My god, how have I never seen The Wrestling Classic?
What you need to know about this show is Randy “Macho Man” Savage was ready to be a star. He has four matches, four entrances, and FOUR DIFFERENT OUTFITS. Ring jackets, robes, sunglasses and bandanas. Elizabeth has four different colored dresses too – blue, orange, red, and purple. It is incredible.
This show has the most ungodly amount of chapter points on the Network – fifteen matches in under two and a half hours.
I’m not sure what the winner of The Wrestling Classic ever got. Bragging rights, sure. But they keep alluding throughout the show to all that is at stake, and it’s really nothing – no Rolls Royce, no championship, no championship match. Gorilla says that the winner gets “awesome prestige” during the final match. OK. I’ll trust you.
There was a house show going on the same night in an Ohio Fieldhouse main evented by Hillbilly Jim vs. Big John Studd. Vaguely interesting that Andre or Bundy weren’t working that night but also weren’t on this show.
This isn’t pay-per-view, this isn’t WWE Network – this is WrestleVision, from The Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, IL!
This is a one-night tournament! Hogan is defending his WWF Title vs. Roddy Piper! And someone’s winning a Rolls Royce!!!!
A few stars get entrances, but this show mostly has Mean Gene interviews as guys head to the ring.
JACK TUNNEY is interviewed! First appearance on the Network, I think.
Love tournaments, even if this isn’t a very good one.
1. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Corporal Kirchner vs. Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart
This is basic as hell – Adonis takes armdrags, Kirchner works a headlock, Adonis beats up Kirchner, Kirchner mounts a comeback but Adonis counters a suplex with a DDT thing for 3. It’s like 2-minutes long and an efficient win for Adorable Adrian, as he gets the 3, gets boos, and charges to the back. *
2. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Dynamite Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff
Nikolai sings the Russian National Anthem, Dynamite goes up top and hits a missile dropkick, and Dynamite wins. YEAHHH!!! AMERICA! AND CANADA! And the UNITED KINGDOM! Perfect sports entertainment. N/A
3. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Ivan Putski vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth
So, question: did the Poffo family have natural perms and Randy just straightened his hair out?
This is a lot of Savage stalling, Putski getting in his shots, and people reacting. Old Putski gets pops but it’s like watching a Tony Nese match – why invest? Savage eventually hooks a leg and does a crappy foot-on-ropes rollup for 3. Not much here, though Ventura hard-selling Savage’s win is incredible – saying the ref was trying to stop Putski from beating on Savage in the corner, and that Savage simply outsmarted Putski. *3/4
4. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Davey Boy Smith
Vince calls this a scientific match, as if the Dragon and Davey Boy are competing for the ROH Title. Compared to most of the card it really is a breath of fresh air – fast-paced, rope-running, counters, and the crowd into everything. Davey eventually runs at Ricky and ends up bumping into the ropes, and it’s ruled he can’t continue. Oh, World Wrestling Federation. *3/4
5. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Junkyard Dog vs. Iron Sheik
JYD’s whacked out pre-match promo is great – “Congratulations to the Chicago.” This is so perfectly fine – Sheik attacks JYD pre-bell and chokes him with the sarong, and the crowd is ALLLLLL about JYD coming back. Sheik eventually puts on a camel clutch and Body says he’s never seen anyone get out of it (HA), and Sheik proceeds to just let JYD out of it. Sheik gets into it with the ref and JYD hits a headbutt for 3. FUN! **
6. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Moondog Spot vs. Terry Funk w/ Jimmy Hart
Terry Funk was on a tear at this point, demanding WWF Heavyweight Title matches from the get-go. He says in the pre-match promo that after tonight he’s going to get a WWF Title match with PIPER, AND the 50k bounty on Orndorff’s head.
This is a tremendous Terry Funk angle – he cuts a promo and calls for a draw, they both leave the ring, the double count begins, Funk attacks him from behind, Funk gets caught on the ropes, and Spot sneaks in to win by countout. HUGE pop! Then Funk beats up Spot. Yes. This all worked. N/A
7. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: Tito Santana vs. Magnificent Muraco w/ Mr. Fuji
Classic stuff right here… Muraco hammers on Tito, Tito sells, Tito peppers in pinfalls (a crossbody, sunset flip, backslide). Muraco’s offense all connects – snake eyes, kneedrops, elbow drops. Muraco hits a powerslam and gets a 3-count – but WAIT! Tito’s leg was on the rope, even if the camera didn’t catch it. Tito gets an inside cradle and WINS! **
8. The Wrestling Classic – Round 1: “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs. Cowboy Bob Orton
Great stuff here, crowd is HOT and these guys were in their primes. Bob sells everything SO big – he desperately fights out of an armbar on the cast arm early, takes an atomic drop and bumps himself into the corner, and almost flies over the top rope after Orndorff slams his arm on the top turnbuckle. Ace brings the folks down with a headscissors, the crowd rallies for Orndorff, he pops out of it on top of Bob and Bob bridges up, Bob does a backslide for 2, then charges with a flying headscissors that Orndorff ducks, leading to Bob crotched on the top rope. WRESTLING!!! Bob then hits Orndorff with a cast and gets DQ’d. WRESTLING!!!**3/4
Throughout the show, Vince McMahon and Lord Alfred Hayes check in on the brackets with Susan Watkis. Pervy Alfred is hitting on her all show – at this point, he’s snuggling up to her.
9. The Wrestling Classic – Quarter Final: Dynamite Kid vs. Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart
This is two guys who can go – big armdrags and Adonis bumping, Adonis working the leg briefly, Dyanmite coming back with his atomic bomb of offense – sunset flip, clothesline, second rope kneedrop, snap suplex, falling headbutt. Jimmy Hart distracts Dynamite leading to a near fall, then Adonis runs into Hart and Dynamite wins. Volia. **1/2
10. The Wrestling Classic – Quarter Final: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth
This is GREAT, best thing on the show. The action is blazing hot – Savage pulls Liz in front of him, Ricky protests and turns his back, Savage attacks Ricky from behind. This leads to some INSANE rope-running with amazing speed by Ricky and reactions by Savage. I rewinded and rewatched it twice. This has a lot of great sequences packed into like five minutes, mostly based around Savage running into chops. Ricky hits a big atomic drop on the floor, a big crossbody, and the finish is great – Savage ends up on the apron and pulls something out of his tights (BOOOOO), Steamboat lifts him over the top with a back suplex and Savage clonks him on the way down to get the 3. ***1/2
11. The Wrestling Classic – Quarter Final: Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Spot
Spot attacks JYD before the bell, misses a diving splash, takes the crawling headbutts, JYD covers, but there’s NO REF – so JYD counts to 3 himself and THE BELL RINGS – WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED!? Hilarious. *1/4
12. The Wrestling Classic – Quarter Final: “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs. Tito Santana
This is a little bit of chain wrestling, a safe match to eliminate both guys and keep them both face. They work holds and the intensity ups and Body can’t wait for them to throw down. After a few minutes, Orndorff doesn’t break clean, Body gets excited, and they brawl on the outside to a double countout. **
13. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper
The star power is too strong for this to be anything but awesome. Hulk Hogan charges to the ring, surrounded by security, his bandana half on his head and half in his mouth. He’s got a cut-up American Made shirt and white trunks, and there’s a big HULK sign in the background – talk about a moment. This is a brawl with a ton of great character moments – a tug-of-war over the belt, Piper’s selling, Piper using an eyepoke to get out of a bearhug. I’ve always appreciated how the smaller Piper would go at Hogan with aggressive punches whenever he had him down. The crowd is all about Hogan as Piper gets on a sleeper, hanging onto Hogan’s back. Both guys end up toppling to the outside, Piper punches Hogan, and gets scared when he sees Hogan’s EYES. Hogan fires up, Piper throws him into the ref, Piper uses a chair, Hogan gets him in a sleeper, Cowboy Bob runs in and the ref wakes up and calls DQ. Nothing high-end but very fun. ***1/4
Lord Alfred Hayes at this point was now kissing on Susan.
14. The Wrestling Classic – Semi Final: Dynamite Kid vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth
What a dream match! And because this is The Wrestling Classic, it also lasts 4 minutes long. All the work is all intense and shit, lots of jockeying for position, rope-running, and collisions. Dynamite runs through Savage with a shoulderblock like a damn truck. Savage trying to fight off a sunset flip = LIFE. Finish sees Savage go up top, only for Dynamite to DROPKICK him and hit a superplex that Savage hooks the leg on for 3. **3/4
Vince and Susan do awkward banter leading up to the Rolls Royce announcement. Vince gets a mis-cue, leading to this tremendous exchange:
Vince: Tell you what, before we do that – let’s show you, what we have, indeed the Silver Cloud 3 Rolls Royce that we’re gonna be giving away, here it is right there Susan… that’s a nice looking car.
Susan (clearly not seeing a Rolls Royce on any screen): It is? Oh yeah. Looks great… I wish I could be in it right now.
The Rolls Royce winner announcement is amazing in all the worst ways. It’s an early example of WWF doing promotional bullshit and the UNIVERSE booing it. Jack Tunney and BASIL DEVITO say a few words. Basil is such a young-looking geek at this point, but would go on to run promotions for the WWF, run the XFL, and currently serves on the WWF’s board and holds a Director position with the Harlem Globetrotters. A guy from the marketing firm that counted the votes gets a piece of food thrown at him, and Alfred notes it with a grin on his face, knowing how much this is being shat on. Alfred cuts a RAUCOUS promo about being back in Chicago, and it was at this point I realized they were muting the crowd’s boos. Someone off-screen jokes about picking up all the good sound. The Rolls Royce winner is announced as Michael Hamley from Batavia – Batavia is down the street from me, I oughta go look ol’ Michael up. Alfred asks for a cheer and everybody boos. Amazing.
Hogan and Orndorff cut a fired up promo from the locker room.
15. The Wrestling Classic – Final: Junkyard Dog vs. Macho Man Randy Savage
After coming out all night in elaborate outfits, Savage enters for this one with a tie-dye shirt and a limp. This is fun stuff – Savage stalls and bumps and works over JYD. Before the match Savage throws a chair at JYD, so JYD catches and bangs his own head on it – HYYYYYPE! Savage drops a couple axehandles, then JYD catches him on one and Savage bumps BIG for headbutts. Savages then charges at JYD, flies over the top rope to a huge pop, and loses by COUNTOUT. OK. ***
Junkyard Dog wins the tournament by using a distracted ref, his own 3-count, a bye, and a countout – who is he, Toru Yano?
I’m mixed on this show. On one hand it’s kind of a waste of time, a ton of 3-minute nothing matches with crap finishes and nobody really getting a push.
But it’s also a pretty breezy show with an epic Savage performance, and Ricky/Savage and Hogan/Piper are legitimately really good. Plus Terry Funk is a weirdo, Cowboy Bob bumps all over the place, and Lord Alfred Hayes is being a perv. The presentation is charming, if anything, a tournament at the Rosemont Horizon with all the stars of 1985 WWF. 5/10
