Goodness, gracious, Great Balls of Fire.
This show wasn’t great for a while, but had an awesome back half.
Feel like all of WWE’s attention to detail and militant micro-managing went away when the pitch for “Great Balls of Fire” as a PPV name came in.
As everybody chuckled over the name, the potential disasters with guys’ faces covering up the digital marquees around the arena were not thought of – EAT BALLS, EAT BALLS OF FIRE, GREAT BALLS.
Another favorite: Cass’ big frame blocking the “C” in his new generic Titan Tron, blessing us with “BIG ASS.”
WOO! It’s the little things sometimes.
0. WWE Cruiserweight Title: Neville [c] vs. Akira Tozawa w/ Titus O’Neil
This was the good match you have when you’re going to have a rematch. Tozawa is so much fun to watch – so good, so fast. Neville meanwhile is the best in the freakin’ world – playing a character, leaning in to chops, punishing his opponents, selling huge, everything looking clean and crisp, all while he’s just the most methodical prick wrestler. Tozawa’s two topes here were incredible, as was his front cradle near fall towards the end. Titus meanwhile continues to be a great manager, just flipping out for everything outside and coaching his man. Awesome fuckery for the finish, Neville going after Tozawa’s (great) balls (of fire) and winning with a KICK. Not high-end but did everything it needed too, good stuff. ***1/4
1. Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt
This was a match between two main event guys that I am always left wanting more from. Seth makes some stuff look cool but a lot of other stuff look lame and soft; he is starting to remind me of late stage Rob Van Dam. Seth played the face-in-peril, Bray the black mass looming above him. Bray on offense for a while was YEESH. Solid match, weak opener. ***
2. Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass
Enzo cut himself another classic promo. Wow wow wow. The delivery, charisma, lines… all of that rocked, but I was most impressed by the memory needed to pull that thing off, so many rhymes with such CONVICTION. Incredible. There’s no possible world Enzo becomes some main event player but his promos make me think it might just happen. The new Big Cass intro is going to have to change, most definitely. This was Cass beating up Enzo for a while. That was all it was. Not sure it did anything for either guy, to be honest. Too long and not brutal enough to make Cass look like a real G. Cass is going to have to work on the MEAN FACES while putting guys in holds too. **
Was Jeff Hardy wearing a cut-off hooded sweatshirt in that promo!?
3. 30-Minute Iron Man Match – RAW Tag Team Title: Cesaro & Sheamus [c] vs. The Hardy Boyz
At some point we all just have to agree that The Hardy Boyz and Cesaro & Sheamus do not have good chemistry. This was a lot of everybody getting their shit in. It just kind of dragged the entire 30 minutes, with only occasional highlights – the Brouge kick finish early, Jeff selling and bumping his ass off. They had the crowd in places, definitely had them towards the end, but this was just such a generic match for most of its’ running time. Thought the timing on the finish was the most impressive thing here, very good stuff. Steel Cage, 2/3 falls, this… not sure who Vince is testing at this point – the Hardys or Cesaro and Sheamus. Fine enough match but not proud I spent so much time with it.
**3/4
4. RAW Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss [c] vs. Sasha Banks
This fucking ruled. BattlARTS, bay-bee! The HATE in their eyes as they entered the ring. It had a brutal beating dished out by Alexa Bliss, who continues to impress me in that she’s 5 feet tall and makes you feel like she’s 7 foot. Sasha meanwhile sold her ass off and made everything look crazy violent… loved her bump off of Alexa’s backbreaker, it looked like a back was legitimately broken. Alexa faking the arm break with her double-jointed arm was AMAZING, as was the crack of the elbow as she reeled Sasha in… that should have been the finish, honestly. Thought Alexa’s sell on the Bank Statement was incredible too, had the crowd and the good brothers I was watching with biting. This was a WAR, baby, sold and presented as a fight. Loved it. ***1/2
DIXIE CARTER ON WWE NETWORK
5. WWE Intercontinental Title: The Miz [c] w/ Maryse, Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel vs. Dean Ambrose
Bo Dallas continues trying to find himself and it is awesome. This was a very OK match. Felt kind of like a random RAW TV match more than anything though. Decent wrestling sequences, questionable goofy leg-selling by Ambrose, Ambrose bleeding from the mouth, hijinks from the former Social Outcasts. Got it together for the finish – crowd was bumping, just time to move on. Always thought there was a decent Cage Match in this feud, but some angle needed to light a fire under Ambrose’s ass and they never got there. Probably didn’t want to repeat the Cena/Nikki story with Miz and Maryse going after Renee (they did try that pre-Mania and then dropped it), but thought that was where the money was. Oh well. Good, solid,
you know the deal. ***
6. Ambulance Match: Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
This was tremendous, a big brawl between two big boys. The crowd was hot, Braun was hitting everything with gusto, and Roman was just selling his fucking ASS off. Braun no-selling the chairshots to the arm was incredible, star-making stuff. A big garbage brawl that no normal man in their right mind would want to get in the middle of. Had inherent gimmick match issues with each guy just trying to force the other one into an ambulance vs. trying to beat him so bad he could just lift him into it, but what can ya do. This was a blast. ***3/4
Big angle afterwards too, equal parts hilarious and violent and awesome. Roman misses a spear and dives into the ambulance, so Braun wins (another victory over Roman). Roman then escapes the ambulance, they brawl, Roman puts Braun in the ambulance, then drives like a crazy man through the backstage area, looks into the driver’s side mirror to reflect (incredibly hilarious camera shot on that), and reverses the ambulance into a truck, trying to legit murder Braun. Never Change, WWE. More on this in a second.
7. Heath Slater vs. Curt Hawkins
Heath and Curt get trotted out all confused because GM Kurt Angle’s freaking out backstage over one of his employees trying to kill another employee. I liked the angle, complete with Heath winning off-screen.
They did a LONG shot of firemen trying to pry open the ambulance door, which sure was compelling television. Beyond that awkwardness, this was an amazing, amazing angle, with Braun stumbling out of the ambulance, bloodied and beaten, refusing medical attention. He just retreated off on his own, as if he was Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men, walking off with a bone sticking out of his arm. “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” The match may have been three and three quarters stars, but the angle was five.
8. WWE Universal Title: Brock Lesnar [c] vs. Samoa Joe
This was just about exactly what it needed to be, a Hashimoto vs. Ogawa or Sasaki vs. Bob Saap sub-10 minute brawl, SHOOTER vs. WRESTLER. It was awesome. Super fast, shoot-style exchanges, Kokina Clutch teases, German suplexes. Brock slipping under Joe to setup a German was so awesome, guy is so FAST. Loved Joe attacking Brock pre-bell too, really set the tone. Joe winning would have been the right call for any other story, but he came up against Brock Lesnar’s Story, and nobody fucks with that. Wish just a little bit that Joe went for the kill more than he did, but this was an awesome unique professional wrestling match. ***3/4
As 1053 Ridge brother Josh put it so astutely, this show was the dreaded “good enough.” It was a lot of wrestling matches to either build to another thing or payoff middling feuds with a wimper. The last two matches and the ambulance angle were awesome though and absolutely worth checking out.
6/10
