot as a comeback. Owens is becoming an expert in Tenkoji trolling and it ends up costing him the match when Kojima catches him with a big lariat for the pin. **
Hiroshi Tanahashi, Togi Makabe & Henare vs. Lance Archer, Davey Boy Smith Jr & El Desperado
Where the hell has Henare been? Was he on an excursion? Was he injured? I need to research this shit. Tanahashi comes out with special TEKKEN 7 gear and hair, getting in on that sweet video game money. Henare’s still in full young lion gear and has a taped up knee, so I guess this answers all of my questions. He doesn’t get to do much for his big return match because Suzuki-Gun completely neutralize him for half of this and just take his bad knee apart. Davey Boy pulls off some freaking vicious looking legbreakers that have Stu Hart nodding in approval up there in Canadian wrestling heaven. Tanahashi lays waste to the bad guys with extra Tekken-infused energy and takes out Desperado with the High Fly Flow. Solid heel beatdown, peppy Tanahashi offense. That’ll do. **1/4
Kazuchika Okada, Will Ospreay & Gedo vs. Tetsuya Naito, BUSHI & Hiromu Takahashi
The Naito/Hiromu pre-match briefcase throwing shtick is pure hilarity. Their big brother/little brother dynamic is getting increasingly adorable. Los Ingobernables spend the first portion of the match by going after Gedo in the most evil way imaginable: working over his BEARD. Some painful-looking shit. Ospreay is YOUR hot tag recipient of the night and his big run of offense is as bonkers as you’d expect. Things get especially crazy once Hiromu gets involved as he starts countering Will’s flippy spots by dumping him on his head a lot. Once again, the Okada/Naito exchanges are pure class: super fast-paced and filled with freaked out counters. The Wrestle Kingdom match will be LIT, my dudes. Gedo and BUSHI work the finish like they always do in these matches and Gedo obviously falls to the MX. Super fun times! ***
Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI vs. Minoru Suzuki & Takashi Iizuka – World Tag League (Block A)
As mentioned in earlier Captain Lou reviews, the Minoru Suzuki NEVER title reign has been a massive disappointment so far. Just a constant stream of crap matches buried under bad booking and convoluted stipulations. Not a good look for Suzuki. Therefore, I’m happy to report that we’re getting A-GAME Minoru Suzuki in this match and it’s god damn beautiful. The outside brawling shenanigans are kept to a minimum and there is NO (!) Suzuki-Gun interference whatsoever. Instead, we get pure Minoru Suzuki badassness: limb-wrecking submissions, brutal stiffness and terrifying facial expressions. Iizuka is completely useless for the whole thing, but his ring presence is thankfully kept to the strict minimum. Zack Sabre Jr would’ve been the perfect tag league partner for Minoru. Anyway, the meat of this match is Goto vs. Suzuki and maaaan do they work well together. Goto’s a guy who’s been stuck in midcard hell for the last few months and he really takes the opportunity to shine here. Goto ends up scoring a huge upset over Suzuki by pinning him after the GTR. Setting up the Tokyo Dome NEVER title match, perhaps? Very good stuff. ***
Juice Robinson & Sami Callihan vs. EVIL & SANADA – World Tag League (Block A)
Let’s get this out of the way: Sami Callihan might have the worst look in pro-wrestling. Seriously, what the hell is going on here. Thankfully, he makes up for it by putting in one hell of a performance in this match. Just a ridiculously over-the-top mix of Indie Strong Style stiffness, wacky anger management issues, spitting at people and kissing dudes on the mouth. Completely absurd and unpredictable shit. The crowd gets into it big time and he manages to get over just as well as Jeff Cobb. Juice is a guy that I want to dislike because he’s a peppy white guy in dreadlocks, which is unacceptable, but he is just too good at THE WRESTLING. He completely sells how mismatched he is with Sami and that’s what ends up making the whole thing work. EVIL and SANADA are totally game to hang in there and try out some wild spots. SANADA still has no discernible personality but the guy’s ridiculously athletic and his stuff works perfectly in this type of match.
EVIL’s still one of the Most Improved Guys of 2017 and he kills it in this one. Team LIJ use a Magic Killer at some point, which is either a message for KES, or foreshadowing that they’re winning the league and getting the title shot. The whole thing is non-stop crowd-popping action with top notch execution from everyone. It’s also a prime example of how great things could be if New Japan would inject some real talent in their tag division instead of rehashing the same old GOD/KES/War Machine bullshit forever. A bunch of crazy stuff happens near the finish, including a big ol’ your-move-my-move pile-up that ends up taking out everyone. Juice clocks both Ingobernables with BIG PUNCHES, Callihan then drops EVIL with a double-arm shoulderbreaker and Juice connects with the Pulp Friction for the win. Crazy fun match with all four guys just going all out, hell bent on stealing the show. ***3/4
The undercard is entirely skippable, but you’ll want to get a hold of that main event. CHAOS/LIJ 6-man and the Minoru Suzuki tag match were also a lot of fun. PEACE OUT.
