This was a rock solid professional wrestling show. Almost everything in-ring delivered and the main event was excellent, a big WWE main event sprint that did a lot for rising star Braun Strowman. It was also a show that caused me to audibly gasp several times in a t-shirt and boxer shorts at 1AM, and that is a very good thing.
It also had the House of Horrors match, which I don’t think was a bad thing, though it also wasn’t a good thing, it was just a… thing. More on that later.
Kickoff Show was a Kickoff Show, I watched this a few hours after it aired and highly enjoyed skipping the bad banter.
“I don’t even know her” – Sasha spits the fire when it comes to Alexa Bliss.
0. Enzo & Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson
Enzo & Cass are calling out Chinese foods now? This was pretty basic Enzo & Cass stuff with a little extra tacked on. I liked it, even if it’s been done a few hundred times now. Cass should’ve protested that tag-that-wasn’t-a-tag by Enzo instead of going outside and following the script though – improvise, kid!! Anderson’s big kick sending Enzo off the apron was wild, and then my god Enzo pinned Festus. **3/4
MizTV w/ Finn Balor
Finn is good, cool, a mega star. Has to be handled with care though – at any point with him a heel turn just seems a lot more interesting. I thought this was a good way of handling with care. What’re you gonna do, Finn? “I’m gonna get my title back.” And they teased Balor vs. Brock, which I would be so into if they had the balls to really run with it. Miz as per usual was a total smarmy cock, and him snapping whenever disrespected is a great character trait. Good angle here.
I might be the only person in the world who finds the German announce team going from 2 to 3 hilarious. German announcer Tim Haber started a year ago and was a guy who could be relied on to flub a line or cue. I thought that was funny, so I looked him up and it turns out he’s legit a model. So WWE probably wants to keep the model around, even if he’s rough around the edges – they kept him off Mania, but now here he is with 3 instead of 2. That’s funny, right? Right? How far gone am I…
1. If Jericho Wins, He Goes to SmackDown – WWE U.S. Title: Kevin Owens [c] vs. Chris Jericho
Much like Mania, good not great. Chris Jericho is OVER, I mean wow. This was a Kevin Owens PPV performance where he throws some extra stink on everything – liked that outside cannonball that he threw with all the force he could. Cuppa chinlocks too, of course. It was all good, solid, even strong work, but I think these guys need a real brawl vs. a reliable good solid Jericho/Owens match – signature spots, counters, mildly captivated crowd. Jericho trying to destroy Owens’ pinky was really the most compelling part of the match. Jericho goes over with the Walls, and they just re-built up the Walls for another ten years of near falls. Jericho puts a kid on the list post-match, what a god damn babyface. ***1/4
2. WWE Cruiserweight Title: Neville [c] vs. Austin Aries
These two work so well together; I think the work here was just as strong as Mania even if it didn’t feel so big. Everything is so crisp but also hurty and dangerous-feeling. Ya watch these two running the ropes, Neville running SO fast and Aries smoothly countering things, and ya just think, “JESUS.” Aries’ bump off the top rope leading to Neville’s offense was SO wild, Austin Aries still wrestles like he’s 18 and crazy. It’s been said before but always fun to re-iterate: Neville has become such an awesome heel. Guy looks like a comic book villain, with his long stringy hair and elvish features and SNARLS. The spot with Aries down and him just jeering at the crowd repeatedly was awesome, and then him getting dropkicked to the outside (my first gasp of the evening) was an AWESOME payoff. Then for a brief beautiful moment Aries sold like he was some kind of 80s wrestler, willing his body and the crowd to get back into it. Those ARIES CHOPS. THAT ARIES TOPE. The sunset flip bomb to the Last Chancery was an incredible sequence of moves (my second gasp of the evening) and Neville desperately reaching for the ropes then grabbing the ref for the DQ was SOOOO awesome, great wrestling finish. This was so much fun; these guys should main event a pay-per-view. ****
3. RAW Tag Team Title: The Hardy Boyz [c] vs. Cesaro & Sheamus
The girl pop for the Hardys never fails, absolutely astounding. This was a very good Hardy Boyz tag team match, dem boys have barely lost a step and are even smarter smoother workers. Jeff Hardy is back to being an absolute loon too – that bump to the outside was CRAZY. The Cesaro/Sheamus beatdown had all kinds of good stuff, highlighted by Cesaro’s high-ass legdrop and Sheamus straight-up kicking Jeff Hardy’s fucking tooth out. Jeff dropped an epic double Whisper in the Wind on the comeback, and dug Matt milking the DELETE chants on the hot tag. Crazy-ass This is 40 Matt Hardy is doing moonsaults and taking second rope Celtic Crosses for big near falls… what a world. Really liked the Hardys setting up the Twist of Fate/Swanton combo and Sheamus punching out of the Twist of Fate. Clever finish too, with Sheamus trying to escape the combo again and Matt getting a blind tag. Great Cole call: “Sheamus doesn’t realize the tag was made – Swanton! – now he knows it!” ***1/2
Then Cesaro & Sheamus officially turned heel which was the good shit. Great beatdown here… Cesaro knocking Jeff off the ropes was good; Cesaro holding Jeff as Sheamus Brouge kicked him into the turnbuckle post was great.
My god, Hindi commentator Obaid Kadwani is a legend. “MIND-BLOWING MATCHES!!!!!!”
4. RAW Women’s Title: Bayley [c] vs. Alexa Bliss
WHAT A POP FOR BAYLEY! The hometown crowd was AMPED. This was really good. Alexa Bliss might not be some mat wizard but she’s someone who uses her character as a major asset in her matches and the matches are alllll the better for it. Her little “yaaay Bayley” taunt early was so great. This had all you need – character work, a couple big spots timed well, an awesome near fall – quality stuff. Highlights were that wild sunset flip bomb by Alexa, Bayley’s crazy-ass running knee, the Macho elbow near fall, and the finish: Alexa tries the sunset flip bomb again, Bayley sits down for the pin, Alexa runs her into the post (nice work by Bayley) and the ref checks on Bayley. Alexa pouts, “She’s FINE!” and then hits a DDT for the 1-2-3. Aw yeah. Love the women’s wrestling. ***1/4
5. House of Horrors Match: Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt (Part 1)
Like… I don’t know. Should I embrace the camp? SHOULD I JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY??? This had Randy Orton uttering “what the hell?” as he stepped out of a limousine in front of Bray Wyatt’s weird-ass backwoods house that for some reason is a 20-minute car ride from San Jose, CA. It had baby dolls all strung up on a ceiling and baby crying sounds. It had Randy Orton getting a god damn refrigerator dropped on top of him. For all I know they had a Magnum TA/Tully Blanchard-esque gritty nasty brawl for the ages, but it was surrounded by so many spooky sound effects and shit that it was just kind of lame. Not completely offensive, but stick to your strengths everybody.
Then Rollins vs. Joe happened, and then this continued. Randy appearing was kinda neat, as was The Singh Brothers looking like first level henchman was great. Decent enough finish to continue the Jinder/Randy feud. This was an angle not a match. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t terrible, parts were goofy fun – not sure if was fully camp enough to become a legendary stupid gimmick match, but let’s move on and we’ll re-visit in a few years.
And yeah I’m rating this, a bell rang. **1/4
6. Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe
This was in a TOUGH spot with a 17k-strong crowd having just got done watching what was basically a student film horror movie on a big TV set for 15 minutes. It was basically a big ol’ Joe beatdown, which isn’t bad but felt very much like a come-down match more than anything. I’m still waiting for Seth to have a really good match post-comeback, to be honest. This had some good stuff… Seth flying around, Joe going after the leg and Seth selling the leg, Joe’s tope. Tozawa might have the best tope in wrestling, but Joe has the scariest. Seth’s sell of Joe dropping a senton on his knee was so that they slow-mo’d it! The Bret/Piper finish spot was fugly, so they did another one kind of like it and it ended. Eh. **1/2
7. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
This was a loud, giant collision of a wrestling match, just non-stop awesome. When WWE wants to get something moving, they know how to get something moving. This was laid out pretty much perfect to keep Braun over, make him look like a monster, and give Reigns’ biggest fans and biggest haters something to cherish – he fought against the monstrous odds, but he also got the shit kicked out of him. Roman’s selling really is something special, and it was in full view here as he came out all bandaged up. All match he was grabbing his ribs, gasping for air… seemed like he was in an impossible fight with the monster that is Braun. Check out Roman hitting a clothesline on Braun, Braun not budging (!), and Roman recoiling in pain. His face on the grounded bearhug was freakin’ brilliant, too, this man should be eligible for an Emmy.
Crowd was buzzing for ALLLLL of this. So many epic moments: Roman just pasting Braun as he entered and taking it right to him. Roman tries a tope, Braun moves, Roman tries a Drive-By, Braun catches him by the throat, throws him against the barricade, slams him on a table, and ROARS!!! Roman’s struggle and performance of the Samoan drop. A lot of stuff here was based on momentum too; I like when they do that with big guys… Braun throws Roman inside to get him off him, so Roman says fuck it rolls outside and runs around for a Drive-By. Then Braun kicked out of the SPEAR, which I thought could have been sold a little bit bigger even though the shot of the little girl going NOOO! was awesome. ONE-ARMED OOOWWWAAAAA’S!!!! Finish was awesome too, with Roman fighting away from Braun and hitting 2 Superman punches, then trying a spear but getting caught in Braun’s old submission. Then Braun powerslams Roman for a massive near fall – check out Braun’s EYES~!!! – and then powerslams him AGAIN for the CLEAN win. CLEAN. 1-2-3. Greatness. ****
Then, MORE BRAUN DESTRUCTRION! Guy just dropped the big steel steps on Roman’s chest and Roman’s mouth and teeth were just caked in blood, wow. Finlay ran out as a road agent… I want Braun vs. Finlay SOOOOOOO bad.
The last few weeks will be what we can look back on as when Braun Strowman locked in: 1) Braun destroys Roman Reigns and tips over an ambulance, 2) Braun and Big Show break the ring and Braun stands tall, 3) Braun throws Kalisto off the entrance in a dumpster, 4) Braun beats Roman clean.
RAW Talk is usually pretty crap but this one had Roman Reigns SPITTING UP BLOOD, so holy shit. And then OH MY GOD OH MY GOD – another Braun “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOOOU” – HE CHARGED INTO AND BROKE OFF ROMAN’S AMBULANCE’S DOOR AND RAN INTO A BUNCH OF BOXES. I audibly gasped for like the fifth time at 2AM. Then Reigns repeatedly smashed the remaining door on Braun’s arm, JESUS. What’s with WWE saving the hot angles for RAW Talk and Talking Smack (Corbin attacking Zayn) this week!?
This was good. House of Horrors was weird, Rollins/Joe was disappointing, everything else was a good wrestling match. Show didn’t have much buzz going in, but everything delivered in-ring and Cesaro/Sheamus turning, Braun beating Roman clean, and a couple title changes made this sucker relevant. I had fun! Go wrestling!!! 7/10
