The Kickoff Show had two fantastic promo segments – the Miz and Maryse “Miracle” promo was incredible, as was Rusev and Lana shitting all over the Tom Phillips Q&A. Glorious work by two power couples.
Dudleys/Big Cass segment served its purpose. Cass is running with his shot, but with every week the desire for the Enzo return will keep growing. I guess that’s the point eh?
0. No Disqualification Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
Dolph Ziggler’s tights were spectacular tonight. The match with Baron Corbin was alright but never really grabbed me. Felt like a Superstars match – competent, nothing really wrong with it, but nothing that really mattered either. The No DQ stip came into play once, other than that it was just a straight-up wrestling match. Why have the stip? The Extreme Rules gimmick gets more and more worthless every year – I’m hoping the “New Era” thing also means a new era for pay-per-view shtick. **1/4
1. Tornado Tag Team Match: The Usos vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson
Tornado Tag was neat, did what it needed to do. Fun brawl with some crazy shit, not really fucking crazy shit that you hope for in a big brawl like this, but crazy enough. Gallows has been tremendous this whole run and was the star here. I want to have a talk with whoever’s naming The Club’s moves though – Boot of Doom, Gallows Pole, even the Phenomenal Forearm. This Club stuff has been great but these move names make them sound like total geeks. ***
Funaki getting an appearance on like every PPV now is great. Has anyone spoken at length on production for non-U.S. commentary? Is there a man screaming in German to not use pronouns?
2. WWE U.S. Title: Kalisto [c] vs. Rusev w/ Lana
Rusev/Kalisto was a fine second match on a professional wrestling card. I wish Kalisto did more to get a crowd behind him besides the Lucha chants. Rusev had some real moments of genius here, like the amused reaction to the Let’s Go Rusev/Rusev sucks chants and the swatting of Kalisto out of the air. They kept things moving and though the journey to the finish was annoying, I dug the actual finish with Rusev just trying to snap Kalisto in two. **3/4
3. WWE Tag Team Title: The New Day (Big E & Xavier Woods) [c] w/ Kofi Kingston vs. The Vaudevillains
Tag Title match was another alright-nothing-special match. What kind of freaky shit is Xavier Woods going to get in his DMs? I do have a confession: Booty-O’s Era New Day is wearing thin on me. Let’s spice things up fellas, and head on into the great push in the sky. Xavier instead of Kofi felt fresh and you sometimes forget that Xavier’s a rock solid wrestler. There were a couple nice near falls towards the end. The handling of the Vaudevillains has been shockingly good, but after the Whirly Dirvish kickout I fear they’re headed to work a 20-match series with Golden Truth. **3/4
4. Fatal 4-Way Match – WWE Intercontinental Title: The Miz [c] w/ Maryse vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
I was getting ready to give a very reserved positive review for the IC Title 4-way. I loved the start with Zayn and Cesaro taking out Owens and Miz and doing their thing for a bit. But then the first 10 minutes felt like a modern day WWE ladder match without a ladder, so it had some faults of being a bit too cute and it probably wasn’t going to be very memorable but it was still very fun. But then it just… kept… going. And unlike the match that followed it, that was a good thing. This had like a 10-minute finishing sequence that had the crowd (and me!) going insane. It shouldn’t be any surprise that the Miz absolutely belonged in this match too. Sami Zayn is a great underdog and all, but what I love most about him is that he is just living breathing pro wrestling artistry. His big moves – the Blue Thunder Bomb, corner tope DDT, and even a top rope crossbody all just look beautiful. And of course the sunset flip powerbomb was just otherworldly. Oh and that Skullcrushing Finale near fall – wow. Felt like the camera missed something on the finish, but Cesaro just had to stay down a little bit too long on that Helluva kick after kicking out of a bunch of stuff. But that’s a nitpick – this was sweet. ****
5. Asylum Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho
So, I can imagine Chris Jericho and Dean Ambrose were trying for a nothing-fancy brawl. But we did not get that. We did not get anything good at all. There are plenty of bad wrestling matches in the world, but this was not just a bad wrestling match – this was a stupid bad wrestling match. Jericho is not a good brawler – I remember him doing something decent with JBL in like 2008, otherwise Serious Brawler Jericho has never been good. And Ambrose is really only good in certain situations with certain people. And so you add all that up and you put it inside a steel cage and you give it 30 minutes and you get a real steaming turd. I really wanted to like this, but Jericho gingerly re-entering the ropes after being thrown into the cage by Ambrose like a minute in lost me immediately, and then it just… kept… going. And they did nothing interesting, like, ever. Jericho taking the tacks was a shock, but it was also sad. If you’re going to do a thumb tack spot and a dive off the cage spot, you don’t waste it on this match. Idiots. *
Here’s a haiku to sum up my thoughts:
The crowd, they are dead
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb
Zero violence
6. Submission Match with Ric Flair Banned from Ringside – WWE Women’s Title: Charlotte [c] vs. Natalya
Women’s match was a decent start to a match and then it just kind of ended. Liked the leg work by Charlotte. Dana with Charlotte is the obvious and right call. Her strutting with Flair was tremendous. **3/4
7. Extreme Rules – WWE World Heavyweight Title: Roman Reigns [c] vs. AJ Styles
The main event was a GREAT fucking match. I need to re-watch their last match, but one of those are my MOTY right now. This had a bit more smoke and mirrors, but my word were the smoke and mirrors great. This feud has HEAT, and the big fight feel made the early brawling stuff feel extra special. These matches are so god damn physical and are the closest thing I’ve seen to straight up puroresu in a WWE ring. The Roman Reigns knee to the face was incredible. I need Roman vs. Nakamura ASAP. Reigns has really come into his own, and AJ Styles is just a spectacular professional wrestler. The last 10 minutes here were just absolutely batshit insane. Reigns just whiffing on the spear into the barricade. AJ’s back body drop into the table bump. AJ’s apron bump on the Superman punch. SO many god damn believeable finish teases. The whole smarkbait story of, “They wouldn’t REALLY give AJ the win, would they?” had me going bonkers. The spear counter of the Phenomenal Forearm was a masterpiece. I can understand folks having issue with Styles throwing everything at Roman including a chairshot temper tantrum and still getting caught, but fuck it. This was as good as WWE main event wrestling gets. ****3/4
And then Seth Rollins returned. The king is back. What a return.
I watched this after the god damn Hold the Door thing on Game of Thrones, so needed some pro grappling to cheer me up. This was a two-match show but those two matches were awesome, and everything else was at least OK with the exception of a thirty-minute steaming pile of dogshit in the middle. This thing closed STRONG, too. 6/10
