WWE these days is kind of like that movie All is Lost, if Vince McMahon was Robert Redford. The old man is still trying, and he’s allowing a lot more fan service than he ever did. But his efforts are lost in a sea of enhanced fan expectation, a changing business, a changing world that appears to be passing his at-one-time-revolutionary vision by.
As Our Man says in All is Lost:
-
13th of July, 4:50 pm. I’m sorry. I know that means little at this point, but I am. I tried, I think you would all agree that I tried. To be true, to be strong, to be kind, to love, to be right. But I wasn’t. And I know you knew this. In each of your ways. And I am sorry. All is lost here, except for soul and body, that is, what’s left of them, and a half day’s ration. It’s inexcusable really, I know that now. How it could have taken this long to admit that I’m not sure, but it did. I fought till the end. I’m not sure what that is worth, but know that I did. I have always hoped for more for you all. I will miss you. I’m sorry.
My opinions on WWE are so up-and-down because for every step in the right direction they take, the bastards take two back. The matches these days are strong, but here’s the thing – we’ve transitioned from an era where stories were told inside the ring to one where they’re told outside the ring. So most matches follow a basic match structure, and a lot of them are very fun and really dramatic and awesome and cool as shit, but most of them also lack real flavor. Whether this is on the era, the producers, the wrestlers themselves – it doesn’t matter, it’s just what is happening.
So why is the storytelling outside the ring so bad?
This week was a step up from the last, but we’re 4 weeks into the brand split and I’m ready for Vince to come in and can every authority figure – the big free agent signings are 2 of 3MB, Curt Hawkins and budding politician Rhyno, and they’re still relying on all the old tricks: stupid fake GM office, bad comedy segments, forced buzzwords, lack of character motivations. Beyond Corey Graves and squash matches, the only major thing that’s been added is throwing away big matches/moments on TV with barely any build-up (Sasha title win, Demon Balor debut, Reigns/Rusev). Look, guys, that may fly with your run-of-the-mill mark, but I’m past that – the climax isn’t enough, give me the fucking foreplay.
Alas, we continue the journey.
RAW had some solid stuff, but it moved very slowly. Rusev throwing a fit in the ring to start the show was another nice change of pace. Any time Reigns and Rusev stare each other down or start fighting it’s awesome, but any time they’re talking or trying to tell a story it kind of sucks. At this point I’d vote for a double turn with Rusev and Reigns – Rusev is your clear babyface here, while Reigns does the classic Top WWE Guy shtick to varying degrees of acceptable. Sheamus vs. Sami Zayn was a great match – the brawl right at the start, Sheamus just punching Sami’s knee to work over it, Sheamus trying to punch his way out during the entire Blue Thunder Bomb setup, the unexpected Zayn win – just very fun all the way through. As far as in-ring goes, Sheamus has adapted to the New Era better than anybody. Jericho and Owens as a pair is good stuff and they’re a couple of funny fellas, but it’s bizzare that you’ve had Seth Rollins handed a Universal Title match versus a new guy from NXT and these two loud-mouths went, “You know what, I think I want a piece of Enzo and Cass.” The Owens/Cass match was a fine TV match though. The Gallows and Anderson comedy stuff just can’t appeal to anybody – it is bizarre that the Luke Gallows of podcast lore is the same Luke Gallows doing these Ringpostitis segments. Still appreciate the Nia Jax squashes – this one had a crazy bump by Rachel Levy (get it? She’s a JEW!). While the Brock/Heyman shtick is getting stale, the Heath Slater stuff was really good. His “I’m doing this for my kids” thing could probably me massive if Heath wasn’t such a goofball. Regardless, Heath on both RAW and SmackDown is absolutely making the most of his minutes. The Sasha/Charlotte feud is pretty weak – the big title change already happened so the heat is gone, and they’re just using the usual lazy stuff (Handicap Match, lackey gets beat up, Sasha does commentary, etc) to build it. Splitting up the women’s division was kind of silly, as there isn’t close to the amount of depth necessary and we’re back to the usual crap 3-minute women’s matches. Neville vs. Jinder Mahal was a fine Superstars match (plus a crazy dive), but at this point it seems like they’re just killing time with Neville until the Cruiserweight division debuts. And Foley asking for Rollins’ music to be hit from a walkie talkie was tremendous.
The two big things on the show were Seth Rollins calling out the “Demon King” version of Finn Balor and Roman Reigns vs. Rusev “for Lana’s honor” as the main event. The Rollins/Balor thing was just awful. The entire Universal Title build-up since the shock Balor win has been so bad which is depressing because it really should be pretty easy – the match kind of sells itself. But WWE feels like they have to build this up as your standard WWE main event, so you get long promos and attempts at building heat, both of which have really not added any steam to the match and instead taken it away. Anyways, everything about this on the show stunk. Them trying to get “Demon King” as a phrase over so badly is embarrassing – Rollins and Cole had to say it like 20 god damn times each, and it still sounds like Demon Kane. And besides, why say the name so much? The entire fucking mystique of the character is based around it being mysterious. Why over-push a marketing slogan? To sell a god damn t-shirt? I’d never wear that t-shirt. And speaking of him being mysterious, Rollins then calls out the “Demon King” and he ACTUALLY COMES OUT. Finn Balor debuts as the Demon in the middle of Monday Night RAW before SummerSlam. They had the chance to have the Demon debut in front of thousands of screaming fans in Brooklyn while Rollins’ shits himself at seeing the Demon for the first time. And they said no thanks – just do it in Corpus Christi. Plus, why did Stephanie and Foley not have anything for Rollins to do in the first place? He’s the #1 god damned draft pick. Just unreal stupidity in so many different places.
Rusev vs. Reigns was the highlight of the show despite it being completely insane that it actually happened, as they’re having a marquee match at SummerSlam. It’s an interesting niche of being a wrestling nerd that I can complain about getting this great of a match on television, but it’s happening, as it legit really took a little steam out of my excitement for SummerSlam. They’ve done this sort of thing before and we’ll all be OK, but it’s just so strange and in a way lazy. Rusev and Reigns had an awesome brawl backstage earlier in the show too that gave just enough of a tease for the PPV match, and the Demon Finn Balor debut happened in the middle of the freaking show when it could have (and should have) been a show-ender. The thing really was great though – intense brawling, Reigns’ selling exhaustion and desperation, Rusev desperately trying to finish off Reigns. Rusev has been on a tear this year and is one of the top wrestlers in the company – Reigns too, but Rusev gets less chances to show it. I’m interested to see how SummerSlam goes – can they top this or do they go in a totally different direction?
SmackDown, with one less hour to fill, felt like a much tighter show with less questionable decisions, though it was also kind of boring. One terrible thing has been the use of Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan – after all of the past involving them, that they’ve just become empty suits trotting out THIS show is insane. They’re basically playing Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute, all the way down to beet farming. The opening segment with Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler was strong, with what eventually became Ziggler’s best promo ever. It’s still strange how unconvincing he remains though – piss and vinegar Ziggler is great but subdued serious WWE wrestler Ziggler is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so bad. They’ve done fine with this feud, but it’s lackluster feel is a direct result of their stale out-of-the-ring storytelling. The 12-man tag was neat but would’ve been a MOTY if anyone was actually over, or if it took place on a TakeOver. They cut the heat segment by commercial entirely – a couple spots, commercial, crazy finish. Naomi’s new entrance is phenomenal and the Eva Marie thing continues to be a highlight, a great example of WWE’s genius with out-of-the-ring storytelling that they almost never do. Eva’s great in this role but this is like the most inspired re-push they’ve done – and it’s on Eva Marie. Having Orton/Slater go so short was criminal, and Shane taking Slater’s contract helped nobody, but Slater continues to crush it in his role. Ambrose vs. Rowan was a solid match – Rowan doesn’t get enough credit as a guy who’s become really good at WWE style. No workrate matches out of him, just good solid pro wrestling. I wish Ambrose kicked more ass and stopped trying to do fancy shit (rope-running, rebound lariat) though. Cena vs. ADR was just lifeless, basically a Superstars version of Cena/ADR. It was competent but whatevs. AJ Styles has really lost steam without the Club and just doing mic work with Cena – he really needs the win at SummerSlam.
As per usual, he Cruiserweight Classic was a fun show. Jack Gallagher is what this tournament is all about – an unknown making a name for himself by showing everybody something completely different. The match with Tozawa was great – all the early charming Brit-Wres spots, Tozawa picking up on the crowd shrieking and doing it more, big intensity towards the end. Tozawa sold that leg like a pro too. Noam Dar/Ho Ho Lun was decent but not really notable, though I’m always a mark for a guy not being able to hold a suplex bridge due to a hurt leg. Ho Ho needs HBK to sit him down and talk about selling intensity on a comeback. Kendrick/Nese was good stuff. Nese is so athletically impressive… not sure he’s all there as a complete wrassler yet, but as a dude who does pretty-looking shit he’s awesome. Kendrick as the desperate veteran who can’t keep up with the new kids is GREAT, too.
NXT was alright, but more about a bunch of TakeOver: Brooklyn II hype videos than anything. TakeOver has a strong card, but the build for everything has felt off – the title match stories are fine, but the rest feels really thrown together. The Hideo Itami/Mustafa Ali match was a really solid TV match – Itami did his thing, but Ali again impressed me. In a strange way he reminds me of an early Miz – moves around well, always there for spots, a great foil for a babyface getting pushed. The women’s 6-man wasn’t much, but was a nice look at the future of the women’s division (plus Billie Kay, Ember Moon, and whenever Peyton Royce comes back). Mandy, Daria and Liv are super green but at least they’ve got some character already.
Main Event had Kane give local guy Ricky Starks a little offense and a couple amusing spots before the chokeslam. Baron Corbin vs. Rhyno went 10-minutes and really was pretty solid despite both guys having their limitations. Rhyno is slower than ever but I enjoy watching him work matches around strikes and power spots. Superstars had Sin Cara debut a new theme song and ring jacket vs. Curtis Axel, who’s still using the Mr. Irrelevant nickname. This was a decent match that had the Corupus Christi crowd shockingly into it. Swagger/Dallas was alright too, though the highlight was Corey Graves questioning the “We the People” catchphrase. Someone hasn’t read the Constitution.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Roman Reigns vs. Rusev from RAW was a great match no matter how confusing everything surrounding it was.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Heath Slater is lucky as he’s the only guy on both shows right now, but he took advantage of every moment he had, and made a WWE crowd boo Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan.
