Wrestling fans can be some odd ducks.
Go to Twitter dot com and you’ll know. Even better, go to a wrestling show. The passion, the anger, the glee, the criticism, and sometimes the outright demands over something that so much of society finds so dumb.
But it’s our thing. It ain’t dumb, man. It’s ART! It is a beautiful amalgamation of so many things – sport, athletics, gymnastics, theatre, improv, alternative comedy, episodic television, public access television, camp movies, pop culture gossip, straight-up blood-curdling sleaze.
And we all wanna say what we feel about it because A) we are human! we have thoughts and we want to share them! and B) professional wrestling is such a niche culture that it’s easier to amplify your voice.
But we can be fickle too. I’ve been watching pro wrestling for my entire life (29 years at last count) and have been an obsessive fan for probably 18 of those. And the cycle has been there for a while… so many complained for years that despite the WWF and WCW having so many bonafide superstars (Austin, Rock, Undertaker, Goldberg, nWo), the wrestling wasn’t as good. The real WORKERS weren’t pushed! So we got the wrestling. We got Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio. But their star waned (or they died), so we demanded the superstars. And so cameth John Cena, Randy Orton, Batista, Brock Lesnar. And then they got boring, and Ring of Honor got hot, and a new breed started to appear. We got CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, but we also got Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens, and Sami Zayn. And I like those last 3 guys a lot, but lately I’ve started to notice that the only thing anyone seems to be reacting to is Roman Reigns, Bill Goldberg, and Braun Strowman. Roman gets boos, but listen to his matches. Listen to John Cena’s matches. There is a non-stop buzz. Sometimes the fan sits in their chair waiting for the next spot; other times they are on the edge of their seat.
And some of that’s on creative (well, management). But a sentiment within the wrestling community that I’m sensing is that because we now have the wrestling, we want more superstars. And then we’ll get the superstars and we’ll want more wrestling. And then we’ll get the wrestling and we’ll want more superstars. And the cycle will repeat, so on and so forth, until death do us part, because in professional wrestling, something that is so weirdly simultaneously closed off and transparent, you just can’t always get what you want.
Just be happy it is here at all.
And not to say all wrestling fans are the same, either. God no. Of course not. I can only speak from three perspectives – mine, the zeitgeist with friends and commentary on the Internet, and live show reactions. Maybe there’s help from some of the BOYS that give you a peak behind the curtain. But these crazy, raucous, passionate fans are the reason this thing keeps churning on in the first place. The casuals give you the boost, but the hardcores are your recurring income, baby.
I write some of that thinking about two shows that aired this week – Bring it to the Table on the WWE Network and Wrestle Kingdom 11 New Japan World.
I understand the idea behind the Bring it to the Table show – talk controversial subjects, pop some interest, capture some of the “shoot” market for yourself. Nothing like that happened, of course. Was interesting to see Hogan and McGregor addressed, but it all seemed it went through the ringer of the WWE machine about five or six times before making tape. Nothing new was said, and the message seemed to be, “We’re rich so it doesn’t matter if our show sucks.”
And though the “WWE smarky fan” archetype certainly exists – the hyper-partisan know-it-all type of fella – I found it weird to put a guy on a TV show on the WWE’s own streaming service and have them say, “Here is our avatar for what we think the fans are. And we are going to tell you to shut the fuck up.” It’s easy to pick on wrestling fans – I am well aware. But let’s let the wrestling fan community shame the incessant bitchers and the moaners into submission, WWE, and not you, OK? I feel like WWE sees their most passionate fans as Cartman – angry, spoiled, and bitching for no other reason than self-aggrandizement – when most of the folks I like talking to and hearing from are like a Kyle – passionate and optimistic, hoping for a better and happier world, and prone to long pointless speeches (are you still reading?).
And then I’m reading my Twitter timeline post-Wrestle Kingdom and thinking, my word what a crazy world. The hyper-partisanship of our politics has reached my beloved professional wrestling. And it’s not that that is even bad, it’s that everyone is bickering so much and searching for their next hot take that the real meat of any conversation gets lost in the shuffle. But is that all bad anyways? Isn’t that how it works? We talk talk talk talk talk, some of it gets reacted to, some of it doesn’t, and life moves on. We all had fun anyways.
But is there no room for legitimate criticism of wrestling? Just leave it to the pros?? Either way, you don’t see the guys who make Transformers movies making their own mini-TV shows going “Fuck you, we make money motherfucker.”
We just wanna talk about it, man. We wanna love, we wanna hate — we wanna FEEL something. I’d argue that the bitching/kvetching is more a response to a scramble to get on the pulse of what just isn’t working in wrestling, because something so fun sometimes feels so off-putting. My posit is that the people just want stories. Interesting characters. And that can be found from Dean Ambrose and his woman feuding with The Miz and his, or two Luchadores playing switcharoo during a match, or the declining ace going up against the cocky new king, or yeah two guys who can really go having a really fun pro wrestling match. I hear things these days when the stories are clicking from the crowd that I don’t hear from when they aren’t. Sometimes there’s an anomaly, but it usually rings true. Some things in the WWE right now have buzz. Others do not.
So shut up, Heyman, you cynical co-opted businessman – wrestling should be fun. You know as well as anyone that a lot of us will keep watching. Should we just stop discussing it!? Or is it that we shouldn’t discuss “business” decisions like 3-hour RAWs or advertising returnS in advance, and just talk about the matches? But then we can’t critique them because we aren’t in the business? Should every Tweet about wrestling until the end of time just be, “That was a good effort. I was entertained”? I tend to think in the end we’re all marks and we’re all kind of dumb (both fans and people in the business, actually), but still – the nature of response from the industry itself is really weird. And of course there are plenty in the industry that don’t think that, but they don’t have a half-hour show on the WWE Network.
Or is that the story itself?
Whoa.
Either way, the story continued this week – RAW had a Kevin Steen talk show in the main event slot highlighted by a staredown between Bill Goldberg and Roman Reigns leading to both guys spearing a 2-year pro monster bodybuilder who’s the most over guy on the roster (imagine reading that in 2012), along with two awesome, awesome matches and it was still just an OK show. SmackDown meanwhile was an electric, awesome professional wrestling show with two really good matches and like fifteen hot angles. RAW had a couple great moments but was kind of a drag, SmackDown was incredible professional wrestling television.
So in tribute to Paul E, I bring you my glowing review of Tuesday night first followed by Monday Night BRAAAAWWWWNNN.
SmackDown is truly in a Golden Era. I mean seriously – holy shit. I have not straight-up gleefully enjoyed and been excited about a wrestling show like this in a long time. So much is going on, everything somehow moves fast but there’s still room for big matches, people aren’t over-exposed, there’s so few dead spots or long promos, and guys are OVER. Seriously this crowd seemed categorically RAUCOUS.
I have madly fallen in love with The Miz/Dean Ambrose feud. You’ve got Miz in a suit and sunglasses bragging about his hot chick, demanding apologies from women who have slighted him, along with We Want Ambrose chants ringing from the crowd… we are back in the 80s. The Miz is Ric Flair with a balanced checkbook. The brief Ambrose promo after getting slapped by Maryse – “She hits way harder than you do” – was phenomenal. Less is more. And then later in the show Maryse slaps Renee Young and this feud is just ready to explode. Wasn’t 100% on them running the first match already, but then Ambrose wins the IC Title to facilitate The Miz having a breakdown and you just think, “Bless you, SmackDown.”
The Ambrose/Miz IC Title match was good. There was strong action and everything moved into the next thing very smoothly. Liked Ambrose staying on Miz early, which worked well for the story and kept things interesting – Ambrose is real solid when his job is to kick another guy’s ass. Liked Miz trying to go after the leg but getting overwhelmed. The crowd chanting “NO” with the Miz’ Bryan kicks is so great, as was Ambrose begging the ref to not DQ Miz for the Maryse slap. The Universe was going NUTS for the Ambrose win too. Tons of fun. The Miz’ psychotic promo on Talking Smack was INCREDIBLE too, with him going off on there being a conspiracy against him – probably best promo of the year until he wins the World Title. Can you imagine??
Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin was also really good, by FAR their best match together. It moved fast, had a lot of neat counters, and like Miz/Ambrose everything smoothly went to the next thing with some eventually really hot near falls including one on a clothesline (!) and one on a PUNCH (!!). Dolph did his usual sell and comeback job that was strong, while Corbin was the difference maker here for me and looked really good cutting off all of Dolph’s stuff. The post-match Ziggler heel turn was PHENOMENAL – they went back to the recent Corbin/Kalisto feud and used it to lead to Ziggler snapping. Then you have some guy in the crowd yelling “ABOUT TIME” as Ziggler storms to the back. SOOOO GOOD. One of those things that should have happened a while ago, but might be better for it that it took so long. Interested to see all the fresh Ziggler vs. NXT guy matches, and of course SmackDown already has two of them basically set up (Kalisto and Crews).
John Cena/AJ Styles contract signing was HOT too. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. LOGICAL MOTIVATIONS. PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. AJ was great running down Cena and talking up SmackDown’s ratings win last week – “We can do it without you, John.” INSANE “CENA” chants after AJ tore him down. And then Cena’s promo on PASSION… “I’M. STILL. HERE.” as he POUNDED the table. Fucking A. And then Baron Corbin gets involved!! “Maybe AJ’s right. Your time is up.” RAISE THE NETWORK PRICE. YOU HAVE ME.
Oh, by the way – THERE ARE 3 DIFFERENT WOMEN’S STORYLINES ON SMACKDOWN AND THEY ARE ALL SUPER FUN AND NOT SHITTY. The La Luchadora stuff with Becky Lynch and Alexa Bliss is such stupid fun and actually has some intrigue… it is the sports entertainment this world needs. I am consistently impressed by how WWE uses Ellsworth as a story device too – how does this same company make so many of the decisions that they do? He’s a heel second for Carmella now! Oh, the places you’ll go! Jimmy Dream’s “You shouldn’t be up there!” taking down NXT young lion Aliyah was great. At like a minute and thirty seconds we had a fine squash, got a story over, and showed something new – amazing. Natalya vs. Nikki Bella meanwhile is a great trailer trash showdown, always love when multi-millionaires stoop to insinuating somebody sucked someone else’s cock on national television.
Oh, and 10-second squash of Breezango for American Alpha, bay-beeee. The Alpha/Wyatt feud continues. Harper’s subtle look at Randy for stealing the “RUN” line was TREMENDOUS.
And they have a whole card of big matches already announced for next week – GFDJGFDJNDGFGDF.
205 Live continues to improve with Neville as its’ king, some new faces debuting, and other guys being established. TAJIRI IS BACK! Also, Sean Mulata is back! Show opened with a fine return squash for Tajiri in front of a quiet post-SmackDown crowd. The Kendrick/Tajiri feud might be OK but all I eventually want is a Kendrick/Tajiri Grumpy Old Men tag team. Jack Gallagher vs. Tony Nese was another good Jack showcase for a couple minutes before the Daivari interference. Interested to see Jack in a longer match. I liked Noam Dar vs. Mustafa Ali a lot… felt like they had to really work for every hold early, and Dar bringing the skeezy fuck act to his ring work is a massive step up. I’m not sure it clicks long-term but it’s really fun right now. Nice arm work by Dar and selling by Ali, the roll-through neckbreaker by Ali was really cool, and Ali got a nice win with the awesome reverse 450. I guess for every one good immigrant story (Ali) you need two bad ones (Daivari, Neville). Cesaro commenting on Tozawa for Tozawa’s video package is cool too – rooting for that guy.
Who knew Neville was such a solid promo?? NEVILLE REMIX, BAY-BEEE. Neville vs. TJ Perkins was such pretty wrestling – it felt like what their match in the CWC would’ve been with a couple more chinlocks and a quieter crowd. They got ’em in the end though. Love Neville being a bastard – no flips, just kicks. If Neville stays healthy he’s an easy top 10 WWE guy of 2017. Didn’t love the big wait at the end on the top rope for the superplex, but a SUPERPLEX as a finish, man. Astounding.
RAW was decent – as per usual, the peaks were really great but the lows were really rough. There were 2 really, really, REALLY good matches. Sasha run-in was fun. Kevin Owens Show with Goldberg and special guests was a blast. Karl Anderson and Cesaro got almost 15 minutes. The rest kind of stunk. But take your wins, I guess. WWE has too much money to make!!
The IRONY of Stephanie McMahon saying she and RAW had to win a Ratings War while starting the show with the usual bullshit was not lost. Love Mick, love Kev, love Chris – but less is more. The Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens match (which is somehow a match between two bonafide RAW main eventers that feels like a very small deal) was really, really average. Both have lost a step in that they’ve slowed down their ring work, which is completely understandable, but haven’t upped it with any compelling character traits to fall back on. They really need to learn to brawl – felt like I was watching a couple of fucking geeks play fight for a few minutes there. They get a pop for the entrance, a pop for their spots, and otherwise it’s like Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver searching for Liam Neeson. Then it had a DQ finish with KO acting all shocked when he got DQ’d right in front of the ref…. unless that was the point. Insert Fry meme here. Ratings War, bay-bee.
Major highlights of the show were two matches – Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn Last Man Standing, and Roman Reigns vs. Chris Jericho for the U.S. Title.
Strowman vs. Sami was a wild brawl with so many fun spots… loved Sami using everything in the environment to take it to big Braun – going at him with the Singapore cane, throwing him into the post repeatedly, using whatever he could find backstage. So many great Strongman Braun moments too – catching Sami’s outside moonsault, the elbow block of the corner DDT, throwing crates around. I popped SO hard for Braun picking the chair up with Sami attached to it and Sami sliding down the ramp. Braun was a ton of fun here but Sami was wildly good, just taking massive bumps and going FLYING for Braun’s throws (check Braun absolutely launching Sami onto the crates when they go backstage). There was one iffy moment where a Braun shoulderblock missed a bit but Sami’s “dad who just slipped while shoveling” sell made it all worth it. A really fun 15 minutes of television.
Roman vs. Jericho I think I liked even better, a peak WWE-style TV match. I was excited for this as their match in December was so great and it was just like it, worked all around big signature spots and bringing the crowd up and down with counters. The crowd wasn’t waiting for a big spot, they were buzzing the entire time. Everything flowed so well and moved right into the next thing while Reigns sold his ass off. Reigns’ Drive-By bump into the post followed by the countout tease was amazing. I liked Jericho pulling out all the tricks he could to win too – using the Eddy spot in a match where Reigns couldn’t get DQ’d was downright incredible. The payoff to the exposed turnbuckle was excellent too. When he is trying to keep up with a former super indy guy (Rollins, Zayn, Ambrose) Jericho looks like trash, but working a match like this he legitimately looks like the best in the world. Stick to your strengths, Y2J – we will love you more for it.
Kevin Owens Show segment had some serious star power so willed its’ way into something pretty good. Guy with the Kevin Owens Show sign for a head was pretty incredible, but Big Kev and Jericho are straight-up overexposed. KO/Goldberg showdown was pretty neat though. And then Heyman, Roman and BRAUN appearances were genuinely surprising – Heyman cowering in fear of Braun and Braun taking his mic was great, as was the double spear on Braun. Is Braun going to win the Rumble?
Rest of the show just happened. Liked seeing Karl Anderson do more than kick people for once. He and Cesaro had a decent TV match that got some time – impressive stuff, solid work. The deadlift on Karl was so cool. I guess the idea of the New Day angle was OK, but the execution was obnoxious and the match (Woods vs. Titus) wasn’t much. Cedric vs. Gulak was a short nothing match – enjoy what each guy brings to the table, but it was about 30 seconds of those things. Gulak’s “I WON!!! I WON!!! AGARRRHHH!!!” was awesome though. The Rusev/Jinder vs. Enzo/Cass feud continues to just be filler that seems designed to push nobody and just give guys TV time. This makes three Rusev/Cass matches that are like 25 seconds and do nothing for nobody… How You Doin, Enzo spot, rollup finish. Bayley vs. Nia Jax was decent for the minute or two it lasted… was excited for another Bayley/Jax match but it was just a setup for the Sasha run-in, which was neat.
Main Event had a pair of OK matches but the search for a Main Event Match Worth Watching continues. Austin Aries continues on commentary and I am proud to introduce the Austin Aries Drinking Game: any time you hear “thumb in his eye,” drink up. Lince Dorado vs. Ariya Daivari was pretty decent – liked Daivari’s selling and yelling while taking Lince’s stuff and the finish came together nicely, with Daivari posting Lince on the outside and hitting a frog splash. I guess they are continuing the Bo Dallas and Darren Young tag team – Angry Aggressive Bo appears to be no more – and while Bo/Young vs. Shining Stars was passable it really could’ve used another Braun run-in.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Sami/Braun was a lot of fun but had more tricks than Reigns/Jericho, which was the most impressive thing I saw on WWE TV this week.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: The Miz, baby. Promos, angles, wrestling. #1. Honorable Mention to John Cena for another amazing promo. Guy is killing it.
