0. Golden Truth vs. Breezango
Golden Truth vs. Breezango in the Battle of Stupid Ass Tag Team Names was really your ideal opening contest – working a match around one team over-tanning really is inspired stuff, just like this entire feud has been. I think there are better and more interesting ways to have this match, and the work didn’t really get over in an arena setting, but it was better than it had any right to be, just like this whole feud. This is the goofy undercard shit that makes rasslin fun. And where better to namedrop on commentary Misawa and Kobashi, masters of the never-ending wrestling story, than during this feud? Not great wrestling, but true living breathing art. **1/4
0. The Lucha Dragons vs. The Dudley Boyz
Dudley Boyz vs. Lucha Dragons sure was a tag team contest. Two teams here that nobody seems to have any emotional investment in – one people ask endlessly for tables, the other people basically treat as an intermission mascot. Whatever. **
1. Fatal 4-Way Match – WWE Tag Team Title: The New Day [c] w/ Xavier Woods vs. Enzo & Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. The Vaudevillains
The 4-way tag was dumb fun. Everybody brought what they brought – New Day were the dudes in brightly colored outfits flying around and doing power spots, Vaudevillains bland guys who kick people, Gallows and Anderson big bald guys who beat the shit out of people, and Enzo and Cass the Timon & Pumba act. Really strong finish. Enzo messed up a few times but at this point that’s his charm. And the Big Cass big boot is one of the best things in wrestling. A few awkward moments but I had fun. Pretty cool to watch Kofi save this sucker from going south like three times too. ***
Owens burying Jericho and Del Rio’s shtick was amazing. Death to Wrestling Tropes. Owens is the best guy on the mic in wrestling. Great little segment.
Shoichi Funaki being gainfully employed makes me so happy.
2. Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
Baron Corbin is kind of a schlub right now but I see no reason why he can’t play Drax the Destroyer in a Guardians of the Galaxy reboot down the line. Corbin’s probably gonna get a raise from the boring chants. HE’S DOING THE JOB, they’ll say. There’s something to be said on doing his shtick of Tall Lumbering Football Player Wrestler Who Keeps Guys in Holds thing in today’s go-go-go wrestling environment but you still have to be good at that shtick to do it. I don’t think he is yet. Great fucking lariat though. I honestly don’t have anything to say about Dolph Ziggler. Okay match, only really got going the last minute though. **1/4
3. Natalya & Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte & Dana Brooke
It’s fun watching Dana Brooke work. WWE is this billion-dollar global company and you’re still watching their wrestlers kind of learn on the job. Dana has good instincts and will get better, but only by performing at this high level in front of millions. It’s cool shit. The women’s tag of Becky and Natalya vs. Charlotte and Dana was an OK match that eventually got pretty good because Becky Lynch is awesome. JBL referencing Choshu using the Sharpshooter before Bret Hart means either WWE is co-opted by Bushiroad or somebody in the back finally listened to Bret’s podcast. The Natalya turn on Becky was awesome and much needed. **1/2
4. Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus
Nobody in WWE has seemed to know how to work with Apollo Crews outside of Tye Dillinger and Bubba Ray Dudley. Sheamus figures you just have to beat the crap out of him, and it mostly works. A pretty cold match, but snug with some nice spots. **1/2
5. John Cena vs. AJ Styles
AJ Styles and John Cena are very, very good at modern-style WWE wrestling. Exciting start, trading of crowd-pleasing spots, everything built around a few key signature spots, a big near-fall-filled finish, expressive body language for an arena crowd while at the same time playing to cameras. Cena has mastered the style, while AJ basically takes the formula and makes it more athletically impressive. Both these guys are just clearly on another level than anyone else on the show (even if you could clearly hear Cena reading dissertations to Styles on what the next spot was). This was really great, though it was definitely the first of many matches and you know there’s a better match here. What this was was a great Dream Match and a good first match in what will certainly be a series. They will have better wrestling matches with clearer stories and more defined roles down the line, but for right now this was a great standalone match. ***3/4
6. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho vs. Alberto del Rio vs. Kevin Owens
Money in the Bank was a Money in the Bank match. Lots of cute bullshit here – it’s fun and all, but you motherfuckers desensitized me so you have to do something different. Owens and Zayn had some of the tightest stuff – the Michinoku Driver was nuts. Jericho being all over this match made me daydream about how great of a politician this man must be – he was put in all the positions to come out of this match looking the best, while now that Ambrose is getting THE PUSH he can say that he elevated him even if their feud sucked. All Hail Chris Jericho. All the win teases were nice and there was some fun stuff here and there but I can’t say it stood out from the same match they do every year. Sidenote: “He’s lucky to be out of the rain,” an all-time great JBL line on Dean Ambrose. ***1/4
7. WWE U.S. Title: Rusev [c] w/ Lana vs. Titus O’Neil
Rusev vs. Titus in the Father’s Day Tribute Match was fun. Both guys just clotheslining the fuck out of each other at the bell marks another awesome fucking Rusev open to a match, after his assaults of each Lucha Dragon as they flipped into the ring the last couple weeks. Super physical match here that felt like the realest fight on the show. Today’s wrestling calls for more exciting action, but matches like this as a part of the circus are appreciated. All the Rusev stuff with Titus’ kid was great too. ***
8. WWE World Heavyweight Title: Roman Reigns [c] vs. Seth Rollins
I probably need to rewatch Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins but I don’t know if I want to. This show went long and I was getting sleepy. What I did see was a very good match that bordered on great at the start and finish, but lost me a bit in the middle. I know he just returned but the pops Rollins is getting are insane. Rollins outwrestling confused ass Roman Reigns early was great. This was mostly strong work, but didn’t really grab me, even though I absolutely respect the boys in the back. Finish was a lot of fun – the Spear/Pedigree counter worked way too well. Rollins clean win was great. ***1/4
9. WWE World Heavyweight Title: Seth Rollins [c] vs. Dean Ambrose
And then they got some balls and did something crazy. Summer in WWE is always fun as they’ll typically try some weird shit – Nexus, Punk pipe bomb, Kevin Owens push, etc. The Ambrose Money in the Bank cash-in and subsequent celebration was a great fucking moment. Dean’s hit-or-miss but there’s been enough good Dean to make me think this will be a fun ride. Even with a lot of start-and-stops, there’s a great story being told with the Shield and this was another great thread in it.
Game of Thrones is a very important thing in my house and has taken precedent over the last two big WWE shows. The last pay-per-view was after the Hold the Door episode, and this was after Battle of the Bastards. Whereas after Hold the Door I needed a security blanket in silly ass wrestling to cheer me up, Battle of the Bastards made me think no action-oriented thing on television could ever come close as far as compelling dramatic action, so barely anything WWE did was going to measure up. Plus this show was during Game 7 too … so after watching Money in the Bank late in the evening and into the early hours of the morning, I came to the verdict that this was definitely the third best pop culture thing on Sunday evening but still pretty good. Fun tag, strong Cena/Styles match, fun silly MITB match, and a big time finish. 6/10
