I’m catching up on episodes of WTF with Marc Maron and have arrived at December 2016, when AJ Styles was WWE Champ and Sin Cara was getting thrown into piles of Christmas presents. Episode #770 has child prodigy and well-adjusted adult Derek Trucks and the discussion comes to the blues.
So let’s compare wrestling and the blues.
Trucks says that simplicity made the legends – B.B., Coltrane, Hooker. As time went on, newer guys tried to fill in the gaps, but the feeling got lost. It should really be going the other way – the music should be pared down to the basics and perfected. Only leave in the things that are absolutely going to stab you in the heart… make it so that there is not a note you can change.
Take Seth Rollins, for example. Love Seth. Still maintain he carried the whole damn company in 2015 and did a good job at it. But Seth, especially post-return, is missing something. He’s a guy that gets pops. He flies around. He sells a limb. He’s a star. But is he CONNECTING? But is he a SUPER star!?
Of course, sometimes you can focus on paring it down to the basics so bad that the wrestling becomes boring, an endless void so barren that while you are watching it you question your reasoning and after you watch it it’s forgotten forever.
It’s the perfection that’s key, and it’s that stabbing you in the heart part that’s key.
Take Kenny Omega, for example. He’s got talent. The athleticism… it’s impressive. The presence… it’s there. But he also feels like a guy trying to fill his matches with so much extra, like he’s trying to stab my heart but instead he’s missing, doing a backflip, throwing a shit elbow, and posing.
Simplicity made the legends – Hogan, Andre, Dusty. As time went on, newer guys tried to fill in the gaps, but the feeling got lost. It should really be going the other way – the wrestling should be pared down to the basics and perfected. Only leave in the things that are absolutely going to stab you in the heart… make it so that there is not a note you can change.
Even if you’re going 60.
RAW (6/12/17)
Even though it’s the same company, it really feels like the SmackDown creative juices have been shifted to RAW. For the last little while, Monday night has more hooks, stuff making more sense, and more general fun. But it’s also still 3 fucking hours so I dunno.
We got a Drifter vs. Dean match this week that got set up LAST WEEK. Heath Slater said backstage he wants the IC Title and pinned Miz, so I bet we get an IC Title match NEXT WEEK. The attention to detail is what fuels me.
This was a perfectly solid show, some fun stuff and decent wrestling, even with Roman and Balor and Braun and THE REVIVAL missing in action. Joe/Brock brawl, Ambrose as a bear, and Titus Brand were highlights. Rollins/Wyatt promo and women’s division stuff were misses.
The locker room pull-apart brawl is a WWE classic, they pull it out once every few years and it always hits. This was great. The Heyman promo was whatever, but Samoa Joe walking to the ring and immediately headbutting Brock Lesnar was incredible. The security extras took their beating like champs too, I hope Brock bought them all a round of drinks after the show but also know that he didn’t.
Really do hope Booker T stays around on RAW commentary, he’s not bad on it and has way more character and credibility than Otunga. Plus you also get stuff like Cole and Corey’s face after he exclaimed “It’ll be on fire!” about the Great Balls of Fire PPV.
I think I like Elias Samson. His clothesline, boot, and kneedrop were all purty and suitably stiff, like he’s angling for a New Japan run if this all doesn’t work out. His match with Ambrose kept moving the whole 5 minutes, Ambrose sold, Samson hit those nice strikes, and they had a screwy finish that gave The Drifter a win over Ambrose and kept Ambrose’s real feud going – an absolute winner of a solid TV match.
I don’t know about this Alicia Fox and Noam Dar thing, man. It’s bad. It’s real bad. A wrestling fan hates it, a non-fan would roll their eyes at it going lol stupid wrestling. I just don’t get it. Like, good for Alicia Fox and Noam Dar. Fox is doing a one-woman art project on excess and annoyance, while Dar is probably getting Vince Points for just running with this goofy shit. But… JESUS.
Rollins/Wyatt promo was shite. Waste of time. Next.
Free Agent John Cena is an interesting choice. My dream is Journalist John Cena, where he comes back and uses the skills he earned at The Today Show to investigate Enzo & Cass’ attacker, Angle’s texts, etc. Tell a story. It’s not too late.
Probably says something about Monday Night RAW and WWE in general when Apollo Crews and Kalisto had the rocking match they had on Extreme Rules Kickoff, and then they have a rematch on RAW and I’m not excited. This was a fun bit of 3-minute action and that’s about it. Crews’ sit-out powerbomb was beautiful. All the Titus Brand stuff with Tozawa is both pretty good and really weird… Tozawa just in the front row for no reason (why not ringside he’s a contracted employee for godssakes) and Titus’ IT’S RAINING YEN song. I don’t know if any of this is going anywhere but it’s a weekly highlight for the red brand.
The women’s division segment with Alexa, Nia, Sasha, Dana, Mickie, and the returning Emma (!) was just such a nothing throwaway thing. Felt like they were building to a Money in the Bank match themselves, with no desire to give any direction to any individual person… just classic holding pattern on Monday nights.
Rhyno & Heath Slater vs. The Miz and A BEAR was one part stupid one part the most professional wrestling thing all show. A modern day wrestling show absolutely needs stuff like Joe vs. Brock, it also needs stuff like a full Titan Tron for a guy in a bear costume who enters on a tricycle and rubs his back on the ring post. Do I want to explain to my loved ones why I watch this? No. Did I love it? Yep.
Loved the Neville promo after wrecking Rich Swann… “Tread carefully” he says, like he’s some villain from a Guy Ritchie movie. Neville/Tozawa = ALL IN.
On one hand the Enzo & Cass and Kurt Angle mysteries are semi-interesting, on the other hand you have to remember how bad WWE is at payoffs.
The Hardys vs. Cesaro & Sheamus tag titles main event was alright but two out of three falls in 12 minutes is usually a recipe for underwhelming. For the long game, a lot of what they did here made sense – Jeff pinned a minute in, Matt hot tag where he basically beats both Cesaro & Sheamus by himself, double countout. Some really pretty wrestling here too… Sharpshooter setup on Matt was NEAT, as was the flapjack to rollup to cradle spot. And I love that Jeff Hardy just uses a straight-up splash as a move now. Good match, passable main event, just a lot of weak sauce.
SMACKDOWN (6/13/17)
SmackDown these days just feels like everything’s at half-speed – story movement, character build (besides Jinder). This was a decent show, though – New Day/Usos promo, Fashion Files, and Zayn being a goof the out-of-the-ring highlights, while every match was at worst solid, with the main event being really good.
TYE DILLINGER MISSING SIGN AT START OF THE SHOW!!! A+ CROWD MEMBER.
Incredible opening number for the New Day, what an epic entrance – the light questionable trombone tooting and then the JAMMING. Great tune combined with New Day dancing their way to the squared circle. So great. New Day runs this show now. They may also have just sold out the Superdome for next year, god bless them.
Amazing Usos/New Day promo battle here too, these things are the best promos in WWE right now by a mile. Great chemistry, feels loose, funny lines (“OK, Drumline!”), and Usos are just so INTENSE. WE THE ONES!!!! Then Breezango come out and while they are perversely tremendous it didn’t really fit. And then I legitimately tuned out to the Colons promo, had to rewind.
New Day/Breezango vs. Usos/Colons was a fine WWE 8-man TV tag where they got all their shit in but not much happened. Breeze gets beat up, Xavier has a fun run, and before ya know it it’s over. SERVICEABLE! FUN!
Loving the Sami Zayn gimmick, whatever it is – the quirky guy that everybody knows is pretty good but doesn’t quite pick up on social cues easily and it’s not really even in an adorable way but more of an aggressive way and he also over-thinks things too much and my god I might be Sami Zayn.
I imagine this really is Sami Zayn turned up to 11, which is what Stone Cold says you need to do to be a great wrestler and is also the exact inverse of Stone Cold.
And they finally kept Nakamura quiet and looking cool – “I like him!” I’m not saying Nakamura has to be some doting foreigner sidekick who only speaks when spoken to but for the last few weeks he’s basically been Manuel from Fawlty Towers, so you’ve got to change things up a bit.
Zack Ryder is back – a hype bro returns and an american alpha weeps.
Lana has an obnoxious but catchy theme, is weirdly insanely over – she’s basically Fandango in 2013. Oh and WE WANT RUSEV CHANTS!!!
Naomi vs. Tamina was Tamina’s best match ever and that’s not saying much but it is saying something. She threw a mean headbutt, caught a Naomi kick and threw her down, screamed IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!? and got heat, did the Umaga corner spot really viciously. Naomi for her part sold big the whole time. This was sooooooooo SOLID.
Jinder Mahal is getting heat and truly does look the part of World Champion, and it’s not just the veins erupting from his muscles. Still some work to do but it’s fun to see the experiment in motion and it clicks more and more every week. Absolutely GORGEOUS RKO Outta Nowhere on the RUG here, and loved Randy’s running around and pose in the crowd. This was a perfectly fine go-home promo.
With Randy having his dad front row and Jinder being legit disliked by the ol’ WWE Universe, WWE might be in a unique position of having a guy lose in his hometown and actually getting some heat off of it.
Charlotte vs. Natalya was good. Natalya had Charlotte’s best early matches and their chemistry continues to this day – they just work the mat like a couple of grapplers and even if it’s not beautiful I’m glad they try. Then, business eventually picks up and the crowd’s with them. Really great near fall here off a sit-out powerbomb. Charlotte meanwhile should probably pull back a bit on the moonsault, the one she dropped here looked like it hurt, like she was trying to land on her feet and at the last second thought better of it and probably just wrecked her ankles.
Fashion Files continues to be a lot of fun. “There’s no way to win, just ways to lose more slowly” – so deep. Two “mystery attacker” angles is weird, but if this does what I think it’s doing and brings back American Alpha I am in.
WWE Hero Jarrius “Little JJ” Robertson stole the whole damn show. Cynicism be damned, World Wrestling Entertainment can be absolutely incredible sometimes.
Can you imagine not being excited about an AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura and Sami Zayn team – WAIT THAT’S HOW I FEEL!! The 6-man tag main event – them vs. Owens, Ziggler and Corbin – was thankfully really good. This was a modern day version of Ricky Steamboat (AJ), Tito Santana (Sami) and The Junkyard Dog (Nakamura) vs. Big John Studd (Corbin), Greg Valentine (Owens) and Brutus Beefcake (Ziggler). And it worked.
Lots of good stuff here early… some fun sequences, Nakamura taking a brief beating, Styles getting a nice run, Ziggler’s wild DDT counter out of the AJ powerbomb. Match got real good once Zayn started taking a beating… some real nice cut-offs here (Corbin doing the under-the-ropes move and then just PUSHING Sami was amazing) and Sami sold his ass off – crawling, reaching, hurting. Really liked him getting rid of each guy one-by-one (Owens with the Blue Thunder, knocking Ziggler off the apron, pulling the ropes down on Corbin) only for Ziggler and KO to pull Nak and AJ down. Nakamura must have got REAL hurt getting pulled to the floor, he was down there forever as the finish was set up … ya go toe-to-toe with Minoru Suzuki and Hiroshi Tanahashi just fine but Ziggler pulls ya off the apron and you’re DONE. And then Sami WON!
This was a lot of fun, though it was also the third SmackDown in a row where the AJ Styles match was the only one that didn’t get picture-in-picture on the commercial – THIS IS A CONSPIRACY.
TALKING SMACK (6/13/17)
This was OK. JBL’s a lot better than Shane-O-Mac in this environment. This had he and Renee bantering with Shinsuke Nakamura about Sami Zayn talking too much and surfing with James Ellsworth, Zack Ryder talking Squatty Potties, and Jinder Mahal being a CHAMPION.
205 LIVE (6/13/17)
Aw fuck, 205 Live is still on?
Neville and Tozawa are going to have a few very good matches. But this was not much of a show.
Cedric Alexander vs. Ariya Daivari stunk. Talk about a couple of vanilla midgets. Liked Cedric’s bump off the springboard trip and Daivari’s knee. Otherwise, yeesh. A void of a wrestling match.
More Noam Dar/Alicia Fox stuff afterwards, with Dar talking to Alicia on Face Time and Cedric hanging up on her… this might have gotten a bigger pop if Cedric broke the phone, but I am also happy that there is a place in WWE that doesn’t promote over-aggression.
All for using possibly injured Austin Aries to move into Jack Gallagher vs. Tony Nese but it’s also Jack Gallagher vs. Tony Nese. Shit. If Aries really is hurting then move him back to commentary (alongside Corey Graves and Vic Joseph, who got the call-up to 205 Live tonight) – guy really does have the dream WWE job, doesn’t have to work full-time and will be more over just doing commentary. Double A, baby.
Gulak’s political hit ad interrupting the Mustafa Ali video was pretty cool, I must say.
TJP as neither a heel or babyface is very TJP. I was into him being a little shit, and more than anything would be into him leading a heel faction with Nese and somebody and doing a bunch of 6-man tags, but I guess we’re going into a feud or partnership with Rich Swann or some shit.
Titus O’Neil as an old school wheeling dealing manager is very good. He got Tozawa a front row seat for Monday Night RAW and a main event on 205 Live – what an operator!
TJP vs. Tozawa was pretty good, but also might have been the least fun Tozawa match since he came in. TJ works over Tozawa to chants for Punk and Graves, Tozawa comes back with all his cool shit (snap rana, tope, big kick to the face, ending a strike exchange with a straight right). Senton bomb wraps it up which is awesome – that thing is so good it SHOULD be the finish.
NXT (6/14/17)
This was a fun night of squash matches – one where Drew McIntyre continued to rule, one where one of the Authors of Pain single-handedly killed a couple fellas, and one where the squashee impressed more than the squasher.
Drew McIntyre vs. Rob Ryzin ruled. Drew has that PRESENCE and is a future money-drawing World Champion unless something goes horribly wrong. Loved Ryzin pushing Drew and saying he wasn’t scared, only to get dropped with a big boot to the face. The TIMING! #1 squashes in wrestling right now.
Authors of Pain vs. Anthony Dominguez & Wilmer Freydey was next, and Wilmer Freydey is a high-end jobber name. This was real quick and to the point – Akam beat ass while Rezar chatted with Ellering on the outside, a fella got thrown over the top rope, hell yeah. Then Heavy Machinery entered and stared down the Authors and I am so down.
Velveteen Dream vs. Raul Mendoza had a great performance by Mendoza, a real impressive guy who reminds me of a Mustafa Ali in that he hits cool shit and I just LIKE him. Dream has a look and presence, but I dunno yet. Him basically cartwheeling out of a DVD was interesting.
The Triple Threat Women’s Title main event – Asuka vs. Ruby Riot vs. Nikki Cross – was pretty good. We aren’t anywhere near Four Horsewomen levels but it was a fine TV match. Liked Nikki just crawling into the ring with no entrance music, loved the shot of her stewing in the corner as Riot stared her down in the background. The early triple threat stuff felt a lot less clunky than the TakeOver match, though it fell victim to the usual triple threat issues… hard to flow, hard not to be just a series of meaningless moves. Became tighter once Riot left, and I like Riot – but Asuka and Nikki went AT IT. Then they brawled to a countout and beat each other up all over the arena and fell through a table and it was pretty cool. Let’s do an Asuka vs. Nikki Cross Barbed Wire match or something.
MAIN EVENT (6/14/17)
Are there agents for Main Event matches? Or are they just calling this in the ring? I wouldn’t believe it if I was told D-Von Dudley was sitting down with Curtis Axel every week, just saying “Go ahead and have the same match you had last week.” The two Curt’s in WWE worked on a show that the other Kurt has probably never seen, and it was very much a Main Event match. Axel won with a PerfectPlex.
Gran Metalik did a wild hurricanrana vs. Ariya Daivari, leaping over the top rope and rana’ing him to the floor. Otherwise the match just made me sad. Can Gran Metalik click in WWE?
WWE TV Match of the Week: With all the in-ring talent SD has it’s a little depressing they aren’t consistently having good matches, but that’s what happens when you don’t have a ton of guys on your roster and are cautious of running through shit. The 6-man this week was really good though.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Samoa Joe headbutted Brock Lesnar in the face this week.
A perfectly fine week of summertime WWE TV. RAW’s trying stuff and batting about .500, while not much is happening on SmackDown but it’s not bad or anything. 205 Live continues to be a chore even if there are plenty of individual highlights, and NXT I thought was really good – great squashes and stuff moved forward.
RAW: 6/10
SmackDown: 5/10
205 Live: 4/10
NXT: 7/10
