A week in which I thought – god dammit, these guys know what they’re doing.
RAW had Braun vs. Roman heating up without giving too much away, a hot 6-man midcard tag, Goldust and a Personal Cameraman continuing the R-Truth feud, Samoa Joe looking like a monster, absolutely incredible celebrity insanity, more 6-man midcard fun, an Enzo & Cass reunion tease and awesome beatdown, the Corey/Angle intrigue continuing, Neville looking like a monster, and finally, FINALLY some steam given to the women’s division. Only thing that actively sucked cock was Wyatt/Rollins.
SmackDown had a perfect payoff to the Carmella/MITB angle, Usos getting steam and Hype Bros having intrigue (by LOSING!), Breeznago hilarity, a perfect Naomi vs. Lana match, the return of the wacky Punjabi Prison, Sami trolling the Kanellis’, Sami and Corbin having a heck of a match including Zayn taking an amazing bump, and LADDERS!!!
NXT had a squash for a new guy, title matches hyped, an amazing Hideo Itami/Oney Lorcan match that was more Strong Style than actual Strong Style matches, and a wild Last Woman Standing match that might just have re-invented what the WWE fan expects from their women’s wrestling.
Even MAIN EVENT, ON HULU DOT COM, had an excellent 5-minute cruiserweight FIGHT and an awesome Southern tag team match with the return of THE REVIVAL.
I mean 205 Live still sucked ass but this was a fun-ass week of WWE TV.
RAW (6/26/17)
RAW has like four episodes a year that don’t drag at any point in their three hours and I think this was one of them. Good stuff all show – flowed well, stories moved forward, guys got put over, good wrestling, hilarious celebrity involvement (and not just the Ball family), and more than anything it was FUUUUUN.
First of all – DID YOU SEE BOOKER T’S RED SHOES? RED SHOES BOOKA!!!!
God DAMN was that a big reaction as Braun Strowman appeared and attacked Roman Reigns. Hot opening segment that, like wrote above, didn’t give much away – a promo, an attack, a big bump. And Roman is fully willing to bump his ass off for BRAAUUUNNN.
Balor/Hardys vs. Samson/Cesaro & Sheamus hit all the right notes as a opening 6-man – action kept moving, crowd kept popping, fun spots, hot finish, and the overall weirdness of having Josh Duhamel doing commentary over it all. Liked a lot of individual moments here – Samson running from Finn, Sheamus cutting off the 10 Beats and his huge knee to Jeff, and Finn’s hot tag run… Finn’s got the mojo back. Duhamel going off-script and saying Vince was backstage and cracking up at the Matt Hardy turnbuckle “DELETE” spot was great too.
Heel Goldust means Goldust in his 1996 ring gear and his own personal “film operator” in a completely gold suit. I approve.
Even the backstage stuff wasn’t as lame as usual tonight. Kurt Angle texting while all the ladies pulled their Gauntlet Match spots, Samoa Joe being a total creep to Paul Heyman (“You look good”), Kurt’s WTF Am I Doing With My Life look as Bayley spun the number spinner.
The LaVar and Lonzo and LaMelo Ball segment was absolutely incredible television. Here’s what I loved about it: it was so not wrestling, so not WWE, so under-scripted and featuring not wrestlers but civilians, and at the same time – the insanity of this television segment could only ever appear in the WWE. RAW has been live every week for the last 20 god damn years but rarely has the feeling of live television, since it’s so micro-managed. Micro-managing has a place sometimes, but WWE is another level – its’ micro-management has its own micro-manager.
The risk, the slip-ups – they happen, but its’ rare, and if they do happen, they’re covered up quickly. This week though, WWE, in their never-ending effort to be accepted by the outside world, gave LaVar Ball 10 minutes to be LaVar Ball with only The Miz there to reel him in and jesus CHRIST: LaVar Ball single-handedly forced WWE into being REAL. The goofy-ass run to the ring, the one-liners (“You’re a little two low for us right now” – “A million zippers” – “There are only two men better than me, and I’m both of em!”), taking his t-shirt off, The Miz trying to keep up and being the only guy outside of John Cena who possibly could. I haven’t been on the edge of my seat for wrestling like this since Shane-O-Mac came back! ******
Of course, stupid LaMelo Ball had to drop two N-bombs and so it will probably be another 20 years before we see anything like this again.
The Miz/MIZ-TOURAGE (Bo & Curtis) vs. Dean/Rhyno/Slater was an OK 6-man that at least moved some things forward and got a couple more solid wrestlers roles on the show. There really wasn’t much to it though. I do dig Bo throwing headbutts into his game.
What a freakin’ promo by Enzo Amore and on that note Big Cass too, these two were acting like they were in a movie starring Chazz Palminteri. “OK!? Do you understand that? You’re my family, bro!” It didn’t quite reach Mark Henry retirement tease levels, but this one almost got to the GUT, baby. Cass coming out to the Enzo music was DUMB, but the black t-shirt was nice and the big turn (part 2!!) at the last minute was awesome. Crazy-ass powerslam on the ramp here.
Those two lovebirds, Cass and Carmella, have both been a part of two angles recently that are a good example of WWE stretching things out for maximum effect – it didn’t look like Carmella would keep MITB, and then it didn’t look like Cass was officially heel, and boom – both happened. Actually, Cass should ditch Enzo officially and jump to SmackDown and be Carmella’s backup. Cass vs. Zayn, Cass vs. Styles, Cass vs. Cena – maybe there isn’t room enough for two Tall Heels (Corbin and Cass) but I’d be into seeing them try.
WHAT DOES COREY HAVE ON KURT?
Seth Rollins vs. Curt Hawkins was more a Rollins athletic showcase / “Look! I’m good at wrestling!” match than an actual SQUASH match. Didn’t like it.
Samoa Joe grabbing Brock Lesnar from behind and choking him out was so unexpected, so awesome, so MONEY. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NOBODY just attacks BROCK LESNAR like that!! And Brock’s insane pink face put this thing WAY over to the top. “I DID THIS TO YOU! I RUN THIS!” YESSSSSSS. I am officially positively hyped for this wrestling match. It’s fucking Abdullah the Butcher vs. Bruiser Brody except BETTER.
Neville vs. Lince Dorado was incredible. All the marks in the crowd wanted some flying and Neville was just out there slapping Lince around and slamming him into the top turnbuckle and snarling and taunting. Lince tries to fly but Neville grabs his mask, throws some boots, hits a running kick and TAPS his ass as he stares down Tozawa. Take notes, SETH.
The women’s Gauntlet Match was a weird match for a while – Bayley and Nia have good chemistry but it was a 4-minute match, Nia vs. Mickie had Mickie not bumping enough but I did like her big slap, Nia and Dana did the same cartwheel spot as their shockingly good Main Event match which was cool but otherwise had a 1-minute match, liked Emma having a little strategy but another quick match. And by this time you’re like, well – Nia’s looking like a rockstar, but I’m not exactly enjoying this.
And then Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks was really fucking good. Sasha took it to the tired Nia but also sold her ass off – big bumps, ragdolling, all that good stuff. On top of that this thing had some HEAT. Liked Nia slamming Sasha’s head on the mat, the suplex out of the bearhug. And Nia and Sasha both sold Sasha’s finish like DEATH, with Sasha having to basically choke the life out of the monster who just ran through the women’s division. First half could’ve been punched up a bit, but the last 5 minutes or so were worth it. Sasha vs. Alexa – YES.
SMACKDOWN (6/27/17)
This show was closest thing SmackDown has felt like the peak fall months of post-draft SmackDown – like those shows, it wasn’t an episode of WWE TV with a ton of CRAZY YOU’VE GOT TO WATCH THIS moments (though it still had them), but I enjoyed it just because it was so solidly BOOKED. Everything made sense and folks got over – simple but necessary, and totally enjoyable.
Opening segment with Bryan, Ellsworth and Carmella was perfect sports entertainment. Bryan hypes up the crowd for the show, Carmella gets more heat, Ellsworth makes you hate him, and then Ellsworth makes you laugh your ass off because the stupid feller is trying to run from the cops.
Liked The Hype Bros vs. The Usos a lot, even if 90% of it was a silent wrestling match due to being picture-in-picture with a commercial. Real compact stuff that totally worked – Mojo did his chop spot, Ryder got beat up, Ryder got a hot tag and The Usos did another awesome finishing run – those boys can get a crowd moving. Kind of absolutely loved it ending like 30 seconds after returning from break.
And then New Day referenced the “We’re coming for you…” promo and it felt like wrestling was back.
That Fashion Files with The Ascension was incredible television. Breezango offered them Eddie Money tickets! Viktor tried to grab them! Konnor responded “We only listen to grindcore thrash metal. Remember?”! They were offered iced tea! A cheese platter! “I think we were both good cops there. No Dango – we were great cops”! And then Ascension grabbed the tickets!!!!!
The Naomi vs. Lana rematch was another thing on this show that was perfect sports entertainment. Lana attacks before the bell, bell rings, Lana hits her finish, Naomi fights back and gets the quick win. Life’s short. Get to the point.
Aiden English getting interrupted and then getting an RKO during commercial break is my everything.
WWE has committed to the 3-match Randy/Jinder series and we are going to see this god damn thing through, aren’t we? I like how we’ve come around from people hating and being embarrassed by Punjabi Prison to actively popping for it. Might be a commentary on how Vince McMahon presents wrestling nowadays, or a commentary on society being more accepting of satire. Maybe one day I’ll think about it more.
Sami Zayn interrupting and apologizing to Maria and Maria’s Husband Kanellis = great.
Sami Zayn and Baron Corbin have good big guy/small guy chemistry and you can see in real-time Corbin getting better and learning to flow his matches, so that’s cool. This match had a couple bearhug spots, Sami selling Corbin’s punches brilliantly, a couple big lariats. Oh and Sami Zayn’s INSANE FUCKING CORNER BUMP. OH MY GOD. DID YOU SEE THAT THING? IF YOU DIDN’T YOU SHOULD SEE IT. So chaotic, so controlled, so beautiful. Brought this solid match up like fifteen points.
The Women’s Money in the Bank rematch main event was a solid stunt show brought up a lot by having better individual moments and payoffs than the PPV match: the Carmella win tease early, Becky/Charlotte showdown, Becky climbing up the Charlotte/Tamina-assisted ladder, Charlotte and Natalya throwing elbows, Carmella’s plancha, Tamina’s NOOOO as she was powerbombed, and JAMES MOTHER F’ING ELLSWORTH. The return! The win tease! Becky’s revenge!! Ellsworth’s ball bump!!! And then Carmella used a CHAIR and won the god damn thing herself – awesome.
TALKING SMACK (6/27/17)
God bless Daniel Bryan being back on Talking Smack. It’s like if our friend died, but he’s still around, just as a ghost, and we do pranks together.
This show had his delivery of “Punjabi Prison Match” and a FREESTYLE RAP!!
Kevin Owens, The Usos, and Carmella were the interviews. KO’s ignorance of sports continues, and he should really use that for heat and not comedy. Also, Carmella called herself the first ever two-time winner of a Money in the Bank ladder match – what an straight ice cold shot at CM Punk.
205 LIVE (6/27/17)
This was a PowerPoint template of a professional wrestling show.
Show opened with Brian Kendrick, dressed as Jack Gallagher, up against Jack Gallagher. It was an angle of a match, and I’m not sure it was a compelling angle, though I do like that someone had enough sense to determine that Gallagher vs. Nese for any more than 3 weeks would’ve been a nightmare.
Also had this Corey Graves line – “He’s the man with the plan … He’s not the man with occasional forethought!”
Drew Gulak vs. Mustafa Ali was OK. Sometimes wrestling needs a bodyslam into the ropes and a tight chinlock. And sometimes it needs Gulak trying a high-flying move and belly flopping into nothing.
Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar was shite. They’re killin’ Cedric out there, man!
And Neville and Tozawa did a thing because they’re gonna wrestle.
NXT (6/28/17)
A good show because it had two really sweet matches.
It also had Asuka wearing an awesome jacket.
It also had Otis Dozovic simultaneously sitting and squatting in William Regal’s office.
It also had a Velveteen Dream squash of HoHo Lun that was a headlock, a boot, and an elbow.
Oney Lorcan vs. Hideo Itami was absolute fucking insanity. At the NXT tapings, Oney legitimately busted open Itami’s nose within 20 seconds of the bell ringing. The match was stopped, and they came back later and re-taped it. These two things combine into a compelling-ass 10 minutes of sports entertainment on the WWE Network.
Once the match was restarted Itami just WENT THE FUCK AT HIM, as if Oney had elbowed the KENTA back into Hideo Itami. This was another Oney match that was unlike anything you see on WWE TV, just an absolute FIGHT, made all the more awesome by the legit Itami nose injury. Stiffer and more intense than almost any New Japan match I’ve seen in the last year.
Asuka vs. Nikki Cross Last Woman Standing was a blast. It felt more violent than the Hell in a Cell and Money in the Bank women’s matches, that’s for sure. This wasn’t no Last Man Standing goofy-ass stunt show, this was a FIGHT, with only a few props used for maximum effect – Cross getting her head kicked in with the trash can, the slam off the apron onto the pile of chairs, and the wild suplex off the ladder through the announcer’s table. Very fun.
MAIN EVENT (6/28/17)
This show made watching Main Event every god damn week since ION all worth it.
Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick was a perfect 5-minutes, a match that completely utterly worked. Kendrick boots Cedric right away and dishes out a beating where he lays everything he fuck in. I mean this was SNUG. He keeps going for the Captain’s Hook and cutting Cedric off until Cedric CRACKS him with an elbow that the crowd pops big for, then goes on a run. Crowd was flipping for all the heavy shots Cedric was throwing, and his lungblower at the finish felt EARNED.
Second match was The Revival vs. Gallows & Anderson and oh man did I miss watching The Revival. HUGE pop for both teams to start. Gallows & Anderson work babyface. Revival tries to cut Anderson off, but Gallows & Anderson end up cutting Dawson off and work him over. The crowd absolutely freaks for a Gallows uppercut and Dawson’s sell. Revival bumps around for Gallows and he and Anderson clear the ring like they’re on WCW Worldwide.
Revival eventually catches Anderson and brings the double teaming, which peaks with this Graves’ line: “We always talk teams being on the same page, Wilder & Dawson are on the same syllable.” Then Gallows gets a hot tag and it’s like Festus never left us. At one point he SCREAMS!!! And then Revival tricks their way, as they do, into a Shatter Machine, and get the 3 complete with an amazing Dawson reaction. A legitimately great match hidden away on Main Event.
Without question, this was a show with two Main Event Matches Worth Watching
WWE TV Match of the Week: Nikki Cross/Asuka had the aura, Revival vs. Gallows/Anderson had the fun, but god damn was that Hideo Itami vs. Oney Lorcan match from NXT a wpmderfi; freak show.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: A lot of legitimate candidates this week, for once: Enzo Amore for his acting, The Miz for his herding, Samoa Joe for his viciousness, Nia Jax for going 30, James Ellsworth for being a piece of shit, Nikki Cross for arriving. I’m going to give it to The Miz because honestly his work with LaVar Ball was the most impressive thing this week.
Hell of a week, folks. Hell of a week. Good solid wrestling and angles, with some absolute sheer insanity here and there too.
RAW: 9/10
SmackDown: 9/10
205 Live: 4/10
NXT: 7/10
