My wife is pregnant and I’m gonna be a father but I still love the wrestling.
And my god do I hope, that when I am gray and old, that when my son and daughter have had their own son and daughter, that when my son and daughter might have multiple sons and daughters, that I will still be excited about something as much as Vince McMahon is excited by his wrestling business.
RAW (9/11/17)
Another fine RAW, nothing world-changing but god damn pal – Roman, John, Brock, Braun. And THE MIZ.
Roman Reigns vs. Jason Jordan was great stuff, I was interested in this match to see how Roman would do with Jordan compared to Cena last week. It’s the two top guys doing their thing with a blank slate of a talented rookie still figuring himself out. Of course, kayfabe rookie – Roman and Jordan both trained in FCW and have been with WWE for around the same time.
I liked this match a bit better than the Cena match. Cena/Jordan was great but felt very John Cena vs. Rookie formula – counters, signature moves, and the other guy almost pulling out the win. This didn’t feel so formula, it was Roman and Jordan having a good physical back-and-forth match. I liked Roman’s reactions early – laughing at Jordan’s scrappiness, selling a waistlock like he got caught in quicksand, marveling at his own right hands. Noticed another thing I’m liking about Roman these days, outside of the fact that he’s one of the best sellers in the game – he does these well-time SHOTS, where he’ll let the other guy take it to him a bit and then just fire off something big at the right moment. Crowd sure wasn’t into them trying to build to a Jason Jordan comeback, but my god did the crowd actually react to Jordan’s big corner spear and scream spot when he finally did. The double northern on Roman was wild too. Top notch stuff.
Roman and Cena had another promo battle, which was fun, though it did have the feeling of Peter Rosenberg writing it. Roman and Cena feuding over who the top dog is is awesome, Roman actually dropping TICKET SALE FIGURES into the mix is something else. Idea’s fine, but felt forced. Either way, parts of this were amazing:
“I’ve had more great matches in 2 years than you’ve had in your whole career” – Roman spitting TRUTH on Cena
“I’m serious man, if you need help – I know a guy” – Roman offering Cena THE ROCK’s help getting movies
“Consider me like a drug test, holmes. You ain’t getting passed me” – Cena dropping the blazing hot brutality
Emma vs. Sasha was OK, I liked Emma’s sweet lariat and Alexa’s boo-boo face post-match. Kinda stinks that both the women and tag divisions are in 4-way purgatory right now.
The Heyman/Brock promo and BRAAUUUNNN STROWMAN angle was more perfection. I love how the little newsbite came out this week that Heyman isn’t popular backstage because he has so much creative control in Brock’s stories, all the while Brock is in this incredible story where a new star is being put over. Paul Heyman, sports entertainment’s Littlefinger.
Loved this whole deal – Heyman somehow upping the intensity even more on his usual promo, Brock’s face when Heyman said Braun was more powerful than him, Braun not being scared when Heyman calls him out and immediately entering the arena, Braun BEING UNFAZED BY THE BROCK LESNAR GERMAN SUPLEX!!!!! BRAUN STROWMAN LAYING OUT BROCK LESNAR!!!!!!!!!! So many stars.
Goldust vs. Bray Wyatt was such a weird pairing that I watched the match with the rosiest of glasses. It’s a fun match-up, even if it was 2 minutes long – Goldust continued to move well and hit a somersault splash off the apron, and then Wyatt hit Sister Abigail. Was Wyatt’s facepaint wiping a wrestling first? “HE’S JUST A MAN, YOU IDIOTS!”
Did the RAW tag division just run the exact same angle they ran with The Revival/The Hardys/Gallows & Anderson a month ago? Either way, Dean Ambrose had binoculars which was pretty great.
ASUKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elias vs. Kalisto was kind of a dead match, but it had THAT POWERBOMB!!!!! I thought the release powerbomb had disappeared since ol’ Chris the Crippler, but bless you Kalisto for being willing to take that insanity. These two have had better Main Event matches but this was OK.
Kind of wacky that tonight we had a Mania Classic waiting to happen (Cena vs. Braun) on TV to set up another (Cena vs. Reigns) at the October PPV. I will enjoy with a big fat smile on my face, but silently wonder what could be.
Braun vs. Cena was another Braun Strowman Special laid out perfectly for maximum fun. Braun is just the most fun guy to watch right now, as he’s a Chosen One who is good in-ring and completely clicking early on. The early days of Cena, Batista, Orton, Roman – all awkward. This is the rocket being strapped to a guy’s back and it working right away. Probably helps he hasn’t had the face turn yet.
Anyways, the match. This was Braun Strowman pulling a Club and just beating up John Cena. Cena was the master here – the FEAR in his eyes, cautious handling of Braun, big time selling. He manages a backdrop late in the match and when he gets up the look on his face is of a man completely exhausted and fearful that he somehow has the monster down for a moment. The spot with Cena hitting a dropkick and Braun responding with HIS OWN, like some self-aware wrestling AI monster that is learning everything at a rapid pace, was SO incredible, a classic wrestling moment.
Braun for his part bumped big when he had to, basically smashing his own neck into the corner when it was time for the Cena comeback. The Five-Knuckle Shuffle was COUNTERED here, and eventually led to an AA that Braun rolled out after (he doesn’t need to risk being covered for a second – HE’S SMARTER THAN THAT) and a DQ. So perfect for their first outing. Although – why was Braun not DQ’d for the stairs!?
DEAN MALENKO AND JAMIE NOBLE CAMEO!!
THE MIZ AND MARYSE ARE PREGNANT, absolutely phenomenal. Not sure we needed Enzo Amore getting a time-out on live TV but this was a fire segment, with The Miz going 200%. A “con artist with a couple of catchphrases” describes like 95% of people in wrestling history.
Enzo vs. Miz was more a promo than a match which was a smart idea, considering Enzo completely biffed the first sequence of the match. A nice Miz beatdown, to be honest. Hope Neville wrecks Enzo too. What’s Miz doing at No Mercy?
Rollins & Ambrose/Hardys vs. The Bar/Gallows & Anderson was an 8-man tag team match, yes it was. It had a Dean Ambrose beatdown, yes it did. The heat on Dean eventually got boiling hot, and Seth had himself a great hot tag. Matt tripping on the ropes leading to the ref just stopping his count at 2 was… not good. Otherwise, a silly fun feel-good match to end the show.
SMACKDOWN (9/12/17)
Hey! SmackDown was good this week! It was a stacked and well-built show with strong title matches and a big angle, PLUS they found time to show some love to perennial part-timers like Sami Zayn, Tye Dillinger, Aiden English, Rusev, The Hype Bros, and Gable & Benjamin.
Opening promo with Kevin Owens was both fine place-setting for the show-ending angle AND the best possible use of Dolph Ziggler’s new shtick. KO being a goofball dickhead is a lot better than weird anti-American 2010 Jericho clone.
AJ Styles vs. Tye Dillinger for the U.S. Title was another quickie classic from these two – super fast-paced, just two guys who can go… going. Liked Tye’s push of AJ on the apron into the post to set up the Commercial Offense, AJ’s running powerbomb out of the corner, and the build to the Tye Breaker near fall. Tye’s sell on the Calf Crusher was tremendous too. An amazing use of what felt like 5 minutes.
By the way, Baron Corbin should have a gimmick where he tries to give everyone CTE.
The Singh Brothers laughing hysterically during Jinder Mahal’s promo = nice. Jinder doing Godzilla jokes = fuck. Jinder vs. Nakamura build has been terrible.
New Day vs. Usos SIN CITY STREET FIGHT was awesome, they worked the tag formula that they’ve perfected into a wild-ass brawl. Had a beatdown – plus chairs! Comeback – plus kendo sticks!! Tons of crazy spots… E getting thrown into a chair in the corner, Kofi just WRECKING Jimmy with a kendo stick, Kofi throwing a chair to the outside at Jimmy’s head, The Usos catching Kofi’s trust fall plancha and nastily throwing him into the barricade. Big E’s fired up destruction of the commentary table was just delightful. Big frantic finish, with a huge Big Ending kickout, E doing an amazing sell of The Usos superkicks, a set up of the SummerSlam finish, a payoff of Jimmy going through the table set up at the start of the match, and finally a Midnight Hour for NEW CHAMPS! It’s The Bulldogs and The Harts for a new generation and I’m not sure who is who. Great stuff.
Naomi vs. Natalya for the SD Women’s Title was soooooo solid. Natalya is like the most unspectacular great wrestler. Does everything right… dueling headscissor escapes, calling for a time-out when her boot gets caught, always talking shit. Not interested in going back to it but it was all pretty good.
Benjamin & Gable vs. The Hype Bros was fun stuff – Shelty B working Mojo’s arm like he’s an Anderson and a sweet finish, even if it took forever to setup. Zack Ryder getting a Jinder push would be pretty cool. It won’t happen, but still.
VINCENT. FUCKING. MCMAHON. God bless him. If KO hadn’t been treading water for six months and had that shit Universal Title reign they might have just made a star. Owens says he’s going to sue WWE, Vince goes full Evil Rich Man but as a babyface because it’s 2017 and nothing makes sense. Vince may or may not have been taking a shot at CM Punk with his monologue about keeping guys in court and bankrupting them. And then OWENS HEADBUTTS VINCE and Vince goes down and BLEEDS!!! And just, oh my FUCKING GOD. How can you ever not like the wrestling when stuff like this happens sometimes? God damn Adam Pearce comes out as the only man willing to put his body in front of Vince, and Owens hits a damn frog splash. This whole Owens/Shane thing has sucked but leave it to Vinnie Mac to give it what it needed. What a treasure.
205 LIVE (9/12/17)
72-year-old Vince McMahon just bled, the Mae Young Classic final just crushed it…. so here’s Rich Swann and TJP. Yikes. These guys had a tremendous match in the CWC – this one got time, had some solid wrestling here and there, but it’s too little too late. Just past the point of being any interesting other than two guys running through spots.
BREEZANGO showing up on 205 Live was good stuff, they should definitely use this dead zone of a show to do weird shit with guys doing nothing on SmackDown. I want Mike Kanellis bullying Gran Metalik next week. Drew Gulak continues to be tremendous too – after all the dust has settled it’s really an amazing thing that of every guy they brought in from the CWC, Drew Gulak might be the one that has adapted most seamlessly to World Wrestling Entertainment. Give the man a job for life.
Kendrick vs. Cedric had some decent action before the JACK GALLAGHER HEEL TURN! Which was the most interesting thing on 205 Live in forever, outside of maybe Breezango. Everybody on 205 Live should turn heel, to be honest.
NXT (9/13/17)
A solid NXT – two good matches, a fun squash, a couple fun angles. What else should wrestling provide, really?
Billie Kay/Peyton Royce vs. Ruby Riot/Mystery Partner was a fun angle of a match, with Nikki Cross beating up The Iconic Duo to help out old foe Ruby. Iconic is alright but there’s really nothing about them that garners any heat… they’re fun in a goofball heel way but there’s nothing extra – not over-the-top enough, it doesn’t make Ruby any more popular, etc.
Johnny Gargano vs. Riddick Moss was great, give Johnny a TV Title and let him run Open Challenges. The wrestling was just so quality here – the rope-running leading to Riddick taking over, Gargano’s standing lariats, Gargano’s selling. Riddick to his credit kept up with everything too and looked like he belonged when beating down Gargano.
Street Profits had another fun squash. Montez Ford casually kicking Ealy whatshisface out of the ring post-match was amazing.
Big fan of the pre-match interviews NXT does before title matches, especially when Pete Dunne is doing them. “Can I get your thoughts?” Pete responds by putting his championship in his mouth and letting the big-ass pop for his theme music speak for itself.
Dunne vs. Wolfgang for the UK Title was very good and more wrestling should be like it. It wasn’t spectacular, but both guys have defined characters and roles and everything clicked. It was Dunne’s finger-breaking and belly-slapping against Wolfgang’s power and suplexes and I liked it a lot.
I liked the post-match angle a lot too: the crowd’s “OH SHIT” reaction at Cole/O’Reilly/Fish (The Undisputed Era? Really? Really? OK I’m fine with it), Kyle O’Reilly’s BROWN LEATHER SHOWS, Pete Dunne running back to the ring while Wolfgang was getting beat down to… grab his belt. Great stuff, and love everything about Undisputed Era vs. The U.K. Babyfaces. The U.K. guys essentially living on their own planet for most of the year made this so much more awesome too – it was like Jon Snow was finally confronting The Night King.
MAIN EVENT (9/13/17)
Pretty weak Main Event this week. Rhyno vs. Scott Dawson was perfectly fine but kind of a nothing match, though Rhyno won with a spinebuster so what do I know? Cruiserweight 6-man – Mustafa/Metalik/Dorado vs. Dar/Daivari/Nese – was like exactly what you’d expect it to be. Not much here, not even Gran Metalik making me question how the world is supposed to work. You know what 205 Live has always needed? Better heels. Less FCW clones, more Kaientai DX style.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Sin City Street Fight – The New Day vs. The Usos
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Vince McMahon, obviously. I’d say he’s put over his last guy, but he probably has like 12 more in him.
Pretty amazing week of WWE TV. RAW was a star factory, SmackDown was stacked, 205 Live had Breezango, and NXT was top-to-bottom strong for once.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 7/10
205 Live: 5/10
NXT: 7/10
