OPEN THE DOOR!!!!
RAW (10/30/17)
A stacked show. So much happened! Angles! Returns! Lots of wrestling – 9 matches! More than half of which are worth checking out! RAW vs. SD excitement(ish)! Miz freaking out about Braun all show! A Women’s Title match! Daniel Bryan! Steph McMahon! BRRRAAAAUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!
Stephanie McMahon being gone since MANIA (and the Vince/Owens angle) is genuinely impressive. Her showing up to basically grab Kurt Angle by the pussy was what it was. Gave the show a bit of a big deal feel right off the bat, at least.
Nia Jax vs. Bayley was a decent few minutes… these two are a natural pairing and always have good chemistry, it was just very quick and forgettable.
SAMOA JOE IS BACK. Great return match vs. Apollo Crews. Amazing corner uranage. An effective straight-up beating. Joe’s casual-ass walk-up to Titus post-match before applying the Kokina is top notch, too.
THE MIZ vs. Matt Hardy for the IC Title was pitch perfect WWE Monday Night RAW Television Wrestling. Just so much fun stuff – Miz’ reactions, Matt’s great right hand, Matt avoiding the beatdown trope early until he finally did – wrapped in a neat basic heel vs. face bow. They got a near fall off a BULLDOG! The Hardy moonsault was treated like a major deal too. Classic heel cheating to win finish, and a classic heel cheating finish feels so good – JR IS RIGHT.
Who wrote Alexa Bliss’ shite dead weight / Mae Young corpse jokes? Why? What are you doing?
Was trying to write a joke about people complaining that Asuka didn’t get put over hard enough over Emma and if they’re happy now but whatever. Shut up, Lio Rush.
Hey look, Asuka squashed somebody! Awesome. Did Darren Young get released because she has the AsukaLock?
“ALERT EVERYONE! IT’S HAPPENING! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!” – Kurt Angle
The Kurt Angle/Daniel Bryan thing was cool at first and then Bryan got locked in an office and it got stupid. For as great as Team Hell No was, heel Kane interacting with Bryan is rarely good.
Finn Balor vs. Cesaro was a 6-minute fast food version of Finn Balor vs. Cesaro. They did some cool stuff. The superplex from the apron remains the best.
I love how big the pops are for The Shield entrance now. Rollins vs. Kane was alright. Kane isn’t having any mat classics anymore but Seth jumped around and they had a match. SETH going down to Kane in addition to Balor is wild.
KANE IS RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF KNOX COUNTY TENNESSEE
The Gallows/Anderson vs. Slater/Rhyno Trick or Street Fight was an all-time great halloween bullshit match. Hilarious costumes on everyone… Slater as Santa, Rhyno as Ms. Claus popping Vince with skirt humor, and Gallows & Anderson as their Southpaw Regional Wrestling alter-egos Chad 2 Badd & Tex Ferguson.
Watching the promos on Southpaw, I thought Tex & Chad should just come up to the main roster – what’s their to lose? Now – maybe not so much. I need to see a babyface match. But still – this was a blast. You’ve got Michael Cole with zero enthusiasm saying “the ol’ jack-o-lantern trick,” Corey Graves exclaiming “PUMPKIN GUTS” like he’s Vince in 1986, Chad 2 Badd working the entire match in sunglasses, Tex hamming it up. Best part was them working HEAT and actually doing a comeback, with Heath Slater wrecking fools with a candy corn stick.
Elias just popping up in the middle of a wrestling show to play a song is so awesome. Jason Jordan interrupting him was pretty lame. Unsolicited suggestion would be for instead of his music hitting, Jordan show up from behind Elias with a flashlight and scare him.
Hahaha Drew Gulak excelling in WWE is not what I saw coming. We need years of him as authority figure assistant; he can bumble around and cut promos and also have great matches if called on. He and Enzo are two guys who have zero chemistry but individually both are stars. “YEAH MAN THAT’S RIGHT!” S-O-F-T SOFT. THUMBS UP.
What’s with two lame-ass babyfaces interrupting great heel work tonight – Jordan on Elias, Kalisto on Gulak. Not in 2017, baby. Kalisto vs. Gulak was just 2 minutes which sucks but I had fun.
Who the fuck told Alexa to do a billion chinlocks in the Women’s Title match?
“You’ve got years to have great matches. Gotta bring em down for Braun, baby” – Dean Malenko, probably
Alexa vs. Mickie was nothing special at all. Perfectly solid but felt like a dead spot on the card. Their TLC match was way way better. Mickie’s bump on the elbow finish and a straight-up elbow actually being the finish were highlights.
Alright, so Braun Strowman vs. The Miz. It’s like Stone Cold vs. The Rock for my current wrestling fandom. Miz is the best heel in wrestling, no question. Meanwhile Braun Strowman has got the rocket on his back and it’s clicking. Sheamus’ exclaiming with disbelief that “There’s no way Braun could recover from what happened at TLC in just ONE week” – I love you, wrestling.
Was this an official babyface turn? Do those exist anymore?
Dug the thread of the show with Miz sweating about Strowman. The payoff was awesome too… Miz and Miztourage trying to leave in the limo, just freaking out as a garbage truck arrived – GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!, Braun EMERGING FROM THE FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCK, fucking SPRINTING after Miz like the Terminator, RUNNING ON TOP OF THE LIMO and eventually kicking Miz, Bo, and Axel’s asses.
The beatdown was a little drawn out but this was more star-making stuff on top of all the other star-making stuff he’s done this year. The people chanted one more time off the powerslam and HE DELIVERED AND THEN THEY ALL ROARED WITH HIM. Thought the running powerslam on Axel on the stage through the commentary table was legit impressive too.
Braun Strowman = Some World Title at Mania. Do it. I want to see him win the Rumble and end Jinder Mahal, to be honest.
SMACKDOWN (10/31/17)
RAW’s got a star being born and inter-promotional intrigue, SmackDown’s got basic-ass qualifying matches.
Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler 2/3 falls was Just Good, as it was always meant to be. These two guys can wrestle, it’s just completely bland. Roode is a dork right now – currently has no character outside of GLORIOUS! and then he goes down to a superkick like 2 minutes in. This was all perfectly decent wrestling for a little while but I much prefer something quicker that gets the point across. Did like the Dolph bump off the catapult a lot, he just melted into that thing – if you’re going to do a fall during a picture-in-picture commercial break, that is how you should bump.
The New Day dressed up as Akeem, Brother Love and Jimmy Hart = ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. Kofi doing Brother Love was just incredible stuff. If you’re going to run a Halloween Grudge Match, “DID THIS SUCKA JUST STEP ON MY CANDY?” is a great line to get there.
The entire women’s division had a backstage segment. Natalya is such a downer of a promo, it’s really bad but it also might be Chris Jericho in 2010.
Usos cut another good promo. Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin are heels.
Sin Cara vs. Baron Corbin is an AWESOME mini-feud. Just stupid simple stuff that makes a guy feel as if he’s actually important and not some aimless luchador. Hope we get mask vs. hair from this.
The Styles/Jinder angle was a thing. I like the whole idea of this but it’s very transparent storytelling … there’s no unique hook, it’s just a standard WWE feud.
Rusev vs. Big E was fun enough but needed more pumpkins.
Rusev vs. AJ next week – OK!
Strangerer Things was actually glorious, unlike Bobby Roode. Tye Dillinger as Ten – Not Eleven! – was neat.
Kevin Owens vs. Shinsuke Nakamura was Very Uninspired, as it was always meant to be. For two guys that get by on character, these are two characters that do not have any chemistry. Shinskay showing RESPECT for Owens by taking a top rope fisherman’s buster, the Shinskay rana counter of the pop-up powerbomb, and the Owens frog splash near fall were highlights.
Oh look it’s Randy Orton, OK. Orton vs. Owens. OK. Hm.
205 LIVE (10/31/17)
Clown bullshit aside, this was another 3 for 3 pretty good match show. I don’t really care about anything on it, but the wrestling was fine.
Love Drew Gulak. “The only thing scarier than a ghost on halloween is a root canal!”
Tozawa vs. Gulak was good – Tozawa’s sweet movies combined with Gulak’s reactions and dirty-ass matwork = magical.
“Always get your candy” + a cheesy smile – oh, Mustafa Ali, you have truly made it.
This was a show that had clown jokes. Fuck. Rich Swann and Cedric Alexander dressed up as clowns. Fuck. It was stupid.
Swann and Brian Kendrick kind of crushed it in-ring but it still fell pretty flat. Those two have mastered the Captain’s Hook counter.
The Fright Night 4-Way just kind of happened. Mustafa Ali and Gran Metalik crushed it vs. each other. Otherwise it was just goofy bullshit. Thought Ali handing body obsessed Nese candy was an inspired psychological trick.
NXT (11/1/17)
Solid enough show, with a good match and decent TakeOver: Houston build.
Nikki Cross vs. Taynara Conti was a solid Nikki squash, with credible matwork and Nikki being a fun wacko. I liked Conti holding onto and trying to break Nikki’s arm early, leading to Nikki just ending her.
I don’t know what the deal is with Fabian Aichner. Just this muscular bald guy who shows up with zero build but gets these showcases where he absolutely crushes it. Smooth matwork, crazy power, the ability to do a springboard backflip and land on his feet. AND THEN HE BEAT JOHNNY GARGANO. These two had a very fun match. Johnny worked less underdog babyface and more guy who peppers in his fun spots around Aichner being a beast. Feel like Aichner might have a future as Cesaro 2.0.
Drew and Andy Almas, OK. Noted.
Liked all the little TakeOver: Houston Women’s Title deals with Mercedes talking shit about Ember Moon, Kairi Sane threatening the Iconic Duo, and of course Cross beating Conti. Although Mercedes’ promo sucked, sorry Mercedes.
SAnitY vs. The Authors of Pain for the NXT Tag Team Titles happened and to be honest, my friend was telling me the story of giving a guy a drug test and the guy pooping by mistake, so I was a little distracted. I don’t know. Eric Young is colorful. I caught the last few minutes. Everyone here is fine but it was nothing special, and then it went double DQ when Undisputed Era ran out.
Roddy turning on Undisputed Era was neat, but Undisputed Era needs a little character development, no? They’re just gonna come in and be mean but also cowardly heels? With no real context as to what the fuck their deal is?
Anyways – WAR GAMES!!!!! Cool! Eric Young’s face for the announcement was hilarious, he’s probably marking out over working a WarGames.
MAIN EVENT (11/1/17)
Two matches here, as per always – Jason Jordan vs. Curt Hawkins and Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese.
I like how Main Event is the only show that hard-sells continuity. Nigel and Vic Joseph put over Hawkins having the longest losing streak in the modern era, and that Jordan and Hawkins had a match on RAW over the summer and Hawkins has been asking for a rematch ever since. Real basic stuff here but it worked enough – JJ showed the athleticism he’s known for, Hawkins showed the unremarkable competence he’s known for.
Cedric vs. Nese was a pretty good match between two guys who have had their balls cut off.
WWE TV Match of the Week: For big TV WWE match I’ve got Matt Hardy vs. The Miz for the WWE IC Title, for straight-up cool wrestling match I’ve got Johnny Gargano vs. Fabian Aichner
WWE TV MVP of the Week: BRRRAAUUUUUNNNNN
RAW: 8/10
SmackDown: 6/10
205 Live: 5/10
NXT: 5/10
