It’s 2 weeks before WrestleMania!
1. Rocky Johnson vs. Charlie Fulton
Kind of fascinating to me that Rocky Johnson was still around but didn’t get a showcase at Mania as Vince moved away from guys of Rocky’s era…. and then Rocky Johnson came back and gave Vince THE ROCK. This is a WWF 1980s opener. They work holds, Rocky shows fire, Fulton hammers on Rocky. Rocky rolls through a few things and wins in 5 minutes with a HUGE sunset flip. Perfectly fine, didn’t overstay its welcome. *3/4
2. Barry O vs. Rene Goulet
Gene and Gorilla on commentary go over all the hustling they were doing on the way to Mania, working 7-day weeks and traveling all over the U.S. This is a very bad match. Barry O, who’s the babyface and Randy Orton’s uncle, keeps going back to a headlock and gets booed. Then he goes to an armbar and the folks get quiet. Goulet does a beatdown and nobody cares because Barry O has already bored them to death. Nothing here works and all of Barry O’s stuff looked ugly. DUD
3. S.D. Jones vs. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart w/ Jimmy Hart
This is a fun as hell enhancement match, with Neidhart getting fooled by S.D. a lot early – S.D. holds his bear to keep on a headlock, Neidhart LAUGHS as he kips over S.D. and turns around into a hiptoss, Neidhart does two drop-downs but ends up getting stomped. Gene and Gorilla meanwhile are in full Mania mode, hard-selling the press corps at ringside. After a little beatdown, Neidhart catches a powerslam and it’s over. Dug it. **1/4
4. Jose Luis Rivera vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Jimmy Hart
Buddy wears a CAPE to the ring and gets a pop for just how huge he is. What a classic look Bundy had, the big bald tank of a man. He’s a guy burned into my childhood memories. Bundy had debuted on TV a day before, so was brand new to the MSG faithful. And the MSG faithful, as many did in 1985, got themselves a Bundy squash. He beats and throws Rivera around, flexes and growls at the crowd. Bundy always had a little extra to him – he was the scary giant guy, sure, but he also had this natural comedic timing and ability to milk every spot. He does a one-handed bodyslam, pulls up Rivera on the 2-count. A splash in the corner and BIG jumping elbow gets 3, and he demands 5. Jimmy Hart meanwhile is rocking a rainbow harts jacket and powder blue pants, and it makes me so happy to be watching the professional wrestling. **
Hulk Hogan and Mr. T cut a promo backstage, but T’s got no time for interviewing, ’cause Piper and Orndorff are dead meat!
Piper’s Pit w/ Mr. T
Amazing go-home segment for this big match, with masterful mic work by Rowdy Roddy Piper and a HOT HOT crowd. This is prime Roddy Piper in first WrestleMania mode and it is incredible. He shits on the Irish (on St. Patrick’s Day) and New York, cracks jokes, puts over Cowboy Bob, shits on the Yankees, and during everything has such a douchebag swagger to him. He teases introducing the guy everybody came to see…. PAUL ORNDORFF! Who comes out in SHORT black shorts, blows kisses to the crowd, and has some painful-looking backne. He also pantomimes being a monkey, which… well. Damn.
Mr. T comes out with SO MUCH GOLD and the crowd is LOVING IT. This is SPORTS MOTHERFUCKING ENTERTAINMENT!!! It’s awesome to watch now… this is the main event that I knew as THE MAIN EVENT as a kid, the one I’d always see on the VHS cover at Blockbuster, and this is the TV build-up I never saw. Piper cleans off the seat for Mr. T – “I know you’re not used to cleanliness, but I cleaned it for ya.” Mr. T thinks for a second – “On second thought, I don’t wanna sit down – I don’t trust you” – and he pushes the chair away to a big pop. Piper offers T the chance to back out of the “closed circuit fight” and the crowd BOOOOO’s. Piper shows off portraits he had drawn of Mr. T in a sling, crutches, and hospital bed, then puts on a Mr. T wig, and Mr. T is positively perturbed.
Mr. T then cuts a promo after Piper storms off and just BRINGS IT HOME. Love a great babyface promo by a guy slightly removed from the world of wrestling. “Don’t look for a lot of sweet moves by me, I only know one thing… that’s pain, I don’t play fair, I’m gonna be hitting, scratching, but I’m not gonna be doing every dirty trick in the book, that’s all I know… WE GOTTA’ WIN!” And the crowd fucking LOSES IT!!!! Oh and Hogan and Snuka were there too. This is ALLLL amazing, and I know this is like one of the more famous feuds ever but I don’t think it gets the credit it deserves as truly incredible professional wrestling.
5. David Sammartino vs. Matt Borne
David and Borne are all scrappy early, but this match loses the crowd REAL quick. Borne puts on a headlock and a lone man chants boring, as Gorilla and Gene hype Mana. Borne then works a couple long holds and nobody cares about poor David. A really crappy cradle out of a powerslam ends it. 3/4*
6. Andre the Giant, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Junkyard Dog w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Big John Studd, Jesse “The Body” Ventura & Ken Patera w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Absolutely classic heel and face teams here, just a bunch of CHARACTERS. The camera shot of Captain Lou leading Andre, Snuka, and JYD out to the ring is AMAZING. The match is total crowd-pleasing stuff… babyface offense, heels bailing, Andre noggin’ knockers, Ventura trying to punch JYD’s head and getting hurt. Andre actually showed more fire on Studd here than he did at Mania. The crowd buzzes as Snuka takes a few bearhugs, then the good guys make a comeback. Snuka drops the Superfly Splash on Ventura as Andre stands tall to block a save. ***
7. Ricky Steamboat vs. Terry Gibbs
Basic come-down stuff – Gibbs attacks, Steamboat hits a backdrop and is all fired up. The crowd is pretty quiet but Ricky is doing all the right “I’m gonna kick this guys’ ass” babyface stuff and Gibbs is a punk, constantly hitting Ricky and running away. A Ricky crossbody wins this basic as all heel WWF wrestling match. *1/2
8. Lumberjack Match – WWF Intercontinental Title: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine [c] w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana
Valentine vs. Tito matches – always heated, great chemistry. This has the addition of most of the guys on the undercard outside as lumberjacks, which makes for a few fun spots but also has them ham-fisting the gimmick into some pretty magical chemistry these two had. Tito is all fired up and Greg’s calm-yet-goofy selling is amazing, every strike getting a reaction of, “OK. I am pretty sure that hurt. Yup. It did. I’m going to fall down now.” Lots of Hammer offense, Tito mounting comebacks, and either guy falling outside so other guys could throw them back in. Finish sees Big John Studd help Valentine on a figure-four, so Tito goes after STUDD, then slugs away with Valentine until they run into each other and Valentine falls on top for the win. ***1/2
Some real rough stuff here and there but top-to-bottom a strong MSG show, with an awesome go-home angle, fun 6-man, fun Neidhart squash, and strong main event. It’s the go-home show for the first WRESTLEMANIA, for godssakes. 7/10
