EHHHHH one of those weeks of wrestling that had quite a bit of fun stuff and also a couple of weak main events by four main event talents that might be overrated and also was building to one show called Great Balls of Fire and one show called Money in the Bank. So.
RAW (6/5/17)
A great opening match, some new directions, a couple awesome angles, and a lot of nothing matches that mostly moved stuff forward, some new directions, and some awesome angles… a winner of a WWE wrestling show, even if it lost a lot of steam for the last hour.
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt opened the show and it was GREAT. Think it was better than anything on Extreme Rules, to be honest. For a while there I was goin’ “Shit, its a Bray Wyatt chinlock kinda night” – but oh WOW did this turn into a blast of simulated fighting entertainment. Fuck it, Roman Reigns is the best in the world. He’s John Cena if Cena’s stuff looked like it hurt.
Did you see The Big Dog’s sell of Bray’s boot to his shoulder, trying to shake it off? Or his sell of Wyatt’s clothesline on the outside, with his eyes rolled in the back of his head? Or have you noticed for the last few months how many different fun ways Roman is using the Superman punch? Give it up for THE BIG DOG.
Hot start with the Sister Abigail and Superman punch teases, and then they cooled it down with Bray dishing a basic beating and the crowd giving a shit because Roman God Damn Reigns was in the ring. So much great down the ol’ stretch … both guys just throwing boots at each other, the uranage near fall, Bray’s corner splash, Roman HEADBUTTING BRAY REPEATEDLY. Wild stuff.
Kurt Angle interacting with Alexa Bliss is magic. The POP for the Nia Jax match announcement was crazy – this crowd was awesome all night, actually.
IS ELIAS SAMSON NO LONGER THE DRIFTER? I mean I guess when every guy you are working with is going town to town nightly, it’s really nothing impressive to be a drifter. This was a fun angle with Samson, Ambrose and The Miz… Samson sang, Dean came out for a match but instead beat him up and called out Miz, Miz did a promo from the Titan Tron looking like a total douchebag, and Drifter attacked Dean. Dean kicks ass, Drifter gets heat, Miz is a fuck – good stuff.
Joe chokes out Paul Heyman WHAT AN ANGLE. They did a little banter, Paul Heyman doing his shtick, and then it got serious. The close-up of Joe talking to Heyman off-mic was great shit… calmly telling Heyman he was about to be hurt. When Joe does it right he is the scariest guy around. Crowd was AWESOME reacting to everything – buzzing as Joe got in Heyman’s face, OOOH’ing when he grabbed his chin, WE WANT BROCK! chants. Incredible.
Seth Rollins gotta stop trying to be tough in weird WWE backstage sketches. Seth Rollins gotta stop a lot of stuff.
Cesaro & Sheamus had a straightforward SQUASH of Heath & Rhyno – YES. AMAZING.
TJP vs. Mustafa Ali was background noise to get to the angle with Neville, which seems stupid because Neville/Ali is a way more interesting place to go than Neville/TJP. Or Neville/Tozawa, or Neville/Cedric…
Nevile attacking TJP was at least pretty fun (as was TJ being startled by Neville’s pyro – HA!), but if TJP is sticking around I hope they keep him heel… Nintendo Switch TJ just doesn’t work. Neville’s eyes before the attack were great, very Game of Thrones-like: “I must take him out – I have no choice.”
Just want to take a second and state that I love how much Corey Graves invests in his suits. You’re in the big leagues pal, dress the part.
The Miz/Maryse IC Title celebration was tremendous wrestling television. The Miz attacked a guy dressed up as a bear! The Miz attacked a large wrapped gift! A great way of playing with the Ambrose character, with Miz all paranoid that everything around him could’ve been Dean. Miz absolutely COMMITS to these things and it is fantastic – his offense on the gift might have been the most credible offense he’s ever dished out. Miz and Maryse are so great together too … “What d’ya mean you didn’t get the bear?” “I did not get the bear.” “It’s timeless… just like you.” And then Dean turned out to be dressed as a cameraman and laid out Miz – fun-ass angle!!
The Enzo & Big Show thing was a fun little deal but poor Gal & Andy. Balor wasn’t on this show either, and the truth is no matter what they do with any of these guys all they have to do is throw up a Too Sweet one week and they’re all heated up again. Did enjoy Big Cass showing some spunk in accusing Big Show of attacking him. So the Enzo/Cass deal goes one of three ways now: 1) It’s Cass, 2) It’s The Revival, 3) …something else?!?!?
The Goldust/R-Truth promos were fun stuff, great variety on a 3-hour edition of WWE entertainment.
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss was no match, just an angle. RAW women’s division is in a weird weird place. Alexa Bliss is crushing it, but man do the writing folk not know how to accentuate the strengths of Sasha Banks and Bayley. Sasha’s killing time with the cruiserweights, which is acceptable but pretty lame, while Bayley just got killed dead at Extreme Rules. And then Dana and Mickie just got straight buried here. Alexa and Jax could be a fun pairing, or a really weird feud. My pitch? Change Nia Jax’s theme to “I AM like most girls” and make her a big time babyface. She’ll be the Bayley that Bayley just might not be! Or not.
Brock Lesnar is listed as BROCK in Paul Heyman’s phone! Does BROCK even have a phone!? Did he storm ten miles down the road to call Heyman on the pay phone? How did he know what happened on RAW!? THE QUESTIONS I HAVE.
Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe was not a very good match. Seth just flopping around trying to look credible and Joe looking tired. A match that really makes ya appreciate Roman Reigns, yanno? Bray vs. Seth… always thought there was money in face Bray vs. heel Seth. This, I guess we’ll see.
SMACKDOWN (6/6/17)
For a show that was kind of nothing, this also had me flipping out a lot. Nothing must-see but pretty fun.
Everything about the opening women’s segment was incredible wrestling television. 5 minutes of stale-ass mic work by all the ladies in the Money in the Bank match and then THE MUSIC. THE STUPID STUPID MUSIC. THE LIGHTS. THE REACTION. LANA!!! Sometimes, wrestling just needs things like Lana returning after six weeks of goofy creepy vignettes and being the most over babyface on a show featuring AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura. All the women’s deadpan reactions. Lana’s stupid SHIMMYING. Lana possibly fucking up a line. Commentary cracking up. Charlotte holding back a laugh. And still, they chanted WE WANT LANA! And still, they popped for her every word. And still, she persisted.
Maybe not an all-timer, but in the moment, this was the most amazing stuff I saw all week.
The 6-man Backlash rematch with Charlotte/Becky/Naomi vs. Natalya/Carmella/Tamina was a completely decent match. Charlotte vs. Natty, Becky and Carmella having weirdly good chemistry, a BEATOWN. Naomi’s run towards the end. Yeah it was OK.
Loved so much about the Mojo Rawley/Shane McMahon thing. Against all odds I freakin’ love Mojo Rawley. He cut a serious promo! And when Shane gave him a shot against Jinder, he was such a PROFESSIONAL – OK, OK, thank you – let’s go. All in on whatever happens to Mojo Rawley. Fun undercard act? God damn yes! The biggest wrestling star in the world? IT IS POSSIBLE.
What is happening with Aiden English and Luke Harper? I haven’t been paying attention.
Excitement turned to sheer dread as AJ Styles got a monster pop and came out to wrestle……. Dolph Ziggler. This was.. pretty short. Styles as per usual fun to watch but not much of a match. Couple highlights. Nice near fall timing by ref Mike Chioda when Ziggler’s feet were on the ropes – Mike Chioda’s a pro, 30 years of excellence. Finish with the cradle counters leading into Styles Clash was NICE, too. I dunno, though. AJ needs to be fighting for something, man.
Another week another great Fashion Files, this time guest starring The New Day. These are starting to feel like Scott Aukerman is directing WWE. Honestly describing these and all the big lines and side jokes would be pointless and would take all the joy out of what was an awesome thing was. Go watch it if you haven’t.
Another week another addition to Jinder by god Mahal. Part of me loves seeing Mahal in this role, the other part loves seeing what the weirdos at WWE decide to do when they want to make a new character more interesting. The Singh Brothers have their own music complete with seizure-inducing Titaon Tron now! They introduce Jinder in their bright blue shirts!!! STUPID SIMPLE CHARACTER SHIT IS WRESTLING
Mojo Rawley vs. Jinder Mahal at the top of the hour of SmackDown Live is life. This was such a mid-80s WWF enhancement match and I loved it. So nothing special, so simple, so beautiful. Mojo runs wild, Jinder takes over with distraction, Mojo comeback, Jinder rakes eyes and wins. Extra points for Jinder’s bump on Mojo’s shoulder tackle – WHAT A CHAMPION.
Kofi Kingston ate off a guy’s plate, Big E ate a guy’s piece of paper. New Day brings just a little bit of light to SmackDown Live, or, as Byron Saxton explained it, “The red sea of negativity has just parted ways, The New Day on SmackDown Live!” Solid basic match with the Colons… ol’ Xavier took a nasty Enzo Amore bump into the bottom rope. Post-match Usos promo was another home run. IT WAS JIMMY AND JEY USO STAND-UP COMEDY. It was incredible.
Dug the goofy Sami Zayn promo on Shinsuke Nakamura: “You’re captivated by all… all his movements and his little gestures.” And then Baron Corbin punched him.
Kevin Owens vs. Shinsuke Nakamura was SUCH a drag. They did some holds, KO some chinlocks, had a couple big KICKS! But never got moving, anywhere, and the slow build had no actual charm to it. Perhaps there was some unseen genius here that is beyond me; perhaps it was just shit.
TALKING SMACK (6/6/17)
Might be reaching a point where I am only watching Talking Smack out of habit. You know what’s missing? Nobody is talking SMACK anymore!!!
Renee Young – the absolute best. Shane McMahon – absolutely catatonic.
Mojo, Lana, AJ. They talked. It was OK.
205 LIVE (6/6/17)
The most exciting hour of television this week had nothing terrible on it but also nothing very good.
Someone yelling “Where’s Alicia Fox!?” during Noam Dar’s promo like we were back at the WTBS studio might have been the best part of the show. He wrestled Cedric Alexander. Cedric is a very fun wrestler to watch. Noam Dar is a very competent wrestler. It was alright.
Mustafa Ali had himself an match with Louie Valle. Not sure it was the match a guy being harassed because of his flying should be having, but it was a match.
Titus O’Neil (TOWAZA!) on 205 Live is great… let’s mix em up!! Come on!! Neville should be wrecking Sami Zayn right now.
Neville vs. TJP was a pretty good match that had a lot of T-J-P chants. Rochester NY was a wild crowd. They went nuts for TJP and LANA! Lot of funnish mat-based stuff… these guys are really good at that type of thing so watching them do it was cool. Liked TJP’s aggressive legwork towards the end to setup his leglock and Neville’s roll-through into a nasty Rings of Saturn.
NXT (6/7/17)
Two HUGE prime time showdowns – you god damn right that’s how you promote Hideo Itami vs. Oney Lorcan and Killian Dain vs. No Way JOSE.
Really liking the Lars Sullivan thing. WWE in the last few years has been finding a lot of fun ways to go about New Monster squash matches. Ryback had the escalating-in-number handicap matches, Braun and Nia Jax had the pre-match jobber interviews, ad now Lars has his rotating teammates that he beats up after the match. He and poor Victor Andrews vs. Heavy Machinery was a fine bit of TV action. Lars slamming Tucker was wild, as was him pulling out a Takeshi Rikio MUSO. I wish NXT was still a place where we could get a Big E-esque title run for Lars, but I don’t think we’re there anymore.
Light pop for Roddy Strong. Bobby Roode? The folks STAND UP. These two having a promo-off hit some of the right notes but it was also kind of lame. I mean for fuckssakes – love Roddy in the ring, love the story, but don’t put him out there to look like some washed up jock nerd who hosts a football podcast.
Love everything that is the Nikki Cross promos. Not sure if they’re pulling her away from SAnitY on purpose or not. Either way she’s a break-out.
Sarah Logan, who used to be Crazy Mary Dobson and is now a hillbilly, looked OK vs. Peyton Royce, who also looked OK.
Hideo Itami vs. Oney Lorcan was fucking great. All hail Oney Lorcan, who can’t have a bad match because he doesn’t have matches he has FIGHTS. Oney was popping shots off to Itami’s GUT. Itami ran into a boot to the FACE. Itami was just eating CHOPS, and SLAPS right to the face. An in-your-face fuckin’ blast, complete with Itami faking a knee injury to win. It also had Percy Watson saying “Kobayashi style.”
Liked the Drew McIntyre video – HISTORY~!
Solid extended squash for Killian Dain over No Way Jose. Dain did a promo and has his own music now. Promoting Dain and Nikki as your stars over Eric Young is a step in the right direction. Perhaps it was direction all along, but oh MAN was the journey rough. Liked Jose trying to go all strong style and shit. This was good enough.
MAIN EVENT (6/7/17)
Lince Dorado’s match last week stopped due to an injury… this week he’s back to work. And against Drew Gulak again, no less! This was OK. I like these two there just wasn’t much in the way of anything standing out. Fun finish with Drew pulling Lince’s leg off the ropes and rolling him up with feet on ropes. Oh and Vic Joseph don’t know what a stump puller is. Finding out both Goldust and the British Bulldog used the stump puller in WWF Attitude on N64 was life.
The other match was Bo Dallas versus Curt Hawkins WHAT. I thought they were tagging! This was a match that had LET’S GO BO chants. It also had some wacky Bo bumps – an Enzo bump into the apron, getting pulled out of the ropes and crash landing. It was completely competent if not pretty lifeless but maybe you’re into seeing what might be the only LET’S GO BO chant this year.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt from RAW was top shelf. Itami vs. Oney was also fun, but in an enhancement way – Roman’s out here having epics weekly.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: No one had the people talking than Lana, ladies and gentleman. Does it last? Probably not. But what an introduction.
Probably liked this week more than the ratings let on, even if not much happened and all the usual dummy WWE things were still present. Reigns vs. Bray, The Drifter, Miz IC Title Celebration, Fashion Files, Lana, Mojo vs. Jinder, Itami vs. Oney, Lars Sullivan… too much good stuff to be a stinker, but not enough good stuff to be actually good.
RAW: 6/10
SmackDown: 6/10
205 Live: 4/10
NXT: 6/10
