They’re working us, man.
I am consistently, unabashedly fascinated by the inner-workings of the pro wrestling business. I am especially interested in this for WWE. It’s the biggest wrestling company in the world, and simultaneously completely closed off and more open than it has ever been.
I loved the Rumble. The Roman at #30 (plus Randy winning anyways) thing left me a little deflated. I didn’t need Balor or Joe. I just wanted something more interesting than the same old Roman story.
And I fucking love Roman, but – man.
Why did he come out at #30? To pop the kids? To piss the middle-aged fellas off? To get Randy a good reaction? To turn him heel? To push Roman? To hurt Roman?
Should I even care?
Isn’t this how wrestling booking works? You give the fans what they want, up to a point. You give it, give it, give it… and then you taketh away, because you need them back next week.
Does this actually work? The product’s kinda hot. The business is getting bigger. They filled up a big Dome for a non-WrestleMania show.
Has WWE actually mastered how to work the modern hardcore wrestling fan? Or are they just the same out-of-touch creepy company they have tended to be?
There still seems to be some real apathy towards THE PRODUCT (trademark, copyright, et al), especially towards a lot of fellas who work Monday nights. And a lot of people seem disappointed. Some are just being babies. But some have their points.
At the end of the day, I spent Sunday night with a bunch of good brothers eating pizza, having fun, and flipping out for the professional wrestling.
This guy right here that writes this blog is all in on pushing Cena, Orton, Reigns, and any number of guys who might seem stale. Because at the end of the day they do get that in-arena reaction, that buzz. I don’t need WrestleMania to be a Ring of Honor reunion. But I do need this stuff to be just a little bit more compelling.
Alas. The ride continues.
MONDAY NIGHT RAW (1/30/17)
Well. RAW was RAW. Probably would’ve liked more if I didn’t watch it live. The end was awesome. Jericho vs. Zayn was good. Everything else was the usual stuff that is kind of annoying but still something that somehow brings me joy every single week: talking in the ring, Stephanie McMahon being mean, talking backstage, inconsequential wrestling matches, talking and talking and talking, and the RAW creative folk finding lame ways to set up what will probably be a solid Fast Lane card. You know. Wrestling! I can’t imagine convincing anybody outside of my hardcore wrestling buddies to watch this trash with me, but week after week here I am.
First of all, highlights: SAMOA JOE, BRAAAAAUUNNN, Neville telling people to Bend the Knee, and the hard sell of Charlotte’s Streak.
Also, Chris Jericho vs. Sami Zayn was about as good as a half-speed Chris Jericho junior heavyweight/80s WWF match gets these days. Liked Jericho talking shit in the armbar, Zayn armdragging and chopping away until Jericho bailed. Always more annoyed than I should be about a face taking over pre-commercial and then being in a chinlock post-commercial – it’s 2017, we gotta get past this guys. They did a couple neat spots, got a nice near fall off the Blue Thunder bomb, and a nice payoff on the Helluva kick which got Zayn a clean win. Horray!
I swear though, most of the matches on RAW every week are more demo reels than anything – they get their shit in and they get out. Nothing interesting or new happens and nothing interesting or new is really required of them anyways. The few minutes of entrances followed by unremarkable action followed by commercial break might be the most frustrating WWE trope there is and that’s saying a lot.
Who was that fella on the Austin podcast a couple weeks ago … Monster Factory guy… Danny Cage. He brought up a good point – you get trained to be a gourmet chef, and on RAW you’re usually just cooking fast food. SmackDown has enough presentation/interesting stories and characters to get by, RAW does not. So I’ll spare you the details and just say one nice thing about each stupid inconsequential RAW match:
– Mustafa Ali is an impressive pro wrestler and continued to be impressive opposite Tony Nese.
– Cesaro’s recovery on the springboard was impressive in the Mixed Tag Match.
– Braun Strowman looked like a faster scarier version of the Big Show vs. Kevin Owens in that 3-minute title match.
– Nia Jax took a nice bump to the post vs. Sasha Banks.
– Tornado Tag was laid out OK, like any old Enzo & Cass match with more outside brawling. Also liked Rusev trying to tear Enzo’s eyes out.
I don’t want to say any of those matches actively sucked. They were just… RAW matches.
And then there were the angles.
Outside of Triple H/Rollins your centerpiece angle is basically Roman Reigns against the World. Owens, Jericho, now Braun, and eventually Undertaker are after this guy. Roman meanwhile is basically being booked as the top heel on the show despite not being a heel – and I know everyone wants to be all smart and be like “BUT THAT’S THE POINT!” but it generates less emotion from me and mostly just apathy. I dunno. He’s fucking awesome, but think how much more fucking awesome he could be if they made some effort outside of coasting on this weird thing they have with him.
Whoever came up with the Braun theme is a genius – it’s half the fun. Giving Braun a title shot was fun, but man did they pussy their way out of this whole thing. Braun’s boot to Jericho on the chair was amazing and he looked pretty awesome vs. KO for a few minutes. Then Reigns just laid out him and Owens because we’re telling stories god damnit.
I imagine Aries the Interviewer turns into Aries the Wrestler, right? He shat on Tony Nese’s lack of charisma and I’ve never been a big fan of actively shitting on a guy on TV but Aries and whoever wrote the segment does have a point. I can’t tell if Nese sucks or not. Guy is athletic, but so are a lot of people.
Why does every wrestler who gets the King nickname turn completely insane? Love Neville’s new shtick but the segment with Swann was a dead one outside of my own personal mark-out moment when Neville demanded he bend the knee.
I’ll be amped when Goldberg and Brock are face to face, like seriously I’m gonna be all OHHHH FUCK YEAAAHHH BABY!!! – but these next 2 months are gonna be a son of a bitch to get through.
All in on the Sasha/Bayley dissension beginning but fuck is it lame right now. Always fun to see WWE fuck-up live – who called for the bell to be rung when Sasha was in Nia’s BrockLock? And then Bayley comes out to console her to silence. Just a weird thing. Also I know it’ll set up a heel turn but Sasha is just being fucking rude right now. These are trying times Ms. Banks; treat people better.
Revenge-seeking babyface Seth Rollins making sex jokes and threatening children was not the hottest start on the Road to WrestleMania, but Samoa Joe showed up so fuckit all is forgiven. Will KO ever be mentioned by Triple H again?? Either way, awesome angle – that one lady screaming as Joe laid out Rollins put it over the top.
SMACKDOWN (1/31/17)
SMACKDOWN, BABY! 2 hours. 3 good matches. 2 squashes that got something over. Even if it’s not spectacular this continues to be great week-to-week professional wrestling TV.
John Cena showing respect for AJ Styles and The Wyatt Family (sans Luke Harper) interrupting was a fine way to kickoff ye old Road to WrestleMania. Luke Harper backing up Cena was so cool and the opening tag (Cena/Harper vs. Bray/Orton) was really good, just a fun 10-minutes of tag team wrestling with a crowd all hot and bothered about the superstars in front of them and a really interesting hook with the mystery of Harper’s intentions. He and Randy went at it no problem, but he and Bray wouldn’t touch – always love when World Wrestling Entertainment relies on a match to tell a story and not some bullshit conversation. Cena took the heat from the Wyatt’s here and can basically play an amazing face-in-peril in his sleep. Loved the finish – Harper sets Bray up for Sister Abigail, Bray ends up hitting him with it, Cena sets up Bray for an AA, Orton hits an RKO and pins the 16-time WWE champ. Harper was so god damn good here – great facial expressions and the spot where he got in shots on Randy and hyped the crowd up was incredible.
James Ellsworth as Kevin Federline is amazing. Carmella squash did the job (and so did her opponent – HEYOOOOO). If the rumors are true and Cena & Nikki are taking on Miz & Maryse at Mania, then I absolutely DEMAND a Cena/Nikki vs. Ellsworth/Carmella match as a warm-up. Ziggler vs. Kalisto was a fine use of 60 seconds too – Ziggler kicks ass; Kalisto flies around and gets in some kicks, superkick.
RAW has an embarrassment of riches with their women’s division, having 3 of the 4 Horsewomen, and somehow they seem to actively detract from their buzz. SmackDown meanwhile makes all their girls seem like such stars every week; it feels me with such hope. Becky Lynch & Naomi vs. Mickie James & Alexa Bliss was a good match and it truly is astounding that we got to see a WWE women’s tag team match at the top of the second hour with three of the four girls having their very own last names. Alexa’s bump into the ropes early on was wild, and Becky took most of the heat which is always a good thing – she’s one of the greats, man. Mickie and Alexa did a fine beatdown and Naomi’s tag was hot fire. It was good. I enjoyed it.
I like that American Alpha’s gimmick right now is that basically everyone is scared of them because they beat the Wyatt Family, but that’s really just cover for a tag team division that needs some help. Lot of talent hanging around, but it’s definitely the blue band’s weakest point currently.
Highly enjoyed the AJ Styles/Dean Ambrose main event as well as the commentary team that was like one of those comically overloaded CNN panels. The first half or so was kind of background noise for Miz tearing Corbin up on commentary, but they worked some holds and went back-and-forth and it was all super solid and very AJ Styles. And then god DAMN did that finish get hot. Near-40-year-old AJ Styles perfectly landing the springboard reverse DDT is astounding. Was a very good match. Corbin stands tall to close the show – niiice. BTW – not sure if they’re pivoting away from Ambrose vs. Miz but it really needs a Cage Match blowoff, right?
TALKING SMACK (1/31/17)
DANIEL BRYAN IS BACK!!! American Alpha! Naomi! Randy Orton! There was nothing amazing here but Dan Bryan is back man and that’s a great thing.
205 LIVE (1/31/17)
This was an okay show but stop telling me it’s the most exciting hour on television cause it’s just not. Lince Dorado vs. Tony nese opened, and I think someone challenged Nese to have a match with just one bodyscissors and I think it worked. He was more aggressive, they kept things moving, Lince got some cool stuff in – it was a perfectly acceptable low-key opener to WWE Jakked. Always approve of a mask-grab leading to a finish too.
Gran Metalik is on his way! Cool!
Akira Tozawa made his debut and I am fully ready to embrace this man. His ability to just strike his way into the crowd’s heart was great, he’s got the best tope currently on WWE TV, and I love that he treated the snap German like a god damn RKO – OUTTA NOWHERE! It was a fine debut. The Aries interview afterwards wasn’t ideal, though I am all in on it if it leads to Tozawa vs. Aries at some point. It occured to me at this moment that Aries is getting so much TV time and love cause he probably started talking politics with McMahon. Tozawa can’t speak English! IT’S FUNNY! HAHA!!!! BUILD THE WALL.
Relaly wish WWE had the balls to go all the way with a Neville tyranny. Corey’s right – give me Noam Dar as the King’s Hand, give me Court Jester Drew Gulak!! Neville and Noam Dar vs. Cedric Alexander and Jack Gallagher OK. It had a very wristlock-heavy opening few minutes followed by Neville just decking Jack leading to a beatdown followed by Neville deserting Dar and Cedric kicking Dar’s ass. This was a TV match to establish that Neville is a fucking dick.
NXT (2/1/17)
This was a pretty fun episode of TV, with backstage interviews and video packages from TakeOver: San Antonio, along with a few solid matches taped before TakeOver. No real stories outside of Asuka/Ember Moon and Nakamura/Kassius Ohno (!) teases, and some fun matches in front of a big amped up crowd.
Ember Moon vs. Aliyah wasn’t amazing, but Aliyah got some really nice stuff in (THAT NORTHERN LIGHTS BRIDGE) that showed her potential over anything else she’s done on TV. There’s something to be said about the NXT rookie gals (Liv and Aliyah) having their best matches with Ember. Not sure I’m the one to say it, but it’s something.
Tyler Bate vs. Oney Lorcan is just a great on-paper match-up that totally delivered as a great TV match. It seems like they’re playing up the UK guys as having ‘showcases’ on NXT – adding them to the show is good, but integrating them would be great. I want Pete Dunne stretching Tye Dillinger. Trent Seven and No Way Jose making weird faces at each other. Mark Andrews doing basically anything. Oney Lorcan meanwhile is just low-key awesome – he has good matches every single time, but none of them are high-profile or designed to be all EPIC!! so he doesn’t get the love he deserves. Guy needs some shine on him, though the name is unfortunate – Biff Busick isn’t the best name in the world but it’s a billion times better than ONEY. LORCAN. Anyways, the match – loved it. Bate’s “look at my hand – punch!” spot is great. Oney was just pasting the shit out of Bate. Really liked Oney’s schoolboy roll into the bottom turnbuckle spot. Dueling uppercut/koppou spot towards the end was awesome. Incredible Tyler Driver. Good stuff.
All the video packages and promos did what they did. Tye Dillinger wearing his heart on his sleeve over the Rumble appearance was awesome. The Asuka and Ember Moon showdown has begun, as both referenced each other in promos. Kassius Ohno randomly making his return consoling/kind of poking fun at Nakamura backstage after the NXT Title match was wildly weird – “Hey Shin. Man… that sucks.” I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS. Oh and the Corey Graves video package was awesome – WWE rarely has a heart, but when they do they make sure you fucking know it.
No Way Jose vs. The Drifter was a super fun Superstars match and that’s really not an insult. It was like 8 minutes and was a good time – hit all the right notes. Jose spots, Drifter beatdown, Jose comeback. Graves’ last NXT call was phenomenal – “Are you serious? This is what’s gonna happen?” when Drifter entered after his video package, and then his final words.
Tom: Graves, do you have any last words for Elias Samson?
Corey: Nope.
MAIN EVENT (2/1/17)
Oh how I love the C-shows on the Road to WrestleMania, where most guys try to convince Vince McMahon that he shouldn’t have been ignoring them the whole last year. Everyone listens to The Revival theme and just GOES HARD. Sin Cara vs. Bo Dallas was like 5 minutes but man did they pack a lot in – big armdrags from Cara, big kneedrops from Bo, a rope-assisted neckbreaker, tope, springboard elbow, springboard moonsault, that weird deadlift fireman’s carry thing Sin Cara does, and a Swanton Bomb to finish it off. Even Bo’s chinlocks felt like highspots. Not full Main Event Match Worth Watching, but a good start to WrestleMania season. Other match was New Day vs. Titus O’Neil & The Shining Stars, which was very much a 6-man tag team match. New Day brought the energy and it was perfectly acceptable but nothing super interesting, outside of Big E just forgetting/ignoring Epico giving him a Backstabber and awkwardly rolling to the outside.
WWE TV Match of the Week: SmackDown had a few good ones this week – AJ Styles vs. Dean Ambrose was the highlight. Not sure how many ways I can say AJ Styles is really really good – I guess that’s another way to say it.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Samoa Joe was designed to make the biggest impact and he definitely did. WWE traditionally sucks ass at a follow-up, but this was a good start.
RAW: 5/10
SmackDown: 7/10
205 Live: 5/10
NXT: 6/10
