If you look at any of the matchlists on this site, you’ll notice I include a star rating after each match. If you’re reading this, I assume you know what they mean. But if you somehow landed on this weird website by doing some inexplicable search like ‘best christian of october 2016’ or ‘quick thoughts on tlc’, I will explain: The five-star rating system is a way of rating wrestling matches pioneered by wrestling dorks of year’s lore like Dave Meltzer and Jim Cornette. Any match is ranked from DUD to *****. Some truly horrifying matches of the past have gotten the dreaded negative star rating, but I think that’s pretty mean to the brothers that make this wrestling business what it is. This system is the most digestible method I’ve found as far as recommending individual matches in a vacuum.
But star ratings are stupid. Winston Churchill once (allegedly) said “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” Well star ratings are the worst form of rating matches except for all the others. There’s a few main flaws: one, nobody who uses this system really has the same context of what makes a match good. That can probably be said of any form of art criticism – those knuckleheads Ebert and Siskel sure liked to disagree. But most of media these days tends to embrace its’ criticism from industry people to popular bloggers to guys with 4 followers on Twitter. Not wrestling. If you tell Chris Jericho his match was only *** he’d probably call you a fucking mark. How blank a stare does Scott Dawson give me if I inform him that his match was only ****3/4? The wrestlers themselves look for different things in a match too – the fan can only rate what he has seen on screen; the wrestlers know what goes on behind the curtain and can be more impressed by a match called in the ring vs. rehearsed in the back, a catch on a dive, adapting to a crowd, etc. Everybody who rates matches does it differently, with different things factored in – for me I think about fun factor, story advancement, realism, that unexplainable “high-end” feel, as well as a few other things that I’ll probably expand on at some point right here on 1053 Ridge.
Besides that, a ** match that is five minutes and gets its’ point across is WAY better than a **1/2 match that goes thirty minutes and doesn’t. Golden Truth vs. Gallows & Anderson from RAW this week was better than any of the Survivor Series elimination matches – fight me. As a human being who has watched RAW weekly for years, all I want is something that makes a little bit of sense. I feel like all WWE needs to do is put a little bit more effort into making their shit sensible and they can push whoever and whatever they’d like. I am all in on the next John Cena vs. Randy Orton feud or even a fucking Dan Matha mega-push if it actually makes sense. But push fan favorites like Rollins and Owens and Jericho to the top, hell do something crazy like bring up Nakamura or The Revival – if it’s done with a crap story, it’s still going to suck.
That has been the struggle with RAW for the last few months (well, years) but I thought this week’s was the best one since the split with a great stretch of solid TV matches bookmarked by two strong title matches. The Tag Titles match to open the show was the best New Day match in forever with tons of straight-up amazing spots – Kofi and Cesaro landing on their feet off the monkey flips, Cesaro’s catch of Big E, Kofi catching Sheamus off the top with a dropkick, Cesaro’s catch of Kofi into the backbreaker. Lots of nice little moments between all that too – Sheamus in particular was a real dipshit. Him dragging Kofi out of the sunset flip and throwing him into the post was a beautiful moment, as was him cutting off the 10 Beats spot. New Day cheating to win gave me hope they’re finally going to do something interesting with some talented dudes.
The Kevin Owens/Seth Rollins No DQ Match for the Universal Title was a really fun match too. It felt like a house show type of match, actually a lot like that Wyatt/Kane one at Backlash … yeah there wasn’t much point for it to happen, yeah there were some weird parts like Rollins’ awkwardly holding a chair up for Owens to hit him with, but it was a super fun bunch of silliness. They used weapons early and often, went through tables (including during commercial), did some brawling in the crowd leading to a big dive from Seth, and had a bunch of big near falls. Jericho’s interference in a Sin Cara mask just added to the wackiness. Also – Owens’ pre-match promo where he thought Charly Caruso was Renee Young was tremendous. The Highlight Reel with Owens/Jericho and Reigns/Rollins was your usual weak RAW talking segment but at least seemed to have a purpose and didn’t have Stephanie McMahon or Mick Foley awkwardly clinging to stardom in a world that has passed them by. I wish so much that the Reigns/Rollins reunion could be better, but a lot of fucking up beforehand (both guys have had some very awkward pushes as top good guy) really hurts it. Plus running that in Canada against Owens and Jericho was a dumb thing to do.
Liked the Goldberg promo, not 100% comfortable with how they’re using him but also 95% understanding of it. It’s really pretty perfect use of Bill Goldberg, but within the context of an organization that doesn’t completely support that use of Bill Goldberg. It’s like if Rust popped back in on True Detective Season 2 – yeah we’d cheer, but why couldn’t you use Rachel McAdams better? She’s a great fucking actress! Did like the promo, and him overcoming the “you screwed Bret” chants was watching an absolute god damn professional in action.
The hour post-Highlight Reel was great TV with guys they’ve struggled with for a little while. Enzo Amore vs. Rusev was a fine way to kill time en route to Rusev doing something more interesting. Rusev’s bump in the corner was awesome, and I liked that they didn’t mess around giving it too much time – this was total Rusev annihilation. Enzo got his moment anyways, as he walked around backstage naked earlier in the show, which is what you get when your company is run by teenagers. His WWE Shop promo later in the show also cemented him as the greatest hype man in the business. The spirit of Matty in the House lives on.
If you’re going to shoehorn Gallows/Anderson into a tag titles match, giving them Golden Truth first isn’t a terrible idea. Goldust can still go and they had such a solid little tag match. Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn was some very fun Braun destruction, with an awesome Sami comeback and selling peppered in. Didn’t love Foley stopping the match to provide poor Sami some mercy, but it’s an interesting route to go with Braun who might be a massive star in the making. The women’s segment was alright, as was the tag match between Sasha/Bayley and Charlotte/Nia. Finish was very very fun, though I think all I might remember is that awkward monkey flip by Bayley on Charlotte. By the way, Foley announcing a match during the break is the least impromptu way to do something impromptu.
Hoping for the best with 205 Live and that this doesn’t become the next Scott Putski/Brian Christopher era of cruiserweights. Cedric Alexander vs. Ariya Daivari was a fine little match, though Daivari doing the anti-American gimmick is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb. This was a Cedric showcase, and he’s so great – impressive moves, big bumps, likable fella. The backflip to the headscissors was wild, as was his bump off springboard attempt. 3-way contender’s match was pretty fun too with Rich Swann continuing to be great. Think he’s the only guy that actually seems like a cruiserweight – most do stuff that wouldn’t seem out of place in a Rollins/Owens-era WWE, but Swann stands out.
For the last few months on SmackDown, everything has been logically building into matches you’re hyped for… TLC feels like the best ever Starrcade. This week was a great show and actually might have been my favorite since the split too. The blue brand usually has a solid sensible story and like one good match – this had the story and almost all good matches. It also had an actual story thread throughout the show, which there needs to be more of in today’s WWE. Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan are losing control of their roster and hijinks ensued – Dean Ambrose was told to leave and kept showing up in crazy costumes, Corbin and Ziggler did a couple run-ins, Miz, Becky and Alexa were all pissed off, and Shane left late in the show to set up more Ambrose wackiness.
Miz vs. Kalisto was SO good for the 5 minutes it lasted. Had a bunch of great ducking and diving spots which I love, and the slingshot powerbomb into a rana was awesome. Think Corbin missed a cue on his run-in or something, as the camera shot to nothing was hilarious. Then on top of the run-in, Ziggler attacks Miz from behind – SmackDown is Simple, baby. So hyped for the Ladder Match. Tag Turmoil was a bunch of fun quick matches before a pretty sweet American Alpha/Usos match. Those two TEAMS are going to have a great match one day – this wasn’t it, but for being under 10 minutes it was really really good. Enjoying Alpha finally getting some focus, and amped for them vs. the Wyatts. Liked Becky Lynch vs. Natalya a lot too – Becky is on another damn level. Corbin vs. Kane was a fun minute and a half leading to the Kalisto run-in… even feuding with Kalisto, the use of Corbin right now is pretty perfect. He’s a middle-aged brat and it’s wonderful. His attitude of giving no fucks really helps him stand out too.
Not sure what’s more impressive – Styles’ stuff with Roman Reigns during the summer or James Ellsworth now. The Styles/Ellsworth Ladder Match was a tremendous bit of sports entertainment. Outside of the wild bump to the outside they did practically nothing in this match and it was awesome. AJ rocking the HBK foot-stuck-in-ropes was so great. His ability to seem credible and show ass at the same time is amazing. Walter White has some advice for WWE now that James Ellsworth is part of the team though: tread lightly.
Talking Smack remains the best TV this company produces. Daniel Bryan as an avatar for the conscience of Vince McMahon is amazing, admitting he has failed in management at not getting his superstars to the level of a Bill Goldberg. I love that there is a half-hour of WWE TV to flesh out the actually interesting SmackDown stories – Bryan and Renee did a better job of selling Orton taking a spear for Bray at Survivor Series than any of the commentators did. Then Bryan talks about the concept of solipsism because why not. Corbin’s interview was great too, just shooting on the cruiserweights – “Why do you want those little kids on the show doing flips and tricks?” Ah man. It can be good. It can be so good.
NXT had 2 matches taped pre-TakeOver and a bunch of video packages and promos. Rich Swann vs. Kona Reeves (the former Noah Kekoa) was pretty good… love seeing what these folks do on pre-TakeOver matches with the amped up crowds. Dillinger and Blake rocked it last time, and Swann and Kona did some good stuff too. Not sure on Kona yet but he didn’t look out of place, so that’s something. The Toronto crowd gave the SAnitY run-in a damn Shield reaction, but not sure it plays anywhere else. I find it hilarious that WWE has made an effort to re-brand some of the TNA guys (Roode, Young) but not EVOLVE guys like Gulak and Nese. Thought WWE did show some serious restraint in not using the No Way Jose music to set up Jose saving Swann. Did you know Jose debuted against Alexander Wolfe?? This is a true story.
The 6-woman was alright, helped by a game crowd. Liv Morgan continues to look solid, Aliyah’s got some good babyface charisma, and Ember is awesome. The heel gals… I dunno. Everybody who works at the Performance Center says Billie Kay and Peyton Royce are awesome, but I haven’t seen it yet. Daria’s awkward right now but I like the shtick. A shootfighter getting overwhelmed by Aliyah in her first match might not be the best call though. Loved the feel of all the post-TakeOver interviews, very casual and real. #DIY straight up say they love each other and it’s beautiful. Mickie tearing up is amazing too. Wish this is how they did promos across all shows.
Just one match on Main Event along with Thanksgiving CLIPS! Man was William Regal awesome in 2000. Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss was a fine match, clearly taped after James Ellsworth and AJ Styles tore the house down so the crowd wasn’t having it. Weird stuff is chanted and people seem to regret being a part of the whole thing. Alexa has adapted very well to the main roster – great shit talk and reactions, solid beatdown. Naomi takes a WILD bump into the corner that makes a big sound too. Really solid stuff.
Superstars had a pair of decent matches – Sin Cara looked great against Jinder Mahal who took all his shit like a pro, outside of selling like a dunce on the pinfall. And Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel actually had themselves a little match – played off the little feud they’ve been having, had a couple big bumps by Bo, a couple nice suplex teases by Axel. Dug it.
By the way, you can see my star ratings for all WWE TV at the WWE page under WWE Network Matchlists.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Torn here, so we’ve got a 3-way tie. The Tag Titles match between New Day and Cesaro/Sheamus on RAW was probably the more solid overall match, while the No DQ and Ladder Matches were very different matches that I liked about the same. Rollins/Owens had the chaos I love about wrestling, while Styles/Ellsworth had the goofiness I love about it.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Kevin Owens has not been in many great positions but he’s still a pretty consistent highlight of Monday Night RAW. This week he had the great match with Rollins, carried the Highlight Reel segment, and did the soon-to-be legendary “Renee” interview. Bless you, KO.
