The wrestling was hit-or-miss this week. RAW was inexplicably great, a show so stacked that I almost forgot that Braun Strowman and The Revival had been beset by the most untimely of injuries. So much about WWE can be so annoying, but when you get Finn Balor and Roman Reigns having themselves an incredible wrestling match, The Miz and Dean Ambrose having a barn burner for the IC Title, and Alexa Bliss taking a big beautiful steaming pile of shit on the state of New Jersey, any nitpicking kind of feels moot.
SmackDown meanwhile was completely solid but also underwhelming. Far be it for a wrestling fan to engage in hyperbole, but perhaps it is time we officially lay to rest the Golden Era of SmackDown. The format of the show, wrestling angle-heavy and not enough room to overexpose certain guys, remains, but is starting to feel like a detriment for the first time than a benefit. Always have to pick and choose who you’re building up in wrestling, but also sucks that they have to pick and choose who just completely disappears from television and loses any and all buzz.
Still think Jinder getting a title shot is an acceptable move, but he’s been the center of the show and outside of the fun hook of having The Singh Brothers around, the whole angle feels SUPER script-heavy and isn’t fun.
Breezango getting some love is neat, and AJ Styles is still there, but it’s just been very blah – WWE TV being weak in the post-Mania months is normal, but not muh SmackDown. Ya can’t take muh SmackDown.
RAW (5/15/17)
Show opened with your usual 20-minutes of the top guys having themselves a little chat, though this also had Kurt Angle coming out and announcing a 5-way match for Extreme Rules to see who faces Brock at Great Balls of Fire. Great Balls of Fire. That’s actually the name of a wrestling show we’re gonna watch.
Really enjoying Angle’s looks of sheer glee every time he enters an arena right now. The light in his eyes is something I hope never goes away, though weekly appearances in scripted segments on Monday Night RAW will certainly test that. Liked that everyone’s promo here actually had some storyline purpose outside of the usual RAW tropes – Reigns beat THE FUCKING UNDERTAKER so should obviously be #1 contender to the Universal Title, but Balor beat Reigns months ago and never lost the Universal Title before he was injured, and then Samoa Joe’s just all pissed off and re-enforces all the big stuff he’s done since he came in, and then Bray Wyatt is crazy, and then Seth Rollins runs out and fights Samoa Joe, cause those two still hate each other!!
Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus was a fine bitch of quality, crowd-pleasing wrestling. Couldn’t have been over 5 minutes, but they packed a lot of fun spots in – Sheamus catching Jeff on the plancha, Sheamus jumping into the Twist of Fate, THAT GODFORSAKEN SHEAMUS KNEE, and the setup for Jeff’s nasty Swanton Bomb, landing all his body weight on Sheamus’ poor tummy.
Sasha Banks straight-up lost to Alicia Fox, so that’s happening. Feels like all Sasha has coming up is a good old-fashioned heel turn on Bayley, so it’s not like this matters or anything.
Dean vs. Miz for the IC Title was a whole lot of fun, one of those matches where ya just sit back and go, “God DAMN do you have to be a good professional wrestler to make it in World Wrestling Entertainment.” Classic WWE-style match where they kept things moving and peppered in their signature spots at all the right moments. Crowd was buzzing for all of it and going apeshit by the finish. Had ALL the good stuff: Miz stalling and hiding behind Maryse, tons of Dirty Deeds teases, a glorious SkullCrushing Finale kickout and Miz reaction. Finish was a fun way of setting up the rematch, with Dean catching a Miz low blow (or, a Strong Style Inner Thigh Grab – thank you Corey Graves) and hitting one of his own to set up the DQ. A finish ya just sit back and go, “Niiiice.”
Alexa Bliss is a god damn superstar. She’s five feet tall and seems like the baddest bitch on the block. Kinda wish her name wasn’t Alexa Bliss – otherwise we are watching a legend in the making. The POP for her and then her absolute tearing apart of the Jersey crowd, including a classic ‘WHAT’ chant shutdown, was so wonderful.
And then Bayley came out. And I liked her hard-ass push of Alexa, I guess. Liked the effort to hard sell the kendo stick shot by Alexa… but, POOR BAYLEY. Like, I think she’s a star, but won’t get to the level she conceivably could by being treated like such trash since she got the great call-up into the sky. Even the wrestling underdog has to seem like a badass once in a while.
Neville/TJP vs. Aries/Gallagher was an average formula tag match to trash chants from the crowd – poor cruiserweights. Nothing says your match doesn’t matter like the good guy entering before the heel even gets to the ring. Filipino guy who wants a title shot acting as a heavy for the guy with a big nose who holds the title… seems familiar.
Oh my GOD was Roman Reigns vs. Finn Balor a great match. It can be a challenge to work what’s basically a cold babyface vs. babyface match in the middle of a long show, but these guys rocked it, with Roman basically working as the heel he truly is. Big guy vs. small guy, perfectly timed POPS! for big moves that had the crowd rocking, and both guys sold their asses off… Reigns as the broken down big dawg is incredible stuff. His shoulder is fucked, Braun Strowman almost killed him, but he’s the top guy and he has to be here. Finn meanwhile was great, bumping big and looking completely utterly exhausted trying to keep on Reigns. Liked the use of his double stomp as the great equalizer. Finn moves so well too, and when that movement is pegged into a match like this it really shines.
So much great stuff packed in… Reigns establishing dominance early, Reigns shaking his head when Finn chopped him, Reigns’ shoulder post bump, Reigns’ Drive-By that drove Finn’s back into the post, the Blue Thunder and Superman Punch near falls, and then the finish: Roman sets up a spear and Finn counters with a kick, Finn hits his signatures and sets up his finish, but Roman knocks him off the top and finally hits the spear.
All for a Goldust heel run but man – Golden Truth vs. The Hardys and/or The Revival would’ve been awesome. Goldust turn was just so unexpected and crazy… if Nick Bockwinkel could have a World Title run at 52, then who is to doubt Dustin Rhodes?
I am not sure Apollo Crews technically turned heel this week, or if he even had to – was he ever REALLY a babyface? Guy showed up on NXT immediately claiming he’s going to be a champion, and in his first match squashed “The Perfect 10” Tye Dillinger. Seems like a couple of dick moves to me.
Good for Enzo & Cass getting the big hometown pop and all.
Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt was OK though it was also the second Wyatt vs. Shield guy match in a row that was a pretty lame RAW main event. These 2 have decent chemistry, and Wyatt’s cut-offs were sweet (that hammer lariat!), just never hit a second level and stayed pretty formulaic. Joe run-in was pretty awesome.
SMACKDOWN (5/16/17)
As said above a pretty weak show, though there was some solid wrestling here and there and the Breezango vs. Usos feud is bringing some incredible promos.
Kevin Owens’ Highlight Reel with AJ Styles and Jinder Mahal was a very monotone over-scripted opening segment and pretty lame. AJ is a star but yikes. Owens’ brooding anti-American guy act + Jinder Mahal = not a compelling promo. How not great has this AJ/KO feud been? Know they’re just kind of budding time until they heat either guy up again, but might be a good idea to keep them at least warm with a halfway interesting feud.
AJ Styles vs. Jinder Mahal … Jinder was a couple steps behind here a few times here, eh? You’re in the ring with the Best in the World – act like it, god damnit! I’m kidding. If I was in the ring with AJ Styles he’d call a suplex and I’d panic and take a bump. Liked Jinder doing power spots and the last few minutes, but AJ Styles’ bumping couldn’t save this from being decent but totally underwhelming.
Breezango’s Fashion Files remains a Tuesday night highlight. Fandango trying to pronounce reconnaissance, the Big Bosman photo, “Day One Is H?” and the freeze frame bit… all good stuff.
Those two vs. Primo & Epico was real basic shit but not a bad way of building up the challengers. Post-match Uso promo was amazing. Welcome to the USO PENITENTIARY. The Usos right now are a couple characters out of a Judd Apatow movie and I mean that as a compliment… guys could walk in for a single scene confronting Paul Rudd outside a bar or some shit and steal the whole god damn movie.
Not a very compelling segment for the ladies… another very Let’s Get Through the Late-Spring PPV offering from our friends at the WWE.
On one hand, they gave Carmella and Naomi some time. On the other, eh. Carmella still isn’t clicking as basically lady X-Pac.
Hoping, praying SmackDown does anything but New Day vs. The Usos as a tag titles feud when New Day comes into the blue territory. So sensible, so boring.
The Ziggler/Nakamura feud continues to rely on Dolph Ziggler promo work, and he’s no Jey Uso. At least they reminded me and you that Ziggler has done a ton of stuff.
Sami/Corbin – OK. Like, everything about this makes sense… but it’s missing something. Feels like something booked by a pro wrestling simulator, not the Road Dogg.
As a wrestling match, Randy Orton vs. Baron Corbin was perfectly fine, as something seen through the prism of last week’s “…dive” party on Twitter, it was kind of incredible. Shoves, headlock takeovers, an RKO tease, a stomp and chinlock-infused beatdown by Corbin, a crowd completely entranced and chanting RKO, basic-ass comeback by Orton, Randy’s arms raised high in the air to the adulation of the the big crowd leading to the finish. Incredible stuff.
TALKING SMACK (5/17/17)
My favorite thing abut Talking Smack sometimes is the silence. The cold, awkward silence. Erick Rowan got himself a spot here and crushed it like an SNL cast member in their third year with the show, fed up doing supporting roles in sketches and getting a Weekend Update bit. Time to shine – “YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEBODY LEAVES THE FAMILY!?!?!?!”
Otherwise, Shane McMahon as co-host continues to be crap. Shane-O-Mac talking b-roll and throwing to sponsorships … a Jinder Mahal promo … gotta give Renee something to work with, bubba. Only person who seemed like they wanted to be on this show less than Shane was Charlotte Flair.
205 LIVE (5/16/17)
I like watching Gran Metalik wrestle. I really do. Just hard to get invested when even he feels like he’s already running through the motions. Cedric Alexander, Rich Swann, Sasha Banks, Gran Metalik – how many will fall to this shite Noam Dar/Alicia Fox pair?
Decent Ali/Gulak angle here, just not sure why Gulak is only harassing Ali and not Metalik, Dorado, Swann, Aries. I bet this is about Trump.
In a few years, we might be able to point to the Swann/Gallagher/Daivari backstage angle on this show as everything that went wrong with 205 Live. Just so much trash here… Swann’s stupid glasses, “get your grubby hands off my package,” Daivari getting powder in the face. Vince McMahon isn’t watching this shit anymore, you can stop over-doing it writer guy.
Man. Aries vs. TJP… man. The work was OK. Aries sold da leg. But, man. A little more character work to get the folk engaged, yanno? Aries vs. Neville will continue to rule pay-per-view, but everything in between… over it.
NXT (5/17/17)
A pretty low-key show… Drew McIntyre rules, the Hideo Itami re-introduction was nice, and Ohno vs. Almas was pretty good if not disappointing. Either way, I get to go to TakeOver at the world-famous Allstate Arena this Saturday night and I could not be happier.
Drew McIntyre continues to have an awesome return. Guy carries himself like a superstar and did a ton of cool shit here. That deadlift suplex was crazy, as was that HEADBUTT and the camera shot immediately of him scowling with his busted eye. What a squash of Mr Us-OK himself, Sean Maluta. I want to see Drew against a TON of guys on the main roster, of varying styles too – AJ, Roman, Orton, Zayn, Rollins, Joe, Sheamus, either Hardy. Oh god what about Drew vs. Braun? THIS Drew vs. BROCK!? That these possibilities have me excited means both that the Drew re-introduction has been awesome and that Drew is really, really good.
Asuka as a fake celebrity is wonderful.
Sonya Deville vs. Lacey Evans… good on NXT for introducing some defined lady characters, don’t think this match did enough to sell Sonya as a badass though.
Kassius Ohno vs. Andrade Almas… solid, some really cool stuff, just underwhelming. Ohno just doesn’t have any mojo right now. Throws some awesome shots, impressive athleticism, other than just a guy in a jersey and wrestling tights. Almas meanwhile was fun acting like a turd and did a decent enough beatdown, but he’s a guy that’ll probably feel out of place until he’s on SmackDown Live.
Roode/Itami bit at the end was solid… probably would’ve preferred Roode escaping the GTS and running away, but, yanno. We got Roman/Finn.
MAIN EVENT (5/17/17)
OK what in the hell. Dana Brooke vs. Nia Jax was SOOOOOO solid. New Jersey was HOT! Dana took a couple nice bumps and did that backflip out of a wristlock thing using the ropes! Nia took a decent corner post bump! Dana dived off the apron with a crossbody! Nia worked some holds and hit some slams and Dana was all sympathetic and shit. They kept it moving, kept the energy up. Best part of the match was Dana trying to do the cartwheel elbow in the corner and Nia pushing her and Dana landing on her FACE. Then Nia STOOD on here. Finish saw Nia miss an elbow, Dana get a comeback, Dana try to lift Nia to a couple pops, and then Nia lifted her, said “goodnight,” and dropped a Samoan drop. This I am proud to say was a god damned Main Event Match Worth Watching.
Rich Swann vs. Ariya Daivari was the other match. It was OK. Swann got a run, then Ariya threw his ass really hard into the turnbuckle and it was cool. Swann’s a blast and the Daivari beatdown was solid.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Easily Finn vs. Roman … we are going to see some excellent wrestling this weekend if anything at TakeOver or Backlash top it.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Finn Balor had the WWE 24 documentary, the Roman match… this feller is heating up.
Not a strong week but RAW had the good wrestling and I’m going to TakeOver on Saturday so it’s gonna be OK.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 5/10
205 Live: 3/10
NXT: 5/10
