It hit me when I watched Seth Rollins’ sit-down interview with Michael Cole. WWE is one epic case study on the drawbacks of having too much time to fill.
Even the finest television shows have stretches of time where they just have to fill time, but it’s what they do with that time – the little touches of character details, the interesting side-stories they give their lesser known characters, how they choose to have their main characters interact – that makes them engrossing and fun for not just wrestling fans but anybody.
WWE RAW is just not a good television show. It’s a show on television, yes. And it’s an interesting kind of television show. But it’s a television show, and it is very bad at being a television show.
WWE has gotten a lot better at a lot of basic things, but man can RAW especially just be bad TV. For a show with so many writers, WWE really throws all the classic writing tropes on their heads – be sparse with your dialogue (nope); give your characters motivations (nah); show don’t tell (oh hell no). WWE RAW is the kind of show that would give a guy opportunity to save a cat but somehow make the cat unlikable. I know – it’s wrestling, it’s always been kind of stupid. But you’re in the the Golden Age of Television now – step it the fuck up.
RAW, again, was fine, with some fun promos and some solid wrestling matches… but it just does not come together as an actually good television show – let alone wrestling show – nor even a good variety show. The first match and the main event were highlights. TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick was another fun match by these two… TJ is basically a video game simulator just doing cool shit on Kendrick, who looked awesome taking all of that cool shit. TJ doing his thing adds some much-needed variety to RAW, as does Kendrick doing cagey shit like trapping TJ’s hand in the turnbuckle hook and grabbing his nose to set up the second Captain’s Hook. Charlotte vs. Sasha for the RAW Women’s Title in the main event was a fun match as well… loved the presentation, from building it up all night as the main event and them finally using NXT footage for the video package. Match felt big time. Sasha was off on a few big things, but she has this charisma that you just want her to suceed anyways damnit. I hope they turn her heel soon though, as she seemed a lot better at controlling matches and being cocky on NXT than being this high-flying underdog. Charlotte meanwhile looked awesome here, whether she was working over Sasha, taking her stuff, talking shit, or hitting that wild dive to the outside. It was a good match that will probably be sold in the pantheon of WWE history as a great match.
The opening promo with Roman and Rusev was fun – they haven’t done a great job drawing this feud out, with 4 matches and like two hundred brawls since August, but I am all in on it when they actually collide. Rusev is a treasure, and Lana going toe-to-toe with Roman on the mic was great. Byron’s “Oh. OK.” reaction to Chase Silver saying that he had a dream he was going to beat Braun Strowman was tremendous. Braun’s squashes are reaching awesome territory, and Silver was a game bumper. A POWERSLAM as a finish! SmackDown may be great right now, but we are so blessed in this year of our lord 2016 that Braun Strowman is not currently playing hide and seek with Randy Orton. I had no idea that Chris Jericho would re-cement himself as an all-time great this year, but here we are. Him writing up the list as Kevin Owens entered was so great, as was the promo with Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson where he sparred with Kelso and disappeared then re-appeared on the other side of the camera to do the “IT” bit. Owens and Jericho sparring with New Day was great… peaking with Owens saying they jumped the shark, and Woods saying they don’t swim. The New Day vs. Owens/Jericho tag match was alright, but kind of heatless and a tough match to kick off a third hour of wrestling with.
Can we talk about the Seth Rollins/Kevin Owens/Authority feud right now? I think I’ve figured it out. Is this still the Reality Era? Sure. The story they may actually be telling is that Triple H, who’s turned himself meta-babyface by providing the CWC and the NXT and trying to stop the rise of Roman, chose wrestling fan avatar and “his guy” Kevin Owens as penance for the sins he caused while running over WWE with the Big Bad, Seth Rollins. The story right now may be that Seth Rollins has remained a heel – abeilt a vengeful one – and hilarious comedy duo Jericho and Owens are the good guys.
Zayn vs. Titus was a really solid TV match – they got in, got over, and got out. Titus gots to be a dick and hit some hard shots, while Zayn did some cool shit and got the win. Titus took the stiff lariat and exploder like a champ, and I thought the crossbody catch early on looked really smooth. Gallows & Anderson vs. Golden Truth was a fine squash; Goldust is not around a ton right now and I’m not saying make him World Champ or anything but every time you see him he always does a few things to you remind you he’s still one of the top professionals on the roster. His first exchange with Anderson, ending with him bumping into the second rope off a high kick, was great. Enzo & Cass segment was a fine use of 3 hours and 15 minutes of television. The Susan “Certified G” Komen line and Enzo botching the belt reveal were great. Tony Nese/Rich Swann had a lot of cool stuff – great rope-running, and the catch off the handspring was awesome. I am all in on the Cesaro/Sheamus tag team; them being great in spite of themselves is magnificent. Monday Night RAW: good bits, questionable direction.
SmackDown is at the same time proving everything right and wrong about Vince’s vision. Right: sports entertainment can be great, short matches can be OK. Wrong: it’s not enough to just appear on the big show; characters and stories have to be built up and make sense. RAW might have more *** matches, but SmackDown has a lot more ** matches that accomplish more. Star ratings are crazy, man. I use them as an indicator of what’s worth watching but film critics don’t rate short films on the same scale as features, yanno? Oh well.
Kane vs. Bray Wyatt was a quick match with solid action before the inevitable Orton interference. The shot of Kane sitting up as Bray watched Orton on the Titan Tron was so awesome. The Orton/Wyatt stuff all show was alright in the context of wrestling and kind of stupid in the context of life. The women’s tag was totally short but totally solid, with a nice weaving of the two big women’s stories. SmackDown just always has to one-up RAW – 5 breast cancer survivors versus RAW’s 3. Bryan’s “You don’t tell me when to leave!” was wonderful. Hype Bros vs. Vaudevillains was a decent tag… nothing special, but with the benefit of having only (ONLY!) 2 hours of TV to fill each week, these guys only showing up once in a while makes them not completely stale. I might make it my life goal to ensure that Mojo’s Hammer Time spot never gets over though – I understand the People’s Elbow, the Worm, but this… this will not do. Aiden English’s bump off of Mojo’s Pounce was sweet too.
MizTV and the Dolphumentary was another fantastic Miz/Ziggler segment with a HOLY SHIT HILARIOUS return by the Spirit Squad. Mikey in particular completely committed. Just a wonderful batch of sports entertainment. On a show of short matches, Jason Jordan vs. Jimmy Uso was one of those matches where there’s clearly no way to tell any kind of story with the seconds they got. Jack Swagger wearing a baseball cap and t-shirt in his promo pic is hilarious, and he had a solid little TV match with Baron Corbin. Corbin tapping by mistake… guess creativity still exists in ol’ WWE. Hope new agent D-Von Dudley came up with that and really popped the boys in the back. The No Mercy Face-Off promo was your ideal go-home segment, with Dean Ambrose spitting straight fire at John Cena. Another fine show by these SmackDown fellas.
Talking Smack was alright this week, mostly a No Mercy hard sell. Bryan dropping that “we are not allowed to talk about politics” was said in Renee’s earpiece was wonderful. AJ Styles cut a great promo too, and loved him storming off to end the show.
NXT is in a definite re-building phase, with a bunch of new characters having varying degrees of success, and I’m liking it. Having the cruiserweights stick around is a great move. This was a fun episode of TV. That one middle-aged fella and his gal dancing to the Bollywood Boyz theme was incredible. The extended goofy Bollywood Boyz entrance opening the show followed by the Authors of Pain entrance was phenomenal. Effective squash by the Authors. They edited Patrick Clark licking himself off TV, but kept Rich Swann’s reactions. It was strange. Clark looked great trading stuff with Swann, and Swann remains impressive – it’s weird to think he’s had probably less than 10 televised matches in WWE. Patrick had likable babyface charisma on Tough Enough and they’ve turned him into an creepy odd bird, which is a weird move. But it’s wrestling, and sometimes a weird move is when magic happens.
I liked how nonchalant the trainer for Liv Morgan was when Billie and Peyton just walked up and were bitches to her – “I see this bullshit all the time honey, just sit down and let me take a look at this.” Peyton (who hasn’t been on TV in forever) vs. Danielle Kamela wasn’t much – they just did some wrestling moves that looked OK and it was all freezing cold. Dan Matha in HD was unsettling. I really, really loved them playing with the trope of WWE debuting a big musclehead guy with vignettes, then having him get annihilated by Samoa Joe for his debut. The Revival vs. Cedric Alexander & Andrade Almas was a high-end TV match, with some impressive stuff from Cedric and Almas, a solid Revival beatdown (which is a great beatdown for most), and Full Sail going nuts for the Cedric hot tag. The lead-up to the Shatter Machine was awesome. Revival just adds so many little touches to their matches – Dash straight pulling Cedric to their corner at the start of the match, walking off together to recover, fluid double teams. It makes them stand out as unique, but more teams should be doing it. Plus, a much-needed turn by Almas to close the show – NICE.
Main Event had two good little matches that were actually extensions of SmackDown TV, with Naomi and Natalya having their grudge match along with a Rhyno/Slater enhancement match versus The Ascension. Naomi’s fired up punching comeback was sweet, even if the punches looked kind of shit, and I liked her just repeatedly punching Nattie’s knee to get out of the abdominal stretch. Natalya was a pro as a heel, cutting off Naomi and being a total ass. Finish was sudden but I guess that was the point. Highlight of The Ascension beatdown was that superfan in the front row cheering them on. Totally basic and totally fun match. Rhyno and Konnor having a chopfest was awesome. Two Main Event Matches Worth Watching – yeah that’s gonna be a thing now.
On Superstars, Neville vs. Curtis Axel was definitely a Superstars Match Worth Watching – all of Axel’s stuff looked tight, and Neville got in a sweet dive and took a wild bump to the apron. Red Arrow finish was sweet too – seemed like Axel was a little too close, but Neville nailed it. Jinder Mahal/Darren Young was alright, but these are basically the two most generic guys on the roster right now. Young is still inexplicably fired up, but man.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte for the WWE Women’s Title was, as said above in prose that I sure am proud of, was a good match that will probably be sold in the pantheon of WWE history as a great match. It was far and away the best match on WWE television this week as well. Great performance by Charlotte especially, who despite the insane storytelling of the RAW women’s division, is getting really really really good.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: I mean the Charlotte performance was good, but Mikey Mondo took his shot this week and ran with it. It was like Grandmaster Sexay returning without the unsettling awkwardness. Really, everybody in this feud has been the MVP of the last couple months – Miz, Ziggler, and Maryse included.
